Jim Swisher was and still is like a brother to me. He was one of my best friends and now he's gone. So now I will tell you about the life of my brother:
I first met Jim when I was five years old, the day I moved to Marshall, Missouri. We were finishing moving into our new house at 910 Redwing Drive when a young shy boy with blonde hair was riding by on a bicycle with training wheels with his mother walking along side. They stopped and my mother and the young boy's mother began to talk. Then the young boy and I began to talk, he said he was Jimmy and I said I was Michael. Our friendship started from that day because I was invited to their house that very afternoon. Our mothers became very good friends as well. Soon after meeting each other, we discovered we were both born on the someday only hours apart. As child we were always together, he was at my house or I was at his house almost everyday, we were inseparable. We played with all sorts of toys, from Spiderman, Creepy Crawlers, board games, and Jim's Sega Genesis (Once he got it for Christmas). But our favorite game was our own imaginary pretend world where we would imagine we were our favorite cartoon, TV, video game or movie characters (Often the villians). We would play that for days on end. There was also this game called "The Chopper," that we would play with Jim's dad, Al. We would have to run across an area before Al could get us. As children we were good and pure little angels, the average children. We would often get into fights when we were very small but we would always apologize and be friends again right after. I remember this one fight, I forget what started it, but in which I clubbed Jim across the back, he started crying and after I realized what I'd just done to my best buddy, I began crying as well and apologized. As a child, Jim was part of many soccer and basketball teams, several other sports teams, the Cub Scouts which led to the Boy Scouts, an active member of his church, FFA (Future Farmers of America), and Tae Kwon Do, which Jim was quite good at. Jim went all the way to black belt. He even taught me a few things as a child. As we grew older, we continued to grow together more and more over the years and at the same time began to also grow apart. Jim was still a good, active in the comunity child, but I began to get in more and more trouble over the years. Both of us were still quite shy, but I was also becoming more and more outgoing. I would manipulate other children and I started to make Jim bad, which I can never forgive myself for. A quote I once heard from a friend, which is quite fitting is "Friendship. One soul in two bodies." Jim knew just about everything about me and I knew just about everything about Jim. We were the only people that knew this much about each other, both of us developed shells over the years to try to protct us from the hurt of the world, but each of us knew what the other was truly like. We have so many stories from over the years and now I am all that's left of these stories. Jim was part of me and I a part of him, but now that part of me is gone, I feel incomplete. He was my first true best friend and I his. We always watched Spiderman and Power Rangers, sometimes if we had to go home soon, we would run home just so we didn't miss a single second. We went to different schools as children. I went to the public schools and Jim went to the Catholic school, Saint Peter's, because his mother is a devoted catholic. Saint Peter's was good for Jim as a child because it taught him of God and good virtues and etc. He didn't have to worry about drugs or other things like that as a child. Jim didn't even think about girls, or love, or any of that sort of thing. I, on the other hand thought Jim should learn about girls, I introduced him into the world of women. Jim didn't have many friends as a child. I was his only friend for awhile, I didn't know this until many years later though. I looked out for him and he for me. But he did become good friends with his cousins Maria and Ian, also Nathan, which was good for him. Once Jim got his Sega Genesis, our favorite games to play were Spiderman and Mortal Kombat 3. We would spend hours on them. We also played Sonic 2 and Sonic and Knuckles. I miss those days when we could just practically cross the street and be at each others house and when life was so much simpler, unfortunately it didn't stay that way. When I was ten years old, my father got a new job as a theatre teacher in Pennslyvania. Jim and I were devastated. I didn't want to leave, I even tried to convince my parents to let me live with Jim. The last few days I was there I stayed at Jim's until I had to finish up loading everything into the truck. I remember not everything fit in the truck, one of those items was a coffee table that Jim and I always played on as kids. We gave the table to the Swishers. After we all said our goodbyes, we left. We were now 1000 miles