My Name is Grecie. I am a troublesome person as well as a troubled person. After so many messed up years, I have come to this conclusion that life is never fair. People have tried to debate that appearance is secondary and intelligence is what makes a person attractive. Hell, I don't totally agree with that. If the person hates about his/her look and cannot face it, the impact of the appearance and pressure from the outside world can really destroy someone who does not have a strong enough heart.

I have been through a lot all my life. I am not afraid of anything but a singular activity - eating. To be honest, I am suffering severe eating disorder and it has been haunting me for more than 5 years. I have tried literally anything to stop this eating habit, but none prevailed. I have been through depression and suicidal intention, until recently, I have realized the urgency of correcting my problem. I am going to start to make a change to my life. And I anticipate that it will be a turning point to my messed up past.

As a lot of you may know that good looking people usually are more popular and they are the attention-getter in society. I used to be like one of them when I was a lot skinnier. Honestly, I enjoyed that very much. I had a lot of motivation to do whatever I wanted. I could take any challenges of my life and I was indeed very successful. Now I am overweight... I know I shouldn't let my look change my attitude, but my eating habit is ruling over my rations. Anyway, I want to conduct a little very interesting experiment among people I know. I want to try to lose weight to the goal I set to myself, and then observe the way people treat me. From now to when I am in good shape again. I will write down every detail that people change their attitude towards me as oppose to now. This will definitely serve as a motivator for me to lose weight, since I cannot really think of anything else that might internally motivate me to get healthy. Here is my new year resolution. Hope it will inspire those who are like me struggling with bulimia. It's not too late to change. Lets try it together.

New Year Resolution

1. Lose 30 lbs - Now 135 lbs
As you know that the "Look" does make a difference to your life... a HUGE difference. You must start now and make yourself a BIG change. Dude, you are freaking gorgeous, but if you don't keep the weight down, you will never receive the treatment as those bitches do.... You have to cut off that extra 30 lbs of weight. Start NOW!!!!!!!!
2. Get all As - Now its a mess
You have to start to work hard. Very hard... I mean as hard as to the extend that you have to occupy more than half of your day time to study. I am dam serious. Make up your daily schedule and follow up to it. If there is any sort of slacking phenomenon, you shall really stay rational. Never ever give up things easily. There is not always a second chance. So keep in mind that once you lose something, it is dam hard to retrieve it back. You have to realize that time is slipping away, if you continue wasting time and being totally unproductive, there is only one result you can get - failure... absolutely failure...
3. Eat normal - Now you are fucked
You have been having this eating problem for more than 5 years. This is a serious disease. You have to stop it now. This is the only reason that keeps you dreadful and uncontrolled. You don't want to see yourself being so negatively different from anyone else. At least, to think.... having a normal life is such a blessing. Once you overeat, your mood swings and yourself start losing control. You stop seeing people and you then confine yourself in your freaking a little twisted room. That's goddam depressing. You begin cultivating another personality to yourself. You become reclusive, lazy, inefficient, and depressed. Your previous active, outgoing, extrovert model of you will then vanish like the wind. You cannot help it because you have lost your self-esteem and confidence to face reality. You want to just sleep through all the truculence in life, so you can be ignorant. But the reality tells you that you will only fail if you go on digging yourself a hollow and not seeking a solution. You are desperate. Deep down inside, you pray to get out of the cycle of hopelessness which eventually could lead to suicide. You want much attention from people however, with the extra weight you have put on, you begin losing confidence because you are afraid of being criticized. You become antisocial, which is completely counter your previous personality. You hate it but you don't know what to do. You are lost..... Wake up dear. It is not the end of the world. You can make a difference if you try now. Do not think about to take actions tomorrow. Do it now because time is more precious than any valuable things. Time is priceless and you cannot retrieve it. So do not waste any more time....... You can do it... Believe yourself....

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