I received a copy of my 'pre'-employment contract by fax in Australia. I read it and was incredulous. The contract stipulated that if I didn't sign the next contract, I would have to pay 'the company/the school' 5000PLN. I was also liable for double my pay up to the expiry date of the contract, if I quit before that date. I would also incur a 30,000PLN fine if I divulged any 'company secrets' relating to my 'relationship' with the company. I suspect this may include divulging the details of the contract itself.
The company, on the other hand, had to give me no more than 2 weeks notice at best, and at worst, could fire me immediately, with no warning and no notice, with any 'contrived' ground relating to my 'performance'.
I was desperate to work. You can read why at http://geocities.com/mhrehbach. I found the contract ludicrous. I showed it to people at the employment office. I thought it was a joke. However I was in the same situation as before my Korean experience, which you can read about at http://geocities.com/mhrehbach, in that I could either accept the contract, or have no work. The lack of real industrial relations protections in the world today means that most people are forced to sign employment agreements in which all the clauses are in the employer's favour. So I agreed to it, with great reservations.
I did some rough calculations as to the pay and conditions. In the end, I would end up working to earn about the same as an unemployed person gets in Australia in Newstart payments. As I said, I was desperate not just to earn money, but actually desperate to work. Only someone who has been denied the right to work can understand how important it is to a person to have a job, to have paid work to do.
The advertisement for the job on eslcafe.com did a bit of spin-doctoring. It talked about the number of 'free' days, or 'holidays' as if they were a good thing. What most people wouldn't have realised was that the holidays were not paid holidays. In fact they were a disadvantage, a real liability, rather than a benefit or advantage. If you are going to work for 'the company/the school' than you'd better be good at managing your financial affairs. Later in the piece the Director wouldn't answer my simple question of 'how many weeks in a year can I actually work and earn money'. He kept saying that I must know already, and that it was calculated by teaching hours per semester and so on. He never answerd my question. He actually got mad, telling me he had already done so. Anyway, after doing some calculations, it became clear that out of the already limited 9 month contract, I would be able, at best, assuming perfect health and no missed days, to work a maximum of 7 months out of the year.
If you consider the cost of airfares, selling off your posessions, buying new ones, paying agency fees for the rental accomodation, paying rent, etc etc...then it is hard to see what incentive there is to accept such an offer of employment. Unless you've travelled around a lot you might not appreciate the difficulty and expense of finding a decent pillow, coat hangers, and all the little things you take for granted that a cold, empty flat don't come with. The answer is that you'd have to have been unemployed many years, and see no hope of gaining employment, to be so desperate as to come to Poland and teach at 'the company/the school'. And you'd have to be a naive saint to put up with all the crap they throw at you, only to shaft you when it suits them, and to even do so in a despicable fashion. More details about the deceit, treachery, duplicity, and dishonour later.
I had applied for, and been offered, a job in Gdansk. Gdansk was where I wanted to live in Poland. However the company asked me whether I could do them a favour and go to Kielce instead. They said that they couldn't find anyone willing to work in Kielce. I wanted to go to Gdansk, but because of my generous nature I said that I would go where they needed me. I made this decision in their interests. This would be the beginning of a trend of behaviour. I asked that they remember my generosity and flexibility in the future. They said they would. They are full of shit (pardon the technical jargon). I would go on to make many other decisions in their interests, at the cost of great personal inconvenience, comfort, and ultimately potential risk to my personal safety. And how did they repay me for my loyalty, and sacrifice? We shall see.
You have to ask yourself why a language school would need such draconian measures and threats to keep its teachers. In Korea it was not uncommon for teachers to simply up and leave, in total desperation, within a few weeks of arriving. In Korea they paid teachers in the middle of the month, to provide a disincentive. If you left at any time, you would lose, at minimum, half a months pay. As an incentive they offered, and had to by law anyway, due to the short term contracts they offered, a 'completion bonus'. After my experiences with the corrupt government officials I can only say 'good luck' to anyone in dispute with their Korean employer over this bonus.
'the company/the school' have apparently had bad experiences with teachers just up and leaving. The Director told me of a recent 'recruit'. He had just arrived. Someone stopped him in the main street, the 'high street' for you Poms, just outside the school, and apparently asked him for a cigarette. The man then proceeded to punch him in the face. That teacher left home that night, with his front teeth in a bag! Is Poland a dangerous place? I was assaulted by an angry/jealous/mislead? fiance. Both the Director and Head Teacher informed me that they had both been bashed and mugged. Many of my innocent looking female students carried flick-knives, gas, and so on, for 'personal protection'.
Everyone, from casual acquaintances, to the guys at the guitar shop, told me that the district where I lived, Jagiellonska, was very dangerous. Another teacher told me that in his opinion the only reason I had not had any trouble to date was that I had been lucky. The Director, who finally helped me find the flat, denies that the area is any more or less dangerous than any other. I have no statistics either way. I would be most interested in finding out the number of reported accidents involving cars running over pedestrians at pedestrian crossings.
When I was at my wits end due to the goings on at the school the Director constantly reminded me of my contract. It is ironic that he accused me of 'blackmailing' him, when I stated that if some important things didn't change, I would end up being too sick to work. The irony is that the punitive measures in the contract were a huge 'threat' to any legitimately disgruntled worker. All I could do at best was withdraw my labour in the face of a 'toxic' work environment. He could force me to pay a huge financial penalty for his lack of competence or motivation in improving the workplace. I have to laugth now, thinking about how emotional he was, accusing me of 'blackmail'.
