story

OUR STORY

MICAH'S STORY

This is the story of our tiny angel that God chose to take home at only
5 1/2 weeks gestation...Micah wasn't with us very long, but our sweet angel will live in our hearts forever...

Well, it was November 22, and I was talking to my sister on the phone and I had a feeling that I "could be" pregnant. It was about time for my period, but I decided to get an early test kit, just to see what it would say. I had taken one the day before, and I only saw one line. So the next day, I had talked to my sister and I don't think I mention I could be pregnant at that point, but when I got off the phone with her, I took my other test...It had two very faint lines. I was immediately scared to death. You see my son was only
13 months old at that time. I didn't know how we would be able do it. My husband wasn't there, so I called my sister back. She was so happy!! She made me smile, but inside I was all nerves. We talked a while and when we got off the phone I tried to call my husband at his moms and he had went to help someone move something (I can't remember who or what) I asked her to have him call me and she said she would. I only had to wait about an hour on him to call. When he did I told him and he was a little worried I think. He said he would be home in a minute and not to worry. I had decided not to tell the rest of our family until I went to the Dr.   Well, I tested to be sure I was pregnant on that Sunday and sure enough, there were my two lines...I was so happy by this time. I guess maybe it was because the lines were darker and I "knew" it was a sure thing. I immediately started planning...Teddy bears for the babys room, etc. On Monday, I asked someone to take me to the Health Department and luckily one of my friends from work took me. I went in and told them what was going on so they gave me a test...negative. At that very moment, I felt my heart sink and I was just about to cry. The lady that had done it said that maybe it just wasn't far along enough, but it sure would've been a great Thanksgiving announcement. (Little did I know that on Thanksgiving I would be announcing our babys existence, but also mentioning that our baby would probably not make it.) I walked out of that office completely crushed. I decided to give it a few days so I waited until November 27--that Wednesday, it was also the day before Thanksgiving. I stopped by the store and bought a preg test. I got home and took it, two lines were still there, but the positive line was a bit lighter. Then I noticed what looked like a tiny bit of blood on my underwear. I got scared immediately. I called ask a nurse, and she told me that it could be nothing (only a urinary tract infection or something like that) I should go to the emergency room. I did that later that night. I called my mom, hoping she wouldn't be mad
at me for getting pregnant, and as my mom always is, I had nothing to worry about,
of course she wasn't mad!! I told her what was going on and she said to go to the ER
just in case. Well, we went about 9:00 pm or so. They gave me some different tests
and stuff...results came back...the dr walked in and said...You're NOT pregnant and you
probably have a urinary tract infection.   I told that dr that I took 6 hpts and they
ALL came out positive. He said he could do a blood test but he was sure the results
would be the same as their tests are "very sensitive." Well, guess what--
it was positive.   More tests (pap and stuff). All my tests came back good.
My beta HCG was low but positive. They said that I could only be a few weeks pg or
I could be miscarrying. I had to come back in 48 hrs for another blood test. I went
and tried my best to think positive, but I think deep down I knew, God had already
chosen my angel. It was Thanksgiving and a hard one. I wasn't feeling good and Gabriel
was a handful that day. The day that I had to go back for my blood test, I went about
6:30 pm on November 29, 2002. We dropped Gabriel over at his Nanas and me and Mike went to the hospital. After my blood was drawn we went down and ate at the Cafeteria while we waited. After we ate we went back and asked for the results...the number had dropped 9 points. I asked what it meant and they had a nurse come and talk to us. The nurse that came to us was heavensent. She took us in a room to talk to us, which was better. She told us that I had miscarried since the numbers had dropped. I immediately started crying. She handed me some tissues and told me it was okay to cry. She was so caring. We asked a few questions. When they were all asked, we got up and walked out of the room. Everyone was looking at us in th ER waiting room. I got out to the parking lot and lost it. I started screaming, "I killed our baby, I killed our baby." Mike was doing his best to calm me down. I asked him over and over to please forgive me for what my body had done, and since it was my body, I felt like I had done it. When we got back to get Gabriel, Mike walked in to get him and started crying, too. Gabriel saw me and came to me and layed his head on me and gave me a hug and cried too...We had to go to Wal-mart and get some essentials. I got some bubble bath and the rest of the things I HAD to have. I wanted to get some kind of jewelry that night to be memorable of my Micah. I found a little charm of an angel sitting on the moon holding a star and I bought it. I miss my angel and will forever. My arms ache so bad sometimes for MY baby. Losing a baby, even in pregnancy, is something you NEVER "get over" I am proof of that. I still buy things for Micah. Mostly, teddy bears.

Thanks for reading the story of our tiny angel. It means a lot to us. Micah, like
Gabriel, will always be our "child". Love knows no death. Love is unconditional.
Since losing Micah, I have learned a lot of little sayings, but I think one that
means the most to me is "A baby is a baby, no matter how small" by Dr. Suess.