(Dominic's 5th bday party at the lake - pirate theme was awesome - complete with skull/crossbone black flag on the pontoon boat)
Good morning. Today is Week 6 Post-op. I'm not sure who is still visiting, but I think I'll write each Thursday. It's surprising how quickly time has passed. I don't know how I would have gotten through any of this without my faith and the love of family and friends. This whole ordeal began with my hospitalization on April 6th, 4 1/2 months ago. Natalie and I had just returned home from a shopping visit to Trader Joe's. We pulled in just in time for the school bus (a little too close...which becomes a habit of mine...) to deliver Dominic and Marisa home. As I put groceries away I called my mom with a question. During the conversation I noticed a strange sensation. My heart was beating very fast and it felt as if it was doing cartwheels inside my chest. I mentioned this to Iole who told me to call my cardiologist immediately. I wasn't real concerned. I didn't have the symptoms they always ask about: shortness of breath, dizziness or lightheadedness. Regardless, Dr. Friedman's office wanted me to go to Beaumont Hospital right away. Dr. Friedman was already at the hospital, performing heart caths. My mom and I packed the kids in the minivan and headed to Emergency. Dave beat us to the hospital, and my dad came in right behind. I was whisked in and the result of the EKG they did must have scared them, because I was immediately put in a room and seen by the doctor. My dad took the kids back home and Dave and my mom stayed with me in the room. Still feeling calm, I was confident this was a "little deal" (a term used often in the Haight household...helps the kids determine what's worth getting upset about, and what's not -- most things in life are "little deals"). The doctor and nurses returned and that's when things got scary. I was given an IV dose of Adenosene. I hope no one reading this ever has to experience that in his/her lifetime. The nurse told me it would "make me feel kind of funny for a moment," like a glass of wine does on an empty stomach. She lied. Adenosene (sp?) stops the heart and then restarts it. Creepy. Now, I've been known to be a wimp from time to time (can't do roller coasters, don't like spiders, afraid of heights) but I've also done things Dave considers strong (pulled fish hooks out of the mouths of live fish, helicopered over the Grand Canyon, gave birth to Dominic - the 6 hour labor, 30 second delivery of that 9 pound solid rock baby boy with no pain meds...) BUT, I have never in my entire life experienced a sensation so frightening as those next few moments when the medicine entered my blood stream. Of course, I don't know what it feels like to die, but I could feel my heart stop. I felt it all the way to the tips of my toes. I don't know any other way to explain it. I felt my life stop for that moment. And then, the adenosene didn't work -- my heart rate was still over 150. The nurse said they were going to try it again. I was in tears, until the best thing in the world happened. Dr. Friedman came. I cried to him that I couldn't handle the meds again. He checked me out quickly and had a different idea. He wanted me to have Amiodarone instead. I told him I couldn't handle anything like before and he promised me it wouldn't hurt. "You're going to be fine...." They gave me a bolus of Amiodarone and my heart rate slowed down. It was such a huge relief. My heartbeat, however, was still abnormal and I experienced constant heart palpitations because of it. The time was late. Dave, still in his suit from work, was looking for a chair to rest and Iole religiously monitored the various beeping machines hooked up to me. I asked Dave to go home, check on the kids and get some rest. He finally agreed and said he'd return later in the very early morning. So, he gave Iole the chair and headed home. I lay awake all that night. I remember wondering if this was it - if the heart palpitations were the sign that my heart was too tired to continue. At earlier points in my life I would wonder how long I would live, I mean - we all probably wonder that once or twice. But, for me I was the only person I knew with a scar down the center of my chest. I didn’t think I would live a long life. And my fears were confirmed when Dave and I were first married and my cardiologist then told me to, "hurry up and have kids, you might not survive childbirth if you wait." Lying in the hospital bed I remember praying so hard it hurt. It's so difficult, I mean - I saw myself as a relatively healthy woman who tried to eat well and exercise. But, healthy people die. They die young sometimes too. God has a plan and God knows and I hoped so deep in my heart that this wasn’t God’s plan. I so didn't want that for my life, for my kid's lives. That night was the longest period of my life. And when Dave returned in the wee hours of the morning, and my heartbeat returned to normal at 7:27 am - I breathed a sigh of relief so powerful I began to cry. Dr. Friedman returned with a smile on his face. “I told you, you’d be fine. And anyways…would things really be that bad if you weren’t here? You’re like my wife – she thinks if she’s not around the kids will end up eating frozen dinners each night in front of the TV…..” (He has a weird sense of humor, that doctor – but he is the #1 best cardiologist I’ve ever had). I stayed at the hospital until late Friday night. I came home and went right to bed. The weekend was quiet, and on Monday I called University of Michigan to have my already scheduled appointment moved up. Wow….I didn’t mean to get so heavy so early in the morning. I hope I haven’t depressed you. Writing in this blog has been so therapeutic for me and I think now that I’m entering the last phase of my recovery, I’m beginning to reflect on just what all has transpired in my life this crazy 2006. Things with the Haights are good. The kids are maximizing these last days of summer in the pool and playing baseball in the yard. We will wrap up summer with our annual visit to Grandpa & Grandma’s at Gun Lake for Labor Day. We look so forward to that weekend – fishing, going out on the pontoon, getting together with the O’Connors, celebrating Dominic’s birthday (Bryan’s, too) and just being with family. School starts on September 5th. This is the only year all three kids will be at the same school – Natalie in kindergarten, Dominic in 1st and Marisa in 5th grade. Should be fun. Well, I’d better be going. May your day be filled with laughter…..God bless, Michelle
