Jesus Help Me
- Jesus walks out of his room into a hallway at the same time someone else comes into the hallway.
Frat Boy#1:
Christ, I think I drank too much. I feel like I�m going to be sick.
Jesus:
No problem.
- Jesus lays his hand on Frat Boy#1�s head.
Jesus:
There you go.
Frat Boy#1:
Thanks Jesus, you�re the greatest!
- Jesus continues walking and enters the kitchen.
Frat Boy#2:
Jesus, we just ran out of beer. Can you do that little thing you do?
Jesus:
Sure, just fill the keg up with water.
- They fill the keg up with water and Jesus puts his hands on it.
Jesus:
There you go. JGD. I think it�s my best yet.
Guest#1:
JGD? What�s that?
Frat Boy#2:
Jesus Genuine Draft. It�s everything you want in a beer!
Jesus:
It�s totally WWJD.
Guest#2:
WWJD?
Jesus:
Yeah, What Would Jesus Drink? I drink this.
- Laughter
- Jesus walks on into the living room holding a beer cup.
- Frat Boy#3 walks up to him holding an empty bag.
Frat Boy#3:
Jesus, there you are! We are totally out of bud, man.
Jesus:
Thank god I�m here. Do you have any oregano?
Frat Boy#3:
No, all I have is this houseplant. Its kind of sickly ever since Frat Boy#2 puked in it last week.
Jesus:
It�s all good. I can use that, and I�ll fix the plant too.
- Jesus takes a little leave off the plant, leans over the table and starts doing something with his hands.
- In a few moments he has a large pile of green on the table. Then he reaches back over to the plant and touches it.
Jesus:
There you go. That should keep the bong full for a while.
Frat Boy#3:
Holy smoke Jesus, that is a lot of dope. Your shit is always the kronic.
Jesus:
I don�t know how to make it any other way. KGB all the way! It�s a gift, really.
- Jesus takes a toke and then walks into the living area to sit down on the couch.
- There he encounters a sad looking girl sitting down.
Jesus:
What�s wrong?
Girl#1:
Today, I found out I am pregnant.
Jesus:
I take it that�s not a part of the plan?
Girl#1:
No. This is going to ruin my life. I don�t know what I�m going to do.
Jesus:
No problem. I can fix this for you.
- Jesus leans down and touches her belly.
Jesus:
There, all cured.
Girl#1:
WHAT?!? Really? That�s great!
Jesus:
It�s nothing. Don't mention it. I meant that! I don't want my Dad to find out.
- All the people come in to the living room with holding their beers, and bongs.
Everyone together:
Thank you Jesus. What would we do without you?
Jesus:
You�re all welcome. That�s what I�m here for!
