by Akane

Adonis was sitting in his room, next to the window. He was alone in the house. Everything was quiet inside. So quiet, so empty. Looking outside through the rain he felt this emptiness reaching his heart. That dream, again. That nightmare was still hurting after all those years. Three centuries. And the dream was always so real, so palpable. Why did he have to relive that scene? Maybe he was still blaming himself. He has always thought he was bringing bad luck to the ones he valued.

He was born in the middle of the 16th century, only son in a relatively wealthy family. His childhood has been filled with peace and happiness, his only worry being the choice of his games for the day. Concerned about his education, his mother hired the best teachers to teach him sciences, Latin and arts. But what he loved the most was playing in the vast gardens of their property with his three cousins. The twin girls were two years older but their brother was a few months younger than him. As they grew old, the two boys were spending more and more time together.

Adonis was 13 when his mother found out. The afternoon was quiet on that hot summer day, oppressive. The twin sisters were having a drink in the shade with their mother and their aunt, but the boys were nowhere in sight. Actually nobody saw them since lunchtime. Wondering what new game they had found out, Adonis's mother decided to go and find the boys to suggest them to join the girls. Calling them in the garden she obtained no answer. Finally she went into the house and opened the door of her son's room... to find him in his cousin's arms, kissing him passionately. They stopped and looked at her interrogatively when they heard her weak cry.

"Heavens! What are you doing? Adonis, are you insane?"

"Why, mother?"

"You can't act that way with your cousin!"

"But I love him. Lovers are supposed to kiss."

"He's a boy. You can't be in love with a boy."

"Why?"

She stared at their questioning look. Obviously they didn't understand what was supposed to be wrong in their relationship. Their feelings were pure but improper. She couldn't allow her dear son to follow a way that could bring shame on the family. Patiently, she explained them what was allowed and what was forbidden. The boys listened to her closely, nodding obediently. But Adonis knew well what was in his heart. He knew that there was no difference in his mind and heart between boys and girls.

Life went on after that incident. But Adonis's cousins went away for a whole year. That's how he discovered a new feeling: sadness overwhelmed him when his beloved kissed him good-bye. His heart was hurting. He didn't know what loneliness was. But he was very young and could quickly forget. A few weeks later he discovered that kissing a girl was pleasant too. His mother felt relief seeing his son surrounded by girls. One year passed but his cousin never went to see him. Each time he knew his uncle was coming visiting them he prayed but the boy didn't appear. Another year passed. Adonis was nearly 16 when they met again.

His cousin had arrived very early in the morning. He opened the door of the bedroom silently, determined to startle Adonis. He came up to the bed and pulled the blanket and sheets away to reveal an astonished and half sleeping beauty. The intruder was staring at him agape. Adonis didn't look like a boy anymore, though something in his face was still childish. His raven black hair was loose and spread, contrasting with the white pillow. His open shirt let see his pale velvety skin, looking like an invitation to a caressing hand. And his blue eyes were innocent sapphires lighting his slightly feminine face. The boys stood motionless for a while, looking at each other. Finally Adonis grabbed his cousin, drawing him in his bed, holding him in his arms. Close to him, at last. They lips met, renewing their passion in an endless kiss. Adonis felt he was alive again.

Both were burning with desire, but they were aware of the danger of being thrown away from their home, and they felt too young to live on their own. So their relation remained pure but when Adonis's father found his dear son and his nephew kissing so ardently in the wood, his heart missed a beat. The boys were terrified. The punishment was a new separation. A permanent one. Adonis was sent in a monastery for one year for studying. His cousin went back to his family, but Adonis never saw him again. Monastery and prison meant the same to him: he was leaving for a hostile world of loneliness, silence and discipline, where love was forbidden.

Discipline was strict. But he was there for studying and wasn't bounded by the rules of the novices. He had time to spend on his own and he used it to explore the woods around. He was solitary, as always, and he was the subject of gossiping from the other boys. He didn't care about it. Somehow he found it funny. A few days after he arrived he had found a quiet place on top of a little hill for a new pastime: staring at the sunset. It was his only source of happiness and he kept it secret. Everyday he went there, cursing the rain when the clouds obstructed the view.

Two months have passed and the evening escapade had become a ritual. He had arrived earlier that day and was sitting on the hill, watching the valley below. Everything was silent except the singing of the birds. Suddenly he heard a soft noise behind him. He turned to face the invader: a young novice was staring at him. The boy was about his age, a little older maybe. His brown locks surrounded a beautiful and slightly sad face. His emerald eyes were locked on Adonis. Shyly he moved forward.

"The view is beautiful, here."

Adonis wondered if the boy was talking about the valley or about him.

"Can I seat?"

The boys were staring at each other. After a few seconds Adonis seemed to wake.

"Of course!"

"You're waiting for the sunset, aren't you?"

"Yes. I use to come here everyday."

"I know."

Adonis looked at him surprised.

"My name is Adonis."

"I know."

Adonis was amazed.

"You know that I come here, you know why, you know my name. What else do you know about me?"

"Everything I could have learned."

He leaned forward and kissed Adonis slightly on the lips.

"My name is Grégoire."

"I know."

This time it was the other boy's turn to be surprised. Adonis had noticed him three weeks ago and had managed to gather information about him. He intended to be a priest and was about to take his vows. Adonis thought it was a mess. Such a cute boy condemned to this sordid life of abnegation. And that beauty had just kissed him... They remained silent, sitting side by side, staring at the sun going down, waiting till the blazing sun turned to dark. Then the novice had to go for his duty and the poor Adonis was alone once again. That night he went to bed with his heart full of hope and tenderness for this new friend. Next day they met again, then another day. Two weeks later they were ignoring the sun, lost in their passionate kisses.

"We must meet somewhere else, Adonis. It's too dangerous here. Someone could come here and find us. I know a place."

Adonis was sitting on the wooden floor up an old barn, waiting for his friend. He was right, this place was calm, nobody would disturb them. The barn hadn't been used for a long time. He heard the door creak and someone climbing the ladder. He stood up to welcome the boy, clasping him in his arms. They stood there in the quiet hot afternoon, talking, kissing, enjoying being just with each other. They were now spending all their free time in the barn. Adonis had found love again. This time it was a feeling stronger than what he had felt for his cousin. His mind was filled at night with memories of all the time they have been together laying in the hay in the old barn.

They have been coming here every day for two weeks when Grégoire asked a strange question.

"Have you ever made love with a boy, darling?"

Adonis thought of the things he made with his cousin: all they did was kissing and caressing, nothing more. Making love with him would have been a mistake. Looking at his lover he shook his head to the negative, blushing. The only experience he had was with girls.