I should note something curious here. What it means I cannot say. But It appears that I was actually legally only employed as translator for the companies translation service in Katowice. Apparently my actual wage was 500PLN a month. What implications this 'set-up' had for me or the company I cannot say. I will speculate that it resulted in savings in tax and Z.U.S for the School. Whether it had potential disadvantages for me I cannot say. As I will recall near the end of this story, I was in fact not covered by any health or accident insurance for the first 3 months or so, until I, through my own persistence, convinced the director to help me become a company. I expect that, had I not managed this, I would not have been covered by accident or health insurance until I officially had a work permit. I can only be thankful that I had no recourse to either insurances.
My arrival
Warsaw airport reminded me of how Athen's Airport used to look, before the Athens Olympic Games, but not quite so bad. Still, it has the look of an old bus station, rather than an airport. I had dreaded lots of problems at customs, as I was travelling on my Australian passport but intended to live in Poland on my German or European Community passport. However they didn't ask any questions at all. The customs guy just stamped my Australian Passport with a little stamp and I was off and running.
I was picked up at the airport and taken to the train station. The man who picked me up drove I like did when I was a teenager. Only my old friends will understand what I mean! We drove past the 'Culture Palace'. He told me that the Poles had been offered a choice of either an 'underground' railway system, or this building. He derided the poor choice the people had made. Perhaps the people didn't trust the Russian's building skills, and preferred to risk having a building fall down, than to be buried underground by a collapsing underground?
Anyway, we arrived at the train station. We spent quite a while looking around for a place to get an invoice for the train ticket, what the Poles call a 'Faktory'. This is needed to claim any business expenses. At the station I noticed lots of lovely Polish women. More about that later. He got, or didn't get, I can't be sure, his faktory, and left me at the platform to wait for my train. I didn't see anything from the train window, as I spent the entire journey talking to a very interesting young female polish artist. I remember the theme of the color red being important. We had a really intellectually satisfying conversation. She was going to spend a night or two at a convent, doing some sort of work for them. The time went so fast. Suddenly she noted that we had arrived, and we had to hurriedly get off the train.
I was sad at the hurried nature of our parting. 'the head teacher', the Head Teacher, was already waiting for me at the train station, so I didn't have any time alone with the girl. I got 'the head teacher' to tell her where the school was in case she wished to see me again before she left. I got her phone number. I felt awkward, not knowing how to farewell her. I would have liked to have given her a friendly hug. As it was it was a cold and awkward parting. We had had a really good connection I felt, on many levels. We understood each other, I felt. I is a shame that I have never seen her nor hear from her since. She lives in Warsaw with her parents. I wonder whether the connection was all in my mind? Or was the parting so cold and awkward that she didn't realise I felt such a connection? Anyway, if you're the 'red' artist I discussed all manner of philosophical and artistic things with, then contact me! Maybe you know her? Maybe it was the fact that she is religious and I am an atheist. What a shame that Thomas Aquinas should get between me and a woman. God is always doing that, the bastard. Why can't he just leave me alone. It's hard enough to find a partner without 'HIM' always raising his ugly head. Of course I am refering the 'social construct' the 'social reality' many people call 'god'.
Anyway, they put me up in some crappy old hotel room. The Director made a point about the expense. I volunteered to stay in the youth hostel, and began paying for myself after the first night. I don't know how much money I had saved them on the usual recruitment expenses, but I am sure that the inconvenience I took upon myself in their interests yielded them considerable savings. Another example of how I tried to do the right thing by them, and they just do whatever is convenient, without any consideration for my interests. Typical human I have to, sadly, add.
The scrambled eggs and tomatoes tasted great! The coffee was much appreciated. I stayed at the youth hostel a few nights. The first night was fine as I had the room to myself, and discovered Polish T.V. I like a lot of the Polish music. I loved some of it. Some of it is just waiting to be picked up by an English speaking producer, to be re-worked to become huge hits. Surprisingly there were a lot of 'soft-porn' t.v commercials for telephone sex and so on. I suppose they are everywhere these days. I first came across them in Germany, and then when I returned to Australia discovered similar, if not as explicit, t.v ads on Australian free to air t.v
Polish free-to-air t.v is pretty good. There are lots of good movies and some good local comedy sitcoms. I couldn't understand a word but they were nonetheless amusing. In one police station sit com the actors did great impersonations of the Nazi High-Command, complete with a spectacular impersonation of Adolf Hitler. He appeared as a terribly insecure but extremely confident person. It was hysterical in any case. One anecdote: watching Polish T.V can be like trying to watch t.v with someone screaming at you. You see, they don't over-dub or 'synchronise' the English programs. Some guy simply sort of explains whats happening, and repeats what they are saying, in Polish, over the original english. This means that if you are really patient, you can concentrate on the background english soundtrack, and sort of watch the film. Sometimes this is easy, sometimes it is so frustrating I wanted to throw the T.V out the window. It depends on how loud the background soundtrack is played, and how much dialogue the 'voice-over' guy has to provide.
You apparently dohave to pay 15,80 PLN each month for a t.v licence, like in Germany and the U.K. No-one has asked me to pay anything, but maybe they will! Perhaps the landlord pays it and includes it with the heating and so on. That's what I suspected, until a friend explained to me that you are meant to register your t.v as soon as you buy it at the post office. She said that it wasn't actually illegal at the moment not to register your t.v, as the courts had ruled such a law to be unconstitutional. So they haven't got any agency 'policing' the t.v registration, like they do in Germany and England, the infamous 'vans' that patrol the streets, scanning for unregistered 'pirate' t.v consumption. One thing I didn't like was the t.v shows in the mornings and evenings that encouraged people to gamble per SMS. People in Poland have enougth money problems I guess, without being lured into a gambling habit by sympathetic looking t.v gambling hostesses. Of course the gambling is in the form of a 'guessing competition', but it is just a nominal device to outwit government regulations.
