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October 1, 2001 (7:37pm): I have to pay five bucks for each copy of my SIU transcripts I want. That's bullshit.
October 4, 2001 (3:26pm): It's hot. Real hot. And sunny. The sun, okay, but the heat, nope.
But I don't mind too much. It's walking long distances in it that sucks most.
Anyway, I watched BASEketball this afternoon. BASEketball, you see, is one of my favorite movies. It's incredibly stupid, but that's why. I hadn't seen it in over a year, so I was giddy as hell to see it again.
I was fine, and the movie was great, but then it got to this one part, and some song was playing. And I didn't remember it till then, but that movie reminds me of Sheeny. So I got kinda sad.
It's really hot today.
October 7, 2001 (1:50pm): It's really cold today. Well, not really cold, but it's definitely coat weather. If you condone such behavior.
The US has launched several missles into Afghanistan, so we're pretty much in a shooting war with the nation. It's a shame.
Hmm... I've got a 3.67 GPA, 3.0 cumulative. That's good.
Um...
October 8, 2001 (12:37pm): So, the US is bombing Afghanistan. I'd rather we didn't, but it's not really up to me. Yet.
Anyway, I wish I could have been avoided. But I don't know all the facts (anymore), so I should shut up.
Going home for the Black Walnut Festival this weekend. Yay. The weather's supposed to be nice, I hope it will be. It's usually warm for the Festival.
God, this entries have gone downhill. They're fucking boring!
October 9, 2001 (2:32pm): I'm freaking out!
Okay, Bob Dylan's gonna be playing at WVU next month. At first I thought, "Eh, whatever. I have no money, anyway." But that bullshit wore off quick, and now I really really really really really really really really wanna goddamn go!
Bob Dylan! A keystone in my cultural development. A definitive character in the American night. The voice of 20th Century American life. Old as hell and likely to die soon. I gotta see him.
Especially since I saw that the set list includes "One Too Many Mornings" and "Country Pie". "Country Pie" rocks, so rocks. It's the funnest song from Nashville Skyline, with the possible exception of "Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You", of course.
Hrm. How can I get to Morgantown with no car and no money...?
October 9, 2001 (5:10pm): I've been thinking, and...
I seriously want a banjo.
Nah, really. I do. It'd be keen. I'll learn how to play "With God On Our Side". Keen, indeed.
October 10, 2001 (3:16pm): I have another idea about why my college education has sucked ass thus far.
Okay, usually in any given major there are a few classes that are full of idiots. These are the introductory classes. There are a few majors in a class like, say, Intro to Environmental Science, but the rest are dumbasses looking to fill non-major requirements. Like, you have to have, say, two science-core classes, and one mathematics, etc.
Then as you jump the mess of these retards cluttering up your chosen field of study, you can focus on more difficult classes, that're full of only those who want to be there, like, say, Advanced Organic Chemistry II. Only those inspired and intrigued by the subject waste your time, but it's time well wasted.
Anyway, the classes of my major at the moment (Liberal Studies, History focus) are all open-field classes. That is, there are no prerequisites screening out the dumb bastards. Anyone can walk in and get credit. So I'm left trolling around shallow waters while idiots scratch their heads. I'm wasting my goddamn time and talent.
October 11, 2001 (2:57pm): I'm sleepy. I don't know why. I've been sleepy all day.
And my head hurts. A headache.
You know, if I see a pretty girl one day, and then the next, and then the next, and I don't know her name, I get to not wanting to know her name.
Thing is, if I see her several times without knowing anything about her, I tend to create her as I want to know her. I think of where she's from, what she's doing, and so on. But I never try to guess her name.
I don't want to know her name because as long as she's nameless she's whatever I need her to be. And names carry their own characteristics, and would bog down my make-believe.
October 11, 2001 (5:36pm): You know, the more I read about him, the more Jack Kerouac seems...confusing. Conflicting, conflicted. I don't know if I'm annoyed by his machismo and sad commitment to his mother, or if I'm enthused about his free spirit. Hell, even his free spirit gets on my nerves. He was never faithful to the women he loved. And I don't even know who he loved more, the men or the women. Hrm.
Anyway, my neck still hurts. I can't do a damn thing when I have a headache. I don't know why. I just can't concentrate.
I'd like to work a little on my history notes or on transfer applications and such, but I just can't get anything together.
I don't know when I lost control, when the primary goal of each day became reclaiming a bit of myself from whatever swept away my sense of self.
I have this green t-shirt from some YMCA family soccer league. It has doodles of children holding hands around a soccer ball, and I'd swear that one of the children's faces looks like a young Lucien Carr. Hmm.
