1) prancing
2) someone saying, "Is it supposed to do that?"
3) a message
4) a sword fight

Read the Opposition

In the dark folds of the cool, perilous night, in the midst of a very corrupted Fellowship, a small alliance-and a plan-began to take shape......

It was a bright, warm morning when it began to commence, when it all began to transfigure. When the power shifted.

Lothlorien was near, only a few leagues away, as the Fellowship started to set out. In front, leading, was Aragorn, followed by Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin. Ensued by Boromir, Gimli, and finally Legolas.

As they were traveling, Legolas began prancing around jovially, a pleased grin plastered on his gorgeous face, for he loved the sunshine, and was ever so happy to see it come out. Gimli turned and snorted rudely.

"Do you know you're frolicking around like some ninny with her panties in a bunch?" the dwarf scoffed, slightly dampening the Elf's cheerful mood. Stopping for a moment, he then only smiled more broadly.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you down there, nor did I completely comprehend what your little dwarf voice remarked." Legolas then resumed what he was doing, whilst someone else watched with much interest......

*MEANWHILE*

As all of the proceedings took place, the mysterious stranger watched as Sam and Frodo were having a bit of an argument.

"I'm telling you the truth, Sam, the man on the oatmeal box DOES NOT eat little hobbits like ourselves for breakfast! WE eat HIS cereal!"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Frodo," Sam politely responded, crossing his arms stubbornly. "But you are mistaken. It is indeed the other way around, with the oatmeal man eating US." Sighing over the waste of a hobbit's brain such as Sam's, Frodo turned to Merry and Pippin, who were smoking weed behind them.

"Here you are, Sam," Frodo told him smugly. "We shall settle this by asking Pippin and Merry. Pippin, does the man on the oatmeal box eat hobbits?" Pippin stared blankly at him with his jaw hanging open, and he drooled, as Frodo was completely unaware of the fact that Pippin was stoned.

"Uh, yeah?" Merry, a little less oblivious than his friend, answered dumbly, taking another long puff from his pipe. "Uh, I think, uh, he, like, does......" He trailed off as his eyes glazed over and he passed out cold on the ground, the dust around him rising.

"And you were saying, Mr. Frodo?" Sam pried satisfactorily. Frodo allowed his shoulders to slump with frustration as he strolled on, suddenly very weary. At that precise moment a piercing scream echoed throughout the forest they were traveling through. All spun around to spot Boromir sprawled out upon the ground, an arrow protruding from his arm.

"It BIT me!" he cried, grinding his teeth, trying to bear the pain.

"Don't you mean you've been shot?" questioned Frodo.

"I've been SHOT, is what I cried in the first place, Master Frodo," Boromir corrected him.

"No, you said--"

"I've been SHOT!" cried Boromir, grinding his teeth, trying to bear the pain. Annoyed as ever, Frodo clenched his teeth and bit his lip to keep from screaming.

"Ooh, look! There's a message attached!" pointed out Aragorn, lightly sprinting up and plucking the arrow from his comrade's arm.

"Ahhh! What did you do THAT for?" screamed Boromir, squeezing his arm tightly.

"It did not pierce your skin anyway," Legolas told him, flicking his long blonde hair. Confused, the man searched his arm for a wound, but found none. Sheepishly, he just listened with the rest of the Fellowship as Aragorn struggled to read the letter out loud.

"I-I ch-chall-challenge you t-to a-a," Aragorn stuttered. "Duel," Frodo aided, tracing the word with his finger and helping Aragorn to pronounce them.

"Oh, will you shut the challenged ranger UP?" demanded Boromir angrily. "Let a REAL man announce this message."

"At least I didn't cry like a pansy when I wasn't even shot," Strider teased, crossing his arms. As his fellow man turned beet red, a box flew through the air only to slap Aragorn in the back.

"Aaah! It BIT me!" he cried, just as Boromir had. His friend only snickered as Sam approached the box.

"Holy SHIT!" Sam shouted, and the Fellowship looked with shock at the cursing hobbit. "It's the [censored] [censored] OATMEAL MAN!!!" The young hobbit jumped, terrified, into the arms of Pippin, who allowed the other to topple onto him. They crashed to the ground, rendering Sam unconscious, and leaving Pippin dumbfounded.

