While I was doing a lot of thinking the other day, I was reminded of the cartoon show Captain Planet, which I loved as a kid - I still know all the words to the theme song! - and of the character Mati in particular.

As many would know, Captain Planet appeared whenever the five Planeteers raised their rings and combined their powers - "Earth! Fire! Wind! Water! Heart!" And the show always opened with an introduction of the Planeteers. The last one goes, "And from South America, Mati, with the power of Heart!"

I remember thinking, when I first came across the show, "What in the world is the power of Heart?!" I remember thinking it was weird that Heart was there, after the four elements - it didn't seem to fit. Of course I later learned that the power gave Mati the ability to talk with animals and stuff, but as a child, I never fully understood the connection between that and Heart. And since I never really reflected on the show, I never fully understood until now, when I think of the show a decade or so later.

The thinking I was doing the other day was about Heart.

I was thinking about how we always say, "She's got beauty and brains!" or "He's got brawn and brains!" Sometimes the 'and' is even 'and,' to emphasize that the person possesses both, as though that's very rare. And I was thinking about how something seems to be off here. Because the world glorifies beauty, brawn and brains (beauty more han the other two). People become famous for having these, people become influential. And these people will be remembered.

But the people who make the most real, lasting, significant marks on the world are those that have Heart.

There's nothing wrong with beauty and brawn and brains. We need those. Beauty and brawn are part of the essence of real men and women, and we need real men and women, fully alive and aware of their purpose. (For more, read John Eldredge's Wild at Heart and Captivating, must-reads for men and women, respectively.) Brains can improve the quality of life, such as through inventions or policy-making, and can even come up with life-changing discoveries like medicinal cures.

But it takes Heart to really, really change the world.

Heart is hard to explain, but obviously I'll have to try. Heart goes beyond oneself, because Heart is not about oneself, but about others. Heart is having a personal cause, that's part of a greater, collective cause. Heart is having a vision for a better society, whatever that may mean to the person. Heart is passion, and dedication, and selflessness. Heart is caring, and loving. Heart is living, being fully alive, and wanting that for others, too.

I don't mean Heart in an extreme way, like a give-all-your-possessions-away way. (Which, incidentally, appears a lot in the Bible and is often taken almost literally and thus extremely, which is wrong.) Heart doesn't mean you ignore yourself. Truth is, Heart begins with yourself, which again is hard to explain. You have to be the best version of yourself so you can give the world the best you've got.

And I'd just like to say that there are artificial means for gaining beauty, brawn and brains, but you can't buy Heart. You can exhort someone to have Heart, but you can't give it to them. Heart isn't something that can be externally given.

It takes Heart to change the world. Because that's exactly what Heart wants and works for! Sure, beauty and brains can change the world, too. But as Paul said, the greatest of these is Heart.

It doesn't matter where your Heart is, what your cause or advocacy is. It doesn't matter if you fight for children, elderly, indigenous peoples, special children, cancer patients, factory workers, rape victims, or OFWs. It doesn't matter if you fight against corruption, poverty, drug addiction, stereotypes, or whatever. You can even not have an advocacy, just a drive to raise standards in your field, or help people in your own everyday ways, and that would still be Heart.

I firmly believe that no cause is above others. We're all called to different spheres (even places), called to do different things, called to make different differences. In the end it's the same. Heart is the same everywhere, and so is love, care, sincerity and empathy. The world's a good place - and will constantly become a better place - as long as there are people who say and show, "I care." It doesn't matter how you say (or do) it, or in which language, or to whom. Because caring for a certain sector, a certain group of people, is already caring for the whole of humanity and its future.

Going back to Captain Planet, I finally understand. Earth, fire, wind and water are powerful by themselves, but Heart had to be present to call Captain Planet and save the earth. It's the same in real life.

When I die, I hope to be remembered for having Heart. Just like Mati.

