�You knew that would happen.� It was after breakfast, and practice and a team meeting, hours Logan had been waiting to confront the kid. Now he caught up with him stretched out under a computer in the Control room, the first time they�d been alone since Scott had pounded on the door that morning.
Remy glanced up, his face unreadable. �Non.� He reached for another wrench.
�But you had some sort of idea.�
�I thought that you might need more time, oui.�
�I don�t. I�m fine. This is just something I have to get over and time ain�t going to help that. Why don�t you believe me?� Logan winced as the words came out of his mouth. Blaming Remy was the last thing he wanted to do.
But the events of last night had terrified him. Remy hadn�t been seriously hurt, but he could have been. Logan could have killed him. He felt his throat constrict. The fear was making him behave like an ass. He knew it but couldn�t seem to stop himself. �You should have more faith in me.�
There that should do it. Pressure the kid into sex, then beat him up, then blame him for it. Now he was a complete asshole. At least if Remy dumped him he wouldn�t have to worry about what other bruises he caused, he thought with savage misery.
Remy didn�t even glance up. �Logan,� he said patiently, �you keep telling me that you don�t mind that I�m an empath. So you shouldn�t mind hearing this.� He put down the wrench and stood up, taking a few steps forward. �I am an empath. When I say I know how you feel, I don�t mean that I can sympathize with how you feel or I can imagine how you feel. I mean I <know> how you feel.�
He reached out and smoothed Logan�s hair. �You want to be able to give yourself to me in a way that no one has before, and I am deeply humbled by that. If it turns out that this is something that you can�t overcome, I would be the very last to say that I got a raw deal. Even so, it�s your decision, and I want to help you any way I can. So listen to me, I know what I�m talking about. These scars took years to grow, they have withstood the ministrations of the best telepaths in the world, some of whom are your closest friends. You aren�t going to be able to heal them overnight, and you are likely to injure yourself if you try. You understand me?�
�Yea,� said Logan. His throat felt scratchy. He wondered if Remy would still love him if he turned into some sort of damn woman, crying every time they had a conversation more than four minutes long. Who knew? The kid was pretty nuts. He pulled Remy into his arms and hugged him close. �I understand.�
�Good.� Said Remy. �Now go away, I have work to finish.�
Things settled down a little after that, though not much. There were subtle changes a foot. In the first place, to the secret delight of the professor, Logan came by and, in an uncharacteristically humble way, asked Xavier if he would mind working with him on his aversion. Logan was determined to move forward, and experimenting on Remy was obviously a bad idea. Xavier, at least, he didn�t have to worry about inadvertently killing.
It was a busy time for Xavier, since besides working with Logan, he had also begun working with Remy on refining his empathic skills. These were apparently quite strong, even accounting for the rarity of the gift.
Among the telepathic circles Remy was becoming known as something of a prot�g�e. In addition to working with Xavier everyday, he also flew out to Scotland once a month for study with Janine. Logan often accompanied him on these trips, helping with the flying, since Remy was likely to be exhausted on the way back.
�Janine said that soon he will outstrip her.� Said Drake, one night while they were waiting for the other two to shower. �He�s more powerful, and soon he�ll have the technical expertise to match. You�ll have to watch him, make sure he doesn�t get a big head.� Drake laughed and Logan forced himself to chuckle along halfheartedly.
He didn�t need to be telepathic to know that Remy took no pleasure in his new and unsought notoriety. In his heart he was still the boy whose parents had put him out on the street for being a monster, the boy whose lover couldn�t touch him after a hard day of work. In his heart of hearts Logan wondered if anything would ever change that.
After a few months of training Remy began going out on private assignments, like the ones that Xavier and Jean went on. Mostly it was healing, deep traumas, telepathic injuries, catatonics. Occasionally he would be asked to deal with someone who had become deranged and were threatening to become a danger to themselves and those around them.
Twice in three months those lost souls were other empaths.
�I thought the gift was supposed to be rare.� Logan said to the Professor, the second time this happened.
�It is,� said Xavier, �It�s about one tenth of one percent of the mutants as a whole.�
�That�s only about a thousand people.� Logan objected.