Frodo gingerly attempted to pick up the box, when a lost squirrel hopped naively onto it. The smiling "oatmeal" man then viciously bit the creature in half, devouring it all, and returning back to its friendly state.

"Bloody Hell," muttered Frodo in awe. "It really MUST eat hobbits!"

"Uh, is it supposed to do that?" wondered Gimli out loud, scratching his beard thoughtfully.

Finally, after a moment of reflecting silence, Aragorn yelled, "RUN!!" and the Fellowship ran for their lives away from the cereal box.

*TWO FEET LATER*

"I *gasp* can't *pant* run *choke* any *deep breath* more!" Strider gasped, falling to the ground, out of breath. The others silently agreed. Finally Sam and Merry awoke from their unconscious state.

"What happened?" asked Sam curiously, massaging his temples, which pounded furiously due to Pippin falling on top of his head.

"Sam, I am SO sorry I didn't believe you about that oatmeal box thing," Frodo apologized sincerely. "If it weren't for that squirrel......"

"Wait a minute! Squirrel?"

"Long story," Frodo panted, still tired from his previous jog. Sam whirled around and stared at the box only a few feet away, and agreed mentally that it must have indeed been a long story.

*THAT NIGHT*

In the dark folds of the night, blah blah blah, as I, the narrator explained in the beginning, Legolas, Sam, and Frodo were huddled around a small fire, scheming. Pippin and Merry were high on their hobbit weed, Boromir was squatting rocking back and forth muttering something about chickens and penguins, Gimli was on stilts and boasting about how tall he was (when suddenly he tripped over the crouched Boromir, fell into a tree, and was attacked by chickens and penguins), and Aragorn was sleeping, dreaming about Arwen and the magical My Little Ponies. Back to the group around the fire......

"Is anyone else angry about the fact that we're always perceived as 'gay?'" Legolas interrogated the two hobbits, brushing out his long, lustrous hair.

"Excuse me, Leggo, but what do you mean people think I'm 'gay?'" Frodo demanded angrily of the Elf.

"Oh, come now, you don't think that no one hasn't noticed you two have a thing going on," Legolas mused, now adding a bit of gel to his glimmering hair.

"We do NOT have a THING," Frodo defended himself, although Sam still crouched silently.

"Well then, what about YOU, Sam?"

"Well, I guess I don't care what people think, because I am gay."

"WHAT??!!" Frodo exclaimed, surprised.

"Mr. Frodo, who wouldn't desire you?" Sam asked, his eyes dreamy, filled with impure thoughts about his Master. "I happen to know a girl named Alexa who also wanted to--"

"ENOUGH," Frodo silenced him. "What about you, Leggy?"

"Well, I'm only bisexual," Legolas answered, finally stopping with his hair. "As I had began before, aren't you tired of it?"

"Well, even though I just found out, yes, I am tired of it," Frodo agreed.

"I think it's time we beautiful....um, beautiful..." Legolas was lost for words at describing both Hobbits and Elves.

"Hairy?" supplied Sam helpfully.

"Beautiful, hairy creatures stood up for ourselves. What do you say we start a mutiny?"

"What's a mute-a-nanny?" questioned Sam in bewilderment.

"We turn against our leaders and take over the world," explained the immortal. "Now, what do you say?"

"I say Frodo and I go find a bush to do some impure things!" put in Sam stupidly, but hopefully, only to receive blank stares.

"ANYWAY, I think the power has already shifted......" Frodo grinned. "After all, there IS more of us than them."

"But there's five of them and three of us!" the Elf said.

"No, Merry and Pippin are on our side."

"How so?"

"Because they're hairy creatures."

"But Gimli is one heck of a hairy creature too!"

"Yeah, but he's not gay or bi."

"Neither are Merry or Pip."

"Yeah, but they're hairy."

"So is GIMLI."

"But he's not--"

"FINE," Legolas finally agreed. "Now, what's the plan?"

