Voices in the Dark

by Isa Akane B.
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He was alone in his room but Kain could feel another presence. Maybe it was because he had just waken from a strange dream. If it had been a dream. He knew he had been asleep, but the voice had been so clear, had seemed so real. He had lost him only a few days ago but he was already missing him so much.

Raziel. Raziel had been in his dream, talking to him. Actually he couldn't see him. He couldn't see anything. He couldn't even move or talk, himself. All he could perceive was the sound of Raziel's voice. That voice he would never hear again. It had been friendly, like it was before, a long time ago. So much time had passed since that moment when he had to give that dreadful order... Raziel had hated him after that. How legitimate. Yet he had understood, even though it had taken a lot of time. Raziel's words before being swallowed by the blade had warmed the heart he didn't have anymore: "I'm not your enemy". At last, he had understood. And the voice in his dream followed that idea.

"I know you're sad. Don't be. I told you, I'll be your right hand, as I have always been. I'll always be by your side, we won't be separated anymore. I've chosen my fate, I used my free will to decide to merge with that sword. You don't have to feel guilty. I'm the one who should feel like that. After all, I stole your heart... And I disobeyed you once more... I just couldn't let Janos like that, and he had the answers to my questions. At least, I thought he had. And it felt like I had to do it. Maybe someone was manipulating me again, but this time it wasn't you. When I think that you were the one who had them and I simply didn't want to trust you anymore...

The funny thing in all this was Moebius' face when he finally saw what he had been worshipping. You should have seen that! And how pleasurable it has been to finally swallow his soul... Too bad the fun had been spoilt by that sad and terrified look on your face when you've seen me on your sword instead of that bastard's body. It hurt me to see you like that, you who had always been so tough, feeling so sad and sorry for what you'd just done. In that instant you were the child calling time out and I was the adult knowing what had to be done. So unlike us.

I must admit it has been difficult, somehow, to take that decision. I realized how I would miss you, how I didn't want to leave you. But I won't leave you, unless you lose the Reaver, which I doubt. I'll stay by your side, as long as you want me to. As long as you need my help, at least. I love you, Kain. I've always loved you, even while I was hating you so much."

He sat on his bed and watched to his right. The Soul Reaver was ceremoniously resting on a gold and crimson velvet cushion, faintly glowing in the dark. Raziel. The sword hadn't been glowing when he had put it there a few hours before. Could it mean...?

He got up and reached for it, lightly caressing it with a claw. The sword was glowing, just as it did when he had used it to fight the Elder god. Raziel's soul was awake. He grabbed the Reaver and placed it carefully on his bed, picturing himself doing the same with Raziel's body. He lied on the bed again and went on caressing the glowing blade. Did it mean Raziel liked it? Kain smiled at the thought. A sad smile.

"It shouldn't have ended like this. I told you this couldn't be the way, there should be another one. But once again, you didn't listen to me."

The sword hummed softly. Kain started. Could it be true, then? Had he been right? That hasn't been a dream, Raziel's voice had been real, the things it had said couldn't come from a real dream. But the voice had only been able to reach his mind in his sleep. And now Kain could swear he had just heard a very faint voice in his head, only two words: "free will".

"Free will? I should never have told that to you! You're just a child..."

He sighed and shook his head.

"And now I talk to a sword... Can you only hear me? This is madness! How could a sword hear anything?"

He waited for an answer but the sword remained silent. Maybe he was just getting mad. He had once heard that people who had recently lost a loved one sometimes kept hearing the dead one's voice. Technically, he had lost a loved one too. But had Raziel ever been dead? Was he now?

"I miss you, Raziel. Even if you've been acting like a brat, never listening to my advises. How could you follow everything Moebius was telling you? How could you turn your back on me when evidences were brought before you that I was right? I've been right all the time, telling you the truth, warning you against things you couldn't fathom. And yet you doubted. Just like a child, trusting strangers, just to show your rebellion against your father. Don't you think you're a bit old for that kind of teenager's behavior? Ah, but of course I told you you were the only one with free will, here. That didn't mean you could do whatever you wanted!"

The blade grew brighter and an image popped into Kain's mind: Raziel held by his brothers above the Abyss. Kain shook his head.

"Of course, you couldn't understand at this time. You had done nothing wrong and you were punished. I couldn't explain what I knew. Besides I didn't know everything yet. And I just couldn't take you apart and tell you what you were destined to. Do you really think you would have cooperated? Do you think you would have willingly jumped into that damn lake just because I was asking you to?"

A faint "yes" in his head made Kain jump. He held a hand that he wanted comforting on the Reaver.

"You would? Raziel... You would have followed me blindly then, and after you thought I betrayed you you were blindly opposing me. Couldn't you just use that damn free will of yours and think for yourself?

I'm sorry, I never wanted to betray you. I've never been your enemy. Do you think it was easy? When I ripped your wings off, you thought I was enraged. I was, it's true, but not with jealousy as you certainly thought then. I knew these wings meant the time had come to be separated from you. How I hated them, then! And I didn't cast you into the Abyss myself, that's true. Did you think it was cowardice? Or maybe that I didn't want to have your blood on my hands? I just couldn't do it because... it was you. I've been to the edge of that platform, I've watched the Lake below, and I've hesitated. I knew what had to be done, but... Thinking about what would happen to you was painful. More than you can imagine. Why do you think I stayed away and turned my back when I ordered them to cast you in there? It wasn't contempt. I just couldn't watch. Besides I needed you to have a good reason for hating and killing your brothers when you'd come back. This had to be done, too.

You know, now that the blade has been purified and that you're one with it, you should have been cleansed, too. We'll fight together, Raziel. We'll win, and when everything is over, I'll find a way to break the Reaver and get you out of it. Pure. Alive. As you were before I threw you into all this. You've suffered too long by my fault. I owe you this. I promise you, Raziel. I'll bring you back. And together we'll reign. With rightness and loyalty."

The Reaver glowed brighter, humming again, and Kain could hear the familiar voice in his head again, telling a single word: "hope".

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