FREE TO BE: Gay Proms Sprout in Suburbs

From Long Island Newsday, June 10, 2001

Don't drink. Don't stay out too late. Don't do anything stupid. Jenn's mother said none of those things as the Long Island sophomore left for her prom in Sayville on Friday afternoon. She had something more important on her mind.

"Remember my one rule, Jenn's mom said as her daughter walked down the driveway in  a long black dress. "No talking to the television cameras.  To this, the 16-year-old responded in a tone  perfected by countless generations of teenagers.  "Fine, she said in a near-moan as she climbed  into her date's car.  "Jennifer, her mom said. "I'm serious. Jenn's prom, attended by roughly 220 other students from Long Island and New York City, had been billed as the first full-fledged prom for gay high school students ever to be held in the American suburbs.

But television cameras at a prom?

Certainly, it is a rare prom where the theme song, "Free To Be” is performed live by Gioia, the pop star who wrote it. That happened at the Pride Gala in Sayville on Friday night, too.

Few proms need a police presence, either. Yet the organizers asked for, and received,  several Suffolk police officers to  Guard the perimeter of the Island Hills Golf and Country  Club, and off-duty volunteers from the Long Island chapter of the Gay Officers Action League were also providing security. They reported no incidents of protestors.  And it's rare that merely attending a prom is considered by the attendees to be a political  statement, as several of the kids who crowded into the ballroom said that it was for them.

What brought out the cameras, the pop star, the police and the speeches from dozens of eager teenagers was simple: Boys were dancing with boys on Friday night, and girls were  holding hands with girls.

"It shouldn't have to be a big deal,” said  Rachele Pellegrino, 17, a sophomore from  Riverhead, as she nervously pulled on the back of her dress and stared down a bank of roughly a dozen cameras at the pre-prom press conference. "This won't be a big deal for our kids, but someone has to do it first.”

Even the organizers of the event were surprised by the attention the prom received.

"I was astounded,” said David Kilmnick, the executive director of Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth, the Bay Shore-based group behind the event. "But the fact that it was a  big deal shows just how far we have to go.”

The event was not the first to claim the label of the first suburban gay prom. Another Long Island group, Pride For Youth in Bellmore, has hosted gay prom nights for four  years at a house of worship run by the Ethical Humanist Society in Garden City. This year, on June 22, its prom will take a step up, to the Thatched Cottage, a catering hall in Centerport. And last year, in a Chicago suburb, a prom sponsored by a chapter of the Gay-Straight Alliance also billed itself as a suburban prom, though it too was held in a church.

But Friday's event looked like any other prom. It even fooled members of the country  club. "What school are you from?” asked one man to a girl in a floor-length gown who had wandered away from the party in search of a bathroom. When she explained, he walked away shaking his head. "Amazing,” he said.

There were balloons, mocktails and souvenirs for the kids to take home. There was a vatered dinner, a light show and a photographer.  But the kids at the prom were from 55 different High schools -- including 46 schools on Long Island and four in Queens – and included many kids who said they wouldn't go to their own school's prom with the date of their choice because of the stares and nasty comments they would have received. One 18-year-old said he wouldn't  even go to  school, never mind the prom. 

"In the eighth grade, I refused to go,” said Warren Maloneof Oceanside. "The other kids  were teasing me and hitting on me because I was too feminine. So the school district pays for a private tutor for me now. Malone came without a date, and didn't know anyone when he walked up the red carpet outside the country club. But the effusive teenager seemed to be making friends almost as fast as he was spitting out lines for the reporters. "This is incredible,” he said.  Eventually, the lure of the television cameras proved a strong one for Jenn, too, despite  her mother's admonition. (Her mother, who said she was concerned with the way the television stations would  treat the story, also requested that her daughter's last name and  hometown be omitted from this article.) She slipped into a chair beside Rachele and waited her turn to speak. When she stood before an array of microphones, her voice was level and her point succinct.

"When you have a child you have all these expectations for who they are going to be,”  she said. "I don't think my mom thought, “She's going to be a gay rights activist. She's  going to march in parades. But we are our parents' children, and they love us anyway.”

Afterwards, Jenn, who said she is bisexual, admitted that her mother was going to be  upset with her for going against her wishes. 

"She was angry when I pierced my tongue, too,” she said. "But I have to be proud of who I am.”

Facing the eyes of the world, she was practically glowing with pride.

"I'm eating this up right now,” she said. "I've never been so happy to be bisexual in my  life.”