The hostesses will often appear sad that no-one is calling their hotline. this seems aimed to encourage lonely, naive men, to call in or SMS and make the poor little pretty thing happy once more. Appealing to the instinct to nurture and protect is pretty low I reckon. And there are so many telemarketing programs selling really dodgy looking devices. I hope the Polish consumer is sophisticated enough to avoid wasting their money on 'sauna belts' or 'slimming teas' or strange exercise devices.
Accomodation worries
One of the biggest expenses and problems for English teachers working overseas is finding suitable and affordable accomodation. At first the Director kept trying to get me to accept the expensive offers made by the Real Estate Agent. I would have to pay the 'Makkler' one months rent as a fee for his services. The Director told me that they had always used Makklers to find accomodation for teachers. This was an automatic additional expense for the English teacher. In Korea they lied to me, telling me they had accomodation arranged for me. In Poland they expected me to pay over a weeks pay to an agent just to show me an over-priced flat!
Part of my ambition with "Optimal English" will be to set up a 'code of ethics' for language teacher employers. One of the pre-conditions to becoming recognised by my organisation will be the provision of fully furnished accomodation by the language school. The schools will be required to lodge a bond with my organisation, which will be paid out to the teacher should the employer fail to meet some minimum requirements. Optimal English will end up functioning as a kind of co-operative or union for language teachers. A lot of inept, incompetent, disingenuous etc etc language schools will fall by the wayside. Optimal English will become the first point of contact for teachers, and its endorsement will be keenly sought by genuinely well-managed and ethical language schools. Students will also come to recognise the benefits in terms of quality and performance, and will seek out Optimal English endorsed schools. Optimal English will be recognised one day as a 'gateway event' in the evolution of the TESOL industry. (dream on dreamer!)
However, just as I was about to give in out of desperation at the lack of alternatives, the Director stopped me from signing a lease with the Makkler. His conscience had gotten the better or him? He recalled how a recent teacher had ended up in such dire financial straits that the staff of the school would bring him food. He stated that the rent was so high that it could be a problem for me in the future. No hours were guaranteed for the year. So he eventually did what I expected he should do in the first place, and had asked him to do, and he began looking in the papers for a flat.
I went looking at flats with one of the young men, Blank1, who was working setting up the school and handing out leaflets and so on. Like many young Poles, he was escaping the poor working conditions and high unemployment by flying to England with his girlfriend. He joked that Poles in London claimed that they never got a chance to practise their English, as everyone there was Polish! I had arrived after the University students had taken every affordable and decent flat available, so I had little to chose from. I took the best of the few flats available. I got the landlord to agree to replace the old windows with new ones, on the condition that I pay four months rent in advance, to cover the costs of the windows.
I was very worried about the large cracks in the old, thin, double glazed windows. I was too frightened to open the window, in case the whole pane of glass went crashing down on some hapless passers-by. In fact, while the landlord was helping the 'tradesmen' replace the old windows, the window did go crashing down the four stories to the footpath below. Luckily no-one was walking by at the time. Infuriatingly, the workmen just sat and watched, without taking any effort to warn people walking past of the potential hazard of the men destroying the old windows and window-sills four floors above. I went down myself and tried to get people's attention, and get them to take care. It was a horrible to see the almost total lack of concern for others shown by these people. Their low pay and working conditions probably accounts for their apparent lack of concern for the wellbeing of other people or their property. Why should they care about other people when no-one cares about them? It is a sad fact of the violence of inequality and exploitation.
It was a horrible experience, having these workmen demolish my old windows, taking a lot of the wall with it. They smashed panes of glass inside my apartment, showering glass everywhere. They hadn't brought a vacuum cleaner or anything of any real use for cleaning up after themselves. It took me over an hour to clean up the debris and dust and shattered glass they left behind. They took huge chunks out of the mortar when they carelessly ripped out the old window frames.
It is perhaps ironical that now that I have these wonderfully modern double glazed, sealing windows, I actually have more draughts than before. The wind literally blows through all the gaps between the mortar of the building and the window frames. I let the landlord have my key, to finish off where the workmen had left off. I assumed he would begin work just after I left for work, and be finished by the time I got back. In fact he didn't turn up to get the key from me until around lunchtime, and once more I came home, having deliberately stayed in town until the evening to give him time to finish, to find him there at work. So much for the hot bath and relaxing evening. I let him work an hour or so longer, and then I'd had enough. I asked him if he could finish off now, as I needed to get some rest. I spent another hour cleaning after him, before I could take a quick bath, and collapse into bed. Well, not bed actually, but the broken sofa bed I slept on.
Given the hassles I had had every time I had let him fix something or other, I decided that I'd put up with the drafts until I left. I didn't want to have to clean up after him, and find him still at work when I got home, because he hadn't bothered starting when he had the opportunity.
Another anecdote comes to mind. I've locked myself out of places before, but this is the first time I locked myself in my apartment. Given the potentially high number of people who had lived in the flat previously, and might still have a key to one or other of the locks, and being unwilling to go to the expense of changing the locks, and realising that locks can be picked and so on...I locked the simple lock and left the key in on the inside. It is impossible to pick a lock, I think, with the key in the other end. So I locked this lock every night before I went to sleep.
Then one morning I go to leave, and the key won't turn. No matter how much I jiggle and push and try to turn, the key won't make the second turn. I banged on the door, thinking that might help. Luckily it drew the attention of my friendly next-door neighbour. He came out and suggested, as I had, that I should pass the key to him, to try the lock from the outside. I put it in a little package, so it wouldn't get lost, and threw it out the window to him. He tried from the outside to no avail.
