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| January, Year Zero |
| It's really great to have this opportunity to communicate with our truly unique workforce. At this crucialling time in our inventorizing customerated time-cube, manifoldorous are the issue-parcels that our opportunicrats will be outrolling to you in our hypergenerational interteleportary strategifercatory missionary position. |
| I learnt this managerial pose during my MBA course at Walthamstow Technical College-it was �10k very well spent! |
| Scenes from the last Corporate Strategy Team Meeting: |
| Well, you and I know that that's a very easy thing to say. Putting it into practice is down to YOU! As we head into this brave new attempt to one-and-a-quarterize our market share of 0.0000000007% over the next 37 years, I know that you, our wonderful employees, have the potential to become the true stars of our business sector. Yes, we've slimmed down our workforce. You and I know that losing Mr Clanger was a neccessary, and painful sacrifice that I had to make...the revelations of my close associate's sexual harrassment of the Iron Chicken was just one piece of bad publicity too far. I do regret that any further redundancy packages will not be as generous as his, as green soup does not come cheap. With this in mind, I ask you to ignore the fact that viewership of Mikes Very Sad Little World has not climbed beyond its core audience of my sister once every two weeks, and concentrate on the fact that advertising revenue is still a very round figure. From this base, over the last two years, and through all my hard work, I have ensured that the capacity for growth is truly limitless. |
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| I want to show you, my tovarischi, the level of our competition on the cakeogram opposite, which shows the current market share of four leading websites. This, however, only tells part of the story. |
| My new business plan, however, after a few years of encouraging contraunantipositive growth shows increasing percentage market share over the medium term as Britain joins the Euro. |
| Every conductor needs an orchestra- that's you! |
| I tell you, the budget deficit is THIS big! |
| Reassuring the workforce: everyone looks clever in spectacles |
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| A Monthly Message from our Chief Executive. |