From Mark A: "A slightly delayed armageddon-day effect from the y2k computer problem." City summons 106-year-old Norwegian to start first grade at school, from Boston.com.
Feline fracas is latest in war on terror, from the Honolulu Star-Bulletin. This piece by humor columnist Charles Memminger discusses the anti-declawing movement in West Hollywood.
Toys for pigs! Don't laugh. Those crazy 'peens say it's the law! From the Times.
Courtesy of Rachelita! The Sum of All Fears: Three illustrators envision our new era of homeland insecurity.
From the lovely Jennie D.: a bikini you can knit and decorate yourself. (She was looking for a ski hat pattern, not a bikini pattern. Just so you know.) Whoa, whoa. Jennie was shocked that this article was clearly intended to be serious.
My coworkers were just watching this with undisguised glee. Whoa. Maybe you can get it to work (I couldn't). Video of an AC-130 gunship shooting people in Afghanistan (WMV).
Shameless self-promotion: my team made the Cyclingnews.com daily news roundup. For more info and photos, see the official team site. Same info (third place) on The Ride's Web site.
The Mythical Threat of Genetic Determinism, from the Chronicle of Higher Education.
Bark: Do dogs have history?, from the New Yorker.
Standing Ovations: Three Cheers For Ending Them , from The Wall Street Journal, about ovation inflation.
Skeptic pitied, from The Onion.
Dentist works toward toothpaste collection record, from Boston.com. My favorite is the scotch whiskey-flavored toothpaste.
The State of the Union Drinking Game, courtesy of Jennie D. Example: "Any time he says any word of 5 syllables or more, take two drinks (bonus +1 if he stumbles through it)."
Retired Tuftonian Racing Organization, 1992-2005. Photo taken at Dr. Mike Ross' house, at his Last DINK (dual income, no kids) party.
You could lose your lunch
While you read these bad haikus
Swirling yellow bile
From Robin. To be, or not to be an English professor, from the Washington Times. Quoted in the article: "It's a shame they've all been thrown on the job market just as all the gasoline stations have gone to self-service."
I don't think I could every marry a man who said "nu-cu-lar." Guess that rules out Dubya... Check out On Language: Nuclear, by Frank Abate, from the New York Times Magazine. Rachel Lewis feels my pain.
That scary Karl Rove article... Why Are These Men Laughing?, from Esquire.
Belgians Lead Push for Regime Change in America, from Mark A and his mom. A nice companion piece to yesterday's EU-nuch article...
In contrast: Anti-Europeanism in America, from The New York Review of Books. Example: "Talking to high school and college students in Missouri and Kansas, I encountered a strange folk prejudice: the French, it seems, don't wash. 'I felt very dirty a lot,' said one college student, recalling her trip to France. 'But you were still cleaner than French guys,' added another."
USA Oui! Bush Non!, from The Nation, about anti-Bushism and anti-Americanism in Europe. Example: "Will Hutton, a former editor of the Observer, wrote a book portraying the United States as in 'the extraordinary grip of Christian fundamentalism'; boasting a 'democracy' that is 'an offense to democratic ideals,' where the 'dominant conservatism is very ideological, almost Leninist,' and is bolstered by 'tenacious endemic racism,' with an economy that 'rests on an enormous confidence trick,' and in which, incidentally, 'citizens routinely shoot each other.' "
Sales to Minors: Can commercial culture possibly corrupt today's teens more than it did their parents?, from Washington Monthly. "Some of her anecdotal evidence is chilling, such as the 150 school districts nationwide that have accepted soft-drink companies' sponsorships, taking relatively small donations in return for exclusive on-campus access to the districts' thirsty young customers. [Alissa] Quart reports that one young rebel who wore a Pepsi shirt to his school's Coca-Cola Day was suspended for 'insurrection.' " Perhaps more of a parenting failure than a marketing failure...
Ebay bidder wins Big Island sky search, from the Honolulu Star-Bulletin. "An anonymous buyer's $16,000 winning bid ended an online auction last week for a five-day trip to Hawaii's Big Island that includes a night of planet hunting with a well-known astronomer using one of the largest telescopes in the world."
None of them had to die: Yesterday, 24,000 people worldwide could have been saved with basic care, from the Boston Globe.
A Visit to North Korea, from The New York Review of Books. Fascinating.