apart when before we were only 100 yards apart. It was hard for us. I remember when my family first moved to PA, we lived in an apartment for one entire year in Macungie, until my parents found the perfect house. Jim and I would talk on the phone, running up quite a bill, but fuck money, it doesn't mean anything compared to friendship. We even tried playing our pretend game over the phone for several months, which after that we stopped and just talked on the phone and caught up on the latest stories of our lives. I was very miserable, as was Jim. After living in Macungie for several weeks to top off how I was already feeling my cat Fluffer died, so I felt so alone in life. When school started I met this girl named Sam, but our friendship was brief, then I met David Stauffer who become my Jim for PA, we played all the time and went to the some school and class, but it wasn't the same. So instead of replacing Jim, which no one ever can, David was a new friend, so I had a friend in PA too. Jim, though had more trouble then I at making friends, but he got a dog, named Beau, but it wasn't the same. Jim loved Beau but Beau could never talk back or do the somethings people could, so for several long years all we could do was call each other and write letters. I always preferred the phone because then I could at least hear the other person's voice, Jim liked letters, he never really cared for talking on the phone. Then came Christmas of 2001, the Swishers were gonna come up for Christmas, we tried to get together for so many years and now we finally could. I remember waiting in anticipation for the door bell to ring and when it did, I ran to the door and open it and was at first confused, who was this big person outside my door, after a few seconds each other us realized that we were right in front of each other and that we had changed a lot over the years. I had grow to somewhere around 5' 1" or 5' 2" and gained probably 50 or 60 pounds putting me aronud 145 lbs, no fat though. Jim on the other hand had to grown to 5' 6" or 5' 7" by then and gain around 30 pounds, not fat either. Jim was very tall and thin and I was stout and built, so we definitely weren't what we had remembered. He didn't quite get along then as well as we had hoped but luckily it was just a phase. I was on the wrestling team at that time so I often wasn't there in the mornings and come home very tired and sore. I hate to label people but I had become I bit of a jock, well Jim (And if I heard anyone who wasn't close to him say this around me I will hurt them) had become kind of nerdy, these were just phases for both of us, though. Jim loved reading and I loved watching TV. Our taste in music and movies had also changed. I liked pretty much anything on Y100 and Q102 and various similiar stations, while Jim liked more of the classical side of music. As far as movies go, I like pretty much anything action and Jim liked there to at least be a story line and he also liked science fiction. I remember during the time we were together that Christmas, we went to to the local video store named Westcoast Video, I rented Deep Blue Sea and Jim rented The Matrix. Both of us watched The Matrix but Jim didn't want to see Deep Blue Sea, so he read well I watched it. We learned some much about ourselves, each other, and who we really were from each other. Also during that Christmas my parents took all of us sight seeing to various historical buildings and etc. Jim was there when I first saw the Liberty Bell and the White House. That evening we had dinner in China Town, I forget the name of the restaurant but there was a picture of a duck or it said Pekking Duck nearby and Al took a picture. They were only there for three or four days, after 4 years and all we get is half a week. We continued to talk on the phone until summer of 2002, my family was going to go down to see the Swishers for 10 days or so. Jim and I were so excited, we couldn't wait. During the months leading up to that summer, Jim and I talked about many things on the phone including his relatioship with a girl named Terry (I never learned the spelling so if it's spelled wrong I'm sorry), which ended before I got there and other things. Also Jim ran track. When we got there we unloaded our stuff and Jim and I immediately re-hit-it-off, which was great after that Christmas. We had lots of fun, I remember though this was around the time when my relationship with my father was very bad, so during the fun we had, my father and I had several confrontations. I feel very bad about that because Jim always wished that my father and I got along better, so I will try my hardest to improve our relationship because Jim always wished we could have. We drove down that year. I don't remember much from that summer except that Jim had a Nintendo 64 and we played it a lot. The one game we played the most was Paper Mario. We never did beat it that summer because it was overdue