| Colonels secret about Snake It was a cold night as ex-FOXHOUND leader Roy Campbell sat in his dumpster reading is ever growing collection off fetish magazines. Just as he was about to pleasure himself to a rather disgusting picture of a 300lb shemale making love to a blind afgani,his codec beeped........ Colonel: yeah?? who is it?? Snake: This is Snake.......do you read me Colonel?? Colonel: Snake?!?! This isnt really a good time......im in a....um...a meeting.....yeah,thats right...a meeting..... As Snake peered down in the little screen with Campbell in it,he caught a glimpse of the sick porno mag lying right next to an old Arby's sandwich. Snake: Colonel!!! Are you getting off to more sick shit again?!!?!? Colonel: Neverming snake........look,forget about what you were going to say......i need you to come over here right now!! Snake: Whats wrong ??? Is Ocelot making prank calls to you again?!?! Colonel: No,Snake........theres something i think you should know...come over right now. Snake then makes his way over to the Colonels dumpster. Snake: OK,im here..........now what do you need to tell me......AND FOR GOD SAKES PUT SOME PANTS ON!! Colonel: Snake.......theres something i need to tell you.....but i dont know how........aw fuck it,I LOVE YOU SNAKE!! I ALWAYS HAVE!! EVEN BACK WHEN YOU WERE IN ZANZIBAR,YOU WERE ALL I THOUGHT ABOUT!! Snake looked at Campbell with a shocked and sickened look in his eyes,and commenced to throw up all over the damn dumpster..........after,he looked at Colonel. Snake: What the hell!?!?! Your one sick sonuvabitch!! I knew you were one fruity old bastard,but your going too far this time!!!! Colonel:(smiling at snake in an oddly seductive way) Snake!! you must love me too!! come snake,in my dumpster!! make love to me!!! Snake then proceeded to vomit for 3 straight hours,almost as if he was trying to puke out the very memory of his ex-CO trying to hit on him in such a manner. Snake:DAMMIT ROY!!! IM NEVER GONNA GET OVER THIS!!! YOU JUST WARPED MY DAMN MIND!!! Colonel: Snake,please........dont deny me the one thing that can give me happiness!!! SNAKE!!! MARRY ME!!! That was the last straw......Snake couldnt take it anymore.......this was it. He grabbed Colonel Campbells gay naked ass and tossed him out of that dumpster,whipped out his FAMAS and completely emptied it into Campbells thriving,homosexual body.Afterwards,Snake,happy with the outcome,went to celebrate at Mcdonalds. Snake: Yes........i would like a Number 3 with a coke........and give me a free apple pie........no charge. Cashier: I'm sorry sir,but we cant give away food..........its against policy. Snake: OK then......i will pay you with this..... Snake reached for a grenade,but instead he found a polaroid........he wondered where it came from. He pulled it out and looked only to see a naked Colonel Campbell with his "private area" covered in whipped cream. He must have snuck it into the pocket when snake threw his homo self onto the ground. Snake: OH GOD!!! No!!! NNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! (faints and dies from an overdose of nastyness) THE END. |