1) cake frosting
2) flying
3) dreams
4) sand

Read the Opposition

�Who would have thought this would have been an ideal spot for a party?� Gimli announced. Even the dwarf felt exuberant, standing upon the sandy beaches of Forlindon. The sand was flat and was untarnished by that of regular visitors, making the granules a sort of healthy-looking white-yellow color. Gimli heaved in a deep breath of salt air into his chest, then doubled-over coughing it back up. Maybe Dwarves just weren�t made for ocean air� Gimli mused to himself, blinking at the small waves that came to shore.

Unaware of the thought that had gone through his companion�s mind, Boromir commented, �Yes. Who might have thought the ideal party spot would, indeed, turn up beneath a little sign that says, �Party Reservations��� Gimli gave him a deadly glare.

�Well, where I come from,� the dwarf huffed, �we don�t have pansy signs marking out everything. Dwarves know where things are supposed to be!� With that, he puffed up his chest proudly and strode off, his fists swinging as he walked�until he fell into a large hole.

A hobbit popped his head up out of the hole, his mob of brown curls bouncing as he swiveled about to look up at the Man. Boromir peered down into the pit, his hands resting on his knees. Of course, the hobbit-in-question was none other than Peregrin Took.

�Well, Gimli!� Boromir called down good-humoredly. �Did you know that you were about to step into a big hole, or did your Dwarvish sixth sense not pick it up in time?�

An audible grumbling could be heard before Gimli popped his head up once more. �Course I did! Why, I knew the entire time that Master Pippin here was trying to�� He turned his head to the hobbit, silently probing for assistance. Amazingly, Pippin caught his drift. The latter nodded his head exuberantly and spoke to the human.

�Catch a dogfish!�

There was a long moment of silence as the two other men stared at the hobbit in awed disbelief. Where to begin? they wondered. Just as Gimli was trying to decipher this, a wave of water came up and rushed into his side of the hole. In result, the miniature waterfall cascaded down his back. He hopped about in agitation.

�Ack! Wet dwarf, wet dwarf!� he crowed, feeling his damp wet pants in agitation. Before Boromir or Pippin could extract any more words from him, the dwarf climbed out of the hole and ran�somewhere. Maybe he ran back home to the Lonely Mountain. I don�t know! Honestly�

�So�� Boromir said, turning back to his growth-deficient friend, �trying to catch a dogfish, eh�?� Pippin nodded his head so powerfully and excitedly that the Man feared that his head would fly right off. Thankfully though, the hobbit soon ceased this motion.

�Yeah. You know how the always say that dogs are Man�s best friend!�

�Um� Okay, I�m sorry to ruin your fun, but there are two things you need to know�� Boromir began. �Well� Number one is that you�re not a Man. And, number two, a dogfish is not a dog.�

�Yeah, I know!� Pippin announced, none of his happiness fading from his face. �So, I thought, Hobbits� best friends could be a something other than a dog. And since cats are�um�girly�I thought dogfish would make the perfect substitute!� Boromir opened his mouth to protest (after all, he had a cat�okay, it was a jaguar, but close enough!), but Pippin cut him off. �Oh, they�re bringing out the cake! Gotta go, bye!� And with that, the hobbit dashed off.

Boromir heaved a sigh, and shook his head. �Am I the only sane one here?� And with that, he ventured off.

Bilbo walked up to Gandalf without aid of his cane, and grinned at his older friend. �What do you think? Some party, eh?�

�Yes,� Gandalf said with a nod. He was sitting down on a rock that overlooked the sea, and gazed out toward the horizon. Bilbo grinned once more and took a seat next to the Maiar.

�I told you I always throw the best parties!� the hobbit announced. Gandalf resisted the urge to roll his eyes, thinking all the while, Well, did I tell you that you don�t? Nnnnooo� I came for the party; everyone else came for the food.

�Say, Gandalf�� Bilbo began. He leaned forward on his rock, eyeing the wizard curiously. ��What�s that sticking out of your mouth�?�

In place of his infamous pipe stuck out a sort of limp orange vegetable � a carrot, to be more precise. The object�s end was clenched in between Gandalf�s teeth, much as the pipe had been, and hung out of his mouth. The leaflets at the end of the carrot hung similar to that of droopy willow tree branches. Bilbo lifted an eyebrow at this.

