August 2002

August 3, 2002 (1:10am): True, I haven't written much in the last few days. What have I been doing? Well... In this game Freedom Force, each character has an onscreen "portrait" in the lower left corner, which can be clicked on for easier coordination of the player's team. And each portrait is, obviously, of the character. They're usually shots of the character "skin", and invariably bland or altogether ugly. So I made new portraits for each skin I have. Yep, 400+ portraits. That's 400+ searches on the internet for suitable images of an obscure myriad of characters. Took. A. Lot. Of. Time. (The resource I have in great abundance.) Otherwise, I've just been sorting and reading comics, watching some teevee, the usual. Just haven't really been too motivated to write anything down. I can't describe the millions of words I lost last night when I was sitting in my room in the dark, listening to music and letting my mind wander. I was looped on cough syrup, and I could have sworn everything sounded like a great message. But it was all the standard mopey single white guy stuff. Take five minutes and make up your own, you'll get the same idea. August 4, 2002 (2:23pm): Dammit, I hate shaving. On a Sunday, no less. This day just sucks. And I can't find anything to eat. Had some canned stir-fry stuff, but I ate the leftovers last night. Hrm. August 5, 2002 (2:38pm): Today has just been no fun from the get-go. First, I woke up at 7:00am or so and couldn't get back to sleep. No idea why, just couldn't. I was just there in the bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering why the hell I couldn't get back to sleep. Then it happened again around 10:00am. I finally got up at noon. Took a shower, then realized that was the height of activity for the day. Hrm. I know they say that boring people are boring, and that being bored is the sign of a weak mind, but you have to admit that some points in time and space are just predestined for lackluster absence of amusement. There's just nothing can be done otherwise. It's a bitch, and I always run into these dull points. August 6, 2002 (12:05am): I just had one of those "wait, what is this, exactly?" moments. Weird. You know, like when you look out a window and notice a tree you'd overlooked till then. And you're like, "Hey. Has that always been there?" I'm just sort of out of sorts right now. August 6, 2002 (3:34pm): Today is so nice, I can't believe it. It's really warm, but the wind is really cool. So. Nice, nice day today. It's hard to feel bad on a day like this, but I'm sure I'll think of something. August 7, 2002 (3:38pm): Hmm... Another nice day. Too bad I slept till 2:30pm. I'm not half as fun as I used to be. At some point I lost a lotta distinguishing characteristics, and just picked up being cranky. And now I'm eating chicken salad. August 8, 2002 (4:22pm): A stray kitten wandered onto my porch today. It was a tiny little girl, and I called it Mo, short for Maureen. She smelled AWFUL. Then some guy came around wanting to talk to my dad, and somehow I convinced him to take Mo home. Damn. I forgot to call and ask when the Cubes will be open. Hrm. August 9, 2002 (1:16am): There's something very familiar about right now. Hard to tell, like it's right in the corner of my eye... And I can't see it! Argh! Dammit! Anyway, I'm glad no one's around to hear me singing along to these '70s pop songs. Ugh. I sound awful. But who cares, it's...not like anyone's around to hear. August 9, 2002 (1:59pm): I would kill for some Fruity Pebbles right now. I was gonna stay in bed till 3:00pm, but then I saw that someone else was home, and I really didn't wanna have to put up with their stupid low-brow obvious "Huh huh huh, look who finally got up" jokes. Hrm. So instead I got up and tried to pretend that I was looking for something interesting to do. But there's nothing interesting to do, now is there? Sure, I could read a book or take a walk, but you know, that's really only interesting to you. Sure, I do it all once in a while, but bite me, and frankly, you're boring. Nothing to do... August 11, 2002 (1:21am): The Beatles' "Yesterday". August 12, 2002 (5:29pm): Isn't it good Norwegian wood? Oh ho ho... And when I awoke I was alone, this bird had flown. August 13, 2002 (2:26pm): Last night a BAT FLEW INTO THE LIVING ROOM! It came up from the basement, the door of which my family keeps cracked open so the cats and go up and down at their leisure. Anyway, I was sitting here and saw this black arc streaking around the room. Then it would dart into the bathroom, then into the kitchen, and then back into the living room. I hadda get up and combat it with a broom. I kept smacking it, trying to get it out the propped-open front door, but it would just screech and change direction. Little jerk. Finally, I popped it right in the face and made it leave. I had uninvited guests. August 14, 2002 (2:11pm): Ah, there's nothing quite like waking up and finding some really, really bad news. It'll probably resolve itself and be nothing, but...dammit. This is why I sleep so much. And it looks like I'll be getting lots more sleep. August 15, 2002 (1:48am): Brief intermission pending the other shoe's dropping.

