Fallen angels - Chapter 10: Broken child.
By Isa Akane B.
Jon was trying to prevent Zenki's paw to end on his camera while taking picture of the cat when Palma's head appeared timidly in his door.
"Hi, Jon. Do you want me to hold him?"
"That would make nice pictures."
Jon smiled at him and Palma felt good at the sight. So little people were smiling at him with real care and not interest. He sat on Jon's bed with the cat cuddling and purring in his arms. Jon took a few pictures and stopped as the younger boy was getting a sad look on his face.
"What's the matter?"
"You don't look at me like the others. You seem to like me."
"Of course I like you! You're my friend."
"Did you think about what I asked you?"
"You still want me to be your brother..."
"Please..."
"I've been thinking about it, yes. And it seems I have the reactions someone would have for his little brother when it comes to you. I like you, I like to see you happy instead of looking so sad and vulnerable. I feel the need to protect you, especially from these guys who're buying you. But still... I don't know much about you. And for this, you're still a stranger sometimes."
"I don't like to talk about my past. There's nothing interesting in it, anyway."
"Why? What did you do that you want to hide?"
Palma suddenly looked like a trapped animal. Jon sat by his side and put a comforting arm around his shoulders.
"Whatever you did or whatever happened to you, you can't keep it to yourself if it makes you feel that bad. If you really want me to act like a brother to you, why don't you act like a little brother? Tell me what's wrong. And if some bad guys bother you, I'll show them they can't mess with my family."
Palma smiled and leaned closer to the other boy.
"Alright, but you can't do anything about what happened. It's too late, now. It was some years ago. A man... found me in the street. I was hungry and he said he would give me something to eat. I was starving, you know. It wasn't my fault!"
"I didn't think you did something wrong."
"I followed him and... well, he raped me. And he didn't even give me anything to eat. I felt bad, it was worse than ever. I was hurting, I felt stupid, and I was still hungry. I saw him again a week or so later. He was driving in a street not far from where I first saw him. I got mad and I did the first thing that crossed my mind. I grabbed an empty can from the ground and threw it against his windscreen and... he lost control of his car and hit a wall. I ran away to hide, I was sure someone could have seen me but nobody came to look for me. Two days later I heard people talking about it. The guy had died. I was happy, relieved, but I couldn't help feeling guilty."
"He deserved it! What a monster! How could he do something like this to a child? How old were you, by the way?"
"I was twelve."
"But why didn't you tell it to someone? I mean, what he did to you?"
"What for? Nobody cares for a street kid. Only vampires."
"How did you end up with them?"
"I had to survive, you see, and I discovered that I could use my body to get food. It was disgusting, but that's the only thing I could do. Sometimes I found rather nice men. They offered me food, talked a bit about silly things, then took me to a room. But most of them were rather brutal, especially the younger ones.
"And last year I met a man who seemed to be nice. It was in the end of January, and it was really cold. I was sitting on the sidewalk and I was wondering if I would survive that night when a man stopped in front of me and asked me if I wanted some help. I tried to smile and look attractive but I knew I looked like shit. He offered me his hand and I got to my feet. He said I needed a bath and some food and offered me to go with him. He was different from the others who had looked nice before. When we arrived at his home he showed me the bathroom and said he would prepare me something to eat when I'll get out. I had never taken a real bath in my life, something with hot scented water. Simply that bath made me feel better. I felt clean for the first time in years, both outside and inside.
"When I got out of the bathroom, the man was waiting for me, still smiling. We ate and talked a bit. He wanted to know how I ended up in the streets and I managed to avoid talking about the other man's death. He said it was a shame people could treat a child like this, but I told him I only had this way to survive. He said I could sleep there that night and more longer if I wanted. I wasn't sure what to answer but I just couldn't go back to the street that night so I staid. He showed me a room and told me he wouldn't be far. But I didn't want to sleep alone and I asked him if I could sleep with him. This was really weird. Usually people were asking to have me in their beds, and then I wanted to be allowed in this man's room. He said he would be happy to have some company.
"He didn't touch me. Not that night. We just slept together, sharing some warmth. It was something totally new and I thought then that I could spend the rest of my life like this. Don't think I fell in love with him, I just liked him, that's all. I didn't go out the next day because it had snowed during the night and he didn't let me out. He said I could help him clean his apartment. It was just an excuse, there wasn't much to do. Everything was over in the afternoon. We sat and drank hot chocolate on the sofa and I don't know why but I kissed him. Something... clean, just to thank him for what he was doing for me. I think he cared for me, and I've never thought this about any of the men I went with.