and the day I had to leave we still hadn't beaten it and he returned it several days after I had left. Also we went to the YMCA and the pool a lot. At the end of that summer we talked about maybe getting together for Christmas, but that wasn't possible. So we planned on the next summer, the summer of 2003 and the last time I was able to see him. During the months leading up to then Jim and I changed a lot again. Jim and I became new people entirely again. We were looking forward to that summer for so many months in advance. This time only my mother and I would be going down to Missouri because my father didn't want to go, which I was very happy about because our relationship was even worse at this time, my mother considered family counseling, which I refused. We flew down in a plane this time and met Jim and Al at the airport. The moment Jim and I saw each other we yelled to each other across the airport, the brothers were reunited. We just started catching up on life right there in the airport. Al drove us home, my mom sat in the passenger seat I think and Jim and I were in the back, we listen to a Static-X CD and a Rammstein CD, which was the first time I heard them. On the way home we stopped at Wal-Mart because Jim didn't have a chance to get my gift yet, so he had me choose it, I picked U2's All That You Can't Leave Behind and Evanescene's Fallen. The year before Sharon did the samething, that year I picked Rob Zombie's The Sinister Urge. By this time Jim and I were very aware of girls, which kind of got in the way a little. Before we went down, Jim told me that he was in a driver ed. class and that a girl would often be at his house in the morning because they were both in the class. Jim told me about her and what to expect so I won't be surprised by anything. I remember this was when I had begun to start down the road to my extreme ways, but Jim just remembered how I was the year before. Jim had made several new friends, including Meg Lawson (the girl from class), Jackie Vogl (also in the class), Chris Kuhn (a childhood friend), and Shane. I was glad that Jim had made more friends. He also had other people that were sort of friends. Jim told me about Meg before I came down and the same with Meg, but he did it to try to keep us against each other, which I can't blame him for doing so. Meg and I got along great to Jim's dismay. When we got back from the airport, Jim, Al and I went to a banquet for a community member would recently had surgery. I guess some of the locals had seen me and remembered me because after getting back from the banquet and only a few hours later the phone rang, some of Jim's sort of friends wanted to hang out and wanted me there too. Jim was kind of surprised about this because they had never hang out before. So they stopped by, Jim and I were on our way out when mom wanted to meet them, because she's just like that. So after that we went to a grocery store for some reason and eventually got back. One of the girls remembered me from elementary school but I didn't remember her. She kept talking about how I used to eat Dunkaroos, which I did as a child. The other girl liked me, but Jim and I didn't really have that much fun with them. They were kind of boring. The next day, I met Meg. I remember I just woke up and I was still half asleep. I didn't see Jim in the basement, so I figured he was in the computer room. I walk in and there were Jim and Meg, who I was like "oh a person I don't know, it must be Meg, I should say hi, oh wait I don't have pants on, this is akward." Jim saw me in the doorway and introduced Meg and I. I then put clothes on and come back. They left for class and I stayed home. This time I was in Marshall for 2 1/2 weeks I think it was. During my stay, Jim, Sharon, Al, my mom, and I went to several restaurants, including Olive Garden and Patricia's. I was able to taste several alcoholic drinks at the restaurants. It became a daily thing for Jim, Meg and I to hangout after the classroom part of the class, then I would go with them on the live driving part. This is where I met Jackie Vogl, the three of them were in the same group for the live driving. Jackie and Jim were good friends that summer but their friendship didn't last much longer after that summer. The four us us spend most of the summer together but sadly we only have one picture of the four of us. I remember that first time driving, the teacher was in the passenger seat, Jim was the first one to drive, and Meg, Jackie, and I were in the back seat, with me in the middle. I didn't really mind because I liked Meg a lot and that way we could talk and I got to know Jackie as well. During this summer I learned to drive stick as well, Al, Jim and I were going somewhere to make sure Jim knew the way because Al wasn't going to be there when we drove up, and at one point he stopped the truck and said something to the effect of "Why don't you give it a try, Michael," so