A.N. Hello! This is the last part of Love and Desperation I. Love and Desp. II - A Change
     to Darkness will hopefully please you, despite its gloomy title. :) 



Love and Desperation
Part Nine
Author: Moon Sparkle
E-mail: lovablegwen@hotmail.com
Rated: PG-13


     Serenity’s eyes fluttered open softly, and a slight shiver raced up her curved spine. 
A sob escaped her throat suddenly, and she sat up, totally puzzled. An empty feeling bolted 
through her veins: up from her eyes, to her mouth, to her neck, down to her fingertips and 
stomach, and eventually descended powerfully to her naked toes. She shuddered again, a more 
powerful shudder this time, and her heart began to beat mightily against her heaving chest. 
     What was happening? 
     She sat up in her large silk-covered bed heavily and sobbed brokenly, not having the 
slightest idea why... But a longing flooded her soul like shadows over a meadow at sunset 
and she stood up from her bed shakily, crying dreadfully, and treaded toward the closed 
balcony.
     But she felt exhausted at once, and had to grip the hard edge of the nightstand to 
prevent herself from falling, and with trembling knees, she lay back down in her bed and 
closed her eyes, hoping that sleep would brush away the incredible wretchedness that her 
heart had so suddenly possessed.

* * *

     “Sergeant, what news do you have of the Northern flank?” Serenity inquired wearily. 
She had not been able to sleep after her mystifying arousal, and the painful feeling of 
loneliness in her breast was becoming more excruciating by the second. It was now morning, 
and after having a very small breakfast, Serenity had reported to the War Room, where 
three soldiers and a Sergeant sat at the large table, headphones on their ears and grim 
expressions on their faces. 
     “I’m sorry Princess, but we have not been able to receive any reports from Prince 
Endymion’s troops. The last information sent to us from Rabson was at precisely three 
fifty this morning. A village nearby has been attacked and they left the camp to fight 
off the Stone Warriors sent by Beryl.” The Sergeant announced. 
     Serenity gazed at him, her cerulean eyes darkening. She nodded and left the room 
shakily, heading for the Throne Room. She would *have* to tell King Hastol of hers and 
Endymion’s plans before he found out from a different source.
     But, what was this pain? This ghastly *longing* in her soul? Yes, she missed Endymion, 
but this feeling was dry, empty and terribly agonizing.
     As she made her way through the large, majestic doors that hid the sparkling interior 
of the cold Throne Room, Serenity felt a slight lurch in her stomach and she took in a deep 
shaky breath. She treaded forward until she finally found herself in front of the large 
golden throne on which the disgruntled king sat, handling some contracts.
     “What do you want?” he greeted her in a voice that drove all of Serenity’s senses 
insane with rage and she felt a tingling in her fingertips. She longed to strike him.
     But she kept her cool, and serenely curtsied respectfully before finding her voice.
     “King Hastol, I have come to have a word with you, in private.” With a mere wave of 
her delicate hand, the guards retreated from the large room and into the halls, closing 
the large, metallic doors behind them. 
     The king looked at her coldly, and Serenity knew that his every intention was to 
intimidate her. But she was Serenity, the High Princess of the Royal Moon Kingdom, and 
she would not let herself be bullied by a discontented old fool. The man was insufferably 
ridiculous with his pompous manner and if only she would get a chance to—
     “Speak! I don’t have all day.” The king demanded. 
     Through the pain that inundated her tired body, Serenity mustered all the strength 
she had and with intense, solemn sky blue eyes, she gazed into the king’s own navy ones, 
which resembled Endymion’s so very much, and swallowed once.
     “Hastol, I shall not be spoken to in such a manner. I am of as much rank as you, if 
not more, and I am incredibly tired of your attitude towards my court and me. You do not 
want to treat me as an equal and you may beat yourself into thinking that I am not. But 
once I am part of your family, I demand respect.” Her tone was cool and for a moment, she 
became her mother in the king’s eyes. 
     “Part of my family? What in God’s name are you speaking of—“ But then the king 
stopped and his eyes popped wide. One quick glance at her left hand told Serenity that 
he was checking for what Terrans called an “engagement ring”. In spite of all the pain, 
the princess smiled inwardly. 
     “You are delirious,” The king announced. “There is no engagement ring on you finger. 
You are not marrying my son.” 
     “Just because here on Earth you cannot see the stars during the day, it does not mean 
that they are not there. I do not need physical substantiation of my engagement with 
Endymion. I love your son, and he loves me. He has asked me to marry him and I have accepted.”
     With a sweet smile gracing her beautiful features, Serenity knew that the king was 
very tempted to call the guards and order them to throw her in the dungeons. But he knew 
better. 
     Whatever he had planned on doing next, however, Serenity would never know, for the 
large doors opened wide with a loud clank and a man in a dark Terran uniform entered, his 
stride quick and his expression set.
     “Your Highness, My Lady,” he greeted and bowed. “There appears to be a Terran aircraft 
approaching the landing field at great speed from the Northern Tower, but we are not able to 
contact it because the link seems to be blocked. Should we let them land?” The man’s voice 
was acute and stipulated respect. The king glared at Serenity for a slight moment, before 
turning his full attention to the dilemma.
     “Let them land. But I want a group of one and twenty soldiers on the airfield, just in 
case.” The man was wise, Serenity thought bitterly, if only his manner would improve!
     “Very good, my Lord.” The soldier saluted and bowed again, turned on his heel, and left 
the room. 
     A wave of curiosity suddenly blew over Serenity and with twinkling blue eyes, she looked 
after the soldier and decided to follow. She left the room, leaving an infuriated Hastol 
behind and walked swiftly to the Gates, trying desperately to completely ignore the pain in 
her soul.
     But as soon as she stepped on the cold hard tile of the first Gate, she sobbed, as she 
did the night before, and a terrible feeling of anguish made her stop and inhale heavily. 
However, she fought the awful sensation courageously, straightened her stance, and walked 
forward.

