There are so many places that I could start, but why not start at the beginning. I remember the day I was born. Barely, but I remember, and no one can tell me otherwise....
When I was 5 years old, I became a born again Christian. That was the greatest day of my life. That's the day I overcame my fear of death...Then, of course, there were the popular girls. Well, they weren't really popular...but they were the "superior" ones....I remember the day that my friend joined their clique. She asked me to come along, but I couldn't hang for long. It wasn't me.
....It was a year later that I learned about sex, and such, and all of my friends thought it was cool, because I knew about all of that stuff. Too much knowledge can get you in trouble though...
...I was friends with everyone, but I never quite fit in. People later told me it was because I was more mature. I wonder if that's true....I prayed to God to let me be beautiful. I wanted every guy to like me. He answered my prayer. For one year, I was beautiful. I was everything I wanted to be. Well, so I thought....
...I was a little wilder, a little more free, and a little more conceited...but I liked attention. As a matter of fact, I still do.
8th grade was the greatest year of my life. I found myself that year. I loved my friends. I looked forward to going to school everyday....
I fell in love...He was the perfect guy. He lied to me. I offered to give him my world, but he didn't want it. It hurt. I went through hell for him. But I loved him. He told me that he loved me. What a liar. I survived. I'm still surviving.
I'm not particularly beautiful. However, I look in the mirror and convince myself that I am....I think I'm beautiful, even though no one else might. No one tells me I am. Does that make me conceited? I think anyone who thinks they're ugly is stupid.
I get lonely sometimes. I don't trust people. The people I let inside always seem to find a way out. Very few people have entered into my head...
When I grow up, I want to be happy....People never understand me...I want to finally share with the world all of the weird thoughts bottled inside of my head dying to get out.
I want to get married...Sex isn't nearly as important to me as it used to be, but I want children. I want beautiful children. I especially want a son. I don't want to live my dreams through my children, but I want them all to be special. No bums allowed in my family. I'm going to be rich. Just wait and see. I'm going to be happier.
Right now, I'm bored. I wake up every morning and go to a school that I don't like and try to smile for people and be happy for people, although all I can think about is the day when I won't see them again. Of course, there are people at my school that I really love. Those are the ones I'll talk to. I'll tell them that I'll miss them. Maybe they'll actually miss me too....I'm not the happiest person in the world....but I've got...peace...Maybe that's why I think I'm beautiful. I'm so conceited. Oh, well.
I'm out of stuff to say. I was afraid of this. Well, not really....I hate suicide. I'd lose if I committed suicide. I'd also lose if I needed drugs to get high....I'm a virgin...I can't wait until I get married. I will later though. I will after school. I will after I've found what really makes me happy.