"Want to try?"

His heart was beating too fast: he was panicking, wondering if it was a good idea. Without waiting for an answer Grégoire started to undress him, taking off his shirt, stroking his pale soft skin, kissing this offered body. Adonis was shivering under those hungry lips. His pants were off, now, his whole body exposed to pleasing caresses. The older boy was expertly teasing him. Soon Adonis's worries were off. He tried to return the caresses he was receiving but Grégoire's frock was in the way.

"Don't move, Adonis. Let me take care of you. This is the first stage of your apprenticeship, sweet love."

Adonis decided to let him do whatever he wanted. He felt so good with him. His only friend, the only one sharing his laughter and tears. He felt better than when he was with his cousin. He was really in love, there was no doubt in his soul. For the first time he was thankful to his father for having sent him there.

Grégoire was kissing him methodically, following every curve of his body, from his neck to his belly. Adonis was shivering. His body was responding to the stimulation of those hot kisses. He felt he was getting really hard. Burying his fingers in his lover's hair he tried to guide him further, but Grégoire resisted.

"Don't be in such a hurry. Everything can be better slowly. Besides we have the whole afternoon just for us."

Adonis decided to surrender, only petting his lover's hair. Grégoire was now stroking the boy's left hip, his other hand playing with Adonis's right nipple. The boy was moaning softly. The hand slid from his hip to his thigh, stroking the soft skin inside. Grégoire was obviously avoiding Adonis's center of interest. His hand was replaced by his lips then his tongue. Eventually he ended the boy's suffering, caressing his shaft and balls with feather-like fingers. He went on like this for a while then took the hard length in his fist, stroking his thumb on the head, and started to jack him off. Adonis was amazed. The feeling was wonderful. No girl ever did that to him, and it was better than doing it himself. His breathing was going faster, suddenly broken by a loud sigh when he felt the tip of a wet tongue on his aroused flesh. He couldn't believe it. Soon Grégoire was taking him in his mouth, slowly licking and sucking on him. Adonis was moaning, his hips rising, trying to get deeper in this hot and wet nest. Grégoire sped up, taking him deep in his throat. This was too much for Adonis. With a cry he came in this welcoming mouth. Grégoire almost choked, swallowing everything he could.

The novice laid down next to his lover, listening to his quick breathing. He smiled to this innocent face. Gently caressing Adonis's cheek he whispered in his ear.

"End of lesson 1, sweet heart. Maybe you'll want to learn more, soon."

Adonis nodded with a smile. Grégoire nestled against the naked body, his arm across the pale chest.

Lesson 2 came some days later, when Grégoire thought Adonis was ready for the next step. They were in their favorite place, busy with their usual caresses, when Grégoire suggested that Adonis should prove him he had learned everything he had been taught last days. The younger boy stared at him questioning.

"You want me to do you... that?"

"Yes. Why not?"

Adonis felt the blood rushing to his cheeks. He sure had enjoyed everything, but doing so to another guy... He wanted to share everything with him, but he wasn't certain he would do it the proper way. Besides he felt it was a little sacrilegious. Getting rid of his anguish he slid his hesitant hand under Grégoire's frock, running his fingers along his calf, up to his knee. He stopped then went on to the soft thigh, stroking the inner side. The novice moaned softly. Getting rid of his clothes, he surrendered to his friend's hungry hands and mouth.

Unlike what he feared, Adonis proved he had been a good pupil. As the days passed the two boys were spending their free time mutually pleasuring themselves. Soon Grégoire knew it was time for lesson 3. They were laying on the floor, facing each other. Adonis was burying his face in his lover's chest, enjoying the soft hand caressing his back. Then the hand slipped down to his ass, massaging his cheeks, first, then sliding between them. Adonis shivered.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm sure you know exactly what I'm doing..."

Of course he knew. He had dreamed of doing it with his cousin so many times before. And of doing it with Grégoire, lately. But something frightened him. He couldn't tell if it was the fear of pain or a reminiscence of his straight education telling him this was a deadly sin. His love and his wild temper took over his fear. Moaning he wrapped his legs around his lover's waist, offering him better access. The caressing hand was removed a few seconds, in order to let Adonis moisten Grégoire's fingers in acceptance of what's coming next. The hand was on his tender flesh again, more insistent this time. He felt a wet finger on his hole, trying to invade him.

"Relax, darling. Or is it really too early for you?"

"No. Please, go on. It's just... so new."

Adonis made an effort to relax but hissed and contracted again when he felt the wet finger entering his hole. Stopping his motion Grégoire kissed him gently, trying to get his confidence. Adonis relaxed once again. This time the invader went further until it was entirely buried inside him. Grégoire started to move his finger, accommodating the boy to the feeling. The moaning that replied proved that he was enjoying it. Another finger followed, moving as gently and as far as it could. Adonis was rubbing his body against his lover's following the rhythm of the fingers. The two boys were both rapidly hard. Then Adonis was ready for more. He felt empty when Grégoire removed his fingers, directing him to lay on his back.

"On my back? I thought I had to be in my hands and knees..."

"There are many other ways to do it, you know, like you must have done with girls. Stay like this, I want to see you, I want to look in your eyes."

Adonis stood still, not knowing what to do next. Grégoire smiled at his inexperience and grabbed his thighs.

"Lift your legs, darling, or I won't be able to reach you."

Adonis nodded obediently and wrapped his legs around the boy's waist. The pressure of hard flesh on his hole surprised him. He gasped when he felt it invade his body and a weak cry escaped his mouth.

"Grégoire, stop it, it hurts."

"Quiet, love. Trust me, it will quickly subside. Let me take care of you."

He paused his motion and tenderly kissed the boy's neck and face, his hands caressing his body to soothe his ache. He was determined to go slow, Adonis had to enjoy it and beg for more. Soon he felt the boy relaxing and starting to move his hips.

"No, darling, let me do it. Don't go too fast."

He thrust slightly forward, burying himself slowly in this warm nest. Soon he couldn't go further. He waited to let Adonis accommodate to his invading presence, all the while kissing and stroking him. When he felt his body starting to move under his own and heard the boy moaning he knew that Adonis was ready for him. He slowly withdrew then was in again. His rocking motion quickened progressively, Adonis's body following the rhythm. He was moaning louder and louder, his hands grasping firmly Grégoire's back and butt, trying to draw him closer, their bodies slipping against each other with their sweat. Adonis felt the pleasure growing in his body, rushing to his groin. Suddenly he yelped and arched his body as he came. Then he heard a loud groan coming from Grégoire's throat and felt his hot seed filling his guts. The two boys were breathing heavily, Adonis looking in his lover's eyes with amazement. They kissed again and he felt sleepy. He surrendered to his weariness in the safety of Grégoire's arms. When he woke he was still firmly held by Grégoire who was lovingly smiling at him.