October 12, 2001 (10:50am): I'm going home for the weekend, the Black Walnut Festival, so I won't be saying anything for a while. Sunday, at least.
October 14, 2001 (3:55pm): Did my paycheck come in Friday? I don't know. Do I have unknown funds at my disposal? I don't know that either...
Get to me my country pie, I won't throw it up in anybody's face!
October 15, 2001 (8:18pm): You know, it's really too bad that I don't work for National Geographic, or dance around a pole, or live in Connecticut and have Ivy League-educated mommy and daddy, or intern at the State Department, or plan to transfer to Yale, or know what it's like to see an ape in the wild...
It's really too bad that all I'm gonna do is go to Wal-Mart at 10pm, buy Love And Theft and go home and eat leftover yellow rice (with saffron!).
It's really too bad that I wear a marching band t-shirt I bought at Goodwill, and a pair of flip-flops stolen from said Wal-Mart, and a white thermal fleece shirt underneath it all.
To hell with you all.
And my head hurts. And my face is lightly sunburnt.
October 16, 2001 (7:46pm): It's an unusual time when I want to hold every girl I see, including the ones that annoy me.
Japanese girls are so cute. It's the funniest thing. They're like little woodland creatures, or maybe I've said that before. But they're adorable. Like chittering chipmunks or whatever.
Gaw, I have to turn in this autobiography for class. Hrm. I think I'll just cut and paste sections of this Monitor. Yeah. I'll do that. Make up some business about how journal entries are more accurate than biographies...
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October 18, 2001 (10:34pm): Man, oh man. What a pain in the ass day. Got up at eight AM or so, to go to Elkview and get a haircut. Went, got the haircut, and needless to say, they fucked it up. Well, not FUCKED it up, but they can't take direction for shit. It's way short in the back and long on the sides and front. Fortunately, hairspray covers a multitude of sins.
Then I haul ass to the other side of Roane County, to my sister's house. We had to take a waterbed. So we took the waterbed. On the way back home I had to hold an armful of tuxedoes, effectively layering myself with the worst things in which to be layered when the sun is shining bright. Ugh.
Back home. Then off to Charleston to get my non-operator's ID renewed. But I forgot my old ID, state-issued birth certificate and SSN card. They wouldn't accept my old hospital-issued birth certificate, so I couldn't get the ID.
To the mall. Just horsing around, not looking for anything in particular. Find a really cool Weezer t-shirt, but hesitate to buy it, having already paid $25 for a handful of comics.
By the way, you know, I kept seeing the prettiest girls in the mall today. The strangest thing. Maybe I was just happy to have returned to my primal formative realm. Who knows. But I felt like I could just walk over and overwhelm them with sheer urgency. To do what, I haven't a clue. But just to approach them, and have them know of some great desire to...be, to share. Ugh.
I'm watching An Affair To Remember. It's a wonderful movie, to be blatantly corny. It is.
Um, anyway, I remember a few years ago, a friend gave me a copy of this movie to watch at home. I missed the point, but I think I get it now. And it just really hurts to be catching up this late. It's not fun at all.
October 19, 2001 (12:13pm): Argh! I got the sniffles, motherfucker!
October 19, 2001 (10:52pm): Oh, dear.
Wallflower, wallflower, I'm sad and lonely too.
I am tired. I can't imagine even trying to explain anything anymore. Either someone cares and they're just watching this play out, or no one's paying attention anymore. Either way...golly. Just...golly. I mean, really. Golly.
It's just...
It's never easy, being a misfit.
October 20, 2001 (10:17pm): Yuck. There are ladybugs in my room. Hrm.
October 21, 2001 (10:00pm): Oh, my sister got married yesterday, and I was an usher. Wow. I was an usher. Who thought they'd live to see the day, huh? Me. An usher. Ooh. Glory be.
Anyway, I'm in Roane County for two more days. Er, a day and a half? I dunno. I leave Tuesday, let's say. It's still barely Sunday, so technically I have two days. But ACTUALLY, in number of hours, it's significantly less than two days.
I bought a shirt today. A blue shirt, no less. Was originally $28.00, but I got it on clearance for a cheap-o price of $6.99. What a bargain. I am ecstatic. Giddy in my bargain-hunting glory. Oops. I ladybug landed on my leg. Shoo. Shoo, ladybug, shoo.
I'd like to see a movie tomorrow. Which reminds me, I have to check the showtimes. I wanna see From Hell. Yes, that would be amusing. Yes.