�Oh, this?� Gandalf spoke casually. �Well, about a month ago, I decided to kick the hobb � erm, habit, sorry � and try to quick smoking.� Bilbo nodded his head, and smiled.

�Yes, that is a most excellent idea! Lord Elrond had me quit when I moved into Rivendell� It was difficult, but it was for the best.�

Gandalf nodded. �Yes, yes� I am having quite a time with it, to be perfectly honest. I kept on wanting to hold something in my mouth like my pipe, and ever since I began trying to quit, I�ve had this incredible desire to eat something� So�� He motioned toward the carrot. �That�s where I came up with this idea � kill two eagles with one stone.�

Bilbo gave him an opposing look. Turning to his friend, the hobbit put his hands defiantly upon his hips. �You can�t kill an eagle with a stone! �You have to kill them with a sword.�

�No, no, my dear hobbit,� Gandalf replied in a pompous tone, placing his hand on the other�s shoulder, �you kill them with stones. Gwaihir told me himself.�

The hobbit scoffed, and shrugged off his companion�s shoulder. �He did not! Why would he tell you how to kill his own people?�

�Because I asked.�

�Poppy-cock!� Bilbo exclaimed. He rose from his seat. �Everyone knows that you kill eagles with swords. It�s so plainly obvious�� He turned to leave. �I will have no more of this! Complete and utter fodder��

�Oh, come back here!� Gandalf called out with a roll of his eyes. Bilbo stopped in his tracks, then said, his back still facing the wizard, �Fine� But only if you apologize�� The hobbit made a sort of hurt sniffling sound, his shoulders shaking minutely.

Gandalf sighed, lifting his eyes toward heaven tiredly. When he turned his gaze back to the hobbit, he spoke, �Oh fine� I�m sorry��

Bilbo spun back around, a wide grin stretching across his face. �Excellent!� Gandalf could not help but roll his eyes again.

Little faker�

He brushed his annoyance aside, deciding it would be better to have a good time rather than to be mad. �There�s been something I�ve been wanting to do for awhile,� Gandalf said. A gleam appeared in his eyes as his face formed into a smile. Bilbo blinked at him curiously, and the wizard jumped from the rock he was sitting from. �Come with me, my dear Bilbo!� he said, beginning to march off (staff, hat, and all) toward the pier. �Bring five dollars and a stereo!�

Bilbo�s eyes widened, but then he cocked his head to the side, scratching his graying curls thoughtfully.

�I always knew he was crazy.

He stood there a moment, and finally shrugged and retrieved the proposed items. Ah, who cares? he thought to himself. He dashed off after Gandalf. I bet I�m crazier than he is� Hey, that would make a good bet! I can turn my five dollars into a whole heap of money out of that� And he continued to scheme as he skipped to the pier.

Sam sighed thoughtfully as he lay stretched out across his beach towel. He was already in his swimming trunks, and wore a white t-shirt with smudges of sunscreen upon his cheeks. He lay with his hands folded behind his head, but blinking at the sky curiously, he propped himself up on his elbows. Rather than being a clear day, there was a visible marine layer hovering over the beach.

�Hey, Mr. Frodo,� the Gamgee spoke.

Only a few feet away, Frodo lay in his Lazy Boy lawn chair. At the sound of his name, he set up and pushed up the sunglasses that had been covering his eyes. �Yes?� �I was just wonderin��� Sam paused to eye the somewhat ominous-looking clouds. �Do you think it�s gonna rain? Looks a bit like a downpour�s a-comin���

�Oh, Sam,� Frodo laughed, waving a hand absently as he leaned back in his chair again, �only you would be worrying about such silly things�� Sam frowned, thinking this over. A few minutes after Frodo perched the glasses atop his nose once more, he sat up and nearly threw his glasses to the sand. �PIPPIN!� he cried out, practically jumping from his lawn chair. He ran as fast as his feet could carry him, Sam watching all the while. �STOP eating the cake frosting! We haven�t even cut the pieces yet!!�

A sulking voice can be heard off-camera. �But the frosting�s the best paaaart�!�

�Stop it, I say!� Frodo scolded. �STOP IT!�

Sam shook his head thoroughly, then glanced at the empty lawn chair. A sort of possessed look took residence in the hobbit�s eyes. Hmmm� Mr. Frodo�s Lazy Boy lawn chair� Well, I�m sure he�ll be gone for awhile, tending to Mr. Pippin�s crazy eating fetishes. It wouldn�t be taking my master�s chair, per say, if I were to sit in it� It would just be keeping it warm. Yeah, that�s it�

Finally deciding to go through with the plan, the hobbit left his towel and, hesitantly, made his way over to the lawn chair. All of a sudden though, an infuriated woman appeared, blocking his way to it. Her hands were set upon her hips, and a sour expression covered her face.

�Mrs. Lobelia�?� Sam whispered in shock. His mouth fell open. I didn�t think she was invited to the party� �Yes!� she screeched, then pointed to the lawn chair. �We are Bilbo Baggins� rightful heirs! We�ve been waiting sixty some odd years for the old wombat to croak, and it�s been long enough. We�re now taking what is rightfully ours!�

Sam folded his arms across his chest, and looked skeptically at the woman. �SO�you�re the rightful heirs to his Lazy Boy lawn chair?�

�YES!�

�Oh? And how do you plan to do this?� Sam mentally shook his head. She must be losing it if she think she can still steal things that belong to the employer of Samwise Gam�

Lobelia beamed wickedly, invigorated by this new challenge. �LOTHO, dearest, come here��

�gee�

Samwise gulped, vivid memories of Lotho�s bullying days coming back to him all in a rush. The time he had heaved him over the side of a cliff � the time that he had stuck him head-first into a garbage can, left screaming from help � the time he stole his little sister Marigold�s pink stuffed bunny�

The arrogant and stocky form of Lotho Sackville-Baggins appeared. Grinning, he crossed his arms over his wide thick chest, eyeing the shorter hobbit with the belief that he, Lotho, would be the victor. At the thought of this last memory, Samwise glared up at him with pure hatred, rolling up his sleeves determinedly.

�Lotho�� Sam seethed between his teeth.

�Pansy�� Lotho said, imitating Sam�s tone and then bursting up in laughter. An audible growl came from the gardener.

�It�s time to finish this�� the Gamgee said, losing none of his confidence at the sight of this beast of a hobbit. He turned away, and beckoned Lotho to come with him. �I have a better place to do this than here. Come�� The Sackville-Baggins barked a laugh, then followed.

�That�ll be five bucks, please.�

�Crud,� Bilbo said bitterly, drawing out the crumpled paper bills, �I didn�t think we�d be using all of it��

Gandalf ignored him and turned to the Elf that had spoken. They stood on the dock before a medium-sized white boat. �This isn�t going to the Undying Lands, right?� Gandalf asked, feeling the need to verify this once more. �Just going along the coast, right?�

�Yes,� the Elf said, rolling his eyes tiredly. �It�s not until Return of the King that we go there.�

�Oh!� Gandalf exclaimed. �So you�re C�C�Charlie? No, wait, Cirdan, right?� Cirdan rolled his eyes and nodded exasperatively.

�Now, if you would just pay for your tickets, we would be off��

Bilbo massaged the paper bills between his fingers affectionately. �I don�t feel like parting with them�� the hobbit finally spoke. Anger rising in his tone, he continued, �They�re my dollar bills that I found in a storm drain! After all, they came to me!�

Gandalf blinked down at him in surprise. �There�s no need to get angry��

�Well,� Bilbo barked, �if I�m angry it�s your fault!� �Can you just please give him the money�?� Gandalf pleaded tiredly. �Won�t you just be a good little hobbit and give him the five dollars�?�

Bilbo gazed up at him with a crazed look in his eyes. �Y-You�re trying to steal it!� He hugged the crumpled bills to his chest. By this time, Gandalf was getting very�very�mad.