"That was the best thing you taught me..."

"Really? So we'll have to try it again."

They never knew who betrayed them. The priests barged in the barn one afternoon while the naked lovers where tenderly embraced. They only let them time to dress and dragged them out like criminals. Before they could realize what was happening Adonis was sent back to his parents. It only took one day to judge them guilty for this indecent sin, proclaim him undesirable here, pack his belongings and throw him away. Their separation had been harrowing, Adonis desperately grabbing his beloved who was trying to escape the grip of his superiors. They managed to kiss one last time, before the priests took them definitely apart.

Adonis arrived home broken. His father was mad at him, but he didn't even notice. He had lost everything. The only thing that left from Grégoire was his cross he had exchanged with his own. And all the love he had given him so far. Never again.

He spent the next weeks locked in his room, most of the time refusing food, refusing to see his anxious mother. He had no time for that. All his thoughts were for his lost lover. One question was haunting his soul: what happened to Grégoire? Maybe he had been excommunicated, maybe they threw him away too. All this meant his life was lost like his honor. It was all his fault, he should never have let him kiss him, he should never have followed him into the barn, never have let him initiate him to pleasure. Adonis felt guilt overwhelm him. He wanted to die, he had no more reason to live now.

Someone knocked on his bedroom door. Like always since he came back, he didn't answer. A gentle female voice came from the corridor.

"Adonis, please, open the door. I'm bringing some food."

No answer.

"All right, you don't want to talk. But you'll have to listen."

Camille opened the door of her nephew's room. She was the youngest sister of Adonis's mother, a young widow who decided to live with her sister's family after her husband's death. Adonis and her were good friends. She was only 5 years older so they were more like brother and sister than nephew and aunt. But this time he didn't even turn his head to look at her when she came in. He was tired not having eaten for five days, only drinking water to stay alive. She sat on his bed and he sighed with sorrow. He heard water splashing behind him, wondering what she was doing. Then a fresh wet hand was on his face, wonderful feeling that gave him the strength to turn his head. Camille looked at him anxiously.

"What a dreadful face! You don't eat but I'm sure you don't sleep neither."

He didn't answer, his throat was painful. He looked at her with sad eyes. He had stopped crying for days, now, his eyes refusing to fill with tears again. But he was ravaged inside. His face was whiter than ever, lean, his hair tangled, his blue eyes reddened. Camille felt her heart tighten. She had always found him cute but now he looked like a ghost. She put more water on his face, trying now to clean him.

"You smell awful! And you look awful. I know what's wrong in your mind. You love him and you think you can't live without him? You're young, you'll learn to live with that... and with someone else. You need time, that's all. Let me take care of you. Will you let me?"

Adonis tried to answer yes, but his throat refused. So he shook his head sadly. Camille had always given him good advice. Actually she was the only one he trusted now so he decided to surrender to her will. He tried to sit in his bed but was too weak. He tried to cry again but was too weak for that too. Camille stood up heading to the door.

"I'll order that someone help you take a bath then I'll come back and help you eat. Then if you want to talk..."

He wanted to talk and he did. The bath felt wonderful but it didn't clean the guilt. His body felt better but his soul was still hurting. Camille helped him eat. He half smiled thinking that he was a baby again, fed by his mother. But he had no worries then. His voice came back, so they spent the whole afternoon speaking. He realized then that his aunt had never loved his husband. His death saddened her but she felt free as well. He discovered that she had secretly loved a man but knew she could never be with him. No scandal in the family. But Adonis's behavior was scandalous. And she loved it. He was what she wanted to be, he did what she wanted to do: he was free and living for love.

When he fell asleep she stood for a while next to him, studying the young shape. He was still a boy but his body was yet developing into a handsome young man. Camille moved her hand to his head, gently caressing his deep black hair. Too long, she'll ask him to cut this shorter, knowing he'll refuse certainly. Her hand slid down, her fingers stroking the smooth skin of his cheek. Her heart was beating faster. Strange. She wondered why she suddenly felt uneasy. Silently she left the room.

Adonis woke up serene next morning. First thing he wanted to do was go and find his mother and reassure her. Camille had told him her sister was restless. Then he'll find some food. He was starving. Then... he suddenly remembered a dream he had that night. Camille was in his bed, naked with him, they were kissing. It was strange. He had never seen her naked and had never tried to see her that way. He had always considered her like an older sister, and not even like an adult, although she was 21 now. His stomach tightened, his hunger vanishing. His unease left him while he spoke to his mother. She was so glad he was back and healthy.

"What are we going to do with you, child? Your father was mad when they told him what you and your... friend were doing together. I thought all you did with your cousin was young boy's experiment. It looks like you definitely love boys."

"You're wrong, mother. I only loved him. I love people who love me."

"You're old enough to understand this is not proper. You're our only son, you'll have to marry a girl sooner or later."

"That's all right, if she loves me and I love her. I don't care. Can't you understand? There's no difference between a boy's or a girl's love, for me. They're both human. Why couldn't I love a boy who feels the same for me?"

His mother stared at him for a while and sighed. She looked sorry but her eyes reflected amusement. His little boy will never change. Loving and stiff-necked. But she loved him that way, and everyone who knew him seemed to love him. She laughed wondering what kind of monster she gave birth to.

"You'd better go find your father and beg for his forgiveness. Do you realize what you've done? Did you forget what honor means for a family?"

"I'm sorry, mother. All I wanted was to be happy and made Grégoire happy. I never considered being prejudicial to our family."

He kissed her on the forehead and left. Talking to his father wasn't a joyful prospect, but he had no choice. The man wasn't bad and had always been nice with him. But he was also very strict when he had to, and this always scared him when he was a little boy, though he rarely did something wrong. But this time he was not a little boy and he had done something nearly unpardonable. Bravely, he faced the man and knelt before him.

"Please forgive me father. I never thought my acts could be injurious to you or our family."

"Unconscious child! You should always think twice before you do anything. What will I do with you, now? Keep you here, find you a wife and buy you a boy to play with?"

"It was not a game, father. I love him. And if you really want me to get married, let me find someone who loves me."

"On condition that you choose a girl..."

The man turned his back to him and walked away. Adonis smiled. His father was forgiving him, so. He had always been his little boy and it looked like he'd always be. He started when he felt a hand on his arm. Camille was standing beside him, smiling. She looked marvelous to him. Was this remains of his weird dream?

"Your father is a generous man. Sometimes I envy your mother!"

