Logan didn�t sleep that night. He held Remy curled against him until the sky began to lighten.
It wasn�t even love what he felt for this kid. Love had�hope? Sentimentality? What he felt for Remy seemed to go deeper than that, a fierce longing and protectiveness he had never been able to put into words.
And for how long? Years, it seemed, since the first moment Storm had pulled the edgy, unwilling tuft of attitude and ginger hair into the mansion. Remy was beautiful. Remy was an outsider. Remy was far, far kinder than he wanted people to know. Logan had never stood a chance.
He held Remy as long as he could, till he was afraid the kid might waken and find him still there. Then he went to find a change of clothes and a shower.
He was feeling energized, almost jaunty. Last night he had held Remy in his arms for the entire night and though nothing more would ever happen between them he felt as if he had been given a gift, a memory he would cherish for the rest of his life. Whistling, he opened the door to go to the kitchen and walked straight into Scott.
�We need you in my office in ten minutes Logan.� Scott was wearing his brusque, efficient leader hat, which was usually an indication of extreme nervousness.
�Right-o, one-eye.� Logan snapped a salute. �What�s up?�
�Ten minutes.� Scott spun around and headed back down the hall.
�Are you out of your mind?� Ten minutes later Logan had entered the Professor�s office to find only Scott and Charles inside. Now, after they had explained what it was they were planning, he was glad he could unleash his temper without an audience.
�You�re crazy for thinking it. You�re even crazier for thinking I�d ever go along with it. You can not, Scott, you can not pimp out one of your own team mates.�
�Remy agreed to it.� Scott pointed out.
�Which says enough right there. When was the last time that Remy acted in his own self interest? You can not let him start selling himself again. It�s incredibly dangerous.�
�Hank has precautions-�
�What? Pills against being beaten to death while he�s collared and chained and God know what else?�
�Logan, I realize that Remy is special to you.�
That stopped him cold. �What do you mean �special�?� he asked calmly.
�Well, obviously we all care about our team mates, but some of them are closer to us than others.� Scott said blandly.
Logan ran his hands through his hair. This wasn�t working. He had to find some way of talking them out of this. After what Remy had let slip last night, Logan knew that there could be nothing more damaging to him than sending him back out onto the streets, especially not in the guise of some mission.
It was on the tip of his tongue to tell Scott and the Professor what Remy had said. That would work. They would never make him go, if they knew how haunted he was, how much this mission would hurt him. But Logan couldn�t tell them, because it would be a betrayal of trust, because��
Because Remy would leave. Logan knew that with certainty. If he told the Professor and Scott what Remy had said, the kid would pack up and go. He wouldn�t live with what he would see as the humiliation, as if having a tortured past was a simple question of pride.
Remy�s fierce pride and bravado were part of what Logan loved about him. He couldn�t crush it, nor betray their friendship. His only choice seemed to be picking up whatever pieces were left.
<Seems to be the only thing I�m good at these days.>
But that didn�t mean he couldn�t try to get One-Eyes to see this plan as bullshit on his own.
�How could you ask anyone to sell themselves, Scott? How could you ask them to do anything so degrading and dangerous? It goes a little beyond the call of duty doesn�t it? Can you imagine asking this of Warren, or Bobby? Or Jean?� it was unfair, Logan didn�t care. He was in the mood to be profoundly unfair.
�It�s different with Remy.� Scott said, his voice was tight.
�Why? Why is it different with Remy. Why do you think this would hurt him less than the others? And what makes him so much less valuable than the other members of the team? What is it about him that you can throw away so cheaply?�
Scott opened his mouth�
�Stop it Logan.� Remy was casually leaning against the doorframe. �What are you trying to force him to say?�
He left the question open for a minute and when no one seemed inclined to volunteer anything continued, �Scott is right. This ring needs to be brought down. No one knows this better than me. We need an operative, and I am the logical choice. I have the training. I have the experience. If this were a mission about Canadian hit men, you wouldn�t blink about going.�
�But it�s not, Remy.� Logan said softly.
�Well, so much the better mon ami. I don�t know much about Canadian hit men.� Remy slouched in a chair. �Alright mon ami, I got this funny bug in me. Now what are the details?�
When Remy came out of Xavier�s office close to four hours later his throat was still tight. It had been jarring to hear Logan screaming words Remy had never said out loud, words he had tried to keep from even thinking, since to dwell on them would be bring nothing but pain.
<What makes him so much less valuable than the other members of the team? What is it about him that you can throw away so cheaply?> He didn�t ask them in sullen disapproval of bad treatment, when, late at night, he couldn�t stop himself. Remy asked them because he genuinely wondered. He had wondered all his life.
Trust Logan to balk at the unfairness of them. Remy smiled at the memory of Logan defending him.
What could Logan know of denigration, of slavery and abuse and humiliation? He didn�t understand what they were up against, he couldn�t know how to fight it. He was a good man, an honest man. Remy valued his friendship more than anything. A man like that would have no idea of what kind of life Remy had lived.
He would learn of course. On this mission he would learn all about Remy, every sordid detail, and then the friendship would be over. Logan was honorable. There was no way he could be close to someone who had done the things Remy had done, someone who had sold their body, their mind, and at times even their soul.
