Author�s note: This brief chapter is Grissom�s inner turmoil at the news of Sara�s condition.
Relief
Sara was pregnant! No fatal disease. No mental disorder. No emotional trauma. She�s just pregnant.
Confusion
Pregnant? How could she possibly be pregnant? They were careful to always use protection. It was almost second nature. Except�
Grissom looked toward the kitchen.
Realization
After the Beckstrom abduction. They had been so needy of each other that night. The sex had been�animalistic. That was the only way he could describe it. He had taken her on the kitchen island as a beast takes his mate in heat. She had minimized the nature of it by calling it a �good fuck�. But he had been appalled at his own fierce need for copulation with little regard to her needs. Preparing to withdraw, he�d reached down to secure the condom�and realized he hadn�t used one.
They had panicked. But Sara had done a quick calculation and assured him that they should be safe. It would seem that her calculations were off.
The rest of that night had been just as memorable. They had laughed about how much biological evidence the team would find if her kitchen became a crime scene. This led to numerous jokes about sex at crime scenes. They fell into bed, exhausted from sex and laughter. After a short nap, Grissom awakened Sara with the most tender lovemaking of their relationship. He wanted, needed to show her, and himself, that the previous encounter had been an anomaly. They hadn�t used a condom that time either. Sara insisted that the barn door was already open. If the horse was going to escape, it was already out. It would appear that the horse was, indeed, out.
It was the second union that Grissom chose to believe was the origin of this pregnancy.
Elation
Sara was pregnant. Their love had been the source of ultimate creation � new life. They were going to have a baby. He was going to be a father. Sara was going to be a mother. They were going to be parents. Their life together was forever coupled with the creation of this new life. They would be a family. Sara might even want to marry him now.
Concern
The relationship could no longer be kept secret. Catherine knew. Everyone else would know soon. Which was what Grissom wanted. But under more controlled circumstances. There was still a chance to announce it themselves. Perhaps they could still maintain some control. Of course, it was also possible that they might get fired once this became public knowledge. Whatever the final result, this pregnancy would undoubtedly change their work situation.
And their lives. Although they functionally lived together, they maintained separate apartments. This was in part due to the lack of space at either of their homes. With a new addition on the way, they would have to get a bigger place. One he and Sara both could call their own. With lots of room. A nursery, of course. An office for them both. He would need a secure area for his insects, as well as everything that could be dangerous to or endangered by a child. A nice yard for play equipment. A baby needs space to grow. They might even want to plan something large enough for further family expansion. He didn�t like being an only child. Every kid should have a sibling. They should have at least one more. They�d need to talk about that, since Sara may not want another.
Fear
Sara may not want this one. She was obviously very upset by this pregnancy. What if Sara didn�t want this baby? She had never indicated a desire for children. Not everyone was meant to be a parent. Catherine said that Sara would need his support. She may have meant he should support her emotionally and financially with an abortion. He and Sara had never talked about kids. Maybe children were not part of her life plan. Maybe that�s the real reason she didn�t want to get married. When you�re married, everyone expects you to have kids.
Grissom couldn�t let his own wishes supersede Sara�s needs. He couldn�t ask this of Sara unless she wanted it. Kids were not part of his plan, either, until five minutes ago. He needed to keep his own desires concealed until he found out what Sara wanted to do. He wanted this baby. But he wanted Sara more. He loved Sara and he needed her to know that it was her decision and whatever she decided, he would support her.
Resolution
What did Sara want? There was only one way to find out.