They walked in the garden speaking of Adonis's stay at the monastery. Every day they met that way in the morning, walking and talking, sometimes silently sitting in the park.

The air was cool that afternoon. Camille and Adonis were sitting on a fallen tree in the wood. They had been walking for a while and were tired by now. Camille was resting her head on Adonis's shoulder. His heart was running really fast. What he didn't know was that his aunt was feeling the same way. Both were sure they were in love with the other, now, but they never dared to talk about it. Enough scandal in the family. Camille raised her head and looked at him.

"Can I see the cross he gave you?"

"Sure."

Adonis opened his shirt and the cross appeared on his chest. Before he could take it off his neck Camille had put his fingers on the jewel, seizing the opportunity to lightly stroke the white skin. Adonis shivered. He looked into her eyes and knew he had found salvation for his bleeding soul. She didn't moved back when he kissed her. Forgetting the cross, her fingers slid on the smooth chest. Adonis had never felt such a good feeling since the monastery. He was feeling the same way with her than with Grégoire. Happy again. But this time he knew he had to be careful. If someone discovered them they would be in more trouble this time.

Adonis's mood changed from that day. He became happier every day, smiled like he used to do before, laughed, talked. His mother marveled at the change in his behavior. Her son was back. But she felt that something had changed, even though she couldn't tell what it was. Of course she never saw him slipping out of her sister's bedroom early in the morning. She never saw them kissing in the wood, the same wood where he had been found with his cousin before. They had been happy together for two years when fate turned.

They used to walk in the wide garden every afternoon, when the weather was fine. And it was, on that spring day. The air was warmed by the April sun, perfumed by the clumps of flowers. They were walking in this peaceful place when Camille fainted. Adonis managed to grab her before she could fall. Panicky he carried her in her bedroom, followed by his mother. It was the first time someone saw him there, and it had to be in these conditions. It was his turn to take care of someone. When Camille woke up he took her in his arms though his mother was still in the room. The woman looked at them puzzled. She knew they were good friends, and more than just aunt and nephew, but she never saw him acting that way with her sister. She almost fainted when she saw him kiss Camille on her neck. No, not again! Not another scandal! She decided to keep silence on what she saw. But till that day she spied on them and discovered that her fears were true. His son was in love again, a forbidden love once again.

She never said a word to her husband about it, she never needed to. He had discovered by himself what was going on. But Camille's health was soon damaging, so they let them to their love, knowing it won't last, just trying to avoid every one else noticing. Two months later Camille had to stay in bed more and more often. In July she was too weak to stay up. Adonis was sharing her room now, in order to be here if she needed anything. He was doing his best to entertain her, trying to make her feel everything would be all right. He entered her room one day with a strange smile. She looked at him puzzled.

"Your hair! What have you done to your hair?"

"You told me once that you thought I would be nice with short hair. You can compare, now. What do you prefer, short or long?"

All she could do was laugh. He had cut his hair on his left just above his ear. On the back of his head and the right side it was still long, covering his nipple when he was naked. Pretty strange at this time, but somehow it didn't really amazed Camille. She was used to his lover's strange ideas. But this time... She laughed again thinking of the face his father would do when he'd see him.

"It's very... nice, darling. But you must cut what's left, now. I think you looked better with your long hair."

"Cut it? Why? I like it that way. And I think I'll keep it that way all my life."

Fate was set against him and the ones he loved. In august Camille knew she was soon going to die. She asked him to make love to her one last time. He used to keep himself from crying when he was with her but this time he couldn't hold his tears. He knew nothing could save her, so his mother's prayers started to annoy him. He was the only one in the house who wasn't passively and sadly waiting for the inescapable. Even when he broke a cross with rage his father didn't react much, just telling him not to blaspheme.

Then she asked Adonis to come next to her, to hold her in his arms and kiss her. Everything was over but he couldn't believe it. A single tear dropped from his eyes. He kept holding her without hearing his mother crying. Everything was blank. He felt his father's hands on his shoulders but it was so distant. He never remembered what happened the next days. He knew he had been present for the funeral but had no recollection of it.

Everything in this house reminded him of Camille. Adonis decided then to leave a few months after her death. He had this ghost face she saw when he came back from the monastery and he had grown thin. His parents tried to convince him to stay, but even the anguish look of his mother didn't manage to make him forget his projects. Actually he wasn't really aware of what could be happening around him. He packed everything he could in a big trunk and went away. He didn't know exactly where to go so he stopped in the first town that seemed attractive to him: there was at least an inn, which meant a bed, food and wine. Especially wine. He didn't make a habit of it, first. But he discovered that alcohol was great to him. It didn't make him sad or hilarious like many drunkards he had seen. It only inhibited him: his movements, his words, and above all his thoughts.

But soon he got tired of drinking the same wine, seeing the same faces. He had to go somewhere else, to another unknown little town with a good inn. His life was made of wine and sleep. Traveling was favorable to his health. It was the only time when he didn't allow himself to drink. As he was soon tired of every new town, he had time enough to sober off.

This time he was lucky. The new town had an inn and two taverns. As soon as he arrived he took a room, unpacked, and hurried to his new wine supplier. He decided to try the first tavern and go the other later, but he never reached the second one. Wine was taking control once again. He had his regular table in a corner, a quiet place where nobody could see or disturb him. That was what he thought. But that's where the man noticed him.

Adonis was about to fill his mug when the jug suddenly vanished. He slowly raised his head to see a man handling the jug. He tried to get rid of that blurred veil before his eyes and studied the stranger. He must have been 25, or a little more. Looking at his clothes he must have been wealthy. But what Adonis noticed was his face: surrounded by long brown hair, the same brown as Grégoire, illuminated by emerald eyes, same as Grégoire, too. He also notice that he was wearing an emerald on his left ear. Nice, the same color as his eyes. Blinking he looked at the man and tried to get the jug. He didn't give it back but sat in front of him.

"May I join? There's no fun in drinking alone."

Without waiting for an answer he ordered another mug and a jug of water. Adonis was getting a little angry, especially when the man filled their mugs with fresh water. He was not thirsty, he wanted wine, his only medicine. But the man didn't let him get what he wanted. Resigned he took the mug and drank. Much to his surprise, the feeling of fresh water in his throat was wonderful. He finished his mug and the man served him again with a satisfied smile.

"Now you may have a little clearer mind. I saw you here for a few days. I felt pity seeing such a good looking boy behaving like you do."

Adonis felt his anger coming back. Who was he to lecture him?

"I'm sure you could look even better sober. You're very handsome. You're wasting your youth here. There're so much things to do outside."

Handsome? Did he say handsome? Could he be...? He didn't let Adonis think over.

"Come to my room. I can offer you better than this cheap wine."

