Goku *smiling*: Hi everyone!
Me: Now Goku, tell me something about yourself.
Goku: Well, I was raised in the country by my adoptive grandfather Gohan and he began to teach me how to fight in the Martial Arts when I was just a child. As all of you probably know, I named my first child after my grandfather.
Me: Yes, that was a very nice thing of you to do.
Goku: Thanks. I would have much rather had my son named Gohan than Einstein as ChiChi wanted...
Me: Yeah, I can agree with you there. Is there anything in your life you would like to change?
Goku: Not really. I love everything about my life. I have great friends, a wonderful wife and two loving sons. I couldn't ask for more.
Me: Goku, if I summoned the Dragon Shenron right now, what would you wish for?
Goku: A kitty!
Me: Umm...a kitty?
Goku: Yep! They're so cute! I want to get one and name it Mittens.
Me: Do you now? *Goku nods* How nice. Moving on. Goku, do you really like Vegeta or are you just completely sympathetic towards him?
Goku: Oh, of course I like Veggie! Even if he acts like he's evil, he really isn't. He's a good person. We play checkers together alot.
Me *raises eyebrow*: You...do?
Goku *nods*: Yeah. He always beats me too. His victory dance is really funny.
Me: VICTORY DANCE?
Goku: Yep. It goes like this. *stands up and starts to disco and do Egyptian-style dancing at the same time*
Me: That's rather...unique. *Pulls out notebook and a pencil* I hafta write this down! This would be great to blackmail Vegeta with! Hehehehe...
Goku *sits back down*: Do you have more questions for me? I'm hungry.
Me: Yeah, I do. What's your favorite color?
Goku: I really like orange and blue. I wear them both alot.
Me: Yeah, I could tell. Tell me Goku, everyone would like to know, at least I think they do. What was it like for you to be a father for the first time?
Goku *sighs*: That boy ate more than I did! ChiChi blamed my kro-mon-kro-
Me: Chromosomes?
Goku: Yeah! Chromosomes! ChiChi blames mine for Gohan's appetite. But I didn't care. Gohan was always my wittle baby.
Me: Everyone knows you're a tender father towards him and Goten. So...what is your favorite food?
Goku: Hmm...I like chicken and french fries and pizza and ice cream and cake and pie and chocolate and soup and noodles and bread and cheese and...
*3,000 foods later...*
Me *sighing and yawning*: Is that it?
Goku: Yeah, I think it is.
Me: You think?! You named every food on the planet, goddammit!
Goku: It isn't very nice to swear.
Me: I don't give a damn! *clears throat* Anyway, who was your toughest opponent?
Goku: Well...I had a very hard time with all of them, but I would have to say Vegeta.
Me *smiles*
Goku: Umm...what?
Me: I LOVE Vegeta.
Goku: Oh. That's rather...interesting. Bulma might have a problem with that.
Me: She'll have a problem with my fist if she tries to change my mind. *shakes fist menacingly*
Goku: Oh, well...she doesn't have to know about it.
Me: I don't care if she knows or not. But anyway, why is Krillin your best friend?
Goku: We did a lot of things together as kids. We both trained under Master Roshi and we entered the Martial Arts Tournaments together. He has stuck by me through thick and thin. And not to mention he became good friends with my son.
Me: Yeah, I guess I have to agree with you there. Although he can get pretty annoying.
Goku: I don't think he is.
Me: Well, that's you. So, how much did ChiChi pay you to marry her?
Goku: What are you talking about?
Me: You didn't seem too enthusiastic when you two rode away after getting married.
Goku: Well, I didn't know how to handle it. I mean, I grew up in the wilderness for Dende's sake. How else should I have reacted?
Me: Umm, happy?
Goku: Oh, well it didn't seem to bother ChiChi, and it was almost 20 years ago, so I don't care.
Me: Yeah, you're practically an old man. *chuckles*
Goku: It's a good thing Saiyans don't age as fast as Earthlings do.
Me: Yeah, I think we're all glad for that. Now, is there anything you would like to ask ME? *smiles*
Goku: Umm...no.
Me *glares evilly*: FIND SOMETHING THEN.
Goku: Okay. Do you have anything to eat?
Me *falls over*: NO. I didn't bring food here. This is an interview, not a picnic.
Goku *pouts*: Can it be a picnic instead?
Me: NO!
Goku: Please?
Me: I said NO.
Goku: Oh, come on!
Me: NO DAMMIT!!!!!!
Goku: ...
Me *sigh*: There, I shut you up. *smiles*
Goku: But if you shut me up, then how can I answer your questions?
Me: ......DIE!!!! *pulls out frying pan*
Goku: NO!! It's the...the...FRYING PAN!!! Where did you get that??
Me *cackles evilly*: Out of ChiChi's cupboard. And you're going home with it too...stuck on your head after I hit you with it!! *starts to swing at him*
Goku *ducking*: Okay!! I'm sorry for mentioning food! Can we PLEASE get on with this interview??
Me *stops*: Okay, fine.
Goku *exhales deeply*: Thank you, Dende. *Dende appears*
Dende: No problem, Goku. *starts to chuckle* That's what ChiChi said to me last night.
Me *starts howling in laughter*: DENDE GOT IT ON WITH CHICHI!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Goku: I don't get it.
Me: ChiChi said thank you to Dende last night, Goku. He meant that him and ChiChi were doing the wild thing.
Goku: OHHH......hey!!! COME HERE YOU LITTLE GREEN BEAN!!! *Dende whimpers and disappears*
Me: Umm, Goku, Dende was kidding. Him and ChiChi would never do anything like that.
Goku: Ooh......OK. *sits down*
Me: Moving on. *clears throat* Who was the first president of the United States?
Goku: How should I know? I live in Japan.
Me: Take a guess then. I want to test your knowledge. *mumbles* If you have any.
Goku: Uhhh...Master Roshi? Or was it Yamcha? No, maybe it was Bruce Lee...
Me: Bruce Lee?? He's an actor!!
Goku: Oh yeah, I forgot. Then it had to have been Oolong...
Me: NO!! It was George Washington, you fruitcake!
Goku *drools*: Fruitcake...
Me: Ugh...I can't take this anymore. Everyone join me next time where we interview the universe's badboy, Prince Vegeta of the Saiyans! Sayonara!