The start of what they began to call their second relationship was almost slower than the first. Then there had been a sort of repressed eagerness, an anxiety to move forward that now seemed to be replaced by a strange reservation, almost timidity on both their sides.
Logan didn�t worry. He understood that the first time Remy had never been facing the future of them together, and now that he was, it was going to take the kid more time adapt for real.
For his own part, sometimes just forcing himself to lie down beside the kid at night was a force of will. It was an odd thing. Mentally and emotionally he was very committed to pursuing a relationship with Remy, and yet the habits of a life time died hard.
After getting into bed he would often lie ridged for minutes, possibly up to an hour before he began to relax. Then he would feel the soft, lean body curl up beside him, and stroke the auburn hair, and know that the peace they found together would be worth a far greater price than the one he had been asked to pay.
Remy helped him, once he had been convinced that help was truly what Logan wanted, by gently cajoling him and pushing him to accept intimacy from a telepath. Logan noted wryly that Remy would never push so hard for himself, but the healer in him recognized a need to be healed in Logan, and so he was more assertive than at first Logan had hoped he would be.
They were so gentle with each other at first. Logan smiled at the memory. Then again, gentleness was not really in either of their natures. It started with an occasional slip, an distasteful joke from the kid, a gruff retort from himself. They fell back into their old affectionate sniping, more comfortable for both of them.
It was so right, the two of them together. Logan found himself smiling often, for no reason. They were such an unlikely pair, the cocky, beautiful, gun-shy kid and the gruff, embattled old man.
They kept up their agreement too. Logan could see Remy working hard at this unfamiliar intimacy. He carefully copied Logan, almost like he was sitting beside him at a formal dinner and was unsure about which fork to use, when to back off, when to push a little, when to reveal something or keep his mouth shut.
Logan allowed himself a bit of fun with this at Remy�s expense, before he finally broke down when Remy walked into the TV room and said, �I am going to have a beer with Bobby at Henry�s. I will be back by eleven.�
�Remy,� Logan said, half affectionate, half exasperated, �You know I wanted a relationship with you, but I don�t need a teenage son or a little carbon copy.�
Remy flushed beet red. �I have no idea what you are talking about.� He said, a little stiffly.
�Hmm, no, of course not.� Logan snatched one of the kid�s arms and pulled him down on top of him. �You know I love you right? I�m not going to freak out if you don�t run every thing you do by me.�
Remy had the grace to look mildly abashed. �I thought that was would people did.�
�Well, I don�t know how much we should worry about people. I never had much use for them anyway. Really this whole push for intimacy thing was because I wanted you to relax with me. I don�t know if you keeping an engagement calendar for me really helps with that. �sides, it�s kind of dull.�
Remy�s grin lit up his whole face. �Oui, I thought so.�
�Well, then,� Logan kissed Remy on the tip of his nose, �go get ripped.�
The kid scrambled off the couch and went through the door in a flurry of arms and elbows that had Logan chuckling. Beneath Remy�s cool, mannered fa�ade he was very young. It was inexplicable. Surely he had been through enough to age twelve people, but his eyes retained that haunted innocence that took Logan�s breath away sometimes.
It occurred to him that he was going to see the Cajun really grow up before his eyes. He would be with him through all stages, from the kid into the man. The beast inside Logan�s chest growled contentedly.
The only real problem between them, from Logan�s stand point at least, was that he was doing less well overcoming his, well, yes, fear of Remy than he had hoped. They still had sex, though Remy did not come, knowing, in that strange way of his that Logan was not ready.
At first Logan had wanted to abstain completely until they could both share the experience equally. Remy had disagreed and carried the point. �You�re already fucked-up chere, I don�t know how having you fucked up and horny would help anyone. Plus Remy needs the exercise.� Then he had leaned over and kissed Logan hard, his teeth rasping against the older man�s lips.
When it came right down to it, Logan couldn�t deny the kid much of anything.
He found himself getting impatient with himself. Remy wasn�t, he remained his general implacable self. �It�s a big change, chere. You need to give yourself time to process it.�
But Logan was unwilling to wait. He wanted to show Remy, absolutely, that he loved him as he was. Deep inside himself he knew that in spite of Remy�s brave words the kid didn�t believe that the empathy wasn�t a curse. Remy thought that anyone who might be close to him would love him in spite of the empathy, not with it. Which, in Logan�s case, wasn�t exactly incorrect.
Logan always stopped himself at that point of the mental monologue. His feeling about Remy�s empathy were irrelevant. What was important was that he deal with it and move on. Pronto.
So one night, as he and Remy lay in the bed and Remy leaned over him, Logan stopped his hand.