It was more an order than a request. Adonis couldn't believe it. And he couldn't believe that he was following the man. What was he doing? But his brain was still confused by the alcohol. Another surprise was that he discovered another inn on the other side of the town where the man had his room. The fresh air of the night started to wake him. He was fully aware of what he was doing, and of what he was going to do. Maybe he needed it. He didn't really take care of his body's needs for a long time, excepting his need for wine. He followed the man to his room and let him kiss him and undress him. He should have felt it disgusting, letting this stranger touch him, caress him, kiss him. But this man had something special. Adonis ran his fingers on the man's chest. His skin was soft and so pleasant to the touch. He returned the caresses and kisses. This was better than wine, but what came next was far better. The only experience he had with a boy had been with Grégoire, but he didn't feel nervous with that man. He had nothing to lose, after all, so he could even try to kill him, it didn't really matter.

The man didn't try to kill him. They made love twice that night and Adonis fell asleep exhausted. When he woke up in the morning he saw a smiling face and kind eyes staring at him.

"Good morning, boy. By the way, what's your name?"

Adonis smiled as he suddenly realized that they were still strangers.

"I'm Adonis, and don't laugh, it's my real name."

"Why should I? It's very nice. I'm Philip. Pleased to meet you."

The man leaned and kissed him tenderly. Adonis felt a little confused. This guy was so nice with him. Too nice. Pulling out of these too friendly arms he dressed, kissed the man good-bye and went back to his own inn, stopping by the first tavern. In other words he spent the whole day drinking, forgetting gradually what happened the night before. He woke up next morning amazed by his instinct: he used to wake up every morning in his bed, his body working on his own to bring him back there, his mind too confused to help. Suddenly he remembered having spent the previous night with a man. What did he say his name was? He grabbed his clothes, dressed, and decided to try the second tavern.

He was beginning his second pitcher of cheap wine when he recognized a voice by his side.

"Adonis, you disappoint me. You're drinking again. And that junk, barely good for beggars."

"What gives you the right to lecture me? You're just a stranger, the fact that we made love can't..."

"Get out of here."

The man had talked coldly. It was an order, Adonis felt he had no choice. This man was frightening him. He could be so nice, he had proved that before, but now... They went out of the tavern and walked in the street for a while, Adonis following the man like a pet. They remained silent all the way. Adonis looked around, the street was getting busy. They arrived at the market and the boy felt suddenly threatened by the crowd. Instinctively he grabbed the man's arm and snuggled up to him. He felt like a little boy lost in a crowd of beasts. Was the alcohol driving him mad? He decided to stop drinking in a sudden fit of lucidity. Eventually they reached the inn where he recalled having spent a night lately. Was he getting there for that again?

Indeed.

Adonis woke up in the man's arms, but this time he didn't allow him to go. His soul was too tired to fight. He surrendered to this strange guy.

"Where are you trying to go? If you're thirsty, you can have fresh water."

"I don't drink to quench my thirst."

"Here we are. Why do you drink then?"

"This is none of your business. What are you trying to do?"

"Life is too precious to waste. You're too young to decay, you have so much things to see."

"You don't know what I have seen. "

"It can't be worse than what I saw so many times... You're a conceited young idiot."

He relaxed his hold.

"You can go, I don't need someone like you. But you'd better try other activities. Wine won't help you any longer."

Adonis was stunned but decided to go away from that man. He didn't go to the tavern that day. Instead he waited all day long, wandering in the town, for what he had always loved: sunset. He was back to the monastery but Grégoire won't be by his side anymore. He cried, remembering why he was here, what had decided him to leave his home. He went back to his room and fell asleep still crying. Next days he waited for the sight of the blazing sky to warm his soul. But he was alone all the time and he was feeling the need of having someone close to him. A friendly presence. Wine, his only friend. He had promised himself... but he promised now that it would be the last time.

He was back to the tavern for two days. At the end of the second day he was dozing with his head on the table. He woke with a start at the feeling of a hand in his hair, playing with his black locks. A familiar voice whispered in his ear.

"I've been looking for you, I was worrying. I thought all this was over. You don't like sunset anymore?"

Adonis looked at the man ashamed. He felt like a little child again.

"I... I'm sorry... Hey, how do you know about sunset?"

The man chuckled.

"You're a child. Children need looking after."

"You followed me? Are you a spy? Did my father send you here to keep an eye on me? I'm not a child!"

"So stop behaving like a child! Nobody sent me, I just like looking at you. Can we go, now? I don't want people here to listen to us."

Reluctantly Adonis followed the man. What was his name? He wondered why he was obedient to him. He felt there was something special in this guy, but he knew he wasn't in love this time. Soon he was in the man's room, then in his bed. This guy was annoying but he really liked being with him. Especially so close to him like now. Hands and lips were taking care of his body, something that wine couldn't give him. He decided he had to replace it by Philip... hey, he could at last remember his name. Great, his brain was getting bright again. He sighed as the man was earnestly licking and kissing his neck, even lightly brushing it with his teeth from time to time.

When Adonis headed to the door to leave the next morning he felt a hand grabbing his wrist.

"Why wouldn't you stay with me? I'm free, today, we could go to the market then eat somewhere and..."

"No, thank you. I have a lot of things to do."

"Like what?"

"None of your business."

"See you soon, then."

Actually he had nothing to do but he wanted to stay alone. He spent the whole day wandering in the town. When it was late enough he sat on a rock and looked at the sky. There were some clouds and the sky was purple and pink, announcing wind for the next day. Fingers brushed his cheek and he felt warm breath in his neck.

"Liar."

Adonis turned his head and looked at the man, questioning.

"You could have staid with me. You did nothing of the day."

"Still following me? What more do you want from me?"

"Your presence. I enjoy having you near. I'm leaving in two days and I would be pleased if you agreed to come with me. Think of it. For now, let's find something to eat."

Adonis followed. He didn't want to leave with him. He had done enough mistakes. Besides he had nothing to do there and had been thinking of leaving already. Philip ordered food and wine in his room, but Adonis refused to drink wine. They ate then made love. When Adonis was about to sleep the man asked him if he wanted to go with him.

"No."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Let me sleep."

"I want to know. What do you think you'll do here alone? This place is boring, I only came here for business."

"Sure it's boring, but I don't want to go with you. I'm tired, please..."

The next day looked the same. Philip found Adonis sitting on his rock, staring at the blazing sky.

"Did you change your mind, child?"

"No, and I'm not a child."

"You're one to me. I'm leaving in the morning, will you spend a last night with me?"

"What for?"

"Lust."