August 15, 2002 (3:44pm): Whoosh whoosh whoosh. You know, I don't think I'll ever get used to this weaseling around things and sniffing out loopholes, and then just blatantly defying brick walls. Goddammit. August 16, 2002 (12:50pm): Okay, yeah. I need at least $2600 before the Business Office will let me go back to school. Where the hell am I going to find that kind of money? There are only so many times you can accept something and try to work it all out. August 16, 2002 (8:05pm): Feels like there's something special about today. Like, someone's birthday or anniversary. Strange. August 17, 2002 (2:19pm): I know so little of what's actually going on, I don't think I should even talk about it. I usually do. I usually say what's going on, as far as I know it, and everything always takes a turn for the different. And I'm left not knowing what's going on, and everyone knows. So maybe I should just shut up. August 17, 2002 (10:57pm): So... Not much to say... Have you ever been behind someone at McDonald's who didn't know what they wanted, yet they insisted they make an order? And you were just left standing behind them, not getting anywhere but still knowing there was no other way to go? Take that moment and expand it to fill a span of months, and you've got an inkling of what I wake up to everyday. And it's just a matter of extending my patience and prolonging my self-fooling talents just long enough to get something to break open. Except nothing's breaking open. August 18, 2002 (6:58pm): You know, no matter how crappy I feel, and I can feel pretty crappy, the Aquabats always do a commendable job of cheering me up. Or at least distracting me. At least then I won't just be sorrowful, I'll be toe-tappin' sorrowful. August 19, 2002 (10:41pm): So I hadda go back to Salem to get my stuff outta Monty Hall (heh heh). I wish I didn't have to 'cause as soon as I got there I saw all these people I haven't been around for five months, and I just wanted to stay. I miss my friends. That's all. I just miss my friends. Everything else sucks 'cause I know I'm havin' to hoof it alone. August 21, 2002 (2:40pm): Nothing pisses a person off more than having everything he thought he knew turned on its ear. Dammit. I... Forget it. August 22, 2002 (2:42pm): I have nothing to say to the likes of you. Hmm. Wait. I'm just waiting for my last shot at getting to school in time... So, c'mon... Let's get a move-on... August 23, 2002 (2:04pm): Man, this past week has just sucked beyond compare. Really. And I could've thought of a more eloquent way of saying it, but whatever. In the most basic terms, yeah, this past week has just SUCKED BEYOND COMPARE. Still have to wait who knows how long to find out if the student loan I applied for was approved. I'll miss the first Mod of class, but I'll make the second, if everything gets squared away. Dammit. I hate this. August 23, 2002 (6:20pm): I wonder what my friends are doing. To paraphrase Kerouac, in one way or another if memory serves, I wonder if they realize how much time I spend thinking about them. Hmm. Maybe it's just because I'm a "out of sight, out of mind" kind of person, but it's too easy to fool yourself into believing that the world extends only as far as you can see out the window. After a while I can't remember what anything was like. August 24, 2002 (2:52pm): I'm so lazy today. I haven't even showered, and I meant to do that right away. Been awake about, oh, three hours and haven't done a damn thing. Well, that's not exactly right. I've listened to Louis Jordan's "Knock Me A Kiss" about a thousand times. It's just been on loop for the longest time, and I'm in no hurry to change it. August 27, 2002 (3:53pm): Well, I'm still not sure what's going on. I mean, there's such bureaucracy at school, I'm so spun around I don't know what alternatives I have. It's really frustrating, especially when I remember that I don't particularly wanna go back there or go anywhere at all. It's like, I don't want to do this, I don't want to do that... So it's really hard to care which way anything goes. August 28, 2002 (2:31pm): Ah, nothing like a long rainy day to make my nose stop up completely. Argh. August 30, 2002 (1:12am): Sometimes I think I'd like my life to turn out like Good Will Hunting, but when I really think about it, I'll be lucky to have High Fidelity. Maybe an It's A Wonderful Life kind of thing would be nice, in the long run. But it's really just a decades-long High Fidelity, minus the pretty Swedish girl. Hrm. So, then. To do: -Buy yucky clothes. -Get bad haircut. (Check) -Be much crankier. I think I'm just about set.

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