�BIL-BO BAGGINS!� Gandalf roared, the sky becoming black. The waves grew larger, shaking the dock. Cirdan wrapped his body around one of the wooden poles, bracing himself as the waves shook the entire structure. �DON�T TAKE ME FOR A CONJURER OF CHEAP TRICKS--�

�Cheap?!� Cirdan squeaked in fright. �These are rather extravagant tricks if you ask me��

�Well, nobody asked you,� a voice came from above. Two seconds later, everyone forgot that it was even spoken in the first place.

Gandalf continued. ��I AM NOT TRYING TO ROB YOU!� Horrified tears filled Bilbo�s eyes, and he rushed up to the wizard, mumbling incoherently. The clouds lightened, returning to their shade of grey (what, you think the marine layer would lift by now?), and the seas calmed. Cirdan coughed to himself, and straightened up again. Bilbo and Gandalf embraced.

�It is time to let it go�� Gandalf said, placing a hand on the hobbit�s shoulder. Bilbo nodded meekly, then turned to the Elf. Cirdan�s hand opened before him, and his heart greatly wanting to pull back, Bilbo released the dollar bills in mid-air.

In slow motion, the money drifted in the air. Down and down it went� Finally, it landed in Cirdan�s palm, emitting a sound that was reminiscent of that of a hammer clanging against metal. Bilbo sighed heavily, and walked up the stairs of the ship. As Gandalf passed, a wind kicked up, sending the bills flying from the Elf�s hands. Cirdan went running after them, waving his arms frantically.

�You know,� Bilbo murmured to the wizard, �the people that read Return of the King never write stories about Cirdan. But, I bet if Peter Jackson chooses a good-looking lad to play him--�

�Like Freddie Prince Jr.?� Gandalf suggested. Bilbo glared at him.

�Ugh, I can�t believe you like his movies. Anyway,� the hobbit continued, ��I�m sure everyone would write about him. Kind of like with Orlando Bloom.�

They both sighed heavily. �Oh, the folly of young minds�� they both said in unison.

�Legolas Greenleaf, stop!� Gimli cried out. After having gone to change, he had stumbled upon his Elf friend hovering in front of the mirror. He had dragged him outside to try to start up a game of volleyball, but at this particular moment, he rather regretted his decision.

The prince of Mirkwood wore a white muscle-shirt, dark blue swimming trunks, and wore a seashell necklace about his neck. He had been rather dignified as he had strolled out of the bathroom, but at the very sight of the blue ocean, he began waving his arms, frantically trying to run toward it. The only thing that kept him from it was the dwarf�s firm grip on the back of his shirt.

�O, the sea, the sea!� Legolas called out to it. �O, how ye whisper my name with every wave you send upon this shore! Your beauty compasses anything I have ever laid mine eyes on before��

Gimli rolled his eyes. �Oh, good job, Legolas. You�re making love to a sea!� The Elf ignored him.

�O, how ye call my name! �Legolas!� you say with the recession and bringing forth of each wave ye send, like a wave of your hand. �Legolas, come and join me! Build a boat and sail upon me! Let my winds carry you to the lands of the immortals!��

�Oh, gosh,� Gimli said incredulously, shaking his head thoroughly. �Leggy, you have lost it, all right�?�

�Okay, turn on the stereo,� Gandalf instructed. He stood at the front of the ship, standing up on the railing and leaning the bottom part of his legs against it. Staring out across the waters, the wizard holding out his arms to the side like the wings of a bird, enjoying the breeze in his face. Bilbo lifted an eyebrow, but complied.

�Now, hold onto my legs,� the Maiar spoke. �All right�� came the reply. Bilbo gripped Gandalf�s legs halfway between the ankles and the knees. Music began emitting from the stereo.

�Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you
That is how I know you go on
Far across the distance and spaces between us
You have come to show you go on

�Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on��

Bilbo released Gandalf�s legs and cringed in disgust. �Ugh! You live the worst movies ever!� Gandalf glared in annoyance, and the Baggins turned to the stereo once more. �Now, to put on some decent music�maybe N*SYNC!�

�Bilbo�� Gandalf said nervously, beginning to sway over the railing. He flapped his arms wildly. �Bilbo�!� His eyes widened, and his weight pulled forward, taking his whole body with it. He fell over the edge, still flailing his arms madly.

