September 4, 2001 (12:05pm): There was a shooting at my apartment complex the other day. I'm not sure when. No one knows if it was a murder or just suicide. Oddly, I haven't really been affected by it. Hmm.
I'm just thinking of "Susan's House", the eerie Beautiful Freak version or charming Oh, What a Beautiful Morning, I haven't decided.
I came home tonight, felt like I'd died of loneliness.
September 4, 2001 (2:43pm): Someone brought a couple Star Trek dolls to lunch today (Geordi and Data, for the record). We sat there in the middle of the cafeteria and played with'em. And for once it felt like everyone got along.
September 4, 2001 (8:29pm): Someone told me this is the stuff I should be writing about. The normal everyday nonsense I do. Playing frisbee, studying ancient civilizations, playing laser tag.
Oh, speaking of laser tag: My friends and I played last Friday night. We only played three games, but we were UNDEFEATED! Bwahahaha! Ahem.
Anyway, it was Randall, Don and myself. Our greatest victory was a score of 55 to 93. Hee hee! All those hours of video games and GIJoe paid off. We were going apeshit in there, screaming out tactical commands and doing tucks and rolls far too faux pas heroic than needed. But it was fun. FUN.
Then today, as I mentioned, we had Geordi and Data and their lunchtime carnival of homosexual polyvinyl passion.
Anyway, whenever I tell someone of what happened at my apartment complex, I just go ahead and say it's a murder. What the hell does it matter, anyway? No one goes "ooh" when it's a suicide. I want that "ooh." Just once.
Heh heh.
I may be getting a student loan to pay off my credit card and stuff. It's for $6000, but I'll only need a little less than $4000, so I'm thinking about taking a trip if I can. Don't know where, though. Hmm.
Someone just walked in the library smelling like cheap fruit candy. And oddly enough, that's a real turn on. God, how sad. Hee hee!
Last night I studied for a while. Then I ate some canned corn and watched Star Trek: Voyager. Now I have no corn. And I want corn. Curses. I have pinto beans. Eh... They'll do. For now.
September 6, 2001 (2:55pm): I'm just counting the minutes till dinner... About 65 to go...
I fell behind in class. It's not particularly difficult, the class, but there's just so much to absorb. About a thousand years of several cultures each day. Eek. Eek, indeed.
September 9, 2001 (5:47pm): I went to an air show today. It wasn't all that fun. I was only there for an hour or so.
It was miserable, actually. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, and I was out on an the tarmac. Gad. I could smell the asphalt cooking, not to mention that I only had my flip-flops between me and the pavement-cum-magma.
Anyway, I'm here at work, in the library.
I checked out a few books yesterday. The first was Gods And Myths Of Northern Europe, 'cause I wanted to refresh myself in the Norse classic myths of Snorri. Another was the Koran, the Islamic religious text. After discussing the religion and culture in World Civilization, I was intrigued, and sought out the text right away. But I realized how deep and multi-layered the tome is, so I also checked out Understanding The Islamic Culture ("With colorful illustrations!") Heh heh. Damn my American education.
At any rate, Islamic belief is extremely vigorous, and therefore extremely appealing. I have too many standards and little codified beliefs of my own, and they go pleasantly hand-in-hand with Islam.
But no, I'm not thinking of picking up the faith myself. But knowledge can be found everywhere, if you're not afraid to look for it.
September 10, 2001 (2:06pm): I got a 98% on my exam from last Friday. Nyah! Take that, ancient history! Ha ha!
I ate too much broccoli. Yuck. I don't even know why I ate any broccoli. I just saw someone eating it, so I had to have some. Heh. Okay.
September 11, 2001 (4:55pm): Some pretty terrible stuff happened today.
In what can only be a terrorist strike, several American sites were the targets of coordinated airplane crashes.
Most noticeably struck was the World Trade Center in New York City. Each tower of the center was struck by airline passenger carriers this morning. Both buildings erupted in flame before eventually toppling to the streets below. Later, an airplane crashed in Somerset County, Pennsylvania. The fourth crash assaulted the Pentagon in Washington DC.
My heart and soul were crushed as news filtered in this morning. As crushed as I felt, it was made all the worse by the apathy and cynicism of those around me, and how little I could do to either help my nation or change its heart. This is indeed a day to burn in American hearts for decades to come.
September 12, 2001 (6:54pm): The day after. I didn't go to class this morning. I woke up, and it was cold, and I had a headache, and there was a gnawing empty feeling in my stomach. And I didn't wanna hear everyone talking about it, and speculating about it, and adding their armchair analyses on it. Still, I left at 10:20-something, to eat lunch.
Ag. But I have transfer essays to do. I keep putting all the business off, but I have to get back on course. I wouldn't want to waste another year here in Salem. But application essays are always to banal. I mean, like, "Describe your academic preparation," or, "Why would an education at Anyplace U be the best for you?" I don't fucking care. Just lemme in, for crying out loud.
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September 15, 2001 (12:57pm): I said it a few minutes ago, loud and proud, but it bears repeating: Every person at this school is the dumbest motherfucker I've ever seen. Each is dumb in wonderfully different ways. I can't goddamn believe it. Goddamn motherfuckers, I said.
