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| Michael was seeing a doctor for depression, something his mother has suffered from since she was a young adult, maybe earlier and I didn�t notice. He refused to take the medication ordered for him and always hated counseling, but went to make his mom happy. His self esteem was on an all time low and to even hear him when he spoke you needed to be right up against his mouth. He mumbled a lot. He spent most of his time in his room playing Nintendo and other games. He didn�t like being interrupted except perhaps for a meal. |
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| Not A Day Goes By Got a picture of you I carry in my heart Close my eyes to see it when the world gets dark Got a memory of you I carry in my soul I wrap it close around me when the nights get cold If you asked me how I'm doin' I'd say just fine But the truth is Michael, if you could read my mind Not a day goes by that I don't think of you After these months you're still with me it's true Somehow you remain locked so deep inside not a day goes by I still wait for the phone in the middle of the night Thinkin' you might call me if your dreams don't turn out right And it still amazes me that I lie here in the dark Wishin' you were here Michael, your presence I miss If you asked me how I'm doing I'd say just fine But the truth is, if you could read my mind Not a day goes by that I don't think of you After all this time you're still with me it's true Somehow you remain locked so deep inside not a day goes by Minutes turn to hours, and the hours to days Seems it's been forever that I've felt this way Not a day goes by that I don't think of you After all this time you're still with me it's true Somehow you remain locked so deep inside not a day goes by... |
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| I don�t know when the drugs began. I do know that he had a clean drug screen when he signed up for the Navy and I also know they did spot checks before he actually left for Basic training in Illinois. Following training he was stationed in San Diego where we wrote back and forth almost on a daily basis and appeared to enjoy, except for KP duty, his life in the Navy. I have 31 emails I kept and in each of those letters I would tell him I loved him deeper than the ocean and he would sign his �I love you higher than the sky�. |
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| "Deeper Than the Ocean, Higher Than the Sky" |
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| He spent 2 years serving in the Navy when he was caught with drugs and was shown the �door�. He came home ashamed. When I had a moment with him I asked him what happened and he said, �you don�t want to know Grandma�. His mom did the tough love thing and made him get a job and find his own place to live. She was right, I know, but I could tell it was a struggle for him. He found work in a local restaurant and also found an apartment close to his mom. The drugs continued and I�m told he was into the �hard stuff�, whatever that might mean. Trust me I didn�t want to know! I loved this boy beyond anything in my life and I didn�t know how to help him. One night late he phoned and asked me to pick him up at a local grocery store. I was ready for bed but hurried into my clothes and went down to pick him up. Now, you have to picture a small town and he could easily have walked home, but he never asked me for anything his entire life and here was my moment to help him. He was standing in the shadows and at first I couldn�t find him. When he got in the car I headed straight for his apartment but he said, Grandma don�t go this way, go that way. We went the long way around. He was paranoid and I had no idea why�..don�t ask. |
| I've lost my grandchild, I hear myself say, And the person I'm talking to just turns away. Now why did I tell them, I don't understand. It wasn't for sympathy or to get a helping hand. I just want them to know I've lost something so dear. I want them to know that my grandchild was here. And left something behind which no one can see. They made just two people into a family. So, if I've upset you, I'm sorry as can be. You'll have to forgive me, I could not resist. I just want you to know that my grandchild did exist. Author unknown |
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| This picture was a Thanksgiving 1999 I believe. Left to right: Me (Grandma Jean), Michael, Michaels' mom Barb w/glasses, Uncle Rick (w/beard) and his Aunt Rosie. In the back his Aunt KIm and Uncle Scott, also to far right his Uncle Keith. |
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