With a roar Logan leapt at Samuel, too hurt and angry to even notice that his claws were extended. The roar of the gun shot deafened him. Remy crumpled to the ground.
The guards rushed into the room, brought by the shot. When they saw Logan standing bloody over their former employer�s body, they did not bother to hang around for revenge, but took off running back the way they had come. For now at least Logan was alone. Samuel might be dead. Logan found he didn�t care. He would try to feel remorse later, when there was more time.
He knelt by Remy�s body. The boy was very pale, but with all the blood on his hands, Logan couldn�t tell how badly he was bleeding. His hands were shaking so badly he couldn�t even find the wound.
Remy opened his eyes. �Christ, Logan, it took you long enough. Were you waiting for him to actually shoot me?� He sat up abruptly. �Do you have the com?�
Logan stared at him. �What?�
�The com, so we can call the others. Unless you maybe want to take a cab back to Westchester? You have it?�
�I�m naked.� Logan�s brain felt fuzzy.
Remy sniffed at the obviousness of the remark. He walked over to the back of the room and poked around in the boxes a little.
�They�re over there.� It was one of the men who had been chained to Logan. Logan looked up startled. He had forgotten they were there.
Remy grunted and after a little hunting tossed Logan a ball of clothes. �Put these on and call the others. I�ll free these three.�
He bent to pick up a knife that one of the guards had dropped and walked over to the men. �Your night out hasn�t turned out how you planned, has it fellows?� He said in a friendly voice.
Then before they could respond he pressed the knife firmly into one of the men�s groins. �Let that be a lesson to you. Maybe you should think twice before you go preying on the helpless for kick, you sick fucks.� He released the man�s balls and deftly picked their locks. �Now get out of here before the others show up. They ain�t as nice as I am.� He turned back to Logan. �Are they coming?�
�They should be here in about three minutes.�
From far away came the sounds of sirens. �We�ll hope that�s soon enough. We have to destroy the stash.�
Logan looked at the boxes in dismay. �All of it?�
�All it takes is one sample for some bastard to NMR and replicate. Can you do the computers?�
Logan nodded. Hank had given him a disk designed to wipe the files of any computer system.
�I�ll take care of the boxes.� Logan didn�t ask Remy how he planned to do that. He walked over to the nearest terminal and shoved in the disk. From behind him a massive explosion almost swept him off his feet. He turned to see Remy stooped over in front of the rapidly charring boxes.
�Jesus Christ.� Remy gasped, holding his head in pain.
�Are you okay?�
The kid nodded. �It�s the collar. I didn�t think it would hurt so bad to charge through it.�
Logan wanted to ask him what he thought it would feel like, forcing his powers through a caustic neural device. But this didn�t seem like a helpful question in the circumstances. The building was coming down around their ears and the sirens were getting closer.
�Time to run.� He scooped up Remy and threw him over his shoulder as he headed for the door, ignoring the loud protests and the pounding on his back. The cold air felt good on his face after the smoke of the warehouse. He looked up to breathe it in gratefully and saw the silhouette of the Blackbird as it touched down in the parking lot feet from him. The door opened and there were Hank and Storm standing in the doorway, ready to help boost them up.
�Everything okay?� asked Hank as he handed them in.
�Peachy,� said Logan. �Let�s go home.�
On the plane Remy sat quietly, picking up the bits of himself that remained, weaving them together to hide the cracks and the emptiness that had become him over the past few weeks. He didn�t want the other�s to see what was left of him now.
It was surprising how simple it was, to lie, to pretend as if he were the same man who had left the mansion weeks ago. He didn�t even really remember that man.
The next few hours were a whirl of activity. The first stop back at the mansion was the med lab, where Hank gave both men a work over to make sure they were alright. The work over included an MRI for Remy, which came back clear.
�It hurts like a son of a bitch.� Remy complained.
�Well it should.� Hank said, somewhat sourly. �You ran roughshod over a Genoshean collar. You�re lucky you didn�t stroke out entirely.�
Remy pretended to sulk a little. �Well I try to keep your life interesting, Henri. Without me who knows but that you�d be a dull boy?�
�I appreciate you efforts on my behalf.� Hank said dryly.