The plan had always been, to write. To be a writer was my first serious ambition - like everyone else I had other crazy childhood ambitions - and my earliest documented poem was something from first grade about animals talking to each other. (Which at the very least showed some creativity as early as age 7!) All my life I've wanted to be a writer. So the plan was to make a full-time career out of writing. Or, to have an office job and write on the side, but the nine-to-five would still be writing- or media-related. And to have a book or two published, fiction or not. Then the plan included starting a sensible, relatable, youth-oriented magazine. For a long time, that was the plan, besides all the other things I wanted to do with my life.

The plan has changed so much this year. As have I.

I have yet to understand fully why Singapore (by Singapore, I mean my stay there) happened, and what it has done to me. I have yet to see exactly how much it has changed my life, changed my perspective, changed my plans, changed me. All I'm sure of right now is that Singapore has changed me tremendously. More than I think. More than I ever expected it to. More than anything else that has ever happened to me. Forever.

I've blogged about my pre-Singapore visions, and my post-Singapore visions. I've come to understand that like a lot of other things, sometimes dreams have to shrink so they can expand. Sometimes you have to let them go so you can own them. I have learned that, and I thought my post-Singapore visions were the new plans.

I was wrong. Just when I thought the new plan - writing, NGO work, scholarship foundation, drifting around the world (I never wanted to leave the country until I realized after Singapore that serving the nation isn't limited to being here) - was it, it's been changing again!

These days I've gotten so interested in migration research, I'm thinking about working in a migration-focused NGO. Plus, it has occurred to me that I'd really like to go into international relations as well. And this will sound weird, but I'd also like to go into another kind of international relations - I seriously want to be in an intercultural marriage.

So now I'm sure about taking a master's, but I don't know what course to take! There's Southeast Asian Studies, Communication, and if I really want to be a diplomat, Political Science or International Studies. Since I only want to take one master's, I'll have to ponder my life plan seriously.

It's insane, really. Today, so far, my plan includes floating around the world (beginning with Singapore) and possibly getting married abroad and settling down in a few places before returning to the Philippines later on, taking a master's in Singapore, dabbling in international relations (like working in the Philippine embassies), maybe doing migration research, putting up a scholarship foundation, working in or even founding an NGO, and getting involved in Filipino communities around the world (such as helping train OFWs, like teaching them English). Oh, and writing. I'll always be writing, though I don't see it as a full-time career anymore. The magazine, I don't know if I can push through with it, so we'll just see. I have an idea of the what's, it's the where's and when's that are still not clear. (That's why part of my plan is drifting in the world.) And I don't mind!

It's still not about me, though. And I don't mean that it's about God, though of course that's true. What I mean is that this isn't just about travelling, seeing the world, earning dollars or whatever. I want my life to be about service, and wherever I am, I plan to be doing something that will serve society, especially Filipinos.

One of the biggest things - if not the number one thing - Singapore taught me is unplanning my life. (Which I hope to expound more on in another entry.) I guess I can actually say that I have no plans anymore. My only plan is to go wherever I'm taken and do whatever I'm called to do. It's been crazy, all this reshaping of dreams and plans and life goals, but do feel and believe that I'm in the right direction, with the right Driver, and more than anything else, my plan is to obey.

I had lunch with a good friend a few days ago, and before we parted she said that she was proud of me, especially when I took a leap and went to Singapore. She said I've changed a lot because of the trip, that I grew up a lot, and that I came back with an expanded vision that will bless people with limited visions, even as I just talk about it.

Until she said those, the only one of all the things she said that ever occurred to me was that I changed a lot in Singapore. No one else had told me such things, after all. Until she said what she did, I didn't even think I changed for the better. I never considered that I may have seriously matured in Singapore. Much less, considered that my visions have also grown.

Yet when she said it, something in me told me to believe it. And as I did, I thought of my current dreams, and realized that it was true. I was reminded of the common catchphrase "bigger and better," and realized they applied to my dreams. My dreams are back, and they're bigger and better.