He would miss Logan. Even now, just thinking about it, Remy felt a cold squeeze around his heart. Losing that friendship would be the worst part of the mission by far. But the friendship wasn�t more important than the mission. With all that was at stake he couldn�t let it be.
After Remy and Logan had left, Scott leaned back in his chair. Xavier still sat behind his desk, looking thoughtful. He had been silent throughout the whole interview.
�You disapprove of the plan, don�t you professor?�
�Disapprove? No Scott, I do not disapprove. I have always trusted you to lead the team, and you have never disappointed me.�
Scott heard the hesitation in the professor�s words. �But?�
�They are good men, Scott, among the finest I have ever known, and strong. But please, I ask you, do not be careless with them. They are more fragile than they would have the world believe.�
************************************************************************
Scott played the part of the bad guy, which Logan thought was fitting. In reality there was no one else. Bobby was too young and innocent looking, Logan would be needed later on, and all the others showed their mutations too prominently to be usable.
So it was Scott who walked a handcuffed Remy into the back door of one of the most notorious Aphrodisiac brothels in New York. The X-men had been keeping an eye on this place for a long time, hoping it would help them bring down the larger prey, and now, if all went well, it would.
�What do you want?� asked the unfriendly looking man who guarded the door.
�I was interested in selling a little property.� Scott gave Remy a push and he stumbled in. The long-lasting sedative Hank had given him so that his muscles would have a convincing lassitude made him slightly clumsy. His mind was sharp though, as he gazed back at the bouncer with heavily lidded eyes.
�Huh.� The man grabbed Remy�s face and twisted it up to the light. He forced Remy�s mouth open and ran a coarse finger around Remy�s teeth. Remy tried not to flinch under the acquisitive hand.
After running his hands over Remy�s chest and torso appraisingly, the man reached into the boy�s pants and grabbed his package, giving it a quick assessing probe.
�Not bad.� He said finally in reluctant admiration. �Where�d you get him?�
�Won him at cards a few nights ago. At first I thought I could try to farm him out myself, but fuck, it would be easier to get a little cash.�
�Karmike keeps clean boys.�
�He�s healthy. You can test him if you want. I�ll wait.� Scott leaned pointedly up against the wall.
�Well, we�ll see.� The man hedged. �You better come see the boss then.�
He led them through a maze of dark passages and up stairs until they came to a door flanked by two burly guards, who opened the door at the man�s nod. They were ushered into a large office, which seemed larger because of the mirrors covering almost every surface of the walls.
The man behind the desk was fat and shiny with grease. He glanced up, bored, but Scott could see his eyes sharpen a little with avarice. �Yes?� he asked.
�Man has some merchandise.� Said the bouncer.
�Strip him.� Said Karmike.
For a horrible second Scott thought they meant him, and he wondered what he would do when the glasses came off and all hell broke loose. But the bouncer immediately pulled out a knife and sliced Remy�s clothes off cleanly, leaving the young man naked in the middle of the floor.
Remy felt the man�s hands turning him. He felt all the eyes on his nakedness. He was exposed, again. For a second the man he was shriveled in shame, and then that man was gone. Right now, this was what he was. None of his past, his friends, his team, his work, none of that existed.
�Unbind him and spread his arms to the side.�
Remy stood spread eagle while the men in the room stared. The faint light glowed off his skin. He was beautiful beyond doubt, but there was something dead about his gaze. Scott didn�t think it had to do with the sedative. He felt ill.
�Alright have him rotate. I want to see his back. He looks practically new.� This was directed at Scott. �Didn�t have much use for him, huh?�
�Not how my tastes run, generally.� Said Scott. �I thought it would be better if I sold him. Give back to the community, so to speak.�
�I�ll give you 10,000.� Said the man.
�Twenty.� Scott didn�t even blink.
�I�ll give you sixteen. I don�t usually go that high for used product. But he�s a pretty piece. I�d hate for the competition to get a hold of him.�
�Done.� said Scott. They shook hands. Scott�s didn�t shake. With a thick envelope tucked under his arm, Scott turned and left Remy with Karmike.
He made it almost half a mile down the road before he had to pull over. Leaping onto the shoulder Scott bent double, clutching his stomach and threw up. Even when his stomach was empty he kept heaving, his body wracked by convulsions until he wondered if he would ever be able to stop.
Finally he collapsed, shaking against the side of his car. He held his head between his knees, unable to rid himself of the image of Remy, spread eagle in a roomful of men as they looked him over like a piece of meat, like a-
He had told Logan that no price was too high to get these animals off the street, but he�d been wrong. For the first time it really occurred to Scott that Remy could die, it was even probable. He had never believed it before, it had always seemed like an academic possibility. They had all had close scrapes, sure, but they�d come through. They were good fighters and tough, practically immortal, his team.
His team. They�d follow him into the mouth of hell if he asked it. And now he had. He�d sent Remy in alone.
Scott climbed to his feet and sat down in the passenger side seat of his car, staring out at the passing cars. It would be several hours before he would be able to go home.