You might be a Lindy Hopper if...
- More than one person can fit in your pants.
- You think its cool to wear short, fat, ties.
- You take the mirrors off your ceiling and put them on the walls.
- You have black and white feet.
- Someone says "nice whip" and they are not complementing your dungeon accessories.
- You have Swedish envy.
- Your favorite Bible verse is Psalms 24:7 (or Psalms 147:6)
- You go Lindy Hopping on the way to a Lindy Hop lesson.
- You eat more than your own weight in food every day.
- The first question you ask a girl is "How much do you weigh?"
- You think that the next number after eight is one.
- When you pick up girls, you "really" pick up girls
- One of your standard evening accessories is an ankle brace.
- You routinely bring a change of clothes, water, and a towel or two for a night out (in addition to the aforementioned ankle brace).
- You think an iced bottle of water is the ultimate prize for a dance contest.
- Someone says vintage, they're not talking about wine.
- You buy Advil in the jumbo economy size.
- You frequently show up at work with a limp and/or bruises.
- You can't pass a shoe store without checking to see if they have spectators, even if you already have several pairs.
- You carry luggage to social events but aren't planning a trip.
- You won t get arrested for going "around-the-world"
- You can't watch other forms of dance without trying to identify moves that could be turned into Lindy steps or aerials.
- You spend every long weekend at Lindy camps, workshops or competitions.
- You schedule business trips around dance nights.
- You only go home to sleep, to do laundry and to repack your dance bag.
- You eat your main meal of the day at one in the morning.
- You think about Lindy Hop whenever you re not actually doing it.
- Your non-dance friends keep hoping that you'll come to your senses so they can see you in person again.
- You find you have more in common with the W.W.II vets in the VA than your friends and fellow students.
- You've found that Gucci loafers slathered with White-Out just don't look as good as Stacy Adams.
- Your heartbeat is an eight-count.
- Aerials? Did someone say Aerials?
- You mutter "philistine" under your breath when you see (gasp) clip suspenders.
- Your wife wonders why you must have a suspended wood dance floor in your basement.
- You saw Swing Kids five times and you didn't even like it.
- The only thing you can think of doing with a time machine is going back to the 1940's and picking up some vintage threads.
- Your ties have been known to cause epileptic seizures.
- When you have a chance to videotape sexy ladies and/or studly guys, you aim the camera only at their feet.
- Your newest line is "Hey, are those Bleyers?" and you really do want to talk about shoes.
- Your friends no longer bother to ask you what you're doing on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights.
- You don't wear your dance shoes off the dance floor.
- You sweat through your dance partner's shirt.
- You leave the floor on slow numbers.
- Most of your CDs are AAD.
- You evaluate the quality of CD players based on whether they skip when you and two of your closest friends jump up and down right next to them.
- Your non-dancing friends (all two of them) start to refer to you as "obsessed" or "rabid."
- Your dancing friends refer to you as "obsessed" or "rabid."
- You tell those two non-dancing friends NOT to come visit you any weekend a big swing event is on because you know they won't want to go and you'll either go and feel guilty, or miss it and MISS IT!
- You practice shim sham steps sitting at your desk at work.
- You drink more than your own weight in water every day.
- You are a "swinger" with multiple partners, who likes to "shag" several times a night, and enjoys "messin' around" during breaks.
- People know and greet you only by a nickname, not of your own choosing, bestowed upon you by fellow dancers.
- You bought a copy of Disney's "The Jungle Book" to see the animated Lindy dancing monkeys.
- People could read a message written on the soles of your shoes during your part in the jam.
- You make people gasp when you dance.
- You make people laugh when you dance.
- Alcohol impairs your dancing instead of loosens you up.
- Home improvement includes removing carpeting, installing wood floors, and putting mirrors on the walls.
You might be a Female Lindy Hopper if...
- You no longer buy clothes you can't dance in.
- You can tell one guy from another by the cut of their black and white spectators!
- You own a garter belt and stockings (not panty-hose).
- You own more than one garter belt.
- If you're single and you go out on nights when there is no swing to look for men, not who will light your fire in the bedroom, but who will lift your skirt on the dance floor … because you can never have too many partners!
- If you break up with your new beau, who is perfectly wonderful, but God bless his soul, he has no rhythm.
- You rage on the shoe store clerk for not having any shoes with leather soles--what are they thinking!
- You tell your two friends that don't swing about the rats you bought for your hair and they disown you.
- Your ideal man has all of the following traits: he swings and boy can he throw you some air!
- Your underwear is an occasionally visible part of your evening ensemble.
- You don't need a sweater in January.
- You're simply too busy dancing to have that affair with the President.
You might be an LA Lindy Hopper if...
- You know people by their dance nicknames, like "Dipping Bill" or "Lindy Bill", Backless Dress Wendy" or "Crazy Redhead Wendy", "Swinger Chris" or "Mean Chris..."
- Even if you don't share a name, people give you a nickname (i.e. "Bernard of Hollywood")
- You know the difference between Dean Collins and Savoy Styles, and that no style is definitive (Well maybe that's stretching a bit. Most people don't seem to think about it that way).
- You've seen Ryan Francois do a picture perfect impersonation of Frankie Manning, Steven Mitchell, and RYAN FRANCOIS!
- You remembered how to breathe on New Year's Day after the start of the California Smoking ban.
- You have philosophical and political discussions about Zoot Suits.
- You can't help but write a screenplay about an up and coming young dancer.
You might be a Bay Area Lindy Hopper if...
- You Lindy Hop in the gas station parking lot while waiting for a cab.
- The Salvation Army people are getting suspicious.
- You are a woman and you begin shopping for underwear at Sports Authority instead of Victoria's Secret.
- You Lindy Hop in the Metro station while waiting for your train after a Lindy Hop lesson.
You might be a transplanted Virginia Lindy Hopper in Madison, WI if...
- There's a strong possibility that you really DO have a gal in Kalamazoo.
- Your friends think the DC area is filled with Spanish Ballrooms lacking A/C.
- You really do notice if your girlfriend gained 3 lbs since the last time you danced.
- You drink Miller brewing products, not out of region loyalty, but because it secretly reminds you of Glenn.
- You fantasize about the warehouse at your office having wood floors, so you can Lindy while you work.
- The dry cleaners stopped running their Monday cleaning specials because of you.
- The State Police know your name after repeated attempts to teach Lindy Hop to your friends on the steps of the Capital armed with a boom box and a basic understanding of the dance.
- You think it's cold inside unless the ambient room temp is above 90.
- Your friends have threatened to bash your skull in if they hear the words "Lindy," "aerial," "whip," or "jam" again.
- Bathed in sweat you may be, you still refuse to loosen your tie, unbutton a button or leave the dance floor.
- The other tenants in your building have nicknamed your apartment the Benny Goodman Suite.
- You've seriously considered scrapping your bed, desk and dresser in favor of a wood floor and mirrors.
Courtesy of Steve Cowles/Buck Smolow at jitterbuzz.com, and contributors from the sfswing mailing list.
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