�I know.�
�So in the past three months one in every 500 empaths has gone insane.�
�Uh, yes.�
�That�s not encouraging Chuck.�
Charles frowned. �Yes, I know. But what you have to realize is that empathy is a very difficult gift. In the case of a telepath a persons thoughts are always bombarding you, it can be like voices chattering in your ear all the time. In the case of empaths, who work in feelings, everything is even more intense. Other people�s joy, or more likely, their depression and their hatred can be experienced as your own. Sometimes it�s worse, sometimes, in the case of very strong emotions they won�t feel like your own feelings they will feel more like an attack, one that can cut you down almost instantly.�
Logan thought of the touch he�d received from the Cabrini Angel and shuddered. �So you�re saying one in every 500 isn�t bad.�
�I�m saying that you shouldn�t be unduly concerned by it. These people are nowhere near as strong as Remy. Most of them probably don�t even realize they�re mutants, they just think they�re crazy, or unnaturally intuitive.�
Logan didn�t find any of this especially good news.
It didn�t help that he couldn�t be there for the kid in the way he longed to. He couldn�t even touch him when he came back from these private missions. Remy was doing better than he had during the Cabrini attacks, Xavier was watching him closely to make sure that he didn�t over tax himself that way again.
Still Logan could tell that the work hurt Remy in a way that it didn�t hurt the Professor or Jean. He would come back exhausted and shaking, reeking of sweat and pain. Logan wanted badly to be able to hold him and comfort him, to help him in the way that Drake helped Janine. He couldn�t though, Remy�s shields were too weak.
�I can handle it.� Logan said once.
�Cher, it could hurt both of us very badly. You will someday, don�t worry. We have to rest of our lives together.�
Maybe, maybe not. The sessions with Xavier weren�t going as well as he had hoped. In fact they weren�t going much of anywhere.
�It would be easier Logan if you could relax a little. You�re fighting me instead of reaching out to me. The goal is not to be able to bear telepathic activity as if it were torture, the goal is to accept it.�
�I know.� Said Logan testily, �I�m trying.�
He was trying, but the intense effort he was expending seemed to be making the process slower, rather than not. His failure frustrated him profoundly. He was, quite simply, not used to coming up against his physical limitations.
�It�ll do you good.� Said Remy, when he came outside of his room one morning and found the Canadian parked by his door. �Learn some patience. Not everything comes as easy as you�re used to.�
�I thought you all had a code about snooping around in people�s brains without their permission.� Said Logan. Sitting on the floor all night had made him grumpy.
Remy glanced at him from the corner of his eyes. �We do, and I wasn�t.� he said. �It�s not like I need to. People ain�t that hard to read, �specially not you. Hell, people overestimate telepaths. They could figure out almost as much by just opening their damn eyes.�
�Well, whatever.� Logan stomped of to take a shower. Letting the hot water role down his back he tried to make himself relax. He knew why he was in such a foul mood. The night before he had snuck into Remy�s room to make sure the kid was okay.
Instead he had found Remy curled in a fetal position, sweat rolling off of him. He was in the grip of some sort of nightmare. He didn�t cry out, but instead was rigid, his eyes open, tears pouring silently down his face. Logan couldn�t wake him, couldn�t touch him, couldn�t do anything but stand over him and watch him cry because of things Logan couldn�t help with.
That was the crux of it. Remy needed help. He needed help from someone and he wouldn�t get it if Logan was there.
Remy slid open the stall door and stepped into the shower beside Logan. �Pass the soap, I�ll wash your back.�
Logan stood still while Remy carefully soaped him down. He still had his back turned when the kid said flatly, �You�re not going to leave me because of this.�
Logan sighed. �You need things I can�t give you.�
�Non.� Said Remy. �Non, your wrong. I need things that only you can give me. The rest, they�re just details.�
�Remy, I saw you last night. The nightmares, the exhaustion, you need someone who can help with those. If I weren�t in the way��
�If you weren�t way I�d be alone, like before. Like always.�
�Don�t try that bullshit on me!� Logan�s voice was rougher than he intended. �It�s a lot to deal with, Remy. I don�t need emotional blackmail thrown into the mix as well.�
There was a pause. �Yes.� Remy�s voice was soft. �It is. I�m sorry Logan. I shouldn�t ask you to stay if you need to go.�
Logan finally turned around, but the kid wasn�t looking at him. He was turned, trying to open the shower stall. In the steam he looked young, naked, and very vulnerable. The heat from the shower had caused the scar along his side to redden and it stood out angrily against his white skin.
Remy had his own demons. God knew what it had taken him to come in here at all.
�Hey.� Logan reached out and grabbed the kids wrist. �I never said I was going anywhere.�
Remy smiled a little. �Maybe I read the body language wrong.�
�Maybe. No one said it would be easy, kid.� Logan pulled Remy close to him and the shower rushed over them both.
�No. No one said it would be this hard, either.� Remy laughed. �I don�t think I�ve ever been happier Logan. For the first time in my life I�m living with hope.�
�Get used to it love. I think it will be around for a long time.