"Plan? We're supposed to have a plan for a mute-a-nanny?" Sighing, the Elf then explained AGAIN what they had to do.

"So yes, we must have a plan," he told Frodo.

"What IS a mute-a-nanny anyway?" asked Sam.

"WILL YOU PEOPLE JUST SHUT UP AND MOVE ON!??" I, the narrator, yelled at them with utter frustration.

"We are not people, anyway, we are hobbits and an Elf." SAM..... Suddenly the stupid, git of a hobbit disappeared with a poof.

"Where'd Sam go?" Frodo asked me.

"He'll be back later," I promised. And so the Elf named Legolas and the hobbit named Frodo, all through the night, schemed up such a plan that would indeed turn the power over to them.........

Frodo was awoken in the middle of the night by a loud whistle and a cat call. Rolling over on his side, he shrieked at the sight of Sam, naked as the day the Valar made him, except for a rather skimpy thong. Blocking his big goo-goo eyes, Frodo gritted his teeth and asked;

“What in Middle Earth are you wearing, Sam?” Sam, slightly taken aback, scanned his form, and replied;

“To tell you the truth, Mr. Frodo, I don’t know.” If they could have heard me then, they would have known my merciless laughter that I had done this. Muwahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

“Go put on some of my spare clothes!” hissed Frodo, covering his head with the blanket. Sam, excited at the chance to smell like his Mr. Frodo, skipped off to find his bag.

The next morning was cool and crisp, as the Fellowship, now slightly lost, resumed their journey to Lorien. Although that message still lingered in everyone's thoughts...... Suddenly, out of the middle of nowhere, a knight jumped out from behind a tree.

"Who are you?" requested Aragorn, still leading the company. The knight pulled out a bow, notched an arrow, and shot at Boromir.

"It BIT me!" he cried in agony. Frodo shook his head in disgust.

"Oh, not THIS again..." he muttered under his breath. Aragorn took the arrow, which, once again, did NOT pierce Boromir’s flesh, and gave the message to Legolas to read.

“ ‘I, the Black Knight, challenge you, the Fellowship, to a duel. A sword fight, in other words. I have observed your company, and found that Boromir is a baby, Sam is gay, Pippin and Merry are drug addicts, Gimli's not important, Aragorn can't read, Frodo is a nitwit, and Legolas is a pansy.’ ” Legolas looked up curiously at the black Knight, refusing to attack the man that had called him a pansy in order to have a chance to ask him a question, who was clothed in all red.

"Begging your pardon, but how do you claim to be a Black knight if you dress in red?"

Quickly he also muttered quietly, "Lle n'vanima ar' lle atara lanneina! !" No MAN called Legolas a pansy!

The man lifted his helm's visor to reveal a black man's face.

"Well, I'm a black man, so I figure I'm a black knight. Got a problem with that?"

"Of course not!" Aragorn laughed mirthfully. "I will fight you!" He then unsheathed his sword and got into a fighting stance.

"On guard!" commanded the knight, and so the two began. They were almost of equal talent, when suddenly Aragorn slashed at man and cut him.

"Oh, now you're sure to win," complimented the Black Knight, as they fought on.

"Oh, no, I could never have blocked such a blow like yourself," Aragorn returned.

"Yes, but I should bleed to death in less than an hour, making you the winner." Frodo watched with puzzlement.

"I don't get it. Shouldn't they be less friendly with one another?" Everyone ignored the little hobbit, as they were busy watching the battle. “Sam," whispered Frodo, "Isn't that the black knight from another story?"

"Of course, Mr. Frodo," Sam replied, eagerly watching the warriors. "But this is Middle Earth." They left it at that.

Finally, after roughly an hour later, the Black Knight did indeed bleed to death, as he had predicted. Legolas, Sam, and Frodo dispatched with the whole "mutiny" thing, after thorough research on how Aragorn could kill them. The Fellowship then wearily traveled on, hopefully not to encounter such adventures again before Lothlorien, and indeed did not do so. They reached the lovely wood, but only to be greeted by a strange little voices inside their heads......

*BUT THAT IS ANOTHER STORY......*

Fini.
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