Logan watched the kid carefully. His haziness had cleared on the plane, but he was still confused. What the hell was going on here anyway? He�d seen Remy get injected, but here was the Cajun, laughing and joking like nothing had happened.
He cornered Remy outside in the hallway. They were on the way to the debriefing, the first of many. Both men were exhausted, but they knew that the first DB had to be done now, while the details were fresh. Later the story they told would be slightly different. They would forget some details and remember others. That was how it worked.
Then again, Logan wasn�t prepared to walk into the room without some answers of his own. �How�d you do it?� he asked.
Remy shrugged a little. �It was a cheap collar.�
�Bugger the collar. I saw you get injected. You should be dead, both of us by now.�
Remy began fiddling with the bottom of his shirt. �I switched the vials.�
�When? How did you even know where they were?�
�When I was sucking Samuel�s fingers. He leaned forward. I saw them. I had a spare. They never search you, you know, if they think you�re harmless. I only got one though. He had two in his pocket. So I figured, fifty-fifty chance is better than non, oui?�
�Fifty-fifty.� Logan didn�t want to think about it. It would go to the back of his head with all the other things that had happened over the past few weeks that he needed to think on and desperately didn�t want to. He had another thought. �So you were fine that entire time.�
�Oui.� Remy was still fidgeting.
�And you still�.� Logan remembered the way Remy�s lips had felt on his skin. He felt himself getting flushed.
�Oui. It was needed, I had to get close to pick your locks. It was no big deal.�
�Of course not.�
�I am sorry if I offended you. I know you are not used to having men touch you like that. I thought, �he is a professional, he will understand.� Was I wrong?�
�Er. Yes. I mean no. You were absolutely right. It was, after all, meaningless. Right?�
�Of course. What could it possibly signify after all?� Remy headed into the meeting room where Scott and the Professor waited. Logan followed, his gait a little cramped.
All through the meeting he watched Remy. Outwardly the boy was fine. He talked about his experiences openly, if not easily, with little emotion in his voice certainly, but not unnaturally so. Logan was pleased to see that Scott actually flinched a few times during Remy�s recitation.
At the end of the story Scott spoke up, he was shaking a little. �Fan- Fantastic job both of you. The pair of you have single handedly destroyed one of the most insidious drug rings in the world. Everyone will be dying to congratulate you, I�m sure. Do you want to tell them yourselves?�
�No!� said Remy quickly. �I mean, I don�t want anyone to know it was me.� He looked nervously across the table. �You can tell them about Logan, if you want. Leave my name out of it.�
�Remy,� Scott was obviously puzzled. �You did an amazing job. You deserve credit. We don�t have to tell them everything if you would rather-�
�They�d know.� insisted Remy. �As soon as they heard my name they�d know what I did. Tell them it was Logan, leave me alone.�
Scott gave in. �Alright Remy, if it�s important to you. It�s the least we can do, really.� He walked around the table and clasped Remy�s shoulders awkwardly. �I can�t tell you what an amazing job you did, or how good it is to have you back.�
Remy smiled and said the right thing, like he always did in fraught moments. But Logan following behind them frowned. He knew the kid was not all right. Remy had a brittle quality to him, one that Logan had never seen before. It was as if the mask the kid had constructed so carefully was slipping. Logan was afraid that it would crack entirely. He was even more afraid of what lay underneath. Did anything like his beloved kid of a month ago remain?
They both finally got to rest after that. Like Remy, Logan claimed to be going directly to bed. He kept finding excuses to pass in front of Remy�s door though, wanting to make sure he would be ok for the night at least, cursing himself for being every kind of coward, afraid to knock, afraid to leave the kid alone.
He raised his hand to knock, then let it drop down. Later, later he would go to the kid. For now Remy would surely want to be alone.
The days slipped by, turning into weeks. Remy didn�t see them go. The mask held. No one had noticed it. No one had stopped what they were doing to look at him and realize he was already dead. He wondered a little, that they wouldn�t be able to see something so obvious, but he wasn�t complaining. He did not fear discovery, but he didn�t court it either.