So I sent an SMS to my landlord describing the situation and our attempts. He replied that he was at work, but could be there in about an hour. So I waited, a prisoner in my own apartment.
When he came I looked through the spie-hole and noted that he did appear in fact to have his own set of keys to the apartment, when he had lead me to believe he hadn't. I had made a copy of the main key. A needless expense in light of this knowledge.
He ultimately took the lock and part of the door apart. He and the neighbour then together went about putting the jigsaw puzzle of the lock back together again. They eventually managed to do get it back on, and working. Needless to say I was not going to risk being locked in again, and never used that lock again.
I also had problems with the water heater. It was an old instanteous gas one, which, for the slightly nervous and untrusting person, appeared about to explode at any minute. The noises it made were quite disconcerting. It virtually 'exploded' into life when you turned on the hot water. I have always been nervous about these devices even at the best of times, in Germany, where the installed unit was new, and I could be confident that, according to german law and german attention to detail and good observance of rules and regulations, the unit would have been properly installed and 'warted', or monitored, tested, and kept in good, safe, working order.
One night the water flow stopped, but the gas kept burning. Luckily I was in the bath at the time, and noticed, and turned the unit off before it could literally melt or explode. Lots of rusty grit came out the pipe when I tried again several times to see if the water might flow again.
Apparently, from what the landlord said and what I could see, some sort of gauze in the valve had rusted away, and was blocking the pipe in the heater.
He said he would fix it himself. I wasn't filled with confidence that the heater would be safe to use afterwards, but I agreed to let him try. And try he did. On several occassions he came back, with various bits and pieces and tools. Each time he couldn't quite get it right. In fact the water that came out was merely luke-warm. It was the middle of winter, remember. I got sick from the luke-warm baths I had to take. He tried again and again. Each time I generously let him have another go, against my better judgement and safety concerns, rather than insist he get a qualified person to do the work. I let him have my spare key, not realising he had his own.
I came home from work or somewhere to find him at it again. In fact one time he came back after I had said that I didn't want him trying again. I was fed up. I insisted, finally, that he get a qualified person to repair it. But still, he used the key I gave him to have another try. I was pissed off but didn't say anything. He was there in my bathroom, with the heater in pieces. He had ruined another evening. I had been walking for hours in the freezing temperatures, with nothing more than a hot bath and a good sleep to look forward to. He had deprived me of even that. I was angry at him 'violating' my privacy, uninvited, and unwelcome. But I didn't say anything. He told me that finally he would arrange for someone to fix the thing.
So once more I come home, worn out, hoping for a bit of relief, to find, unexpectedly, my hot water heater once more in peaces on the ground. A bit later the landlord 'returned' with the repairman, and some bits and pieces. Over the next hour they put it back together. They then left.
The problem was that now the hot water wouldn't heat up enough for a decent bath. Once more I had to have a stressful, rushed, luke-warm bath in the middle of winterl instead of a relaxed, hot, invigorating and relaxing bathing experience. It pushed my migraines over the edge again.
Apart from 'needing' to be a locksmith, a plasterer, and a plumber, my landlord also tried his hand as an electrician. Of course on one level I was impressed, but on another a little terrified. Would he electrocute himself? Would I end up being electrocuted? Did he know what he was doing? The powerpoints in the tiny one sqare meter kitchen flashed a few times, made clicking noises, and then stopped suppling power. The power point was hanging out from the wall. When I showed it to him he promptly proceeded to take the thing apart. He hadn't turned off the power or switched any fuses of, assuming there were any. He simply took it apart, I saw a few flashed of light. I couldn't bear to watch in case he did electrocute himself. Afterwards the powerpoint worked, so it seemed he knew what he was doing. I told him I was impressed with all his skills. He said he had to be able to do everything himself.
I used the powerpoint, without more than a flew electrical 'flashes' and 'clicks' to perturb me. I didn't use the lock again, for fear of once more being 'locked in'. And I was always really jumpy around the hot-water heater. I had no idea if what he had done, or the 'repairman' had done was safe or not. No-one had inspected the thing afterwards. I hope there are no 'incidents' to add to this story concerning exploding gas hot-water heaters and so on! I should be moving out in 3 weeks.
Until then I will put up with less than satisfactorily hot water. I will have to be patient, and keep turning the hot water on and off for a minute or so until the damn thing 'ignites' and starts to work. Then let the water flow until it is reasonably hot. And then carefully adjust the water flow. The burners cut out as soon as it gets too low. I have to find the point at which the water comes out hottest, but the burners don't cut out. So it is a bit of juggling and stress I don't need. So much for a relaxing hot bath. I've got to try to get it barely hot enough to bathe in, and then quickly wash before it gets cold, and I get sick. The new place should be simpler, with a new 'electric' hot water heater..
Once more my landlord was in there. And then again and again. Finally I gave up and didn't bother with it anymore. It was barely hot enough and I would survive. It was one reason to move out of the apartment. The other was that no-one, except an univited head teacher in one uncomfortable incident, wold visit me in Jagiellonska. The other was that I was unemployed, with no prospects of employment for at least 5 months, when the next semester of english teaching began around Poland.
One thing I did like about the flat was that the windows faced the school opposite. I was cheered to watch the schoolgirls dancing, and flirting with the boys, laughing and playing. I could watch the people come and go, and watch the cars in the street, and people walking by. Before I got a t.v I sat by the window, doing some 'people watching' while practising guitar. The boys would throw snowballs up at the girls. They would explode against the glass.