Julia Keller: Is PowerPoint the devil?, from the Chicago Tribune. Ban It Now! Friends Don't Let Friends Use PowerPoint, from Fortune. Powerpointless, from Baltimore City Paper. It reads: "I know a woman who disciplines her children with PowerPoint briefing charts... Her youngest actually breaks out in tears when the charts are handed out. Evidently, lecturing on how to 'streamline the family process' is more painful than revoking TV time or docking allowances." The Gettysburg Powerpoint Presentation.
How Many People Has Hussein Killed?, from the New York Times.
In Bed With the Famous: They Have Read Some Good Ones Lately, from the LA Times. Sample: Bill Clinton: "I just finished 'Urban Planning in the Context of Municipal Financial Alternatives' and I'm planning to start 'Foreign Policy Options for Lithuania.' " Actual nightstand contents: "The Complete Penthouse Letters."
Patrick O'Grady proposes some bicycling-themed reality shows, from Velonews.com. My favorite is Survivor: The Bike Lane. "In this twist on the now-classic reality show, a panel of six SUV drivers confronts a peloton of six cyclists on a typical American road... In the finale, the last cyclist still rolling is issued a 5.56mm M16A2 with an attached M203 grenade launcher, two full 30-round magazines and six 40mm grenades."
What a shame. Man accidentally shot to death while using gun to beat dog; had told wife he planned to kill pooch, from Boston.com. Of this article, Mark A says: "There isn't much justice out there in America these days, what with the death penalty cases, all the houses controlled by the 'pubs, and dubya/cheney/eXXXon fighting wars on their own behalf. However, there is justice in the world." If you liked yesterday's death penalty cartoon, check out www.markfiore.com, Mark A's personal fave.
My favorite story, EVER, from This American Life: Buddy Picture. "Producer Jonathan Goldstein with a story about friendship, mothers and sons, and what some have called the greatest phone message in the world -- it circulated at Columbia University in New York City, and had something to do with the Little Mermaid." It starts around minute 38 in the RealPlayer file.
Squirrel Cop: A true story of a rookie cop's first day on the job, from This American Life. The strory begins about 20 minutes into the RealPlayer file.
This young man needs help with his seminary tuition.
Independence . . . from tax: Paul Johnson reviews The American Revolution: A History by Gordon S. Wood, from the Daily Telegraph.
The Rage of Oriana Fallaci, from the New York Observer. Fallaci wrote "The Rage and the Pride," which is "a passionate cry in which she accuses the West of being blind to the true threat of Islam -- [it] caused a scandal when it was published in Europe last year, but has raised barely a murmur in the U.S."
Damn, that Mark A is such an overachiever... He sent Warblogging.com to me with this preface: "Always on the lookout for additional subversion. :) Check out the 'Index of Evil'!! Way cool. They also have a fabulous Poindexter page."
A man and his truck hold a special bond, by Herb Benham, from the Bakersfield Californian. Courtesy of Dad, a big Benham fan. An excellent quote from Benham: "People try to pass Suburbans off as trucks because of the inside room. They're not trucks, they're trucks for people who want to take samba lessons and go out to dinner."
Again, from NPR: "...Eric Weiner talks with several people who have sat across the negotiating table from North Korea. They say the North Koreans use some interesting negotiation tactics -- such as sawing off the legs of chairs to make their opponents look shorter."
Bringing the Oscars to Green Bay: No Playoffs? No Problem! Packers Fans Seek Star Power, from NPR.
I heard this last night on NPR. It's an interview with tenor Salvatore Licitra. If you'd like to hear his stunning renditions of segments of "Tovarisch Gorbachev" ("Comrade Gorbachev") and "You Spin me Round (Like A Record)" by Dead or Alive, here's the RealPlayer audio. Also, he has a cute Italian accent.
The Cheeky Girls: 'The worst act ever'?, from CNN. Listen to the song!!
Wrecking Property Rights: How cities use eminent domain to seize property for private developers, from Reason. Scary stuff.
Man who was mistakenly served alcohol seeks permission to sue casino, from Boston.com.
Corraling the iguanas while visiting the Virgins, by Dave Barry, from the Miami Herald. He writes: "The only remotely alarming thing I saw during my visit occurred at a small outdoor bar at a place called Sapphire Beach, where a wedding reception was going on, and the bride's bouquet was partially eaten by (I am not making this up) an iguana."