�BIIIIIIIIIILLBOOOOO�*splash*�

Blinking in surprise, Bilbo said, �Uh�oops?�

�Waaaater fiiiiiiight!� Sam announced. The scene widened to show the Gamgee earnestly pushing the pump of his water gun � the SwiftShooter X2000 (whatever that means). Lotho ran past him, spraying the SuperNebula X5000 at the unprepared gardener. Shaking his wet head, Sam sent droplets of water spraying about him. He continued pumping his gun for another moment, but seeing that it was no use, he threw it to the ground in agitation and marched off.

Lotho laughed aloud, sure that he was victorious. A few minutes later, his eyes widened horrifically, and he took off running into the opposite direction. Sam could be seen running after him with a hose.

�Ahahaha!� Sam cackled insanely. �Never mess with a gardener! Mwahahaa!�

Sure that, of course, her son was winning the battle, Lobelia grinned contently to herself and stretched out in the lawn chair. �Hm�� she pondered aloud as she picked up a black box-shaped thing. �Wonder what this is�� She pressed one of the buttons on it curiously, and the chair began shaking with vibrations. �Aaaaahh�� the hobbit woman said, leaning deep into the seat, enjoying this new luxury in her life. �Life is good�� With that, Lobelia�s eyes fluttered shut, taking her into a dream world all her own�

Frodo pointed off towards the ocean. �What�s that?� he asked.

Sam, who had been making a sand castle, looking out. �I dunno, it kind of looks like a big swimming rock��

Using their magical super speed (supplied by Gandalf), Cirdan, Bilbo, and Gandalf swam to shore. Gandalf, indeed looking like a big swimming rock. �Honestly, I didn�t know the boat had no bottom..� Cirdan tried to convince them. Suddenly, Lobelia awoke with a start. Sam, Frodo, Gandalf (he dried himself off using magic, oooooh), a very wet Lotho, Bilbo, Gimli, Pippin, and Legolas quickly crowded around her. All looked mildly shocked with the exception of Bilbo.

�Oh!� said Lobelia in surprise. �I had the most wonderful dream..� She pointed to Sam, �You were there,� and to Frodo, �you were there,� and pointed to Gandalf, Gimli, and Legolas with her three other arms, �and you were there!�

�I wasn�t there?� Pippin asked sadly.

�No,� she said with a shake of her head, �I think you died somewhere near the end.�

As Pippin ran off bawling, tripping over a sandcastle and falling back into his hole, which collapsed upon itself, Lobelia explained her dream.

�Some people went a long, long way, to destroy a golden Ring.�

Gandalf blinked, the carrot falling out of his mouth. �Well, that�s just a stupid idea, really. I bet it was a lovely Ring..�

�It was evil.�

�Well in that case, on, I say!�

���

�Was it The One Ring?� asked the Ice Cream Man.

No one had time to respond, because the skies suddenly clouded over. Lightning flashed, and a sound like thunder rolled, only it sounded more like someone letting air out of a balloon. Then, everything went back to normal. And the Ice Cream Man was gone.

�What�s that smell?� Lobelia commented mildly, holding her nose.

�Um..sorry,� Gandalf apoligized. �Sometimes when I fart I lose control of my staff.�

The other nine people (counting Cirdian) made disgusted faces.

�Ewww, Gandalf! That�s just wrong.� Frodo said, hiding behind Sam.

�I said I was sorry�� Gandalf mumbled, blushing a deep rouge.

Meanwhile�

Pippin sprawled over the sandcastle, and was sent flying into his hole. The sand caved in around him, and then there was darkness. He dug around, wiping his face off.

The sand stuck to the frosting on his fingers and face, and made him itch like the dickens.

�HEEELLP!� he cried at the top of his lungs, but no one heard him. �HEEEEEEEELP!�

�Shhh, little one, I am here to guide you.� said a soft voice.