after stalling several times, I started to get the hang of it. Also during that summer, Jim and I hang out with these other two girls who I really didn't like, one was just a bitch and the other was really fucked up. We went to lunch one day and cruising afterwards, which wasn't fun. Jim didn't really even like the two of them. Another time Jim was out running a chore for his mother and Meg and I hung out in the basement, when all the sudden the two girls come walking downstairs. I wasn't happy they stopped by because they were really annoying. You see in the summers of Marshall the doors are open and people just come in. Well, when Jim got back and found them there he wasn't happy. He told them a lie about maybe hanging out sometime to get them to leave and after they left Jim and I talked about how we didn't like them and told my mom not to let them in the house anymore. We did eventually beat Paper Mario that summer, we rented it and beat it in several days. One time Jim, Jackie and I went to Wal-Mart to screw around. We went in, got a cart and just randomly put stuff in it with no plans of paying for it. We started out only getting certain things, then Jackie and I started to throw condoms, pregancy tests, tampons, etc. in because Jim was embarrassed to have to put it back. Eventually we got bored and started putting everything back, Jackie and I just put things where ever and Jim put them where they actually went. Then we were like let's buy the smallest thing of condoms and go to checkout with them in a cart to be funny. Then Jim said "that Mike and I should hold hands when we bought them to be even funnier." Jim and I always loving fucking with peolpe's minds. Well I didn't want to waste the money because they were expensive and I really didn't have any use for them then. Meg and I hung out a lot that summer as well. One day Jim had to work so Meg and I spend the entire day together, it was the day before I left. Jim and I would talk about all sorts of things at night, we talked about music, movies, girls, life, fears, everything, one night we even sat there looking through Al's stash of Playboy and etc. We had so much fun that summer. I worried about Jim a little though because Jim had used to be very optimistic and now he was very pessimistic. Then come the day I had to leave, we said our goodbyes to Jim and Sharon, then Al drove us to the airport, where we then said our goodbyes. Jim wasn't able to come because I think he had work or something and that was the last time I got to see him. Jim and I talked on the phone, through email, and MSN Messenger afterwards and tried to plan when we would next get together. Jim, Meg and I spent lots of time trying to figure out when would be a good time. We first planned on getting together that Christmas but it didn't work out. Then we planned on getting together the summer of 2004 but I got an internship at Muhlenberg Summer Musical Theatre so it wouldn't be possible. As more and more time went by, I began to worry about Jim more and more. He had started to become more isolated from the world, he stopped hanging out with Meg and Jackie, then we stopped hanging out with almost everybody. This is when I found out I was his only friend and the fact that I was 1000 miles away didn't help. I was constantly worrying about him. Various things made Jim isolate himself from the world. I was very worried when he told me this, but I don't think I tell anyone else about it. Through all of this I was worried for him. We talked about getting together during the Christmas of 2004. We contiued to stay in touch until the internship started, which I was only about to talk to Jim 3 or 4 times during the entire thing. Before this, Jim stopped calling as frequently and I would often have to call if him if Iwanted to talk. I was terrified of what was going on and I had no idea what to do. He left a message on my answering machine here at Muhlenberg, saying something like"Hey Mike, just calling to say hi, someday we'll have to get back together, nonphysical of course and quite literally." I thought Jim was trying to be funny and just say it like that in the dreary voice he used. We talked again after that, I told him all about what I'd done so far and he told me what he had done, like how we went on a trip to Washington D.C. After that we talked one last time on August 5, 2004. I was on the computer and my new cellphone rang, it was the first call I ever got on my cell phone. I answered and at first couldn't tell who it was because I didn't get much service in that room. After I finally figured out who it was we talked for only a few minutes. I said "Hey Jim, can you call the phone in my room then, we could talk longer because of the "Pay As You Go Plan" I have. Then as I was walking back to my room, he said "that something had come up and that he had to go." I told him to call me back when he got a chance, he never did. August 6 