* * *
     The air was drenched with exhaust and smelled of oil and sweat. Twenty-one fierce 
soldiers stood on their positions forming a large secure circle around Landing Platform 
number six, on the airfield. The glass roof ripped apart mechanically allowing the cool 
morning breeze to pour in from the opening. Shivers traveled through Serenity’s bones as 
she stood near the soldier who was prepared to greet the passengers of the arriving ship. 
He was young, courteous, and armed.
      The roar of the incoming aircraft’s engine was becoming increasingly strident and 
the princess soon felt the air around her ruffle the skirts of her dress and she shielded 
her eyes with a graceful hand as she looked up. The ship came into view almost immediately 
and sure enough, it was a Terran aircraft. As any standard craft, it was vast and dark, 
and lights of several different colors signaled on its sides. But a large symbol engraved 
in white, located on its base, confirmed that it was not a regular military vehicle, but a 
Royal one.           Her heart leapt in her chest and she glanced quickly at the man who 
stood next to her. Nobody had questioned her presence, they didn’t need to. 
     “Ren!” The voice was Minako’s and the princess turned around to greet her guardian 
warmly, but never, ever, did the excruciating emotion in her essence, leave. 
     “It seems as though our men are returning!” Venus exclaimed and grinned charmingly at 
Serenity. But the princess merely nodded and she put a hand to her heart as though trying 
to soothe it and her muscles tensed as the craft finally landed. 
     The men began shouting orders over the loud grumble of the engine and when it died down 
at last, two doors slid away from each other on the side on which the princess and her guard 
stood, and through it walked a tall, dark man.        
     His appearance was grim and wounded and he descended the metal steps of the craft 
slowly, his eyes never leaving the ground. But as he approached the awaiting soldier, his 
brown eyes lifted sadly to the princess and Serenity gasped as a feeling of foreboding shot 
through her like an arrow. 
     “Prince Endymion has returned!”
     “Unload the craft and bring the wounded to the Medical Wing!”
     “Where is the prince?”
     The shouting in the background began to become nothing but an obliterated mumble in 
Serenity’s ears and her eyes remained fixed on the gap in the craft through which a man 
with silver hair and silver eyes stepped out. Minako gasped lightly and she stepped forward 
to greet him, but was stopped by his expression.
     Pain, torment, sadness, regret, intelligence, bravery and guilt were all inscribed on 
his young handsome features and his moonlight irises turned to meet the High Princess’s. As 
the seasoned soldier that he was, the General’s shoulders were pulled back in a straight 
powerful posture, giving the impression that he was not wounded. But his eyes told enough...
     Her small hand traveled upward to cover her trembling lips, and as she took small steps 
backward, Serenity shook her head in hopeless incredulity. Her hair flew about her in a 
rainfall of sunshine and moonlight and she became completely unaware of the worried glances 
from faithful soldiers, the soft quivering calls that escaped Minako’s throat and of the 
comforting warm arms of Kunzite. 
     That feeling, that terrible sensation that she had woken up with the night before, 
had been nothing else but her lover’s death.