�What?� Pippin said slowly. �Who�s there?�

There was a noise like a firecracker, and Pippin suddenly found himself zooming out of the sand and into the air. He screamed.

�OH MY VALAR I�M FLYING HELP GET ME DOWNAAAAAAAAAAAH!�

The other eight people on the ground looked up confusedly.

�What was that?� Sam asked.

�I�m not sure..� Frodo said quietly. �Kill it, Sam, kill it with the watering hose!�

�But I can�t kill it, Mr. Frodo, what if it�s a little birdy?�

�I�M NOT A BIRDY, I�M FLYING SOMEONE HELP ME!�

But no one needed to help him, as the voice from earlier helped him instead. Pippin came crashing to the ground on the other side of the beach. Sappy music came on, and the lights dimmed.

Legolas ran across the beach in slow motion, wearing a neon red speedo. �We have to save him, Gimli!�

�I�d�rather�not..� Gimli said in slow motion, looking with disgust at the bikini he was wearing. The other..uh..number of people screamed and stuck their heads in the sand.

�We have to save him, Gimli!� Legolas screamed girlishly.

�Okay!� Gimli screamed back, waddling across the beach like a penguin.

Taking the opportunity, Legolas suddenly took a detour and ran into the ocean. He frolicked happily in the waves, and then ran to shallow water. He began swinging his hair around in circles. Waves of water came out of his golden locks and sprayed everyone within a ten mile radius.

�What are you doing?� Gimli demanded, waving his arms around and jumping up and down on shore. �Get back here! We have to save Pippin!�

�I think he�s alright, Gimli,� said Frodo, looking mildly amused.

Gimli could just make out a midget covered in sand running into the water. Pippin�s hair turned blond, long, and straight (much like the nature of Legolas�s after a mild shampoo with Herbal Essences) the moment it touched the ocean, and his ears..were..still pointy.

�Oh my Valar,� said Gandalf, �they look like each other! They�re like�.like..like��

�Totally?� Bilbo offered.

�No, like�clones!�

And then everyone ran into the water and rocked it out to the Austin Powers theme song.

The waves crashed on the sand, the current pulling everyone into the vast waters (dying everyone�s hair blonde�oh, the horror!). By this time, the Austin Powers music had ceased playing.

�Legolas Greenleaf!� Gimli called. �Where have you got to? Get out of the water!�

�Oh, it�s all right, my dear Dwarf. Just let me enjoy the call of the oceans� Hm, my sweet sea��

�Legolas! I say, get out this instant!� Gimli shouted, angrier.

�Oh, you�re no fun, Gimli. The water�s great. Ouch, what�s that? Ahhh!! Help me!!!�

Everyone in the water looked at the blonde Elf in amazement. He was spinning in a small whirlpool in the water, his hair swirling madly about him.

�It�s got me, Gimli! I�m going! I�m going! I�m� gone,� a meek voice came from the depths of the water.

�We have to save him!� cried Pippin. He now had returned to his normal appearance, and was treading water frantically. �He�ll drown!�

�Yes, and knowing that Elf, he probably can�t swim,� said Boromir, faintly amused.

Aragorn swam to the spot where Legolas had disappeared and stuck his head into the water. Popping back up, he casually announced, �It looks like a shark�s got him.�

�Oh no! We�ve really got to save him now!� Pippin squeaked.

�I told him not to go into the water. I told him! But nooooo, he doesn�t listen, that one, does he?� Gimli sighed. �What an idiot. All right, everyone, let�s go. Form a search party! Boromir, Aragorn and Gandalf, you go find him. The rest of us? We�ll wait here. In case he� er� turns up by himself or something.�

�I think it would be safer, Mr. Frodo, if we all got out of the water? You know, with sharks running around, we wouldn�t want anything to happen,� Sam said.

�I think Sam�s right,� piped up Merry. �Let�s go watch a movie!�

A murmur of assent went through the crowd, and the two humans and the wizard looked jealous.

