With empty hands we come; empty handed we go.
Chinese proverb
Well...here it is. The end. At least for now. I plan on writing a sequel (eventually) that will deal with the aftermath and the lose ends. It'll probably be along the same lines as this one-- long and angst-filled, but it will take place on the ship rather than on some unknown planet X.
This piece was one that I learned from. It was hard to write. Physically and mentally demanding because I kept having to ask myself 'would this character do this. Would they say this.' I grappled with the ending for months. I wanted it to be in keeping with the spirit of the piece. I wanted the reader to have closure. I knew it couldn't be happy and perfect and all of that, but there had to be some sense of hope for these characters. (No pun intended).
I also knew that I wanted them to escape but at a high cost. I wanted to explore the dark side of these characters, of a relationship, and the idea that children are not always wanted. As a dear friend of mine pointed out I had the unique opportunity of showing a woman experiencing child birth from the other side of the uterus. (Not knowing about it until the deed was done and not wanting to be responsible in the end). Kathryn had no time to bond with this child. She felt nothing for it and I wanted her to come across that way because not every woman wants to be a mother.
Another scene that I struggled with was the sex scene. I knew what I wanted to happen. What I needed to happen. It had to be painful and hard and cruel and break up my super couple because there was no other way for Tom to be with his daughter than to not choose Kathryn. The problem that I had was that they were both victimized and I struggled to make it appear that way. I also wanted the sex to be two sided and not seem like rape. The problem is that I have personal issues against this form of 'sex' (and I use the term lightly here). To be frank, the scene was nothing more than fucking. It was meant to be rough, coarse, and unsettling. If I accomplished making you squirm in your seats then I did my job.
This piece isn't beta'd. It probably never will be given the length. I did have a great deal of alpha level advice. Mostly from my biggest cheerleader-- Athena. She was the one that kept me on the straight and narrow. Forced me to see things from a different point of view, and, in the end, the story grew to be a hell of a lot stronger because of her. A simple thank you isn't good enough to repay you.
I'd also like to thank my more silent cheerleaders-- Geordi and Kendra for always politely asking where the next bit is.
So...here I am five and a half years after starting this story and it's amazing to think that I'm summing everything up in just a handful of paragraphs. Thanks to all of you that actually read this story and who patiently waited for the next installment. The next and last in the series will also be years in coming. I need a break. I need to get out of these people's heads because, frankly, it's just too dark and hard to stay here for any length of time.
I will also say this--the next installment won't be published to the net until more than half of it is complete. Takes the stress off of me.
~Syd