Sara hated him. She hated that he could just sit there holding her hand, his stone face not giving any indication that he had even heard what she had said. Other than the brief glance into the kitchen, his face hadn�t moved a muscle since her announcement. She, on the other hand, had spent the past six hours on the sofa, crying herself to sleep. Each time she awoke, surrounded by used tissues, she would resume the tear fest. Even now, thoroughly exhausted, tears were close. How could he be so stoic?
The wooden clock on the desk ticked off the seconds. The brass feet reflected the limited light within the room, giving the impression that eyes were watching them. Grissom had purchased the clock shortly after hauling over a load of his clothes and hanging them in her closet. He said their virtual co-habitation required something classic to commemorate it. She suspected that the purchase had more to do with his distaste of the clock that previously sat on the desk than sentiment. The clock was a cheap one she had purchased out of immediate need, not design. Thrifty home decoration from Wal-Mart was a long-standing tradition in her family. The stylish Howard Miller clock Grissom had purchased was definitely not from a discount store.
Finally, Grissom�s lips moved.
�What are we going to do?� His voice was low and without emotion. Sara remained silent. What could she say? She knew what she wanted to do. But how would Grissom react? Her mind was in such a state of chaos. How could she put it into words? After several moments of tense silence, Grissom�s voice sounded again in the quiet room, low and deliberate.
�What do you want to do?�
Sara pulled her hand from his grasp and rose. Grissom�s eyes followed her. She began pacing the room like a caged cat, her long legs completing the circuit of the small room swiftly, then turning and repeating the process in the opposite direction.
Her words came out, rushed. �Kids have never been a part of my life�s agenda. I mean, what kind of mother would I make? You learn what you live. Kids learn how to be parents from their parents. Bad parents produce more bad parents. And the least discerning person could tell you my parents were bad. I was determined not to perpetuate the cycle.�
Sara paused and took a deep breath. She needed to calm down and focus her thoughts. She wanted Grissom to understand her decision. Grissom deserved to understand her decision.
She began again. �When I was eighteen, I tried to get a tubal ligation. I couldn�t find a gynecologist to do it. They all said I was too young to make such a drastic decision. But birth control was readily available and it didn�t seem like a big issue to just effectively use that. I mean, it�s not like I was ever very sexually active. Until recently.�
Sara gave Grissom a penetrating glance, then continued her pacing.
�We�ve always been careful. Even that one time, I was sure that we were safe. It wasn�t logical to make that assumption because I�ve never been that regular. But since I didn�t want kids, pregnancy just wasn�t within my realm of possibility.
�When Catherine brought me that pregnancy test this morning, I was shocked. How could she think I was pregnant? I couldn�t possibly be pregnant.
�And yet, as soon as she outlined her evidence, I knew. I didn�t even have to read the results. I knew.
�I also knew I couldn�t have this baby. I don�t have the skills to raise a child.�
Sara stopped pacing and looked past Grissom, as if looking into the memory.
�But then Catherine said something that shook my world. She said, �Talk to Grissom before you make any decisions. It�s his baby, too.��
Sara paused, still looking nowhere, as if in a trance. Grissom shifted uncomfortably on the sofa, unwilling to take his eyes off of her.
Coming out of her reverie, Sara looked directly at Grissom. �I�ve thought about Catherine�s comment all afternoon, between crying my eyes out and sleeping from exhaustion. And I came to a realization. I love you more than anyone or anything in this world. I can�t�no, I don�t want to try and imagine my life without you.�
Sara placed her hand on her abdomen. �This baby is a part of you. How can I get rid of something that is a part of you, loving you like I do?�
With a sigh, the pacing started again.
�Yet, I can�t do this alone. The fact still remains that I have no skills. Catherine insists that skills can be learned if the desire is there. And she is convinced that you would help me. But we�ve never talked about a family. I don�t know how you feel about having children. I�ve seen you working with kids and it seems so natural for you. But do you want kids of your own? I have no idea.�
Sara stopped pacing and planted herself directly in front of Grissom and looked intently into his eyes. �So the decision rests with you, Dr. Grissom. Do you want this baby?�
Grissom looked deeply into Sara�s eyes. He pondered the answer to this question, then took a deep breath. �When I was younger, I guess I just assumed that I would eventually have a family. I think most men do. I suspect it�s related to perceptions of virility.� Grissom shrugged it off.
�But I never thought seriously about taking steps toward the actuality. I was occupied with my career. Until recently, that�s always been the most important thing in my life. Wife and family were something down the road. Women were no more than a nice distraction.
�Until I met you. Of course by then, I had looked in the mirror and realized how old I had gotten. And I felt that a family was no longer an option. You were young, smart, and beautiful. Any chance with you seemed out of the question. Since you are the only one with whom I�ve considered sharing my life, by extension, that meant a family was also out of the question.
�Once, after a case involving kids, Catherine asked me if I ever thought about having children of my own. I told her I used to but that dream had faded as my age increased. I was too old now.
�You know what she said? She said many of the great biblical heroes were either fathers late in life, like Abraham, or were the progeny of parents considered too old to conceive. Like John the Baptist. I still haven�t recovered from the shock of Catherine knowing anything about the Bible.�
This drew a nervous laugh from Sara.
Grissom slowly rose from the sofa and approached Sara. He put his hand on her abdomen and looked from his hand to her eyes. When it seemed that his gaze had pierced to her soul, he said, �This baby could be the next president, or the scientist who discovers the cure for cancer. The possibilities are endless since it is as much a part of you as it is of me. And loving you as I do, how can I not want this baby?�
All of the tension drained from Sara�s body and she leaned into Grissom, placing her arms around his neck. He moved his hands around to Sara�s back, cradling her in a protective embrace.
�I�m old fashioned enough to think that kids should have parents married to each other before their birth. I�ve never thought about a family because we�ve never gotten past the marriage hurdle.
�Considering this new development, do you think you might reconsider your stance on marriage?�
Sara was thoughtful for a few moments, then, pulling back from the embrace, nodded her head in the affirmative.
A grin slowly spread across Grissom�s face. He kissed Sara deeply, then removed his arms from around her. He gestured with his hands that she stay where she was. He moved quickly to the door and picked up his briefcase. Placing it on the table, he opened it, reached in and pulled out a small velvet box. Returning to Sara�s side, he opened the box to reveal a sparkling diamond ring, complete with matching wedding band.
Sara�s mouth was agape. �When did you buy this?�
�The day after you turned down my proposal. I went to a jeweler and picked out our rings in anticipation of the day you would say yes. My wedding band is in my briefcase as well.� Sara�s look of disbelief prompted, �I told you I wasn�t giving up.�
He removed the engagement ring from the box and put it on Sara�s finger. It was a perfect fit. �I borrowed a ring from your jewelry box to get the size,� said Grissom when Sara looked surprised. She moved her hand so that the light danced on the facets, creating a rainbow effect against the wall. Smiling broadly, she threw her arms around Grissom�s neck. Grissom responded by wrapping his arms around Sara�s waist. Lifting her off the ground, he spun her around like a school boy, threw back his head, and proclaimed, �We�re having a baby!