Although people kept talking about the apparently high rate of violence and burglaries, I actually accidentally left my front door open for around 12 hours. The interior 'accordian' door was closed, so no-one could have been sure whether I was hope or not, maybe letting paint dry or something, but still, I was impressed to find that apparently no-one had taken advantage of the opportunity. How I left it open? You really had to jiggle and bang the door to get the locks to close. Once I recall that I had closed it, only to hear it 'click'. I turned to see it swing open.
During my often distracted states due to what was going on at the school I probably didn't notice it do the same thing. I was often so distracted I would start a bath, and then minutes later realise I hadn't put the plug in. Or put coffee in my filter holder, begin pouring water, and then realise that I had forgotten to put the filter paper in. Such things happened a few times. And to think 60 students, often groups of 2 and 3 in the one class with the same names, would expect me to remember their names, and groan when I asked them to put out their name thingys.
Oh, and I liked how some flats had 'window cages' outside their tiny kitchen windows. The little fridge in my flat tended to 'explode' violently into life every half hour or so, making sleep very difficult. It made such a loud bang, I often awoke wondering which of my enemies was shooting at me, or who had signed the 'fatwah'. It was too much. I didn't have a window cage, so I wracked my tiny brain for a solution. I ended up simply using plastic grocery bags. They were thin enough to close the window on, and the pressure of the window would hold the bag in place, should the wind blow and so on. So I had my 'winter' fridge. Often things would freeze solid on the window shelf, and I would have to leave them to defrost. It would have been easier with a balcony, and an 'esky'. I planned to do that in Germany, but had never had a balcony! So I was happy when I thought of the plastic bag trick.
Taxes, minimum wages, and Z.U.S (no, not the Greek god)
The minimum wage employee costs the employer around 1056 PLN to employ. The employee receives a gross (before taxes and Z.U.S) monthly wage of around 900PLN. The minimum wage employee actually takes home about 629PLN. On the face of it, taxes appear to be low in Poland. The tax rate applicable to most people is only 19%. However then comes Z.U.S. The Employer and Employee both contribute to their health insurance, accident insurance, unemployment insurance, old age pensions, and so on. The Bureaucracy that deals with this is called Z.U.S. Employers pay around 48% of the cost of employing someone directly in the form of Employer contributions.
Z.U.S is, for me, simply a hidden tax. I call it a tax because it is compulsory, and monopolistic. You have no choice but to contribute to Z.U.S. It is for all intensive purpose a tax.
What I dislike most about Z.U.S is the extra paperwork, especially if you are self-employed as a 'company'. By the 10th of every month you have to complete two different forms, lodge them personally at the Z.U.S office, and then make 2 seperate payments, no not at the Z.U.S office where you lodge your forms, but at the Post Office or your bank. Of course you have to pay for the priveledge of paying. The Postoffice charge 3 PLN, and your bank 4PLN. So you get to waste your time filling out forms, and travelling around town making payments.
Now consider how much paperwork must be involved in collecting and administering the payments. The opportunity cost of having two seperate collection agencies for what is basically a tax is all the money and energy spent on the Bureaucracy itself. That money and time and energy could be employed productively. Imagine how much better the roads could be!
I think Australia has it right. In Germany I am told that over 20% of all taxes collected are spent in actually collecting the taxes! In Australia we fill out a tax return, and that's it. We don't have to waste our time and energy filling out Z.U.S forms. And the roads are better in Australia! I wonder if there is a connection?
However, even before considering the sales taxes of 20%, we have to consider the 'hidden taxes'. I say 'hidden', because in Australia we pay for our health insurance and so on from general taxation. We also have private superannuation for pensions.
The politicians pay themselves around 10,000PLN a month. The official unemployment figures stand at around 20%. The bulk of workers, if they are luck enough to actually be employed full time, and earn the minimum wage, take home around 629PLN. To put this into perspective, my unrenovated, 22 square meter, pre-70's socialist concrete flat costs me around 550 PLN a month in rent, heat, and electricity.
If you consider income tax, sales tax, and Z.U.S together, then the minimum wage employee in Poland pays a very high effective tax rate. 48% (of the net cost to employers) Z.U.S + 19% (of what remains for the employee) in income tax + 20% sales tax. Any economist or mathematician out there who can do an exact calculation for me of the 'real' or 'effective' tax rate of the lowest paid employees in Poland?
Needless to say most people either live at home with their parents, or share rooms. One of my 16 year old students has to share a room with her 26 year old brother. 'receptionist/consultant 2' was really excited about moving out with her Boyfriend into a flat in town, but was dissappointed when he apparently got cold feet. Most people I meet live at home with their parents. They seem to stay at home until they get married. My students expected to be married by the age of around 26.
In good company
The German government, in an attempt to ease the fears of its voters at the possibility of a flood of cheap Polish workers stealing their jobs, placed a condition on the Polish entry into the European Community. Poles may not be employed in Germany as employees for the next few years. In a tit-for-tat retaliation, the Polish government passed a law preventing Germans from being employed as employees in Poland for the same period of time. So who did this law disadvantage? Of course an innocent Australian-German English language teacher. Who else? Probably no-one. And did the German law have any real protection value for german employment? In fact it probably had the opposite effect.
There are thousands of Poles working in Germany as 'companies'. They aren't really companies. They merely register as companies so that they can work in germany. So the law hasn't stopped any Pole taking work from Germans. And what's more, if the Pole had of been employed as an employee, the employer would have to have provided a minimum wage and conditions. These would be the same as what the employer would have to pay a German. So there would be little official incentive to employ a Pole rather than a German. Of course I am not naive, and realise that the Poles would be easily exploited by German employers.