Late that night Philip looked at the childish face resting on his shoulder. He felt disappointed. Not only did he like the company of Adonis but he knew that the boy needed someone to take care of him. He was 19 but still immature, too wild and rebel. He woke early in the morning, not having slept a lot, but he had to pack a few last things and be ready to go. He kissed Adonis who stretched and yawned like a little boy. The man smiled at him. He will miss him.

"You still want to stay?"

"You still want to go?"

"I have to. I think I'd stay if I could."

"Then I would have to go."

Philip looked at him, hurt by the remark.

"You're cruel."

Adonis left him. Philip packed what was left, paid for his room and waited for the carriage he rented. The coachman loaded his trunk and they left. The road passed in front of the other inn. Philip felt his heart doubling speed. Adonis was sitting on his trunk in the middle of the road. They stopped and Philip dragged him inside the carriage while the coachman loaded the second trunk.

"I'm so glad you changed your mind. What decided you?"

"You were right, I've been cruel. You're a stranger but you seem to care for me like a brother or father. I must apologize, I've been unfair to you."

"I guess you don't know where to go. I'm going home, you're my guest. Stay as long as you wish."

They talked all journey long, mostly Adonis. He explained why he had fallen so low, telling his new friend everything about his cousin, the monastery and his aunt. The man didn't seem to be shocked by his story. Instead he looked at him sadly and took him in his arms for a good part of the trip. A friendly presence, at last. Adonis had found what he was looking for. They traveled for three days, and just had time enough to tell him everything he had on his mind. They stopped at night in an inn, sharing the same room, where the talk went on. When they finally arrived they both were so tired they fell asleep early, but they stayed in bed late in the morning, making love slowly as they had no imperative that day. Philip had showed a room to Adonis.

"What for? Your bed is big enough for us. Did you bring me here to discard me?"

Throwing his arms around his neck he kissed the man tenderly.

"Why are you doing this for me? I hope you don't love me. I must tell you I don't love you, though I really like you a lot."

"Don't worry, I don't. I told you, I like having you near."

They spent two years together, while Adonis learned more than what he did in his studies. He was happy again, though he never forgot the past and was still in love with both Grégoire and Camille. He used to walk in the streets with his friend, amused by the strange look of people staring at him. The fact was that he was still cutting his hair shorter on one side of his head, and it didn't pass unnoticed by this time. But some of them seemed to like it, both boys and girls, so he had a lot of opportunities to spend a night with someone else. Philip seemed to like the idea, being himself lucky for that. They also learned to know each other, but some aspects of his friend remained a mystery to Adonis. He woke up some nights alone in their bed. Philip was gone, and the house was quiet. In the morning, when he woke again, the man was by his side, naked in the bed as if he had been there all night long. Adonis never asked anything.

He was 21 when something strange happened. The night was bright, lighted by the almost full moon. It was a very hot summer, they couldn't sleep early. And they didn't really want to. Adonis was laying on his back on the bed, enjoying the work of Philip's tongue on his body. He must have been very receptive that night because it felt exceptionally good. The man was taking good care of his neck as he used to do, but this time he didn't scratch his teeth on it like he playfully did before. His hands were sending sparks of pleasure in his groin. Adonis was moaning. He felt like he was the luckiest man in the world. This guy knew how to please him. He was now sucking the boy's nipples, teasingly driving his fingers along his upper thigh. As his mouth was sliding lower his fingers went up, fondling his balls, causing Adonis to moan louder. He wrapped his mouth around the boy's cock while his hand slid to his butt. Adonis was stroking the man's shoulders when he felt a finger invading his hole, then another one. He wriggled trying to increase both pleasures in his body. Philip chuckled and lifted his head.

"Time for real things, sweat heart."

He replaced his fingers in the boy's ass by his dick. Adonis pressed his body against him, driving him deeper. Standing still Philip let him move by himself for a while, then decided to take control again. They were soon moving and breathing faster. Adonis had wrapped his arms and legs around his lover's body, trying to get even closer. He felt the man moving deeper in him then stiffening. He heard him grunt loudly then felt his hot seed filling his bowels. That last stimulus made him cum as well with an intensity he had experienced only a few times. This guy had really something special.

When their breathings were finally back to normal Philip turned to face Adonis and looked at him hesitantly.

"I have something to tell you. And to show you."

He turned so that his face was lighted by the moon. Adonis sat and looked at him. Then the man opened his eyes and parted his lips. Adonis felt his body freezing. He opened his mouth but was unable to scream. The emerald of the man's eyes had turned to gold and fangs were resting on his lower lip.

"Do you know what I am?"

Adonis had heard stories about vampires when he was a child but he had always thought they were made to frighten kids. And now he had one facing him. He should have been scared to death but he quietly looked at the man. Now he knew why that night he had felt so good in his arms, like the few other night he had made love with a vampire without knowing.

"You don't seem to be scared. Good. I have something to offer to you. You have the choice: you can become what I am and live with me. If you refuse I'll have to kill you, now that you know. Don't answer yet, I let you one day. But don't hope to escape."

He kissed him and laid down to sleep. Adonis was unable to sleep, of course. What he was offered seemed so attractive. Maybe he could at last find happiness with that man. After all they had been together for two years and he was enjoying life again. He still didn't love him but his feelings for him were very strong. But what if it was a mistake? He had nothing to lose, after all. Thinking about it for half an hour, he finally turned to his friend and kissed his shoulder.

"Philip, are you asleep?"

"I think I'm not... It's too hot."

"I took my decision."

"Already? So, how much should I drink from you?"

"How much?"

"Yes, if I have to kill you, I'll drain you from all your blood first. But if you chose to stay with me, I just need to take a little from you."

"So you'll be thirsty soon... I accept."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm staying with you."

"You understand that it means you'll have to drink blood from time to time to stay alive. You'll have to kill for that, about once every month, at least."

"I don't mind, as long as I can stay with you."

"Should I do it now?"

"Yes, I'm ready."

Philip took him in his arms. Looking at his eyes Adonis knew he had changed to his vampire form already. He felt the man's hot breath then his lips on his neck. He was kissing and licking his skin there. Now he understood why he did it so many times before: it was temptation.

"Let me taste you... I've waited so long... always wanted to do it... Your blood will never taste the same after this night..."

Adonis felt something prickling on his neck but there was no pain there. He felt the fangs piercing his skin, penetrating his flesh, but still no pain. Instead the feeling was wonderful, a sensation of pleasure he never experienced before. Then he felt his blood being drained from his body but it didn't worried him. He trusted his friend enough. Suddenly the vampire withdrew his fangs and everything was over. Too soon, Adonis wanted it to last.

"I know it feels good, but I had to stop. Your blood was one of the best I ever tasted."

