I wish I knew a lot about art. Sadly, I don’t. I can recognize Picasso and Warhol and maybe even Leonardo (Da Vinci, not De Caprio). But beyond that point, I’m more or less willing to take as gospel what the "authorities" have to say. But let’s examine that. What makes someone an authority on art? Is it a wide span of knowledge? Or is it a pointy little beard and a funny accent? How much of art is legitimate conviction, and how much of it is just a game of three-card monte? Can you pick out the art from these pictures? Oops, picked the wrong one, sucker! So what if we put an authority in a room with three pictures, no names? Can you find the art? Is there a right answer?

Of course there’s a right answer. It’s the one the authority picks, right? Shit. Otherwise he wouldn’t be an authority, would he? The point is, if you make it, and they like it, it’s art. Otherwise it might as well be dogs playing poker. And that shit ain’t art. I know enough to know that. But here’s the question: If it’s the authority who decides what’s art and what isn’t, why do we even need artists? Do we need a maker, or can we just have an object? If the authority picks up a can and says it’s art, isn’t it?

So who makes the art? It’s the authority. Not the muse. Not the bohemian. The authority.

But what if two authorities disagree? If one says that’s art, and the other says that’s a can, is it art? Or is it just a can? Who’s the authority on authorities? It all comes down to trust. Who do you trust as the absolute authority? Unless you live with your mom, it’s you. You pick your groceries, you pick your authority, and you pick your art.

So what is art?

Who the fuck knows? I say this webpage is art. I say this computer is art. I say travel photos are art. I have a dream of taking travel photos around the world on a major art museum tour, pictures of fat Americans in stupid hats standing in front of monuments waving for the camera. A dream of authorities with pointy little beards and funny accents saying, "oh, look at the composition of this peece, it is mahvelous."

That would be art.