Anyway, there is no minimum wage for a 'company'. I can work for as little as I 'want'. There is no regulation at all of my maximum work hours, holidays, breaks, sick leave and so on etc etc. This means that the Poles working in Germany as companies will be working for much less pay, and under much worse conditions, than any employer could force a german to work under. In other words by forcing Poles to become companies the german government has undermined German working conditions, and ultimately produced a greater level of unemployment than would have existed had the Poles been allowed to apply for jobs like any other European Community worker.
And to top it off, it inconveniences me too. I had to do, as a German, what the Poles have to do in Germany, register myself as a company. This means I have to fill out and lodge those damned Z.U.S forms every month. At the moment being a company has one advantage. For the first two years after registering a new company, the company only pays 30% of the usual Z.U.S costs. This means I pay about 250PLN a month for health insurance and so on, for the first two years. After that I will have to pay over 10,000PLN a year just to Z.U.S. You have to realise how hard it is to earn 10,000PLN a year in Poland to understand what a huge dis-incentive that is to staying in Poland. Of course, if you are a successful company earning a lot of money, then you end up paying less as a company than you would if you earnt the same money as an employee.
Food and other costs of living
Food is relatively cheap compared to Australia or Germany, especially if you shop at Lidl or Tesco's. I was glad to find that Tesco's have a good range of Soy based products. They are very cheap and very nutritious. The textured soy is around 45% protein by dry weight. They also have a good range of soy 'meats'. My favourite is the Salami flavoured soy slices. They are around 20% protein. Remember that soy is the highest quality protein you can find. Tesco's also had cheap skim milk powder, or 'granules'.
Tesco's is of course British. You can find most of the German discounters represented in Poland, including Media Markt, Real, Lidl, and Obi.
Petrol is more expensive than Australia, at around 4PLN a liter, but cheaper than in Germany. Cars are really cheap compared to Australia, but I am told that even Poles travel to Germany to buy 'cheaper' cars. If I could find an English or German speaking driving instructor I would get a European Drivers Licence, and the sort of car I would never be able to afford in Australia.
The roads
I haven't been around much, but everyone tells me that the roads in Poland are terrible. I have been surprised to find that many of the local roads are not paved at all. The roads are full of potholes, risses, and lumps and bumps. I was curious and bemused to see many cars slowing down dramatically for the few low speed humps on the railway bridge. To me they looked no more a hindrance than the general road surface. Yet everyone slowed down to a virtual halt to drive over them. I thought maybe there were speed cameras monitoring them. I couldn't find any. To this day I cannot explain this ineffable behaviour. It is the only care I observed on the part of drivers.
I was terrified of the prospect of crossing the roads here. The pedestrian crossings are mostly worn so thin they are illegible. In any case, Polish drivers are the most aggressive towards pedestrians that I have ever come across. And I have been to Paris, and Sydney, and Seoul, and London. You really have to be very confident and trusting when you cross a street here. The drivers will give you no indication that they are going to stop. They in fact accelerate towards you, hoping you will lose your nerve and get back on the kerb. I was a passenger in a few cars and was shocked to experience this from the passenger seat. My landlord accelerated hard towards a man who had just stepped out onto the pedestrian crossing. The man didn't lose his nerve. My landlord had to slam on the brakes as hard as he could. The man was only saved by the car's ABS.
In one way it makes sense to wait for a natural gap in the traffic before using the pedestrian crossing. It is no point holding up traffic selfishly. However here you have to wait a long time for a gap in the traffic, and you are not the only one who will notice it. No! The drivers will accelerate hard. They don't want to be the one who is stopped by the pedestrian who selfishly wants to get to the other side of the road. You really have to have a lot of nerve, to step out onto the crossing. The cars do seem to actually stop, or at least swerve around you while accelerating, but you really need to have a lot of faith and trust that the driver has seen you, and will make some effort to stop or swerve around you.
The other problem is the lack of good drainage. The water sits on the road, collecting muck and oil and grit, just waiting for the serendipituous constellation of car and pedestrian to leap out at you, and cover you in black, greasy, icy, water. You can see the puddle. You can see the car or truck coming towards you. You wait for a gap in the traffic to no avail. Just when you think you've made a 'clean' gettaway, a car accelerates and you watch the wave of dark, dirty water cascade around you.
The roads are slippery with ice and snow for about the 5 months of winter her. The snow and ice, however, cover up all the potholes and cracks and risses. It is only when the ice melts that you are reminded of the sorry state of most of the roads and footpaths. Many paving stones give way, leaving holes. The steps down into the train station underpass seem to need constant replacing. Of course water seeps into any crack, freezes, and then expands. When it melts it leaves cracks and holes everywhere.
I was in constant fear of slipping over and losing some teeth, or getting a concussion. I could almost 'taste' the impact in anticipation. Of course most of the year everything is covered in ice, snow, and 'grit'. They occassionally spread sand or 'grit' across the footpath. In Germany everyone meets their obligations to clear the footpath in front of their house, and to spread sand or salt. In Poland very few did. Maybe the 'germanic' ones? I did occassionally see groups of old cleaning women clearing the paths with brooms made of sticks, and plastic shovels.
Later on I saw a few trucks with snow ploughs on the roads. The ice on the local paved road grew to be over 10cm thick. When it finally cracked up, it was like looking at poured concrete. It was the same thickness as a concrete road or bridge.
I also saw a few charming but run-down looking horse and carts. The horses wore really cute, but their hair and hide had been worn down at all the contact points of their skin with the ropes and bridles and so on. I don't know enough about horses to comment on their condition, but I suspect it wasn't good.