Not for the Naked Surfer, from Boston.com, courtesy of the ever-vigilant Mark A. The article discusses helpful tips from Amazon.com, which "provides a list of (suggested) items for 'customers who wear clothes.' " Boston.com's Web staff must have been pretty amused. Whoa, whoa!!
Alive and Killing, from Mother Jones. Not to be missed! Courtesy of the lovely Rachelita, who comments wryly, "Ignore all the silly rumors; capital punishment works just as well as it ever has."
I Yam What I Yam: The Sweet Potato Queen dishes up Southern-fried feminism, heavy on the eye shadow, from my co-worker, Robin. Check out the Sweet Potato Queen Web site.
Rate my kitten, from Mark A. He says: "Don't ask me how I found this." This little guy is my favorite.
Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays, received from my sister-in-law, Paige, and my co-worker, Allison.
Deep thinkers missing in action: Even at elite campuses, some students and faculty fret over anti-intellectualism, from the Christian Science Monitor. From the story: "You can party a lot, ski a lot, and still do well and not be that intellectual," says Michael Newton, a junior majoring in government at Dartmouth College. "At Dartmouth, it's not that cool to be intellectual. It's much cooler to be outdoorsy. At Yale, my friends say it's cooler to be urban trendy."
Courtesy of Odd Todd's "Daily Fact I Learned from TV." He writes: "I seen on VH1 today that besides personal assistants and makeup people and chefs and stuff, J. Lo has a personal 'nipple tweaker' that she uses on videos to make her look all perky." Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are her arms broken or something?
Rachelita just called me, consumed with mirth, to notify me about an important CIA memo on a project called "Acoustic Kitty" (scroll down to Document 27). Here's a quote: "...the Directorate of Science and Technology sought to train a surgically altered cat, wired with transmitting and control devices, to become a mobile, eavesdropping platform. In its first test, the cat was run over by a taxi." The text of the heavily redacted Memorandum for: [deleted], Subject: [deleted] Views on Trained Cats [deleted] for [deleted] Use, March 1967, 2 pp., is available in PDF format.
Kids today have it so easy. Check out this forward (it's the second "joke") from Mark A and his mom.
Pacific Faces Crisis in Intel Analysis, by Lieutenant Commander Mike Studeman, U.S. Navy; printed in Naval Institute Proceedings. I used to say "hi" to this guy in the hallway.
Not sure if this a huh or a whoa. Dull Men's Club, from Rachel.
What Does a 99-cent Bic Lighter Tell Us About the Bush War on Terrorism?, from Michael Moore's Web site. (BTW--you MUST see Bowling for Columbine. I didn't even feel bad that my ticket cost NINE freakin' dollars.) Courtesy of Ed.
Catch Michael Jackson's baby. This link was brought to you by my co-worker, Allison.
Derrida, Derrida, Etc., from National Review. The article describes Derrida as an "intellectual con artist, a polysyllabic grifter who has duped roughly half the humanities professors in the United States."
Saddam's Surprisingly Sentimental Last Will, comedy from the New Yorker.
How George W. Bush went from prodigal to president, from the LA Times.
Nicotine enhances memory, study finds, from the Globe and Mail.
Sub Grub Is Navy's Five-Star Secret, from the LA Times. My sister, Kris, wife of a former submariner, said this article is packed with lies...
Mickey Mouse Clubbed: Disney's cartoon rodent speaks out on the Eldred decision, from Reason.
76-year-old carded buying nonalcoholic beer, from Boston.com.
"Scott Ginsberg's plan to change the world is tough on suede." He plans to wear a name tag every day for the rest of his life. Check out Making a name for himself, from the Portland Tribune.
Darwinism at work: Buckle Up? Utah Isn't Sure, from the Salt Lake Tribune. What a way to ensure discipline! If you have 10 kids and only 6 seatbelts... do the kids who are "bad" have to ride unrestrained?
Wanna be a better crit racer? Some training tips from cyclingnews.com.
Do you remember the state capitals?
Bible college shuns 666 phone number, from CNN. I've recruited Lola to chew on my fingers so that I can refrain from comment...
Department of self promotion: here are the cookies that Ed and I made for his friend Allison's cookie party, which took place on Dec. 7, 2002.
