For the first few weeks Logan really believed that Remy would break down and come to him. He waited, hoping for Remy to appear at his door, to say whatever he needed to say so that the two of them could move forward.
But weeks passed and turned into months, and Remy did not come. Slowly it occurred to Logan that he wasn�t going to. The kid had moved on, it was over. A million times he considered breaking down himself, going to the kid, saying he would take him on any terms. He never did, it would have been a lie. Remy would have known it as much as Logan.
He couldn�t even cry, or scream or destroy his room, like he would have a few years ago. He felt too desolate, too tired and used up, and way too old. He didn�t understand how a person could get to be this old and still have a heart that went on beating. He felt like nothing would ever happen that would make him happy or sad ever again.
Still Logan was shocked, when barely a month after the breakup Remy started going out again. He would leave the mansion two, sometimes three times a week in the early evening and return much later, stumbling in drunkenly, always smelling of a different person.
That was how it was. Logan could live with it. He�d been alone before, left before, scorned and lied to before. Really on balance this shouldn�t have been harder than anything else that had happened to him.
Except it was. The nights were the worst. During the days he could keep himself busy, but he�d never needed much sleep. Even when he and Remy�.even when he and Remy had been together he had spent many hours laying beside the Cajun, reading with his night vision, or just holding the boy.
Now he found he couldn�t even read. Sometimes he tried to watch T.V., but that didn�t work, it only pissed him off with its jabbering stupidity. He just lay in bed, listening to his heart beat, aching with loneliness. He hated himself at night as he lay there, waiting to hear the Cajun come in. He hated himself, but he always heard the soft footsteps coming down the hall. Every night.
One of those night, about a week after Remy had started going out he hadn�t come home until almost 5. Logan found him in the kitchen later that morning, stooped over the counter making coffee, obviously tired from his nights excesses. Logan could still smell the bourbon on the kid�s breath.
He felt a surge of anger that surprised him. He wanted to fly at the kid, spin him around, shake him, shout at him. �What the hell are you doing? Do you enjoy your late night trysts? Do you come for them Remy? Do you share with them what you don�t share with me?�
He couldn�t, obviously. So he settled for saying, �Late night, last night.�
Remy paused in his pouring. �Oui.� It was the first word he had said to Logan since Logan had walked out of his room a month ago.
�But then I suppose you had a lot of time to make up for, after the past few months.� He didn�t bother to keep the bitterness out of his voice.
�Yes.� Said Remy simply. �I suppose I did.� His voice was devoid of any emotion.
Logan looked up sharply. A thin thread of blood snaked down Remy�s lip. As he watched a single drop fell, forming a perfect red circle on the plate Remy was holding. Remy stared at it dully for a second, then grabbed a paper towel and pressed it to his nose.
�Excuse moi.� He hurried from the room.
Logan rubbed the tension from his jaw, then dismissed the incident from his mind. It wasn�t his business, Remy was no longer his concern. It was a lesson he had better start learning.
Though it was harder than it should have been, especially when Remy got another nose bleed three days later in the Danger Room. Logan looked at the kid. Something was off. Remy had lost weight. He had always been thin, now he was gaunt. The nose bleeds weren�t normal either, they hinted at a frailty that was uncharacteristic of the Cajun.
He would have liked to chalk it up to Remy feeling as tortured about their break-up as he did. That didn�t seem likely. So what? Drugs maybe. Remy was out late at night. Logan knew from experience he associated with some pretty shady characters. It couldn�t be cocaine, he would have smelled it. Some new designer drug maybe?
Over the next week he kept a closer watch on Remy and was concerned by what he saw. The kid was twitchy, fidgeting constantly. At the same time he seemed sluggish, his lightning reflexes much slower than usual and he took a couple of nasty falls in the DR he should have been able to avoid easily. In addition he was sleeping a lot, almost all the time he wasn�t training or partying. He even stopped coming to meals, and his weight loss sped up.
At the end of a week Logan felt that he had enough evidence to go to Scott and the professor with his suspicions. Scott seemed very worried, but to Logan�s surprise the professor seemed almost blas� about his concerns.
�I think you should insist Remy get a full work up from Hank.� Said Logan. Scott looked about to agree.
�I don�t think that such drastic measures are called for yet.� Answered the Professor. �Especially with Remy, who has some trust issues I think we�re all aware of. If possible I would like to give him time, so that he can decide to come to us for help.�
�By then it might be too late.� Logan was frustrated.
�I don�t really think that dramatics are called for Logan. At most you�ve observed a little weight loss and a few nose bleeds, not unusual incidents after a major life change.�
�What life change?� Then Logan realized that the professor had been talking about his and Remy�s breakup. �Oh.�
�It is good of you to worry, I�m sure you have only Remy�s best interests at heart. On the other hand I think it is important not to over react.�
�Yes sir.� There was a pause. The interview was over. Logan headed for the door. It would be weeks later, thinking back on that conversation that he would realize Xavier had deliberately put him on the defensive in order to conclude the interview as quickly as possible.
As it was he was barely halfway down the hall before the office door closed again and he heard Scott call out, �Logan, can you spare a second?�
�What?� Logan growled. �You want to tell me not to waste anymore of your time with dramatics?�
�Actually I was going to ask if you would keep watching out for other worrying behavior from LeBeau.�
�Was that Chuck�s idea?�
�No, just mine. The Professor has a lot on his mind.�
�Whatever.� Logan turned and stalked back down the hall. Scott let him go, he knew nothing was going to stop Logan from watching Remy anyway. He doubted the devil himself could.