Beer Litigation

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer Brewers

have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be

placed immediately on all beer containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering

what the hell happened to your bra.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are

whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in

dancing like a retard.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your

friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you

can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe

that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the

morning.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can

logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without

spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have

mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your butt kicked.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over

in the morning and see something really scary (whose species

and or name you can't remember).

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of

inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion

that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking

than most people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe

you are invisible.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think

people are laughing with you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in

the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large)