�That�s right, you all go have fun while we� we� we find that stupid Elf!� shouted Boromir, his temper getting the better of him. �I get stuck with this� this KING is it? And this WIZARD! And you all get to go watch a movie.�

�Boromir,� Aragorn said, swimming next to the other Man, �We must go save Legolas. No matter how� foolish!� he was. And he is not one of our people. But, we will do what we must.�

�Our people�� Boromir said softly, tears filling his usually stern eyes. �Our people� Oh Aragorn!� he said, flinging himself at the bewildered Man. �You� You� You are truly a great Man. I would honor you as my brother. We will defend our people together! And save Legolas, if we must.�

Exasperated, Gandalf rolled his eyes. �The wonders of mankind.�

With that, the trio set off into the deep waters, hoping to find some sign of their lost Elven friend.

�Hmmm� What movie should we watch, Pippin?� Merry asked once they were back on the dry sand of the beach.

�Well, I brought �The Sixth Sense� and �A Walk to Remember,�� the other hobbit replied.

�Oooh, �The Sixth Sense�! That�s too scary,� Sam said, shuddering.

�Okay, then, the Mandy Moore movie it is,� Pippin said, putting the videotape into the VCR he had brought.

The five hobbits, Lotho included, and Gimli sat, rapt in attention, as the beautiful singer come actress came on screen.

Grunting, Lobelia Sackville-Baggins left the others. I don�t want to watch that! I�d rather have another dream� In the lovely lawn chair that is rightfully mine!

Bilbo walked away sullenly. He didn�t think that he would enjoy the sappy movie, and he thought, why not go eat some of his cake, alone, by himself? It was his, wasn�t it? His own. That Fool of a Took had eaten half the frosting already� From his precious�

Aragorn, Boromir, and Gandalf swam quite a length, pausing to come up for breath ever now and then. Suddenly �

�Hey, it looks like he�s down here, in a cave,� Boromir told his companions.

�Then what are we waiting for? Fly you fools!� Gandalf shouted, diving into the water.

At the opening of the cave, Aragorn swam stealthily in, followed by the other two. They swam inside the cave, searching for their lost friend.

The cave opened into a large, dry cavern, where the trio got to their feet and walked around. Then, they heard the delighted squeals of what sounded like a male Elf.

�Legolas!� Aragorn yelled, running toward the sound.

The blonde Elf looked up. �Oh, hello. I would like you to meet my new friends��

By this time, Pippin and Sam had burst into tears. Lotho sits in the background, shrugging his shoulders uncomfortably and looking away from the television. I�m not gonna cry� he promised himself. I am NOT gonna cry� Hey, why aren�t you stupid eyes listening to me?! Crud, too late� He sniffled, and dabbed his eyes with a handkerchief that appeared out of thin air.

On the television, Jamie and Landon were having some heart-felt conversation. �I�m scared of being without you,� she says, tears in her eyes. Landon puts his hands on her cheeks, and a sob emitting from his throat, he says, �That�ll never happen *murmur*�� They both sob then embrace.

�Hey!� Merry cried out indignantly. �What�d he say?!� He grasps the remote control and rewinds the scene. Blinking back his fit of tears, Pippin comments, �Well, it ended with �y,� so it could�ve either been �baby� or �Jamie��� �I must find out!!� Merry announced, giving the television an obsessive stare. �Are you scared?� Landon asks. Jamie cracks a smile. �To death?� Landon glares at her, emotion constricting his throat. �That�s not funny��

�Oops,� Merry said sheepishly, �I think I went back a bit too far�� �Shh!� Pippin said, placing a finger to his lips. �It�s coming up!�

Tears in her eyes, Janie looked up at him. ��I�m scared of being without you.� Landon, finally letting the sob escape, said, �That�ll never happen, baby!� �I knew it!!� Merry cried out, jumping to his feet. He bounced from one foot to the other excitedly, pointing all the while at the television. �Ha! I knew he said �baby�!!� Pippin merely rolled his eyes.

SOMEONE likes this movie a bit too much� Pippin extracted another Kleenex from the increasingly depleted supply they had brought.