"I don't feel any difference. Are you sure I'm... like you?"

"It will take a little time, but in an hour or two, yes, you'll be."

"How is it that you can stand the sun? I thought vampires had to live by night, that the sun killed them. And you can eat food, too? And my crucifix, it never burnt you..."

"I don't know if the creatures depicted by the legends exist, I never met one. But I know what I am and what I can do. And I have met some others exactly like me."

The boy seemed to be thinking for a while.

"When will I need to drink blood?"

"I don't know, it's not the same for every one. But when it will happen I want to be there, you may need my help. For now, it's water that you should drink since you've lost blood."

He went to the table and served him fresh water. Adonis felt a rush of tenderness for this man. He was so nice with him, he had always been. Adonis stretched while Philip stroked his body. They kissed for a long time then fell asleep.

Adonis found that his new life was filled with surprises and discoveries. He was learning with Philip so many things he had never thought could exist. As he promised, he had been there for the boy's first kill. Fortunately: having never been hunting before, even animals as a mortal, he knew nothing of the discretion it compelled to. And he had nearly been caught. But he learned fast and the next hunt was successful. They went traveling from time to time, Adonis learning business from watching his friend at work. He also learned that time was perceived differently by immortals. Its meaning couldn't be the same, so ten years seemed to be a single one. But his parents were mortals. One day he received a message from his mother: his father was dying and wanted to see him one last time.

He had ordered Philip to stay but the man didn't want to see him face that situation alone. Despite what happened in the past, Adonis loved his father. They traveled in silence. When they arrived he introduced Philip as a friend with whom he lived. Of course his parents understood what it really meant but didn't comment that point first. Adonis went to see his father while his friend tried to comfort his mother.

"Come here, son."

"Father..."

"Shhh... there are things I have to tell you, and I don't have time enough, I guess."

"No! Mother needs you! You can't..."

"It's too late. Stop whimpering, you're not a child... no, you're still my little boy... I had put so many hopes in you. But you made your life the way you chose it. I hope you're happy... Are you happy, son?"

"Yes."

"You live with that man? Is he your lover? No, don't tell me, I don't need it to know what's going on between you two. Are you in love again? Do you remember when you came back from the monastery? I was mad at you, and then I realized how you were feeling, your sadness, your pain. I felt pity for you. I told you, you have always been my little boy, and I didn't want my little boy to be so sad. So I did something... I never told you... I searched that boy you loved, I sent people to find him. I wanted to take him here for you. A priest in the house would have been a good thing, no? But they never found him, no one in the monastery agreed to help us, they never said where he had been sent or where he ran away. He had disappeared. We kept searching, but we never found him. I was so sorry for you, then. And then you lost Camille... That's why I let you go, I hoped you'll find someone by yourself, somewhere else. But a man, once again... You'll never change!!"

He laughed. Adonis cried. He couldn't believe what he had just heard, he had never thought his father loved him this much, taking the risk of another scandal for the happiness of his son.

"Why didn't you tell me that? I wouldn't have left if I have knew someone cared so much for me. I still love him, you know. And I still love Camille. How could I forget them? But Philip... it's different with him, I don't love him, but you can't understand what he is for me. It's something more important than love, we're part of each other."

"He loves you, I saw it in his eyes, the way he looks at you. He worships you... I'm tired, we'll talk again later, I need some rest now. But please, stay here."

Adonis took his father's hand and stood by his side. He looked at him with tears in his eyes. How could this strong man he had always loved, feared and respected look now so weak? He had never looked old but the disease had changed him. Who will take care of his mother? Who will take care of their goods?

"That's what you'll never know yourself, what'll never reach you, my love: age and disease. That's why you should never have deep affection for mortals, except your parents, of course."

Philip was standing by his side, looking sadly at the dying man. Adonis went back to his old bedroom that night but refused to share it with Philip.

"It's improper, we can't act like this here, not with someone dying in the house."

"Who talks about making love? I only wanted to be by your side to comfort you if you need it."

"I don't need your comfort. I don't need you, I want to stay alone with my family."

Closing the door he left Philip in the corridor.

"Don't blame my son, he had suffered so much in the past, in this house... I didn't realize until today that he cared so much for his father.... And I think he's afraid of loosing you, too... Goodnight, sir."

Five days later Adonis's father died. He who used to take lives was now facing the pain of loosing a parent. But his mother was still alive and she needed him in these days. He had to take care of her so he decided to stay and ordered Philip to go.

"Why? Why are you acting that way with me? You're cruel again. I love you, I need you too, like your mother needs you. Why don't you love me, why do you hate me?"

"I don't hate you, but your place is not here. Besides you have to take care of your goods. Go home."

"Will you come back?"

"Maybe, yes. But I don't know when."

Days passed and Philip was gone. But a month later he was back, to Adonis surprise and anger.

"What are you doing here? I didn't ask you to come back!"

"I did it. I sent him a message. Welcome, sir."

He couldn't believe it. His mother couldn't have done this. Why?

"But why, mother?"

"I like him, he had been so nice in these hard days. I know you hurt him by sending him away. And I know you miss him, too."

"Miss him?!..."

Adonis looked at the man, at his sad face. He was really sad, then. But so was he. Suddenly Adonis wrapped his arms around him and kissed him, careless of his mother being here.

"Forgive me. I'm so selfish!"

"You're not, you're afraid of losing what is important to you, so you try to ignore it. Will you let me stay, now?"

They shared Adonis's bed for the next months. His mother was getting better now that she had two men to take care of everything. Adonis for the direction of the house and Philip for the rest of their goods. They forced her to meet other people and soon she had made a few trustworthy friends. The two men found one of them who could now administer everything and who soon became something more for Adonis's mother. One year after his father's death, Adonis decided it was time to go back home.

The 17th century was drawing to an end and Adonis was as happy as in his childhood, without all the prohibitions of that time. He was free. He was detached from the mortals, having now lost his whole known family. The only thing that embarrassed him was that Philip had confessed many times now that he was in love with him. Adonis still didn't love him, but the man was all he had and all he cared for so he couldn't consider living without him. Then everything collapsed again.

They used to go hunting the same nights but didn't stay together during that time, each chasing his own prey. Everything could have been different if they had staid together that autumn night. Adonis was following a young thief, amused by his tricks to reach a high window. It would have been easy for the vampire to reach it by air. He was about to pounce upon his prey when he heard someone yelling in the distance. The voice was familiar. Too familiar. He hurried to the place where the voice came from and heard with his overdeveloped vampire's hearing the same voice softly calling his name, something no mortal could hear.

