Chapter Two: Miguel
She kissed me.
I can't believe it.
After all this time she chooses just then to kiss me. That moment.
She has really bad timing.
I went over there today to see her. Just her. It had been so long; I just wanted to see her.
Kay.
It really is a beautiful name.
It fits her.
I thought we could look through some pictures, remember the old times. Then I would tell her.
Tell her I love her.
I wanted to be with her.
I left Charity for her.
Now I admit, I am not the most perceptive person, well, maybe that isn't right. I think I always noticed. The way she looks at me, how she always touches my hand or shoulder. It's good. Kay-touch is always good.
I realized how good a couple months ago.
I was in the kitchen with Charity; Mrs. Bennett came in and smiled at us, stroking Charity's hair. She complemented on her bracelet, the same one I had been staring at the whole visit, then I knew why. It was Kay's. Charity said she found it next to the couch and just had to try it on, she would give it back later she assured Grace.
Kay hates it when people take her things without asking, she really can't stand it.
Grace told Charity she could keep it.
I couldn't talk for about five minutes after that.
It reminded me of how Kay's life was. It also reminded me of how much I miss being in it. I loved being immersed in whatever activity Kay ever participated in. I know when we were younger she thought she was following me into softball and all that but it wasn't true. I used to watch her play a sloppy game with her brother and I knew I had to get involved, had to do something to show her I like to play too.
I didn't even know her then.
I just sat there and watched her until later that day Luis found me and took me to the park, I'm pretty sure he was trying to impress his girlfriend he had at the time. I spotted her there, sitting alone, on the jungle gym. I was so surprised. She looked so lonely watching the other kids. So I did what I knew I should, I went over and said 'hi'.
She looked so shocked, her eyes were wide and I smiled at her.
She didn't smile back.
I almost turned away when she told me her name.
Kay.
Beautiful.
I think of it her name like that because it reminds me of her and she is beautiful.
She's Kay.
I was going to tell her tonight. After all of the pictures, memories, I would remind her. Just in case she forgot, remind her how much I loved her then.
How much I love her now.
I would tell her and then, then I would kiss her like I've wanted to forever, like I realized I wanted to that day in the kitchen. I want to make her see she's loved, I want to be the one who shows her that.
But then she kissed me. It made me freeze, and for a second it was so good. So, so good. Kay-touch. But then it hit me. It was too soon for me, I was suppose to work up to this.
So I got up. I stuttered something about Charity and I bolted.
God, I'm an idiot.
I shouldn't have done it; it was the right time. Anytime was right. Because she's Kay.
Beauteous Kay.
I remember saying those words to Reese we were twelve. When he was daydreaming about her, asking what would describe her perfectly, the words just popped out of my mouth.
And I smiled. Because it was perfect. It was her.
It was so long ago, and now I'm here, in the park.
At the jungle gym.
It feels like then, it feels like she was just there.
When I hear a crunch I look down, picking my foot up. What the hell is that?
I lean down and get it, it's a pitiful something, all smashed and flattened, I almost tear it when I uncrumple it and then I see it.
Us.
Kay and I, just after we met.
She was here.
She remembered too.
But now the picture is nearly destroyed with the being crushed and me stepping on it. It feels like a visual of our relationship.
But it isn't ruined. It's not ripped apart; it's not beyond repair. It can be fixed and so can we.
I hope. With everything in me I hope.
It hurts and it's like a dull ache. I've never felt anything like this before, not even when Charity was hurt. That was different, it was worry, this is pain. Like something is missing. And it is.
Beauteous Kay.
God, I hope I can make this right.
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