* * * 

     The moon glistened like a bright jewel in the velvet sky and the wind slept peacefully, 
its breathing softly streaming in the darkened salty air. Heavy, dark clouds hung in the 
heavens, speaking of heavy rain to come and the ocean was calm and quiet, swallowing the 
cold rocks that lay on its shore as the tide gradually made its way in. 
     The gray stallion galloped the sand of the moonlit beach powerfully and dangerously, 
but his rider was skilled and her movements to control him were mere instinct. She let the 
wind whip the sensitive skin of her face, and the tears flew from the corners of her eyes 
abundantly as she rode on, blindly. 
     The rest of the prince’s forces from Rabson had appeared soon after the Royal craft, 
and the kingdom was filled with newly arrived food and doctors. Half a day had passed since 
she had bolted from the airfield and Serenity had not spoken to a single soul about the 
“tragedy”, as the guards called it, since then. She had snapped at her maid to leave when 
she arrived her bedchambers, and locked the large doors after her. She had not wept, but 
slept painfully instead, and when she had decided that she could bear the emptiness no 
longer, the princess had stepped out into the night air and headed for the stables. The 
stable boy was young and shy and had said nothing, but bowed respectfully and even though 
he was tempted to, he did not question Her Highness’s request for the stallion to be 
saddled. 
     Serenity felt ill. A craving, a longing, a desire, clawed at her heart unmercifully 
and for the first time since she had seen Kunzite’s unmistakable expression, she wondered: 
how? 
     *How* did Endymion die? 
     Without doubt, Kunzite knew. And with a sour smile, Serenity realized that, with the 
troops returned, the whole kingdom probably knew by now.
     They galloped on. Her horse was not tired, for he was of the finest breed, but she 
felt utterly exhausted. She tugged the reins expertly and the stallion came to a sudden 
halt, screaming delightfully at the speed that he had flown with moments before, and his 
great, glossy body trembled in excitement to dash again.
     “Calm down, my sweet.” Serenity whispered in his ear. “We shall ride back in a few 
moments.” The horse nickered and she dismounted him easily, her skirts flying about her 
as she did so. 
     The first drops of rain began to fall, but Serenity didn’t mind. She relished their 
freshness and stretched like a cat after a long, warm nap. She looked about her and 
immediately, tears began to pool into her sapphire eyes. She looked at the spot in the 
soft sand and fell to her knees. She and Endymion had lain together there the night before 
his dreadful parting and now...
     Oh, how malicious life could be! 
     She sniffled as her right hand touched her still-flat belly and a new wave of tears 
overtook her shaking body. She had hoped with every fiber of her body and every inch of 
her dear soul that her baby would have a father who would be there for him and love and 
cherish him.
     And Endymion would have been perfect.
     He would have been the father Hastol had never been, and he would have taught their 
child how to love, how to laugh, how to ride horses, how to hunt, how to fight...
     But the child would now be a bastard.
     “A bastard indeed, Serenity.” 
     The voice was that of a snake’s and the princess’s eyes struggled to grasp the focus 
that they had lost. Her stallion screamed suddenly, but he did not flee, for he had been 
