Application For Permission

To Date My Daughter

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless

accompanied by a complete financial statement, school history,

job history, ancestral lineage, DMV printout, and a current medical

report from your doctor.

NAME__________________________________________

DATE OF BIRTH_________________

HEIGHT______________ WEIGHT______________

IQ____________

GPA_________________

SOCIAL SECURITY # ____________________________

DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES____________________

HOME ADDRESS_________________________________

CITY/STATE______________ ZIP_____

Do you have ONE male and One female parent?________________

If NO, please explain___________________________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________

Do you own a van?_________________

A truck with oversized tires?______________________

A waterbed?__________________

A pickup with a mattress in the back?_____________________

A condom?__________________ Pornography?_______________

Do you have an earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring?______

A tattoo? ________________

(IF YES TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION

AND LEAVE PREMISES)

In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you__________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does DON�T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER,

mean to you? _____________________ ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?________________________________________________ _______________________________________

Church you attend___________________________________

How often you attend________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father?____________ pastor?____________

mother?____________ parole officer?__________

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely,

all answers are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be: ____________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: ____________________________________________________

C: A woman�s place is in the: _____________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: ____________________________________________________

E: Explain Response to Question D: ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________

F: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is: ____________________________________________________

NOTE: If answer F begins with T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises

keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.

G: What do you want to do IF you grow up?________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________

H: What is the current going rate of a hotel room?_________________________________________

I: Condoms come in packages of (circle one)

1: 3

2: 6

3: 9

4: 12

5: ALL OF THE ABOVE

How do you know?________________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE

AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER

PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN

ANT TORTURE, CRUXIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION,

CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS,

AND HILARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

___________________________________________________

Signature (that means sign your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest! Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to

call or write (since you probably can�t, and it would cause you injury). If

your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen

wearing black shirts and white ties carrying violin cases (you might want