I wandered out and around across cobbled pavements.. staring around me beginning to become invisible. I found that net cafe, found ICQ, found Christian and Sarah. He had been at the airport and we somehow missed each other!! He even had me paged... Isuppose that was the "concern" you came across online.
I collected a couple of Broons cartoon books for the little ones, to suitably annoy Dopey.. two tartan backed plain notebooks for the girls, and Edinburgh calendar for Mum and some rock.. some novelty items to throw in stockings at Christmas...and I am sitting here thinking of you again, longing...writing out my heart and my wanting...
I was on the Bridge when the 1pm cannon exploded...I jumped again as I did the previous day with you...right_out_of_my_skin!! My eyes pricked with tears.. stung as I blinked them back and my vision hazed. And you were even closer at these moments... You are in the nooks and cranies of the stately buildings..in vast room where the masters are displayed... in the halls where the engines soar upwards, and the cases filled with swords.... and chairs with backs scaled for the vast dimensions of the scottish man.. LOL which of course you typify. I hear the passion and the love in your voice, and touch and taste your deep roots. You are in the two fold chains bound around my neck which will be there as long as I live. Each music store I pass.. I look in the window...and get a shock when I do not find your reflection there as well.
So I sit here int he lobby of the simple place we stayed just waiting for time to expire...minutes tripping by me racing to leaving...aware of you in every way. There is no hole I can crawl into, nowhere I can bury myself
I know you will be fine. Your logicial mind will rationalise me away, and justify this which we do. But they are lies that make your pathway easier. And lies they are.
God.. how am I going to get through each day now?? My moments with you have been the very highpoint.. theone thing that brought me joy... my safe haven. Now I feel unprotected and terribly alone. How time is become my enemy. How it creeps.