Someone was trying to tell me that vegetable soup couldn't be vegetable soup if it had a beef stock.
Bullshit! Vegetable soup is that which is primarily vegetable in nature. Carrots, celery (yuck), tomatoes, what the hell ever. It can have any kinda stock it wants, chicken, beef, etc. Dumb motherfuckers, I said.
Which reminds me: Campbell's makes maybe, what, 40-something varieties of soup. I've only had, maybe, 15. How damn sad! What've I been doing with my life, I've been too fucking busy to eat more soup. Geez. I should have a Campbell's soup cook-off, and showcase all the glorious soups. Hmm. It wouldn't work around here, nobody's hip enough to get it. Dumb motherfuckers. Dumb dumb dumb.
September 15, 2001 (12:59pm): Oh, and I took too much Nyquil, which is my habit these days. Bite me.
September 18, 2001 (6:13pm): I'm being overwhelmed here. Working on transfers to other colleges is too much. I can't keep up, I just can't.
Anyway, I signed up to go on a trip to see a real live baseball game Thursday. Ooh. You know, I've never been to a ball game. Not once. Never never. Well, in fifth grade my class went to a Charleston Alley Cats game, but Shawn and I were too busy running around to watch the game. Boring as hell. Jay Smith was with us then.
He's dead now.
September 21, 2001 (1:27pm): There's a bright golden haze on the meadow, there's a bright golden haze on the meadow, the corn is as high as an elephant's eye, and it looks like it's gonna grow up to the sky...
Oh what a beautiful morning�
I saw a baseball game last night. Correction: I saw my first real baseball game last night. Hmm. Was kinda boring, and I couldn't see the homeruns for the glaring stadium lights. Still, it was an experience. Mark McGwire hit a homerun. Woohoo, I guess. Hmm.
September 25, 2001 (2:27pm): Man, it's the damn coldest day of the season thus far. Of course, thus far is just, like, three days. Whatever. Don't sass me.
I'm so elated. I got a copy of the Eels' new Souljacker, and I can't believe I'm not at home right now, listening to it over and over, as I should be. Still, I'm real excited about it.
It's such a break from what I'm used to hearing from E. It's hard and dark and angry, but with the requisite hope that made me first take the Eels to heart. I've got the cover image of E in grubby hooded sweatshirt in my mind, growling "Dog Faced Boy". Hoo. It's a hoot.
September 26, 2001 (5:00pm): It's cold. And it'll only get colder.
I skipped class this morning. I wasn't feeling well, and I've had classes on the same material, using the same book, twice before, and I just wanted to listen to the Eels and Ben Folds.
Yeah, it's getting colder. I hate being subjected to the weather. But alas, I have no automobile. If it's hot outside, I walk. If it's rainy, I walk. If it's freezing, I walk. I sweat, I get rained upon, and I freeze.
September 27, 2001 (7:58pm): Today is my birthday.
September 28, 2001 (12:38pm): I woke up late today. I forgot to set my alarm clock. Oops.
I had a test in class today, but I guess I missed it. It wasn't too important, just the same I've had twice before. I woke up 9:52am, and I wondered why there was so much sunshine.
Anyway, I was just getting over a cold. Now it's coming back. Geez. My neck hurts, and my nose is runny.
I've got this song stuck in my head, "Fresh Feeling" by the Eels. It's a really nice song. But there's a sample from another Eels song, "Selective Memory", and it keeps playing over and over in my head. It's getting on my nerves, but the lyrics are so nice, it kinda evens out, I guess.
I have to work in the library for a coupla hours this afternoon, to make up for hours I lost over the Mod break.
September 30, 2001 (2:41pm): Uh-oh. My ID expires today. Good thing I bought all the alcohol I wanted yesterday.
My friends and I went to Phar-Mor in Clarksburg and bought $123.87 in alcohol. Spiced rum, green apple Schnapps, peach Schnapps, amaretto, hard lemonade (yuck), cheap beer (yuck, but the price is right), and so on. Funny thing is, no one even got drunk. We just ate pizza and watched Saving Silverman and Evil Dead 2. Heh.
Damn. I'm working seven hours in the library today. Kinda. They don't know I'm on the clock, but I am. Hee hee. Still, it sucks.
I woke up this morning, and I heard Shawn and Ann talking in the other room (they stayed overnight so they wouldn't have to drive home). And I looked up, from my mattress, and saw the sky, and it was so clear and blue...
They left, I put all the many many bottles away, and sat down on the couch. I listened to Ben Folds, then the Eels. And I just got really really sad. I don't know...
I heard this song, "Fred Jones, Pt. 2", by Ben Folds. It's about this guy who's worked for a newspaper most of his life, and he's been let go after 25 years. And a few lines go, "There was no party, there were no songs / 'Cause today's just a day like the day that he started / ... / Yeah, all of these bastards have taken his place / He's forgotten but not yet gone..."
And I just kept thinking that I'll know that someday. That all my friends will know that. That's what's up ahead.
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