| A busy road junction in the West End of London, early one morning. Massive amounts of traffic flying past at enormous speed, ready to mow down poor foreign tourists who don't know which way to look before crossing. Fortunately, to help them, there is that great London innovation, the message "Look Right -" painted in the road.
At some time during the day a German, a Japanese man, an Italian, an Irishman, a Pole, an American and a Frenchman tried to cross. Who was still alive come evening? Answer: the Irishman, the Japanese man and the American lived: the German, the Italian, the Pole and the Frenchman died. Why? The German came upon the "Look Right" sign, scoffed at the foolish English workman who obviously painted it on the wrong side of the road, looked to the left from where all the traffic must surely be coming, stepped into the road and was mown down. He is now in a Bierkeller in heaven, still utterly convinced that he was right and both the workman AND the drivers had simply failed to understand British law, which MUST be the same as German law...................surely? The Italian came upon the "Look Right" sign. Pleasantly surprised by the Englanders' new-found concern for stylish appearence, he accepted the reminder, whipped out his comb, hair gel and mirror, got that flicked back fringe JUST right, stepped elegantly out into the road and was mown down. Along came the visitor from Japan. Always concerned to follow instructions, he diligently stopped, turned to the right and intensely scrutinised the oncoming traffic. Come evening he was still alive, safe and well by the roadside, still looking to the right, no further instruction to actually cross the road having yet appeared. The Irishman came upon the Look Right instruction and the unfairness of it all pierced his poetic Celtic soul. What sort of world is it where man lives in a rut of routine, trammelled and bound by petty rules and regulations? How can we live in this greyness, this crushing oblivion of conformity? Is it not better to live for a moment as a free man than a lifetime as a slave? Emboldened to die in aheroic gesture of freedom and defiance, he looked resolutely to the LEFT, ignored the right, and stepped into the road to meet his fate. Of course, there happened to be a gap in the traffic at that moment and the jammy bastard made it to the other side without a hair out of place. That's the Irish for you. The Pole came upon the Look Right instruction and the unfairness of it all pierced his poetic Slavic soul. What sort of world is it where man lives in a rut of routine, trammelled and bound by........ At that moment his line of thought was cut short when he was crushed flat by a 40 ton lorry that lost control and careered off the road onto the pavement right where he was standing. The Poles share many charactersitics with the Irish. But luck isn't one of them. The American approached the Look Right sign. The thought that some petty British bureaucrat had written a rule and expected it to apply to HIM caused him to explode into a spluttering rage. "I'm an American..." he railed at the (unlistening) sign "you hear? An AMERICAN. That's A-M-E-R-Y-K-A-N.....American !!! I'll cross this goddam dirt track WHEN I please IF I please and HOW I please". So, ignoring all traffic, waving his passport and chanting "U-S-A, U-S-A" (it's easier to spell) he strode boldly across. He survived. The outrageous thing was that he expected the traffic to stop for him just because he was loud and American. The really outrageous thing was that it did. Finally the Frenchman approached the sign. The thought that some petty British bureaucrat had written a rule and expected it to apply to HIM caused him, too, to explode into a spluttering rage. "I'm an French..." he railed at the (unlistening) sign "you hear? FRENCH. That's F-R-A-N-C-A-I-S....French !!!" Ignoring all traffic, waving his passport and chanting "Vive La France" he strode boldly across, just like the American. Of course, he was instantly mown down. It's one thing trying to throw your weight around when you are the world leader in the fields of military power, commerce, science, communication, medicine, space, etc, etc. Trying to throw your weight around when you are the world leader in the fields of goat cheese and whining is quite another..... |
| Why did the German (and the Pole, and the American...) cross the road? Bill Morrison provides some answers.... |
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