I had no dreams when I flew to Singapore. Seriously. Last year, God had helped me dream, and take ownership of those dreams, and I'd had a clear vision for my future. I could clearly picture where I'd be ten years from now and what I'd be doing. But late last year, all my dreams fell apart, and the vision that had been so clear crumbled to pieces. I couldn't even see myself writing in the future, and I didn't even feel that I wanted to write anymore, and this was my biggest dream that I'd had since childhood. I lost the vision, the passion, everything.

I firmly believed that it was God who gave me the vision in the first place, and that it was also him who was now taking it all away. I just didn't understand why. For a long time, even when I was already in Singapore, I struggled with the sudden death of my dreams. I found it hard not to have any sense of direction regarding the future, because then I also didn't have any sense of direction regarding the present. Besides asking God why, I asked God things like, "What now? What am I supposed to do now?" I "tried" dreaming, but there was nothing. I felt lost. I felt left behind, in a sense. People around me had dreams, and were taking concrete steps towards those dreams. I didn't even have a dream.

Eventually I learned to let go. I learned to be dreamless, and aimless. I know it doesn't quite sound right. For a lot of people, the lesson to be learned is to seize the day because our time is limited, to take action, etcetera. For me, who has always been in a hurry to get to the future because I wanted to maximize my one lifetime's chance to make a difference in the world, the lesson I had to learn was to sit back and relax while waiting. So that's what I learned. I learned to "live in the moment," to enjoy where I was at any given time. I learned to float around with God and really just go with His flow. I learned to let go of the future, and trust that my dreams will be returned to me someday.

And returned, they were. Towards the end of my stay in Singapore, my dreams started coming back. I didn't realize it at first, because it came in the form of enjoying what I was studying and being really interested in my classes. I didn't realize I was getting direction back, and that the things I was studying and loving would guide my rejuvenated visions.

While in Singapore, I also was bitten by the travel bug and the NGO bug. The newfound love of travel needs no explanation. The NGO bug made headlines in my daily chronicles. A lot of my friends in school have told me they wanted to work for the UN. (It wasn't weird that they wanted to go into NGO work, but it was weird that for some reason, it was always the UN.) I always thought it would be nice, but never seriously considered it because my vision then was set in the media industry. Now I want to do NGO work. I am even considering putting up my own NGO, whose cause will be either youth or education, or both.

During this reawakening phase, I learned to be "dreamless." Not that I was not dreaming, but that my dreams and visions were fluid enough to fly freely in many directions. I was not consciously aspiring for anything specific, but I was game for anything. All I really knew for sure was that once I heard God's instruction, I would follow.

Soon, my dreams were taking shape again. I gained a passion to travel. I regained my passion to write. And my passion to serve reached greater heights. My dreams weren't the same ones I had before, although there are significant parts that remain. I like to think my dreams were refined. And indeed, they expanded as well.

Today, I dream again.

I dream of writing. I dream of getting published, be it articles in a magazine or an actual book. I dream of becoming an awarded writer.

I dream of putting up a scholarship program or foundation. Even if the foundation does not materialize, the scholarships will. I dream of supporting, if it would be with my own money, at least five promising youth through high school or college. I dream not only of sending kids to school, but being with them every step of the way - tutoring them, befriending them, life-coaching them, and being a foster parent to them. I dream of family picnics with my scholars; my kids will be their friends.

I dream of becoming influential, and being asked to give talks in schools and companies and other institutions and organizations. I dream of reaching more youth through those talks, of being given more and more chances to impart what I can to the next generation.

I dream of traveling. And writing about my travels, and getting those published. And being able to meet young people on my travels, and talk to them, and influence them. I dream of vacations that would be great learning and enriching experiences.

But more than any specific dream, any clear vision, any great passion, I dream, first and foremost, of living the life God has willed for me. To miss God's calling for me, to miss my destiny, is my greatest fear.

I don't know why God took my dreams away for a while. At least I don't know yet. I know there was a purpose to that, and I know I will understand it in due time. And I know my dreams may change or be withheld again, but I am now ready for that circumstance - I will not panic, because I now know I will never be lost. In the meantime, my dreams soar without restraint, and my God is in control.

My dreams are back. So am I.

Be warned.