October 22, 2001 (9:43pm): I'm sitting her on my living room floor, eating s'mores, and listening to Weezer. Ah, quite a geek holiday. Rejoice.
No, fuck. I got chocolate in one of my cavities. Ouch. Ouch. Ow, dammit!
Oh, but these graham crackers are soft. Mmm, yummy. Nummy! *Gobble, gobble!* Munch munch munch...
You know, I don't think I'm ever gonna get this independent study thing off the ground. I mean, yeah, I've been reading this one book about Kerouac, but I'm so slow. And I have no attention span. I'll chalk that up to genius, not idiocy. The lines are so easily crossed, you know.
Anyway, I was thinking of changing the topic of my independent study from Post-World War II Society: The Beat Generation, to Mike Says Fuck It All, Gets Drunk And Tries To Play Majora's Mask But The Damned Controller Keeps Depolarizing And Links Just Runs In Circles, Prompting Mike To Slam His Fist On The Nintendo And Go Back To Sleep.
Just a thought. I don't know who'd be my advisor.
I'm telling you, these graham crackers are great. Just, really, they're wonderful. So yum it's dumb. Really.
It is now 10:01pm, but I don't wanna start a new entry. I dunno. Nevermind.
I'm just sitting here writing any random shit I think of, 'cause I know once I get back to school I'll have less time to do so. Gotta take those chances, boy!
Holy. I go back to school tomorrow. Geez. And I'll have to work on stuff. And do stuff. And get stuff done. Crap! There's just no easy way to get many things done while you're asleep. If only there were... We can put a man on the moon but we can't get all my daily chores done, and accolades collected, while I'm asleep. What the hell shameful kinda nation is this, anyway? Hmm? Huh? Yeah.
There's something infinitely charming about an empty movie theater. I mean, when I go to see a movie, I show up at least twenty minutes early, just so I can sit in the theater. It's just nice to sit in a place like that.
I mean, the sole purpose of a theater is to amuse. It's incredibly comforting to know that it's design and execution was to reach the goal of entertainment.
I go into a theater, I sit down in the plush chairs, soda in hand, and I'm expected to release everything, every minor bullshit worry and fear, and escape into a world of, well, pure imagination. I'm to sit there and be presented a story to fall into, a shelter from reality. And for two hours I don't exist. It sounds self-torturous, but that's exactly what I look for, every minute of everyday. A step out of myself.
October 24, 2001 (6:13pm): I don't know what the hell's going on, but the weather's been really nice the last week or so. It's eerily comforting.
I mean, the weather in late October's supposed to be cold and bleak, right? All the leaves are dying, winter's shuffling in. You're not supposed to wanna go outside and play frisbee, right? But I do. I'm so conflicted...
At any rate, girls not from America are usually cute.
October 25, 2001 (7:27pm): All day long, I've felt like being drunk. So I have been, for the most part. I woke up around 10am, drank some cheap beer that's been in my fridge forever, went out, ate lunch, fooled around, bought some Heineken, went to dinner. Now I'm at work and I'm not drunk at all. I coulda taken Nyquil, but that'd just make me sound completely needy.
I don't wanna go home tonight. I really don't. I'll just end up eating some rice, watching Voyager, and falling asleep while I listen to the Eels.
October 28, 2001 (3:00pm): I'll be damned. I didn't think today was the 28th. But guess what, it is. Looka there.
Yeah, I've been in one state of drunkenness or another since Wednesday night. Something to do. I'm gonna waste this independent study, I just know it.
My friends and I crashed into Shawn's apartment yesterday afternoon. We just wanted to see what it's like, and he never asks us over. Anyway, we went up the stairs, and he'd been asleep, I think, so as I walked into his bedroom I saw him all half-naked and stuff. Funny.
Have I mentioned that I'm gonna be the Unabomber for Halloween? Maybe. Anyway, it's an easy costume to get together. Just need a hooded sweatshirt and a pair of dark sunglasses. Just need to pick up the glasses somewhere.
Aw, fuck it. I can't think straight.
October 29, 2001 (7:48pm): Yeah, I really don't know what to do about this independent study. Damn. So instead I started a ska-punk mix tape. Ooh!
I wanna go home and eat something. I'm hungry. And I wanna watch Voyager. I'm up to the episode in which the Q wants to kill himself. Fun fun!
October 30, 2001 (8:33pm): Hmm...
Well, I watched that Voyager episode. No rush to get home tonight, I guess. May as well keep working...
You know, I keep seeing that horse girl in the cafeteria. And it bugs the living hell outta me every time. Argh. Oh my, such nonsense and tomfoolery.
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