used in battle by none other than Endymion himself, and he was trained to stay in his spot 
even if the world was burning.
     Through the now pouring rain, Serenity looked up and froze. She had known to whom the 
voice belonged even before she saw Beryl, but she could not keep the fury that was inside 
her at bay forever, and rage together with hatred rushed through her soul like a waterfall. 
She kept still, however. If need be, she would try and fight this time, for it was Beryl’s 
fault.
     The evil queen was dressed in black and her wicked features expressed nothing but 
malice and...grief?
     “I shall kill you.” The princess spat, her eyes aglow and her sodden chest heaving. 
The queen smirked as she stood before the kneeling princess. 
     “You are naught but a lovesick whore, Princess.” 
     “And you nothing but a pitiable bitch, I assure you.”
     “Very pretty talk, to come from the lips of a lady such as you.” The queen ragged. 
     “Spare me, Beryl. And tell me, how did he die?” 
     Serenity trembled, not because of the water that soaked her body, but because of the 
feeling that haunted her soul, and she stood. The queen’s feet were on the ground and she 
stood six feet tall, and thus Serenity’s head barely reached her bare shoulders. 
     “He was slain by Jorak Samson.”
     It was a slap. And things were already beginning to fall apart inside Serenity.
     “You know, whatever are you going to tell the High Court of the babe you carry? 
Surely, they will not fancy that you are merely gaining weight because of food. Tsk, tsk, 
tsk, such an *honor* you bring them Serenity.” Beryl gasped then, in mockery, and cackled. 
But her features grew darker (if that was even possible) and she lowered her face to 
Serenity’s, until the two females were nose to nose. “You are a girl. I am a woman. Yet, 
he chose *you* to bed with? I should bear his child, not you! But that fool, Samson, he 
wasn’t supposed to be alive. I sent people to destroy him when he traveled with the 
Prince, in disguise. But *you*, again! If you wouldn’t have healed him, Endymion would 
still be alive!” 
     The princess did not move, her expression was stone cold. And, suddenly, through the 
sound of the weeping rain, she heard galloping. It wasn’t her stallion, but at least a 
dozen of them, approaching very quickly. Her heart leaped as she saw a slight arrow of 
panic dart before Beryl’s face. 
     “I shall return.” Lady Death said and disappeared in midair.
     Serenity whirled around and saw what had caused Beryl to fear and take flight. She 
gasped in surprise as three White Wolves bowed before her, the way they had done at Trascar, 
and she glanced behind the creatures to see a cluster of men approaching on racing horses, 
led by Kunzite. 
     “Princess! By God, you are drenched! Gwenfier, give Her Highness your cloak, for I have 
none. Do it now!” Having arrived, Kunzite dismounted in haste. With wide, shocked eyes, 
Serenity watched him exchange a glance with the Lead Wolf, and an understanding flowed 
between the two, a comprehension of alliance. 
     The General approached her gently, his commander’s cloak in hand, and put it over 
her trembling, slim shoulders. She tried to talk, but her throat felt sliced in millions 
of pieces and her mouth was dry. So, she simply nodded and Kunzite understood perfectly, 
for he was a stately man, and one of the best and bravest Serenity had the pleasure of ever 
knowing. She thought about that day many years after.