The Queen's Trousers: Image of Monarch in Pantsuit Rouses British Media, from NPR.
Shaqlash: Asian group protests outside Compaq Center, from CNN. Here's what Shaq said to piss them off: "ching-chong-yang-wah-ah-soh." Check out the protester with the "Senator Shaq Lott" sign.
Friends: A Democratic Tune, from NPR. When Rachel heard this, she laughed so hard that she nearly drove off the road.
Rachel's cool school Web site. Test your knowledge of "Division and Democracy in France."
Has George W. Bush claimed the Ring of Power? Courtesy of Mark A and Craig. More funny Bush photos.
What if the U.S. only drafted rich white boys? Would our government think about war differently? John Ridley muses on NPR (audio).
News in the conspiracy theorist department: did you know that Warren Buffet "heads" the non-profit for which I work? This one may qualify for four whoas. Courtesy of my co-worker, Allison, who will appear on Jeopardy! in April.
Post-modernism: what a great reason to quit graduate school! This site randomly generates fully referenced post-modernist essays. What will those crazy computer scientists do next? Whoa. And here's an essay from the New Yorker that deconstructs the Cat in the Hat and Cold War paranoia. As Freud might say, "Sometimes a cat is just a cat." Whoa, whoa.
Two oldies but goodies from Mark A: Jack Chick, "artist," thinks Masons and Catholics are evil incarnate. And that's just the start! Space Moose fights back with "Antlers of the Damned."
I need this! Internet browser that quadruples surf speed wins Irish science prize, from The News & Observer of Raleigh, N.C.
Not Your Usual Vampires, But Scary Nonetheless, from the New York Times. Courtesy of the lovely Rachelita.
Compact Disc Minimum Advertised Price Antitrust Litigation Settlement. Did you buy music between 1995 and 2000? You might be eligible for $5 to $20... or the settlement money may all go to charity.
Morituri: the Official Website of Canada's Most Fatalistic Hockey Club, courtesy of Mike Macarena, defen(c/s)eman. Game write-ups are not to be missed.
Dig a duck a day, from Washington's Outer Limits. Features a large, frightening geoduck. Says Mark A: "This makes me nauseous." Whoa, whoa.
Canadians to lead weapons inspections team into USA, from Neilie. More info at www.rootingoutevil.org. You too can be a weapons inspector!
New Korean Leader Firm on Seeking Dialogue with North, from the New York Times. This gets two whoas due to the photo of South Korean soldiers, clad only in camoflouge pants and combat boots, practicing hand-to-hand combat in the snow. Oh, wait--they're also wearing gloves. Whoa!
Official Web site of the book "1421 - The Year China Discovered America."
Free Condom Harsh Reminder of Sexless Existence, from The Onion.
Bush On North Korea: 'We Must Invade Iraq', from The Onion.
Naked quad run may undergo changes, from the Tufts Daily.
Martha Stewart: enemy of cats, from SaveBuster.com (a site that contributes to PAWS). Whoa.
The Power of the Pyramid: The Government's Symbol Of Healthful Eating Still Reigns Supreme. But Should It?, from the Washington Post.
Nonstandard Deviations: Getting government out of the bedroom, from Reason.
Bearded Ladies: An Almost-Defense of The Bachelorette, from Reason.
Fight Terrorism?Grow Your Own Pot!, from Reason.
Tempest in a Coffeepot: Starbucks invades the world, from Reason.
Monster Truck Madness: Blaming SUVs is the new national pastime , from Reason.
Speeches, songs mark overthrow (of the Hawaiian government), from the Honolulu Star-Bulletin.
In Search of Mr. Right, about the shortage of good men, from the Atlantic Monthly.
Annals of Gastronomy or, maybe New York isn't as much of a hellhole as I think it is, from The New Yorker.
Canadian girlfriend unsubstantiated, from The Onion.
Area Cat Allergic To Kevin Strenlow Dander, from The Onion (scroll down to News in Brief).
Axle of Evil or, why SUVs suck suck suck, from The New Republic.
A Feminist's Arduous Task: Getting Paid to Scrutinize Naked Women Was the Last Resort of a Desperate Man, from the Washington Post. Whoa.
Women, Wine and Weapons or, Kim Jong Il is crazy as F***!!!!!!!!!!, from Newsweek. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.