Well, this newsletter will definitely be different from the others.  Especially that last one, the political one.  Because it will center in on the little differences.  The things you are accustomed to in the US and assume are the same everywhere else.  Well, often, they aren’t!

 

And it all started after walking up to too many outside doors on business and pulling when I need to push.  You see, in the US, fire regulations say that outside business doors open outward.  That way people can get out faster in case of a fire.  No standing at the door trying to get everyone to back up so you can pull on the door.  Here, you just never know.  And its not that I can’t read empuje (push) and tire (pull).  I’m just used to it always being the door opens out!

 

And police cars.  Here they always have their emergency lights on.  And its not because there is an emergency.  It’s so hard to get used to!  Oh, and police cars are almost always pick up trucks!

 

OK, so you are at the store.  You pick out your items for purchase.  You go to the counter.  It all sounds familiar so far.  Well, next step.  The employee at the counter takes your purchase, totals it up for you, gives you your bill.  You have to then walk to another window, way across the store, present your bill and pay for your purchase.  You get your receipt and hope you might get your purchase and be able to leave.  Oh, but no.  Instead, you then walk all the way across the store again to the pick up window where you present your receipt for your purchase.  Finally, you get to take your purchase home!  Oh, and at each step, your bill and your receipt were stamped with many official looking stamps and signed with signatures that only a pharmacist could read!

 

And paying bills for the light and gas and water, are sort of similar.  First of all, there is no regular, house to house mail service.  So, there are companies who deliver the bills to you.  Usually stuffing them into your front gate.  You take your bill then to a business who does nothing but pay bills.  You pay them, give them the bill, they give you a copy of the bill with the infamous official stamps and signatures on it, and you leave.  Then you go back a few days later to give them the copy of the bill that they gave you and get the original bill back from them.  Full of stamps and signatures!  Bill paid!

 

Want to cook something?  You need to light the stove.  And I do mean light.  Strike a match, turn on the gas, and light the stove!

 

Want to go out for supper?  Wait until about 9:00 pm and the restaurant might be open.  Wait until 11:00 pm and it will definitely be open.  And full!

 

Oh, and don’t go shopping in the afternoon.  The stores will be closed.  Wait until about 5:00.  They’ll be open again!

 

Telephones.  Well, first of all there are only 6 digits in your telephone number!  And when you get your bill, you pay the set amount for phone service for the month just like the US.  But you also pay by the minute for how much you use the phone line.  Even if you’re just on the phone line for Internet access. 

 

But cell phones, there’s the good deal!  They work just like regular phones.  When you call out on your cell phone, you pay.  When someone calls you on your cell phone, they pay!  And cell phones are cheap to use!  And that makes sense in a developing country.  With cell phones you don’t have to put in all of the phone lines.  Its cheaper!

 

So, you brought your little boom box to listen to music here in Paraguay.  Cool.  You go to plug it in and notice the plug in is sort of weird.  Right alongside the two slots for your plug are two round holes.  But the plug fits in the slot, so you go for it.  Well, after the smoke has cleared, you discover that your boom box is truly toast.  Because this country, like most of South America, and most of Europe, runs on 220 volts, not 120 like the US!

 

Now, traffic.  There’s another big difference.  For instance, you might be used to cars lining up at red lights and waiting.  Sometimes not too patiently, but waiting.  Well, here, if you leave too much space between you and the car in front of you, the guy behind you will pass you on the red light, cutting in front of you.  Then wait for the light to turn green just like you!

 

And lines aren’t too popular anywhere else either!  To get tickets for the movie, there isn’t any line.  Just a crowd of people shoving there money and yelling at the cashier.  The bigger and louder you are, the better. 

 

Which takes me back to traffic.  If I decide to drive here, I’ll buy a dump truck.  Because the bigger you’re vehicle is, the more right of way you have.  And that's important, because most intersections that don’t have traffic lights, don’t have stop signs either.  Instead, there is usually a pair of speed bumps on the road that is supposed to yield the right of way at the intersection.  But again, if you’re bigger, no need to yield.  Might makes right!  The poor, lowly motorcyclist!  Or even lower, the bicyclist.  Life is a defensive event on a bike!  Oh, and if you’re on foot, say your prayers.  And run!  And it won’t even help to go down to the intersection to cross because there isn’t any cross walk!

 

So, if you’re smart, you take the bus!  They are great, go everywhere, are very regular, and cost about 30 cents.  Even out in the country they are superb.  My trip out to Ybycui National Park cost about $3.00 for a 4 hour bus ride!

 

Need to buy some eggs?  Go to the grocery store.  Go to the refrigerated section.  Open up the refrigerator door and . . .       They aren’t there!  Go over to the produce section and you'll find your nice warm eggs sitting beside the tomatoes!

 

Phone book.  There isn’t one.  You want to call someone, you better know the number!

 

Oh, and zoning doesn’t exist.  If you own the land, you can build on the land.  Whatever you want.  A high rise building in the middle of a residential community.  Go for it!  A liquor store beside the church.  Sure thing!  How about a nice, upscale restaurant in the middle of a shanty town of cardboard houses?  Yes!

 

Looking for an address?  Just because the street you’re on doesn’t have the right name, doesn’t mean that it won’t have the right name in a few blocks.  I’d guess that street names change on average every 5 blocks.  For no apparent reason.

 

But, perhaps the most exciting thing to get used to here, is the paycheck!  I’m millionaire!  My local paycheck comes in at 1,873,750.00!  Oh, did I mention that’s in Guaranies?  Not dollars!  In dollars, oh, about $500.  Whoops, I guess I’m not a millionaire after all!