Man would lead the horse and cart, and shovel snow from the main street into the cart. I saw him give the horse something to eat. The horse seemed happy enough. The horses were like a miniature war horse, a pint-sized destrier, or a miniature plough-horse, the sort that draw those lovely beer wagons in Germany. They were really charming, with their charming little wagons. But I was worried about the worn down hides. It often seems that the poorer the country, the worse the working animals are treated. Of course I must correct myself here. In the rich west be systematically and routinely abuse animals just to have cheaper meat, and new 'cosmetics' and questionable 'pharaceuticals'. So all in all it is humanity in general that is the devil to animals. But I digress. I do hope the animals were humanely treated and reasonably comfortable. I suppose I should say the same about the man shovelling the snow, and the high number of exploited, or simply unemployed, workers around the world, and in Poland.
You don't really need me, you just keep me hanging on
I could have said the same about Aga! Hindsight is 20/20 vision, they tell me!
One of the things that pisses me off about how I was treated was that the Director could have told me that he was going to fire me at least as early as the end of the semester, about a month before he actually did. To be fair, he should have told me that he was going to fire me without notice while begging and pleading (his words) me not to report the assault to the police. It would ruin his career he said. To think what humiliation, inconvenience, and risks I took in his interests, only to have him stab me in the back in a very nasty way. At the risk of using some technical jargon you don't understand, Mr Director, you are an ...expletive...!
You are a duplicitious, treacherous, deceitful person.
I didn't start visiting other language schools until I realised there wouldn't be any summer work with 'the company/the school'. First the Director lead me to believe that maybe there might be some work in one of the bigger schools, say in Gdansk. The story changed later, so I enquired at some schools in town as to whether they might be having summer schools. Some said they would, some said they might, the Director said they wouldn't. Anyway, It was only after the assault, with the agreement of the Director, that I started looking for extra hours at other schools for the next semester. The Director seemed to prefer that I get as many hours elsewhere, given the 'interpersonal relations' at the school.
I went to so many schools. A few seemed keen to offer me work. The virtually promised me work. Some actually did verbally promise me at least 10 lessons a week. At the last moment I would receive SMS messages informing me that they couldn't offer me any work due to organisational reasons. Or they would invite me to trudge through the ice, snow, and literrally freezing temperatures to come to their school, only to be told that 'they had just asked the current teachers if they wanted to give up any hours and none had wanted to'. Nice that. Maybe you could have asked first, before wasting my time on a cold winters night? Of course that particular Director told me that I problably think she's wasted my time! What am I supposed to say? Yes, you ...expletive...
They all want you to have the impression that they have work for you, just so that you will hang around. It's in their interest to keep you here just in case they actually do get extra students. No concern for your interests. Just pure selfish convenience drives them to 'keep me hanging on'. I could have been in Gdansk weeks ago looking for work. Instead I'm stupid enough to listen to them and waste my time here waiting for work that only might materialise.
They could easily have taken one hour from each teacher to ensure that I had enough work to pay my rent and so on. Of course come next semester, they will all be whingeing and whining about how hard it is to find a native teacher willing to teach in this city. Typical myopic, momentary convenience driven, zero concern for the costs imposed on others, inept mis-management. How does an industry expect to attract and hold competent, motivated teachers when it treats them so badly.
Once Optimal English takes off, only the competent, ethical, and serious language schools will survive the competition. They will be left with the students that Optimal English accredited schools don't or can't accept.
I will add an anecdote here. I'm not sure if it is a fair or representative one, but that I'll let you decide.
While visiting the many language schools, and discovering that the directors of each had either taught my director, or had worked with him, I came to a closed door in a stairwell. Someone actually held it open for me after they had walked through. My immediate thought was that this must be another native teacher. I reflected on why I had come to that conclusion. I reflected on how I could not remember a single incident of a Polish person having held a door open for me, or behaved in such a civil or considerate fashion. Maybe it's the weather, or competitive labour markets, or the harsher living conditions, but I am used to, from Australia and even Germany, having people demonstrate such niceties as holding a door open for you if you enter a door behind them, and so on.
UPDATE:I am happy to report that since then a number of Polish people have held doors open for me as they were leaving. A Polish workman actually waited for a few seconds until I gestured to him that I was checking my mail. I am glad that my initial impressions were not valid.
I get a lot of mean looks, especially from the boyfriends and so on of the receptionists, or just women in the street. Is it my imagination?
Like I said, its just an anecdote. I don't know if it would be fair to present it as defining or representative. And remember I have only been here during winter. Winter gets everybody down. People are much happier and easy going and so on when the weather is good. If I survive until spring and summer, I may have some much more positive things to say about Poland. I hope so! I really do hope so.
The toxic workplace
The school was in the process of being outfitted when I arrived. The company was spending a fortune on marketing. There were lots of university students handing out leaflets. They tried to give me some! They wore the 'the company/the school' hats and rainjackets and carried 'the company/the school' backpacks. The school set up an information booth at the 'Echo Galleria', the new shopping mall, which everyone refers to as 'Tesco's, Tesco's being the main operation in the mall. I hung out with all the people. I had nothing better to do. Blank3 took me with him when he drove to the Mall to drop people or things off, and pick them up again. Blank2 was another consultant doing level placement tests and manning the information booth. Another lovely and charming young polish student called Blank was also working as a consultant.
The Director told me that 'the company/the school' only employ students and people who are working as registered companies. They do this to avoid the 48% of labour costs that usually apply when employing staff in Poland. 'Lilith'told me that students don't pay tax. She told me that she, as a student, wasn't covered by any health insurance, but like many things she told me, it seems she mislead me. Other people tell me that students are covered by health insurance automatically, by the University union or something. 'Lilith'told me that she earnt about 1000PLN a month for 30 hours a week work. She later told me that her fiance took home around 1200PLN a month, as a graduate economist managing a small shop in their village or town or whatever. I later discovered that a high school teacher doesn't take home much more than that each month.