Only Logan saw him. He was afraid of that man. Logan was always watching. Logan would see the emptiness that was inside him. He recoiled a little at the thought. It surprised him. He would have thought that he was long past being able to care what anyone thought.
Logan paced up and down his bedroom floor. He wondered if he was going crazy. It had been two weeks and there had been no change in Remy�s condition. It wasn�t like the kid seemed hurt, he just seemed absent. Whatever had happened to him at Karmike�s had obviously hurt him past the point he would be able to heal himself.
Logan hadn�t said anything. Logan hadn�t gone to Remy. Logan was afraid. He wasn�t supposed to be afraid of anything, but all his fears stood sentinel as he walked up and down his room, rejection, despair, loss of even the thin thread of hope that Remy might make it out of this as something like a human being.
Finally he realized that if he didn�t make sure Remy was alright, he would never get any sleep, possibly ever again. He was bone tired. He forced himself to walk down the hall to Remy�s room. He knocked gently on the door.
�Go �way Logan.� Came a voice.
�How�d you know it was me?�
�Who would it be?�
�Storm?�
�She�s on patrol. I�m tired. Go away.�
Logan cracked open the door. Remy was sitting in his armchair, wrapped in a blanket staring out at nothing. He looked painfully small. The room was filled with the smell of blood.
Logan froze, then panicked.
Remy sent him a sarcastic look. �Calm down,� he said. �You�re off the hook. I didn�t slit my wrists on your watch.�
Logan felt a wave of relief, replaced almost instantly by one of embarrassment that he was so easy to read. �You�re hurt.�
�I�m just bleeding a little.� Said Remy.
�From what?�
�The rape. It�s to be expected. I know how to take care of it. I have a lot of experience.�
There, that wasn�t gracefully done, but it should be enough to send his unwanted guest running for the door. Logan was a good friend, none better, but the man was a coward about some things. He had made no secret of how uncomfortable Remy�s lifestyle had made him. Now his flush made it impossible for him to pretend he didn�t understand Remy�s meaning.
But he surprised Remy by saying doggedly. �I thought people were supposed to get, you know stitches, or something. Why didn�t Hank take care of it?�
�He doesn�t know.�
�Doesn�t know? Why the hell not?�
�Why would he?� Remy looked Logan impassively in the face.
<Why would he?> He knew what kind of mission Remy was coming back from. Hank wasn�t stupid. At the very least he should have checked for diseases�.for�.. Suddenly everything clicked into place. Hank didn�t know. Blackout operations were on a need to know basis and Logan had assumed Hank had been told what was going on. But why would he? He was Remy�s doctor, he would never have approved. He had no idea where Remy had been these past few weeks.
Well bully for Hank. Logan felt a little rush of relief that one less person was involved in this mess.
�Get up. We�re going to see Hank.�
�No fucking way.�
�Yes.�
�I ain�t gonna go to Hank and tell him everything he�s ever heard about me is true.�
�Don�t be stupid-�
�Stupid? I�m not the one that�s stupid. You really think I�m going to tell him I�m some sort of hustler, some sort of cheap whore-� his voice broke, �someone who can only do a mission by screwing his way through it? I can�t. I can�t.� he repeated more softly.
Logan felt his heart break. �Remy you have nothing to be ashamed of. You did a good thing, a brave thing. You helped-�
�Bullshit. I didn�t help anyone. You don�t know those boys Logan. You think they were grateful for being saved? You think the ones that would have gotten the shot tomorrow or the next day would be grateful? They�d hate me for taking oblivion from them. I know, I�ve been those boys. I�d hate me too.�
Logan didn�t know what to say. He wanted so badly to hold the kid, to stroke his hair, to give him comfort. He couldn�t though, so he just repeated, �C�mon. Let�s go see Hank.�
�I told you, I�m fine.�
�Fuck you. Don�t say that!� suddenly Logan felt his own self-control snap. �Don�t sit here in that chair, loosing blood and telling me your fine. You ain�t fine.�
He was out of breath. �If you admitted you were hurt, I could help you heal. But if you just keep saying you�re fine, when I know you ain�t, how do I know you ain�t broken? How do I know you ain�t broken past any point where I can reach you?�
His voice cracked. �How do I bear that, Remy? If all that�s left of you is what�s sitting in that chair telling me your fine, how can I am I supposed to live with it?� He paused and caught a ragged breath.