* * *

     They took her home. Not to her home on the Moon, of course, but to her bedchambers 
in the Terran castle. Serenity vaguely remembered Kunzite shouting orders; He sent a man 
to the King, to tell him the news, he sent another to the Medical Wing for a physician, 
and the rest escorted them back. After that, Serenity saw and heard nothing more.
     The next morning, the world began to tune in slowly and Serenity groaned slightly. 
Her head felt like a balloon and her throat felt cut in two. She sniffled, and opened her 
eyes with an effort. 
     She was in the silky bed of her chambers, as she had suspected, and the room was 
filled with pink shafts of warm sunlight. The balcony curtains had been drawn apart, and 
the view of the morning ocean was visible through the crystal clear windows. 
     She heard voices, female voices, but she dared not turn her head, for the pain in 
her neck was unbelievable. 
     “Daslia! You do *not* give the Princess morphine for what she has! You are her nurse 
and you do not know. I am ashamed of you.” The voice was that of an angered Ami, scolding 
Serenity’s kind and stubborn nurse, Daslia. 
     “I am sorry to have disappointed you, my lady Ami, but Her Highness’s neck is in pain. 
Morphine would be appropriate.” Serenity smiled, but a bullet landed in her heart as the 
empty feeling returned, and she moaned quietly, closing her eyes and attracting the women’s 
attention. 
     “Serenity!” Mercury exclaimed. The princess’s eyelids lifted and she smiled kindly at 
her guard. Attired in her uniform, Ami looked the entire warrior that she was and her dark 
blue hair hung in eyes that were relieved, worried, and in the end, dreadfully sad. She 
paced quickly to Serenity’s side and she sat on a large chair that was positioned next to 
the four-poster bed. “You are awake! How are you feeling, Ren? Daslia, leave us.” 
     The nurse curtsied low and hastened out of the room. Serenity began to sit up, and 
Mercury protested, but she finally accomplished her goal and her eyes dropped to the hands 
that rested in her lap.
     “Oh, Ami, physically I shall improve quickly. But I feel dreadful.” Serenity whispered 
brokenly and she heard Ami’s intake of sharp breath. 
     “He was a great man,” The blue warrior stated. Her proclamation echoed in the warm 
room and Serenity felt her eyes begin to fill. 
     “Undeniably,” she agreed, nodding slowly. “Ami, send Kunzite to me. I wish to speak 
to him.” 
     “Very well,” Ami sighed and stood. Before she left however, she fed the princess 
unpleasant medicine and Serenity cursed herself for not being able to heal sickness, 
and only wounds. 
     Two minutes after Ami’s exit, Kunzite arrived. He treaded surely and quickly, and 
he was by Serenity’s bed in moments. Daslia had returned, for it was not proper for a man 
and woman of Serenity’s age to be alone, and she sat in the corner of the large bedchamber, 
her eyes nailed to the floor. 
     “You look well!” Kunzite exclaimed, a small, sad smile touching his lips. 
     “Oh, Kunzite, how I wish I felt the same.” 
     The General sighed heavily and assembled himself on the chair in which Ami had sat
 minutes before. 
     “Beryl came to me,” Serenity whispered and Kunzite’s silver eyes shot up like an arrow. 
He was tense at once and strove to remain calm for Serenity’s sake. “She...she told me Jorak 
Samson was the one who took Endymion’s life. Tell me, is it true?” she trembled, but her tone 
was composed, to her great surprise, and she lifted blue and immeasurably sad eyes to 
Kunzite’s gray ones.
     “It is,” he replied quietly. “He is not a Terran soldier, but a henchman of Beryl’s, 
who has been spying...somehow.” 
     A wrench of guilt and ache overtook her senses, and Serenity felt her tears soon begin 
to mark her cheeks.
     “Oh, Kunzite!” she cried brokenly. “Then I am held responsible for his death. 
Notwithstanding the feeling of foreboding, I healed Samson when we were in Trascar! It was 
right before we came to you in the Medical Wing. If it weren’t for me, Endymion would still 
be alive. Oh, how I wish, dear Kunzite, that I never would have stepped into his life.” 
     Kunzite said nothing for several awful moments and his eyes glanced away from hers. She 
felt her heart drop and accusation fell on her like the heavy rain of the day before and she 
felt as though she could die of guilt and loneliness. But the noble General turned to her and 
he took her hands between his. 
     “Serenity, I cannot believe my ears! You were a light for him, and he loved you dearly. 
Before,” He swallowed. “Before he died...he told me to apologize on his behalf...that he did 
not keep his promise. Oh, Serenity, how he did not wish to let go! Your kindness is not a 
curse. Don’t censure yourself for this, for he died a soldier’s death. You did not kill him.” 
His voice was resolute, but a longing flowed through the atmosphere and Serenity tried to 
smile. 
     “I am the one who failed. I was supposed to protect him.” Kunzite said softly, his voice 
dripping with remorse and his silver eyes reflecting respect and culpability. 
