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November 4, 2002 (2:02pm): Well... My computer monitor blew out a few weeks ago and I had to order a replacement. Hence, the lapse in this here daily monitor.
November 6, 2002 (3:00am): I thought about seeing how many days I can stay awake. But being awake is just boring. I mean, really, what's the point? Aren't you always happier when you're asleep?
No one ever wakes up after too little sleep and declares, "OH GOD, I LOVE BEING AWAKE!" Or at least, if they do I fucking hate them.
November 6, 2002 (11:30pm): Wowee.
What's to be said when you're just not happy? I can't think of anything.
November 7, 2002 (2:10pm): You know, I tried to lie in bed all day, but then my neck got sore, and I just couldn't keep my eyes closed. Hrm.
So as noxious as it was to wake up, I just plain hadda.
And that's just no fun at all.
November 7, 2002 (6:22pm): You know, I think they're right. One really shouldn't mix alcohol and cough syrup.
However, I'm now sufficiently preoccupied.
November 8, 2002 (3:04pm): I woke up today around 1:47pm and thought, "Ah, what a nice day." It was nice and sunny, the temperature was around 63F. Nice, indeed.
Then I went out to get the mail, and POW! Ladybugs everywhere. Dammit.
Now the battle for household supremecy is on.
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November 12, 2002 (3:20am): I try and I try, but no matter how I try I just cannot stay in bed after 2:00pm. I feel like a failure.
I set goals, but I can't reach'em. What am I to do?
November 13, 2002 (3:03am): O solo mio. So bored.
You know what the worst thing I have to do is? Go to sleep. And wake up.
I mean, everytime I go to sleep, here, there's about fifteen minute when I dwell on how little I actually did during the day. Then when I wake up I toss around the bed and put off being awake 'cause I know there's really not much to be done.
So.
I hate that. It makes me feel worse than everything else, mostly because it's a disappointment that comes from myself. If someone else lets you down or messes up and you get chucked aside, at least then it's really sorta outta your control.
But doing it yourself... Terrible feeling to live with. And it's made all the worse because I think, "Gee, maybe I just have no imagination. Maybe there's thousands of things to do here in the countryside with no resources or friends or opportunities."
November 21, 2002 (10:54pm): I haven't said much in this here ol' monitor because, well, there hasn't been much I've wanted to comment on.
So there.
I dunno. It's just a lull. Something'll change, perhaps.
I gotta go to Chicago next week. And there's Thanksgiving with my friends. So who knows.
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