Hours Later�

�Legolas, my dear boy,� Gandalf said, exasperated. �You are an ELF. NOT a dolphin. NOT a fish. An ELF. E- L- F. Got it?�

Stubborn to the end, Legolas stuck his chin out, defiantly. �I�m sorry, Gandalf. These are my NEW friends. They like me for who I am!� he said, his lower lip beginning to quiver. �To them, I�m just me! Not Legolas, the gorgeous, blonde-haired Adonis from Mirkwood. Just me,� he said, glaring and resting his hand on the top of one of the dolphin�s heads. His look clearly said �try it.�

�Well, I dare say, there�s only one way to solve this dilemma,� Gandalf stated, drawing himself up to his full height. He waved his staff around inside the cavern, and the very walls seemed to shake in fright. Suddenly afraid, Legolas sank down into the water to his chin, until a bright flash of light and a clap of thunder silenced the land, and the world went black�

�Okay, we are NEVER watching that movie again!� Merry said indignantly, swiping at the offensive moisture gathering in the corners of his eyes.

�NO! Why did she have to die?!� yelled Frodo. �Life is so cruel!�

�He�He�he married her in the church where her parents were wed? AAAAAAH!� bawled Gimli, burying his face in a pillow.

�Okay, everyone!� Pippin yelled. His face was full of determination, and if his voice quavered a little, if his bottom lip shook, no one said anything. �We are HOBBITS! And a dwarf,� he added hastily, �and we have to pull together and be strong! Jamie would have wanted it that way�� he trailed off and, sniffling, he sat down.

Sam stood up and went over to the VCR. �I say we put in �The Sixth Sense.� We NEED something scary after that disaster!�

He reached for the video case, when all of a sudden the room darkened and a crack of thunder split the air.

�WHAT�S GOING ON?!� They all yelled in unison, and a bright flash of light brightened the room.

They warily opened their eyes, only to find the rest of their missing party sprawled on the floor. Gandalf regally drew himself up, straightening his clothing and smoothing his beard. �Well, that�s that then! See, I told you it was the only way. Now our problem with Legolas has been solved!�

The blonde Prince glared. �I LIKED those dolphins.� Then he looked around the room. �Hello, everyone. What are you doing this fine day?� He looked to Sam and saw �The Sixth Sense� clutched in his frightened little Hobbit fingers. �Oh, The Sixth Sense? NEAT!� Jumping up gaily, the dolphins long forgotten, he pushed the video into the VCR and crowded onto the couch with Gimli, Pippin, and Merry.

�Right!� Boromir said, sitting cross-legged on the floor. �I do believe a good scary movie is just what we all need!�

With that, everyone sought comfortable positions on the floor and around the room as the opening scenes of the movie began, and settled in for a long scary movie.

Lobelia smirked to herself conspiratorially, inching closer and closer to the lawn chair. �My own�� she said softly, her voice a reptilian hiss. �My precious�my�precioussssss��

Then, with shocking speed and agility, she sprang toward the lawn chair, snatched it up tight to her chest, and ran off with it. She did not stop running until she reached her home, where she settled it on her porch in the spot she�d dreamed of for years.

�Finally, it�s mine! At lasssst, at lasssst! My own�my precioussss�� She snuggled up in the chair and fell into a deep, deep sleep.

Boromir snuck up behind the couch, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. It was dark, the scary movie was long over, and everyone had found that sleep did not elude them as they had originally thought. The moment was perfect, the timing just about right.

And then, with a smirk, he sprang up.

�RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWRRRRRRRRRR!!!!�

�AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!�

�EEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!�

*WHAM!* Gimli fell off the couch.

Boromir stood there, hands on his hips and his head thrown back, laughing heartily. When he looked down and saw the murderous glares thrown his way, he began to inch backward, towards the door.

Frodo stood up, angrily wiping his hands on his pockets. �That�is�it!� he growled, and picked up the pillow nearest him.

�PILLOW FIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!�

And so the quest came to an end�The quest for the lawn chair, the quest for Legolas, and the quest for everlasting love (A Walk To Remember). Our heroes found what they were looking for, and so found each other (or whatever that means).

One chair to rule them all,

One chair to find them,

One chair to bring them all

And in the darkness bind them.

Fini.
Critique?