     Serenity jumped up from her bed immediately, ignoring the pain that shot through her 
body, and she threw her delicate arms around the High General, embracing him lovingly.
     “I-It was not your fault,” she whispered softly as she sat back down on the yielding bed. 
“He respected you. Oh, Kunzite, how I wish that my...my baby would have had a father.” She 
sighed shakily. “But tell me, tell me the events of yesterday.” 
     The man almost winced at the mention of the day of before and he inhaled deeply.
     “After we disembarked, I sent a page to tell the King of our influx. He arrived swiftly, 
furious all over and he—“
     “Furious?” Serenity interrupted, frowning. Kunzite nodded bitterly. 
     “There is no heir to the Throne, Princess.” 
     “Safiru is only one year younger than Endymion. Surely, he will take the throne.”
     Kunzite shook his head, his expression reflecting disgust.
     “Yes, I know. But he is a coward, Ren. His father knows that as well.”
     Serenity looked at him carefully and nodded. She did not know Endymion’s brother well; 
she had only spoken to him once. But to think that the throne being in danger of having no 
ruler after the King died, was the only reason why Hastol regretted Endymion’s death, angered 
her to her very last nerve and she bit her tongue to keep it in control. 
     “Endymion led us to the victory of the battle, but I am sure I do not need to inform you 
that we did not celebrate. Your friends,” Kunzite paused slightly as he caught Serenity’s 
look of surprise. “The White Wolves, they arrived shortly after,” Here he swallowed again. 
“After we discovered Endymion and they demanded a meeting with you.” 
     To Kunzite’s astonishment, Serenity nodded and she told him to send Anjuli in 
immediately. 
     “You are still ill, Serenity. It would not please your mother, or your court for that 
matter, if I sent an animal in here.” Kunzite objected frowning, but Serenity waved him off 
quickly.
     “I will be fine. I am quick to heal. Now send her in, I believe I know what her request 
is.” 
     Kunzite bowed and left the room at once. Serenity swiftly wiped the tears that had been 
flowing, off her cheeks and she sat straighter in her bed, waiting for the creature to arrive. 
     Anjuli padded in moments later and the princess heard Daslia mutter a quiet prayer to 
Selene. Serenity smiled kindly at the wolf as she approached the princess’s bed and hopped 
skillfully onto the chair to sit at eyelevel. The creature bowed respectfully.
     “Our condolences to you, my lady Serenity.” 
     The princess nodded sadly, her heart slowly spreading itself thin in her chest as the 
grief melted it. But she turned her full attention to the beautiful snow creature that sat 
before her, whose cold gray eyes reflected wisdom and respect.
     “I know that I have not come during the most excellent of times, my lady, but I must 
state my request, for my clan is suffering.” The wolf began somberly. Serenity smiled softly.
     “You may return to the Moon, Anjuli. The reason why your kind was banished from the 
Kingdom’s grounds, I know not, but I give you my consent to make the Moon your home afresh. 
My mother, Queen Selenity, will not object, I am sure of it.” Serenity had steadied her 
voice before she spoke, for she knew that it would have trembled tremendously.
     As she heard Anjuli’s yelp of surprise, Serenity’s bruised heart warmed and she smiled 
as best she could. 
     “May Selene bless you, Princess Serenity! Your kindness is famous throughout the worlds, 
but now I see with my own two eyes why they call you an Angel and the daughter of Selene 
herself! Bless you, bless you! If there is anything in my power, Your Highness, that I could 
repay you with, I shall grant you with it at once!” Anjuli was clearly overjoyed and Serenity 
listened to her blessings quietly, her soul aching continuously. 
     A lightning of an initiative struck her mind suddenly, and Serenity gasped audibly, her 
fingers trembling and her mind and heart working furiously. Warning bells began to ring in 
her head immediately, but she stubbornly decided to ignore them, and turned eager, pain 
filled eyes to Anjuli. 
     “Although you have more than earned your return to the Moon Anjuli, I pray, do grant 
me one wish. I shall give you anything you wish for, my good companion, if you could grant 
me this one wish!” Her voice was trembling with fear and excitement and tears began to cloud 
her sight as she begged the creature earnestly. The wolf watched her gently.
     “If it is in my power, my lady, I shall grant it.” Anjuli replied carefully, and 
quietly. Serenity nodded, despite the sharp pain in her slender neck.
     “I refuse to raise a bastard child, Anjuli. I know it is in your ability, so please, 
turn back time to two days past.”


End Part Nine
End Love and Desperation I.

February 2002. 

Disclaimer: Sailor Moon and all its characters are copyright Naoko Takeuchi/Kodansha 
Ltd./Toei Animation, Co., Ltd. Love and Desperation copyright Sparkle/ILGB.