His heart was beating faster and faster. Something serious had happened to Philip, he could feel it, feel the man's blood in his own answering to the call. Then he saw him and the dagger and the wound and the blood. So much blood. How could he lose so much blood so fast? And he saw the assassin laughing and leaving too quickly to be seen by mortals. A vampire, a female vampire. How could they destroy themselves? Philip told him once that it was forbidden, that some rules existed among them, and killing another one was part of the prohibitions. The murderer could then be killed by another vampire out of revenge. And Adonis knew it too.

He knelt by his lover's side and carefully took him in his arms. Blood was still leaving his body. He looked for something to stop the flow but Philip stopped him by grabbing his wrist.

"It's too late, darling... she knew what she was doing, she knew exactly where to strike. I have no chance, I've lost too many blood..."

"No! You can't leave me, you can't die! I need you! Take my blood!"

"The wound won't heal this time. It's too late. That bitch..."

"Why did she do that? Do you know her?"

"She has been my lover for a few decades. Then I let her down, she was insufferable. But she never accepted it... she was looking for me... it looks like she's found me..."

"I'll kill her. I swear, I'll kill her with her own dagger. Don't go, don't leave me!"

"I have so little time... Please, take everything I have. It's all yours, I've made the necessary arrangements: everything I own had to be yours if something happened to me. I love you, Adonis... you've been the best thing in my life. It's a pity you don't love me... I would have been so happy... to hear you... say it... to hear you say you love... me..."

"No!! Philip, no, don't leave me!"

"... too late... kiss me..."

Adonis leaned over and kissed him, his tears running on his cheeks and mixing with the vampire's blood. He could almost feel life leaving the body in his arms, passing in his own body with his lover's last breathe. Holding the inert body he screamed with pain. He felt lost, he was now alone. Again.

That nightmare, again. For years he had been living with the recollection of that night, even haunting him in his dreams. He should have been there, they should have been hunting together, she wouldn't have attacked him then, at least she wouldn't have killed him. He also felt guilty for never having told him he loved him. Actually he never knew if he loved him or not. Maybe it was something far higher than love. They shared everything.

He had taken him away that night, he wanted to give his body a nice and peaceful place to rest. He took him in the woods where he used to go first with his cousin then with Camille. He stole a coffin on his way, then dug a rudimentary grave with his bare hands, helping himself with branches and stones. He looked a last time at that tender face he used to see when he woke up every morning and before he fell asleep every night. He kissed his soft lips once again, still soft even now.

He needed something from him he could always keep with him, as he did with Grégoire's cross. So he took the emerald earring he liked so much. Philip had told him it was old and of great value. He had told him several times that he would give it to him if he wanted to have his ear pierced but Adonis never made up his mind. Now he would do it and keep that part of Philip with him: the emerald green of his eyes.

Still crying he placed the body in the coffin and closed it. He buried him still with his bare hands and placed rocks on the grave. Later a mausoleum was built there. A statue of the vampire had been placed there. Adonis had wanted the best marble for all this. He had wanted his dear lover represented naked and draped like ancient statues, sitting with his left hand resting on a book and a little angel grabbing his right arm. With the filtered light of the wood the statue could look alive, a quiet man resting in that peaceful place. Adonis used to go there every day, when the sun was going down. The statue seemed to be really alive then. He used to sit on the grave by its side and to take it in his arms like he did with Philip. Then he cried until the night was settled.

It took him two years to recover, though he never totally recovered. The wound in his soul staid open like Philip's wound. But he was ready to find that bitch and kill her. No, slaughter her, torture her. He had never been really cruel in his whole life but now he wanted to make her suffer for what she did. But he could never make her suffer like he was suffering. He found her and caught her: he gave money to a young man to go to her and seduce her. As the boy accepted the offer he offered him a drink, but poisoned it so when she drank his blood the boy poisoned her too. It wasn't meant to kill her, only to drug her so he could take her home.

He was now living in one of his lover's houses, away from the wood and the grave. He took her to the cellar and chained her. He cut her with the dagger he was keeping from the awful night in order to weaken her from the loss of blood, but managed to keep her alive and aware of what was happening to her. He wanted it to last and he made it last. For six months he tortured her in the cellar, cutting, scratching, tearing, burning her flesh. Fortunately the walls were thick and the house was far enough from any other so nobody heard her screaming. She begged him to stop and let her go, she swore she would do everything he wanted for the eternity but he never got touched. He had promised to Philip that he would avenge him. He only allowed her to drink blood twice in the whole time to keep her alive, but only pig blood. Good enough for her. Then he decided it was enough, or maybe he got tired. He killed her the same way she killed Philip.

He had no goal in his life now. He decided to start a new life, to see other people, other places. First he decided to keep his lovers at a distance from his life. Then he fell in love, with a woman this time. But something strange happened. He couldn't explain why he did it but he killed her. Maybe that's because he felt she was going to leave him. So one night he drank from her and killed her. He had just broken her neck to avoid her to become what he was, as Philip had taught him before, when he realized what he had done. He became mad and wandered in the streets for weeks.

He was really hungry and needed to drink blood when he saw a man walking alone in the night in a street. He attacked him but another vampire arrived and yelled at him that the prey was his. That's how he met Gael.

He raised his head to look at the angry vampire. What he saw almost made him faint: a brown haired and emerald eyed young man was staring at him. Not again! He managed to talk to tell him he was starved and begged him to let him drink but his soul wanted to tell him that he loved him. Then the man did something unexpected, something even Philip never did: he offered him his blood.

He lived with him another wonderful part of his life, but this time he understood what Philip had endured: he loved Gael but it was one-way love, though the man seemed to care a lot for him. But Adonis felt everything was too good to last. He was afraid of losing Gael, afraid of seeing him die by his fault from any reason. So he decided to leave without any explanation, lying by telling him he didn't love him any more. And fate had allowed him to meet him again. That was the better way, they were still good friends, but Gael had found love, and it was not with him.

The rain had stopped. He heard footsteps coming down from the hall then climbing the stairs. Palma. The kid was home. He was so nice, he looked so innocent despite all he had seen or done in his 16 years of living. He couldn't let anybody hurt him. This boy loved him but Adonis refused to love him. He was afraid again. But now he was not alone. He had what he had always missed without even noticing. He had friends, ready to comfort him, to protect him. And to protect the boy. He felt arms wrapping around his shoulders and lips kissing his cheek.

"At last you're back, sweetheart."

Another kiss answered him. He felt his heart melting like always when the boy was kissing him. Maybe he loved him too. Maybe he could allow himself to love him. Maybe this time they'll be happy. He was so different from the ones he had loved before. A new start. He decided it was worth trying. He turned around, kissed the boy and guided him to the bed.

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© Isa Akane B. , 1999