Saturday, October 7th, 2000....
Before Tuesday's presidential debate, a coin toss was used to determine which candidate would speak first. When Governor Bush was asked to call it in the air, he yelled. "It's a quarter!"
After a week of violent protests in Yugoslavia, Slobodan Milosevic finally stepped down and conceded defeat in the
presidential election. Milosevic said he plans to relax and spend time with his family before being strung up on a meathook in the center of Belgrade.
During Tuesday's debate, Al Gore made a point of correctly pronouncing Milosevic's name, and that of his opponent, Vojislav Kostunica and noting that Yugoslavia is made up of Serbia and Montenegro. Meanwhile, George W. Bush knew his own name and that a sandwich is made up of "bread plus some other stuff".
This week, the Vatican apologized for a recent Church document that called non-Christian religions "gravely deficient". Said a Vatican spokesman, "While we believe that other religions are deficient,and that their pagan followers will burn in hell, we certainly never meant to write it down."
Tina Fey: Thank you, Jimmy. As a mother of two, which I am not, I worry about the lack of positive role models for today's young girls. For example, Britney Spears caused controversy last month when she wore this skimpy outfit at MTV's Video Music Awards. Critics called the outfit inappropriate and say it's just another example of Hollywood sexualizing young girls. But I say, ladies, give it up. Britney's ass looks good. Look at that ass. That is a cherry bomb. You gotta look at that thing through a hole in a paper plate. Britney, in about five years that whole area is gonna blow, so enjoy it now. Have it photographed as much as possible. Rub it with fine oils and liniments. You will miss it when it's gone. And, as for whether or not those are breast implants are not.. Britney was on our show last year, I worked with her.. and, to me, her breasts felt completely real.
This week Pat Robertson reportedly invited Joe Lieberman to address the Christian Coalition, but the date he chose was Rosh Hashana, one of the holiest days in the Jewish religious calendar. Robertson apologized, saying that he meant no disrespect to the Jewish faith and tried to make it up to Lieberman by sending him a two-pound Honey-Baked ham.