Words That Should

In The Dictionary...But Aren't

Accordionated (ah kor' de on ay tid) adj.- Being able to drive and refold

a road map at the same time

Aquadextrous (ak wa deks' trus) adj.- Possessing the ability to

turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes

Aqualibrium (ak wa lib' re um) n.- The point where the stream of

drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the drinker

from (a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting himself in the eye

(or ear)

Burgacide (burg' uh side) n.- When a hamburger can't take any

more torture and hurls itself through the grill into the coals

Buzzacks (buz' aks) n.- People in phone marts who walk around picking

up display phones and listening for dial tones even when they know

the phones are not connected

Carperpetuation (kar' pur pet u a shun) n.- The act, when vacuuming,

of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times,

reaching over and picking it up,examining it, then putting it back down

to give the vacuum one more chance

Dimp (dimp) n.- A person who insults you in a cheap department store

by asking, "Do you work here?"

Disconfect (dis kon fekt') v.- To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped

on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will

`remove' all the germs

Ecnalubma (ek na lub' ma) n.- A rescue vehicle which can only be seen

in the rearview mirror

Eiffelites (eye' ful eyetz) n.- Gangly people sitting in front of you at

the movies who, no matter what direction you lean in, follow suit

Elbonics (el bon' iks) n.- The actions of two people maneuvering for one

armrest in a movie theater

Elecelleration (el a cel er ay' shun) n.- The mistaken notion that the more

you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive

Frust (frust) n.- The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto

the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally

decides to give up and sweep it under the rug

Lactomangulation (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n.- Manhandling the "open

here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort

to the `illegal' side

Neonphancy (ne on' fan see) n.- A fluorescent light bulb struggling

to come to life

Peppier (pehp ee ay') n.- The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole

purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want

ground pepper

Petrophobic (pet ro fob' ik) adj.- One who is embarrassed to undress

in front of a household pet

Phonesia (fo nee' zhuh) n.- The affliction of dialing a phone number

and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer

Pupkus (pup' kus) n.- The moist residue left on a window

after a dog presses its nose to it

Telecrastination (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n.- The act of always letting the

phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're

only six inches away