"That night we slept together again but he refused to take me. He told me he wanted me to start a new life somewhere else, first. He would take me to another city a few days later and introduce me to some friends who would show me that my... job could be something else than unpleasant. And a three days later, then, I was moving with him to another apartment. This one was bigger and he explained me it was the place where he lived most of the time, so if I needed somewhere to live I could always come back there. He gave me a room but that night again I wanted to stay with him. It had become a bad habit, I think. Or maybe a good one. This time he agreed to take me. It was different from anything I'd known. He felt so much human, unlike the other ones. He didn't try to hurt me, he tried not to hurt me. He was very strong and I wasn't yet as you see me now. I was skinny, then, and still weak.
"He woke me in the middle of the night to tell me he had been thinking of something strange he had felt and that I needed to see one of his friends in the morning. So he took me to that friend and I thought it was to give him a good time, but the friend turned out to be a doctor and he just took a sample of my blood. He called in the afternoon and we went back to see him. And that's when I learnt these men were vampires and I couldn't be affected by their bite. It was giving me great opportunities: letting them fuck me made me earn money, but letting them bite me too let me ask them for a much higher price. I could eat as much as I wanted. I could give something to pay for my room (I wanted it like this, he never asked me). I could buy some clothes.
"And then I met the most beautiful being I ever saw. I was to spend the evening with someone at his place. When I arrived, I knocked and heard someone laughing then the door opened and Adonis looked at me and turned to talk to someone inside, telling him his date had arrived. Then he turned back to me and told me he would be happy to pick me up when his friend would have finished. I must say I was distracted the rest of the evening as I could only think of that blue eyed stranger and I couldn't wait to see him again.
"Adonis and I have been seeing each other a few times after this, but he was living in a grand hotel and we were beginning to attract the clients' attention, so he started looking for another place to live where he could have me around more easily. And... you know the rest of the story."
Jon was looking at Palma in silence. He had never heard him talk so much and he was surprised that he could tell all that with only his usual slight sadness in his voice. He held the younger boy a bit closer in his arms and was rewarded by a desperate hug. So he didn't show it in his voice but the boy was really feeling bad, then.
"This is... this is awful. I still think Adonis is treating you bad, but I'm glad you found him. And that other vampire, first. You don't have a family? A real one, I mean."
"I don't think so. I don't remember any."
"I understand why you want me as a brother. I'll take care of you, you have my word. I'll be that brother you need. And don't hesitate to tell me when Adonis is mean, I'll kick his ass."
"It's not exactly what he'd like you to do to his ass, you know."
"I don't want to know. But there's something I'd like to know. Are you still selling your body to other vampires?"
"I need the money."
"You can't still do that! I don't want you to do that again."
"But..."
"No. Promise me you won't do that again."
"But, Jon... I can't promise you that."
"If you need money and you don't want to ask Adonis then I'll ask Gael for you."
"No, you don't understand. I can't owe everybody something."
"What are you talking about?"
"I need to go shopping then I'll go home. Do you want to come with me?"
Jon sighed resignedly. He won't get any more answer from the boy. He dressed and went looking for Gael then followed the boy outside. One hour later they were filling the fridge and Palma took out a book and started browsing.
"You're cooking?"
"Yes, I love it. And Adonis says I'm good at it."
"What else do you do in the house?"
"I help him clean up, but we share the task. He says I'm not his slave. You see? He's not as bad as you think."
Jon sat at the kitchen table, watching the other boy prepare dishes. He had given up trying to help him after being sent back to his chair four times and just looked as the boy skillfully chopped vegetables. Palma finally wiped his hands and turned to Jon.
"Kiss me."
"What?!"
Jon was glad he was already sitting because he was sure he would have been sitting on the floor otherwise.
"I just wanted you to kiss me, that's all."
"I... I'm sorry, I don't like guys. Other than Gael, I mean."
"You find me disgusting?"
"Palma, you won't make me change my mind like this, you know."
The younger boy shrugged and dragged a chair against Jon's. He sat and rested his head against the other boy's shoulder. He knew that Jon wouldn't push him away, he had found out this was the kind of contact the older boy was tolerating from him. It wasn't much but it was enough to make him feel better. He had a family, now.
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Go to chapter 11 (soon!)
© Isa Akane B. , 2002 - 2004