1. Mental Preparation
   1. WatchPGA on TV religiously
   2. Get that computer game with Jack what is name.
   3. Rent "personal directory" subliminal tapes
2. Equipage
   1. Make sure your putter has a pro autograph on it.
   2. Pack up a bargain bag of tees-n-ball at Costco
3. Diet
   1. Avoid Baseball or Football food
      1. No Hotdogs
      2. No Pretzels
      3. No Peanuts and Crackerjacks
   2. Drink cheap white no beer

Pre-game

1. Dress
   1. Put on shorts even if it's freezing
   2. Buy a new hat if you lost last time
2. Location & Scheduling
   1. Select a course where your spouse won't find you
   2. To save a fees play where your buddy works
3. Opponents
   1. Look for: Obsolutely,feminity,alzheimers inexperience
   2. Shun : Suntan,Sthethescope,strident walk,florida accent
   3. Buy Opponent as many pre-game drinks as possible

1. Tee first, then develope severe heyfever
2. Drive cart over opponent's ball to degrade aerodynamics
3. Say "fore" just before ball makes contact with opponent
4. Always replace divots when putting
5. Water cooler holes are a good time to correct any error in ball placement
6. Never record strokes taken when opponent is urinating