went by then it was August 7. I was relatively happy except it was the last showing of Miss Nelson is Missing, so I had to get up at 9 in the morning. I was exhausted because the night before I din't get to bed until 6am. I got less than 3 hours of sleep. I fell asleep during the children's show and had to be woken up. We had to strike the set that day after the show, so we did that. It was Jess Katz's birthday that day, she turned 22 and was leaving that day because the show was over. After the strike we had pizza and a cake. On the way back to the dorm, I said good bye to Jess. I then went to the computer lab for a bit I think and then back to the room and watched movies and ABC Family until call time for the second to last show of Annie Get Your Gun. I saw Jingle All the Way and Top Gun. Then I made my food and went to the show, I had to run a spotlight and I was still exhausted, so exhausted that I had to buy a soda to stay awake. I fell asleep several times during that show as well and almost missed several cues or was late. My work was very sloppy that night. I talked to Andrew Weigand that night after the show about watching a movie in his room because he has a lot of new movies. So after the show I dropped my stuuf off in my room made several quick trips to it to pick something up or drop something off, so I wasn't around for long. I went to Andrew's room, but first we went to Giant. Linkin Park was playing in his car. Some old people gave us dirty looks. I thought of buy a cake but it was $9.99 and I didn't want to pay that much. He bought some food, I didn't get anything. We got back and started trying to figure out what to watch. We decided to watch Mindhunters, it won't be in theaters until 2005 but he had a special copy. It was good, a psychological thriller. I left around 1:50 am. So it was actually August 8. After that I left to go back to my room. I openned the door, my roommate, Rob Herchick, wasn't in, which is common. He is usually out somewhere until around three am. I looked at the answering machine and there was a new message because the light was flashing. I figured it was David because I told him to call back, so first I set my stuff down. Then I played the message, it was Meg. She had call around 1:42 am (which was 12:45 am in Marshall) I think the machine said. She sounded really upset and I knew something was wrong before I even heard the words. She said "It was really important and that I should call her the moment I get in and that she was sory." All I could think was 'oh God, what happened.' My mind went crazy as I got my cellphone from my pocket. I tried to think what it could be to ready myself as I activate my voice dial. The phone said "Name, please," I said "Meg." I started ringing and Meg picked up. I said "Is Meg there," she said she was right there and she was crying. The first thing she said was "I'm here," then she said "I'm sorry Mike. I'm so sorry." I was so worried. I asked what was wrong. She again said how she was sorry, I asked her again and now I was terrified of what she would say. She said that Jim was dead, that he had killed himself. I was in shock. I dropped to my knees threw back my head and screamed "Fuck" and several other things I don't even remember anymore as loud as I could and then collapsed to the ground and balled me eyes out. Several of my friends heard me and come in to see what was wrong. Adam Reich, Courtney Romano, Robert Jay Wagner, and Leah Goldstein were the first people to get there. Eventually Kieran Maroney and John Larson come in. I was on the phone with Meg still. Everyone was trying to console me. Meg had gone to Jim's house and found him dead in the bathroom, she called the cops. Her mom was there in the background telling Meg to make sure that there were people with me and to stay with them. Meg wanted to be the one to tell me of the news because she knew I would want to hear it as soon as godly possible and that I would rather hear it from her then anyone else. I was devastated. I cried so much that my eyes were close to bleeding. I told her how Jim was my brother and she said how he was like a brother to her as well. I cried like I had never cried before in my life. I stayed in John's room that night. On the way I ran into Jess Babitz, who tried consoling me. There are so many things I blame myself for and that I wish I could do over if I had the chance, but I never will.
My best friend died that night, but not just my best friend but my brother and part of me as well died that night. Jim, I will never forget you and no one will ever replace you. I will keep your spirit alive in me. I miss you so much. We planned on getting together in November of 2004, but now that can never happen. I don't know what I will do without you. I loved you Jim and always will, you are my brother. This website was created in loving memory of Jim Swisher by his best friend. I will miss you, buddy. Goodbye. |
