Today talking to a person that I have some interest in .. His words was "Anything that has been said about you, is jelouse" Now the only reason people would say such things was becuase ppl that incountered me had issues that delt with me.. No, im mean its not all that bad, I think , I know that they cared so much about me but the idea things didnt go as the way they wished so hard for.. But sence the idea what they wanted , they couldnt get, they want me to hurt as much they want to get even with me and talk so much bad stuff about me.. and not saying the good .. Know, I dont play that game as lets get even for what they have been done to me.. I much rather try to forget about them as much as possible. becuase lil they do relise they did hurt me alot .. so much ,I ran from them as far as my will could make me go.. But the bad thing is about all this.. People believe on what they say about me.. is it true.. im not sure.. Im not sure what they say about me. sept few things. and what i know of what they say about me when I found out.. wasnt true but all I know there so much more that I didnt know about they still speak about.. Do I want to know? No , I dont want to know. But look at my situration ppl that reads this.. Do u beilieve in there perspective more then yourselvs.. Can u actually believe threw ur own eyes and not judge threw other ppls views.. I ran from this becuase i was hurt.. and wish so hard it was forgotten.. so lets make it not a subject anymore..
Im a simple person, I dont lie.. Or I try my damnest to not to lie. Im a strong beliver that I dont lie to my self.. so makes it hard for me to lie to others.. Im out to survive this harsh life like every normal person.. I want a normal life.. I just want a person care about me.. that they dont want to give me up . And I would feel the same for them.. I wish for someone to sweap my feet off the ground, show me that they care.. Someone so proud of me that he dont care what others may say about me.. *closes eyes with sighs* Weres my "knight and shinning armor" guy that believes in me, cares about me, wishes to be with me of my every moments.. I guess this is another subject. so I will stop my babbling..
* still feels im never werthy for anyone*
Today I sit at my pc.. Feeling some frustration to the everyday stress.. Here my sister calls me up .. in the background her man making her laugh.. I think about how the idea she says her life is going all so bad. And what is I think about her life.. naaah.. She got it pretty well. She can't dare to say she has it bad to me.. She has a good man in her life to make her smile.. a sholder to talk to when she has a problem, and a lil 2 yr old child , and one on its way. .. she has a good thing .. Here I sit comming home alone. Me left alone dealing with my everyday stress all by myself.. I work at a deadend job .. thinking im 26 and what do I have.. Notta.. that saddens me when I think of it.. Its like im never going to win. When I have the lilest happness that comes in . it gets distroyed more.. 2 steps froward 4 steps backwards.. People tell me "Oh BE possitive.. it wil all work out for the better". Hmm how long do I have to wait?.. its been 26 yrs.. and its the same thing.. Yes I sit here in my cute lil apartment.. now from compared from about 2 yrs ago. that hell alot better then were I was before.. oks great.. but whos to say that my two steps forward .. and waititng for my four steps backwards. Wish I could take a third step to make me feel like I am moving somewhere..
One day, I thought I was.. I met a guy.. cloud nine sets in.. and now, im let ya guess were that went.. Think few min... Oks, give up.. As he says .. I wish for more. but the distance our work schedule makes it to hard.. and that were "good friends".. *pouts*
Now he dont know that, yes it hurt.. it almost made me feel like I kidna got used.. but then I want to slap myself on thinking such things becuase hes a kind hearted person from what I know and can understand the hills that seems totally inpossible to over come .. So I guess he dont want anything special from me?... Now , that is just a guess.. im not sure.. But should I give up.. or should I keep going from were I stand?.. monica (friend) tells me that I got played. But did I? *Shrugs* I guess, all I can say is that is a experince I wont forget anytime soon. *blows kisses to ya XxxX*
