I hate that name.
And I hate her.
She took everything that was mine and made it her own. Even my own mother thought of her better then me. I’m her flesh and blood and all she can say is “Why can’t you be more like your cousin Charity?”
God, and Jessica. I can’t even explain her. She’s my sister, and I love her no matter how many times we may fight. She even thinks Charity is better then me. We fought a lot even when Charity wasn’t around, but now it’s worst. When I see Jessica and Charity together, I realize what a sham my life really is.
Not daddy though, no, he doesn’t treat her different. To him, Charity is just a niece, period. I am actually someone in his eyes. Someone worth the time trying to get to know. He’s probably the only one in the family I will miss.
Charity, she even took my best friend. My perfect opportunity for love.
Miguel Lopez Fitz-Gerald.
He means the world to me, and I would have done ANYTHING for him. But no, Charity is more important then the tomboy best friend.
God, now I’m crying.
I guess I might as well end it all.
I was thinking the other day, of how to make my life better. How I can actually be happy. And then it came to me. The only way I could make my life better was to end it. Yes, that’s what I need to do. Now, all I need is a plan. I thought about jumping off a building, but that would never guarantee death. And living after that doesn’t really appeal to me. Hanging myself was also an option but you would have to fall the right way so your neck would break. If not, you would suffocate yourself and could end up not dying. Then, I thought about slitting my wrists. But, since I have slit them myself, I know I would chicken out. Now, there is only one option left. Dying in a fire. Being in a burning building won’t give me much chance to chicken out so it’s the perfect option.
After making my decision, I ran up to my room and slowly wrote a note to my family and friends to read. I wanted to let them know that I am dead. It’s not like they would really care if I were gone anyway.
Dear Mom, Dad, Jess, and friends,
As you are reading this, I am dying. I know you don’t really care where I am but I just wanted you guys to know that I am NOT alive. Please don’t try to find me, you would never know where I am anyway. Dad, mom, and Jess. I hope you get what you deserve in life. I know I never would have anyway. Jess, even though we fought a lot, I never really hated you. I hope you didn’t hate me. Mom and Dad, same thing goes for you. Can you please tell Simone that she was my only real friend left in the world and I miss her a lot. I know that we fought constantly but I trusted her with my life. Now, Miguel. You were my best friend for as long as I can remember but we drifted apart this year. You found someone else to talk to, share your secrets with, and left me in the dark. I hope you get what you deserve in life, and someday feel what I felt when you suddenly closed yourself off from me. Ok, that’s about it. I am going to miss some of you, more then you will ever know. But I guess this is it. So, to my real friends and family, this is my last good-bye.
Love Always,
So here I am, standing in some building by the Harmony Bridge. Holding a can of gasoline I grabbed from the garage and a pair of matches I found in the kitchen. I tell myself this will not be as painful as it looks, not sounding very convincing. As I lift the gasoline to pour on myself, the can slips from my hands and spills all over the floor.
“God, can’t I do anything right!”
As I try to get the matches to light, I realize that they are to wet. I toss them carelessly on the floor and make my way to the door.
“I guess there’s only one option left for me.” I whisper to myself as I make my way to the edge of the Harmony Bridge.
As I get closer to the edge, I can hear the water hitting the shore. I hesitate taking my last step, but I know I will have to. I look over the bridge and see that the water is about one hundred feet beneath me. If I fall from this height, I can pick up enough speed so when I hit the water, my bones will shatter and I won’t be able to swim. I visibly shake at the thought of drowning. This is the only option left, I tell myself. I have to do this. My eyes close and I take one last breath as I lift my right foot.
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