�Let it be your turn tonight. I want to make you come.�
Remy looked up with hooded eyes. �Logan, we talked about this before.�
�I know, but Remy moving forward requires some movement. I�m ready. Let�s take this to the next level.�
�Mebe it would be better if we worked up to it. You haven�t had contact with a telepath in months, let alone me. You could reach out and feel me for a start.�
�Naw, I know myself. It�s better if I just plunge right in. Tearing the scab off slowly never works. Besides, I want to touch you. Please?�
�Alright.� Remy smiled at him. He had his own problems saying no to his lover.
�Really?� Logan hurried on before the kid had a chance to change his mind. �Well then, I guess we gotta go about this the right way. First, you gotta get in the correct position.� He pulled Remy up so that the kid was laying stretched on his side over Logan, his legs trailing off the other man�s body, their faces equal. �Then, well, I need to relax, you too. It�s in the interest of psychology after all.�
He leaned up and kissed Remy. �Huh. I never thought I�d like psychology so much.� They kissed again. Logan began tracing his way down Remy�s long neck, kissing and nipping.
Remy made a little noise in the back of his throat. Logan smiled. He traced his hand slowly down Remy�s taunt abdomen. �You getting relaxed kid?�
�Non monsieur, I wouldn�t exactly call it that.� Remy had his eyes closed. His neck was stretched taunt and his hair cascaded over Logan�s face in a silken wave. �I am willing to continue though, for the sake of psychology.� He gave a little gasp as Logan�s hand slid over his hardening penis.
�That is most generous of you.� Said Logan. His hand closed over Remy�s shaft. �Oh God,� he murmered. �I�ve been wanting to do this for so long.�
Slowly he began to move his hand up and down Remy�s penis. The boy squirmed a little above him. �You like this?�
Remy�s moan was the only response he got. �Hmm. That didn�t sound good. Maybe I should stop? Or go slower, like this?� His hand slowed to a crawl.
�Logan, I swear I will cut out your heart while you sleep.� Remy�s voice was strained and muffled against Logan�s shoulder.
Logan chuckled. �Guess not then, maybe I should speed up.� His hand moved faster. Remy�s breathe began to come in quick gasps, his head was thrown back. With the hand that wasn�t working, Logan clasped him lightly by the back of his neck. He wanted to see Remy�s face, the face of his kid the first time Logan made him come.
Something brushed the edge of his mind.
Before his mind had even registered it, his body had reacted, kicking out with all the strength he had. Remy flew across the room, slamming into a bookcase on the far wall, and dropping heavily to the ground.
The case teetered, and then with an awful finality tipped forward, raining books onto the still form below, before it crashed to the floor pinning Remy beneath.
It was over in less than a second. Logan was still in the process of leaping to his feet when the case came down. �Oh God, Remy.�
From the edge of the book case, came a slender white hand, all that could be seen of the kid underneath. Logan reached it in less than a stride. He pulled the heavy bookcase up, throwing it against the far wall to reach Remy, �Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.�
The kid lay crumpled on the floor, a deep bruise beginning to form over his eye where a book had struck him. His arms and legs were bent at strange angles, like a doll tossed aside in a child�s anger. A thin thread of blood had begun to pool on the floor beneath his mouth.
�Remy?� Logan�s voice was barely more than a whisper. He knelt beside the boy. His hand hesitated an inch from Remy�s skin. He didn�t want to check for injuries, it seemed too final. He didn�t even want to touch the kid after what he�d done��what he was guilty of.
Remy opened his eyes. �I�m fine, cher.�
�Oh god, Remy.� Logan unfroze. The animal within him, always better at the most horrible moments rested his hands lightly on Remy�s shoulders. �Don�t move. I have to see if you�re alright.�
�I told you, I�m fine.� But the kid wasn�t fine. His back was covered with a crisscross of bruises from where he�d hit the shelves, overlaid by the one made when the shelves had struck him in the fall. There was blood on his face, Logan could smell the tang in the air. Blood. He�d made his kid bleed.
Slowly Remy stood, Logan could see his face tighten as he tried to mask his pain. His breathe was strained and uneven, Logan had knocked the air from his lungs. He raised a hand and gently cupped Logan�s cheek. �Don�t take it so hard, cher. It�ll be fine.�
�Stop.� Logan�s own voice was a croak. �Stop saying that. It isn�t-� Overcome he pulled Remy into his arms. �Remy, what I did to you�Oh God, what I may do to you in the future�..� Tears were running down his face.
He didn�t know how they reached the bed, only that suddenly he was sitting there cradling the slender form in his arms, while the awful silence stretched out between them.
Then in the darkness he heard Remy whisper, �I love you.� The first time he�s ever said it.
Long after Remy had drifted off to sleep in Logan�s embrace, the older man sat, staring out into the night, tormented by his own demons.