�Logan?� Remy looked stunned.
Suddenly, where he was and what he was doing crashed down on his head. Shame threatened to drown him. �I�m so sorry.� He stood up, on shaky knees. �You�re injured, and I� God� I had no right to put that on you. I�m sorry. I�m sorry.� He turned blindly towards the door. Out. He had to get out of here. The knob turned beneath his fingers and he was free.
�Logan.�
He hadn�t taken two steps before he heard his name, felt a hand on his back turning him around and pushing him against the wall.
�What did you mean.� Remy�s voice was fierce, it held more life in it than Logan had heard out of the Cajun for weeks. �Don�t you dare slink off like that. Tell me what you mean.�
�Oh God. Remy.� Logan reached out to brush his fingers down the kid�s cheek. �If you don�t know by now, I don�t think I�m ever going to be able to tell you.�
�You can�t care.� Remy was pale. He was shaking almost as hard as Logan. �You can�t. You saw me�all those � You know me. You can�t think I�m worth-�
He never got a chance to finished the sentence. Logan caught his shoulders and spun him around so that it was Remy braced on the wall.
�Don�t you dare. Don�t you dare say it. I have wanted you like nothing else for four years. Four years I have watched you. You are a part of me Remy, even if you don�t know it. Even if you don�t believe it, you are a part of me.� He broke off, panting, wanting to say more, not knowing what else to say that the kid would believe.
Remy stared at him for a long moment. Then he raised his hand and held it inches from Logan�s face, lowering it slowly along the contour of the jaw line, so close he could feel the other man�s heat on his palm.
�Why?� He whispered.
�You don�t have to understand.� Logan grabbed the kid�s hand and placed it on his roughened cheek. �Right now I�d honestly settle for getting you to believe.� It felt as though every nerve in his body had electricity running through it. He looked at Remy and saw in the kid�s eyes that he would reject Logan, that he would turn away, and that this slim chance of salvation for both of them would be lost. Remy didn�t love him. It was possible he was no longer capable of love.
Then suddenly Remy�s lips were on his, a kiss passionate in its intensity, but sweet, almost pure. �I never knew.� Remy whispered. �I never knew.�
�It doesn�t matter.� Logan couldn�t figure what the kid was about, but he wanted to release him from any imagined obligation.
�God Logan, it matters to me.� Remy cupped his hands around Logan�s face. �To me, it�s only ever been you.�
Logan didn�t know if he could believe him. For an instant the cloud of hopelessness he had lived under for two weeks seemed like it would overwhelm him. He met Remy�s eyes and every doubt, every uncertainty and misgiving rose up between them.
But he had already lost himself in this boy. Three would be no turning now.
Logan brought his mouth up to Remy�s and allowed himself to believe.
Epilogue
That first night they didn�t really speak. Maybe they couldn�t speak. Words would have been awkward considering the state of exhaustion and near hysteria they were both in.
That second kiss, broken by Logan, was to be there last for a while. He looked into the kids strange eyes, fearful of rejection, or disgust. When he saw only hope and a strange fragility, he pulled Remy into a tight embrace, wondering if he would ever be able to bring himself to let go.
Somehow they made it to the bed. Remy fell into sleep almost instantly, exhausted, and by now used to sleeping in the circle of Logan�s arms. Logan stayed awake longer, going over Remy�s body gently, inch by inch with his nose, and occasionally with his tongue, checking for unknown injuries, making sure that every hurt on the kid�s body was minor and would heal.
In a way he dreaded the morning, certain that Remy would regret the night after he had awoken, but at last he dropped to sleep and woke a few hours later with Remy�s hand gently stroking his cheek.