For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack

Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't

know Jack Schitt!" Well, thanks to genealogy efforts, you can now

respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the

fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of

Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious

couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt,

Bull Schitt, and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her

parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt,

a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and, because her kids

were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.

She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a

son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt,

were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently

married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding

announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens

nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.

He recently returned from Italy

with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt",

you can correct them.