Frat Boy#1:
Oh Jesus, you got a message yesterday. It�s from a Sergeant Lovejoy in the Guard.
Jesus:
Really? What did he want?
Frat Boy#1:
He wanted you to call him back ASAP.
Jesus:
God, I only joined the Guard for the college money. One weekend a month and two weeks a year they said. I wonder what this could be about. I sure hope we aren�t getting deployed. I don�t know what I would do if that happened.
(Jesus talking indistinctly on the phone)
Jesus:
Holy Christ, my Guard unit got called up. They are sending us to Iraq!
Frat Boy#1:
Isn�t that going to be a problem for you, with you being the Prince of Peace and all? Aren�t you a pacifist anyway? You know, turn the other cheek, love the meek, and shit?
Jesus:
Yeah, I know. This could be a problem. I just hope I don�t have to shoot at anyone.
Jesus (looking up):
Father, let this cup pass from me!
Frat Boy#1:
Yeah, that could really be a problem for you. But, I bet you�ll be famous in no time, with all your miracles�n shit.
Jesus:
Dude, I�m Jesus. I think I�m already famous.
Frat Boy#1:
But still, if anyone gets shot or killed, you can just totally fix�em up. You should be put in a medic unit.
Jesus:
I signed up to be a medic, but due to an administrative error, I ended up in something completely different.
Frat Boy#1:
What unit did you get into?
Jesus:
Infantry.
(Cut to Jesus dressed up as a soldier in combat.)
Soldier#1:
Private Jesus Christ, what in the name of this man�s army do you think you�re doing?
Jesus:
Raising this guy from the dead.
Soldier#1:
I can see that! Maybe you haven�t quite got this war thing down. I just killed him. He is the enemy! Do you love your country? Do you want this war to last forever? Who�s side are you on anyway? You do love your country, don't you?
Jesus:
Sorry Serge, I can�t help myself. I love my enemy as I love myself. It�s a psychological compulsion I have to heal the sick. I blame my parents... err.. my Dad really.
Soldier#1:
Psychological you say? Hmmmm� I don�t think my beloved army is for you, son. If you keep doing acts of kindness like that, this war is going to be over in no time. You will actually start to win over the hearts and minds of our enemy. That is not a part of the plan! We just can�t have that!
(Cut to Jesus back in the frat house.)
Frat Boy#1:
Jesus, you got back from Iraq in no time.
Jesus:
Yeah, turns out I�m not suited to serve in the army. I guess I�m going to have to figure out a different way to pay for college.
Frat Boy#1:
Really? What was their first clue? You�re the Messiah!
Jesus:
I got a Section 8 Discharge. They said I had some kind of a Messiah Complex and that I was bad for the war effort.
Frat Boy#1:
Bad for the war effort? How�s that?
Jesus:
Yeah, wherever I went, peace started to break out.