No-one but me was happy that I was earning more than three times that each month. Of course only when I was working, which, as it turned out, was not very often. Make sure you look carefully at your contract. First impressions are designed to deliberately mislead you. Ask the Director how many weeks or months you will actually be working. It is a simple question. If they are evasive, then they probably know that you won't like the answer.
Need the loo? Join the queue. They had one toilet open for use. The Director told me he had to keep the other one closed. Why? No idea. The landlord said so? Anyway, they used it to store cleaning supplies. Students and teachers alike had to queue before, after, and between lessons, to use the toilet.
Even though they forced me to do a Occupational Health and Safety test, they had no first aid kit or fire extinguisher. The materials I had to study and answer questions about explicitly stated that all workplaces, by law, must have fully equipped first aid kits. When I asked the Director if we had one he just laughed derisively, as if I had asked a really stupid question. Of course they DIDN'T have one. Who would have a first aid kit? Stupid rules! This maybe defines the Directors notion of 'Duty of Care'.
His apparent lack of concern for the welfare of the staff of the school was demonstrated in many ways. I, on the other hand, continually risked getting the Director and Head Teacher offside by standing up for the two receptionists/consultants. I was actively and genuinely concerned for their wellbeing and welfare. How they repay me we will soon see.
I spent a lot of time with the receptionists in the beginning. They were charming company. Blank, 'receptionist/consultant 2', and 'Lilith'were all in the last year of their Masters degrees. 'receptionist/consultant 2' had a problem with her back. I looked everywhere to try to find a lumbar support for her chair. I went to great lenghts searching in all the small shops, asking everyone I knew where I might buy one, until finally I found a lumbar support at Obi, the big german hardware outlet. Obi have a beaver as their brand icon. The lumbar support was meant for car seats, but I was still really happy to have found something to help 'receptionist/consultant 2'. It wasn't cheap, but I told her it cost me 'nothing'. I knew she would be uncomfortable accepting it otherwise. We got it on the chair. She was really pleased. I then noted that the chairs were actually a little too big for the receptionists. I took one apart and put it back together without some of the cosmetic plastic covering, so that it would sit a little lower, and provide better support for them. They were both pleased. 'receptionist/consultant 2' was really pleased. I was really pleased to have pleased them.
The table was by no means ergonomic. The computer monitor was on the right, next to the wall, and the keyboard was directly in front, of 'receptionist/consultant 2' and 'Lilith'. 'receptionist/consultant 2' already had some back problems, and she complained that this position made it worse. 'Lilith'complained of similar problems. I kept thinking of a solution but couldn't find one. I did get the office supplies catalogue and find a foot rest, but by the time I was ready to order it no-one in the office was on speaking terms with me. In fact 'receptionist/consultant 2' made a point of not using the chair and lumbar support I had set up, so I put it back how it was,and took the lumbar support. What a waste.
If the Director cared about them, he would have moved the monitor so it was in front of the receptionist, even if it would be in a slightly inconvenient position when talking to clients. Alternatively he could have moved the keyboard. It would have taken a bit of planning and so on, but it would have improved the welfare and wellbeing of his staff. I can imagine him laughing at the idea.
I bought 'receptionist/consultant 2' the occassional Snickers bar. It was worth much more than the 50cents or so it cost, to see her charming face light up with a beautiful, unaffected smile. 'Lilith'said she liked the cup and saucer Liptons were offering as a promotion. She needed a few more tokens, and the promotion would soon be over. So I searched all the stores for a Lipton's packet with the promotional tokens. I found them at Tesco's. I brought them in and left them for her, even though we were, once more, fighting at the time. I don't know if she ever got her cup and saucer, or if she remembers my contribution. They would say that I 'did too much' for them. I did it out of the sheer pleasure of seeing how happy it made them. It made me happy to make them happy. They were lovely, charming, beautiful, sleek, intelligent, slim, attractive, interesting young women. I didn't have any ulterior motive. I enjoyed their company.
I often spent entire days, from morning until almost 9p.m at the school, chatting with 'receptionist/consultant 2' or 'Lilith'. I often waited with them after work for them to be picked up.
Lilith once expressed the doubt that I only spoke with her, and had only began speaking with her, because she was there. She seemed very pleased when I told her that, no matter where I met her, I would have wanted to speak her. It's true. Once I saw her laughing with someone I would be captivated, and if I got the nerve up, or found some 'contrived' excuse to, I would have tried to talk to her.
She told me that she found my direct candour very unusual. She said that no-one she knew expressed themselves so directly as I did. I told her that as you get older you are willing to take greater chances to try to find happiness and so on. She said it was more than that. She liked my directness. I explained to her that I had to force myself to be direct, as in reality I was very shy and unsure, and if I didn't force myself to express myself I never would have the nerve to express my feelings. I told her about how, when I was younger, no-one could ever get a direct, authentic response from me. I would only answer with 'clever' answers. I was a smartarse. I was too scared to express my feelings and so on at all.
She told me how she liked to draw naked men. I asked her whether she had had much occassion or opportunity to do so. She began to answer, or to evade answering, when we were once again interrupted by the entrance of a student or one of the teachers.
The 'the company/the school' manual told us that if the heating didn't work, we were to say something along the lines of ... that happens a lot in England too...Well I don't know if it happens a lot in England too, but it certainly happened a lot in 'the company/the school'. I can only guess that they must have poorly maintained schools in England too!
'Lilith'was so cold sometimes she was shaking. I can still see her now. It was freezing. Even I was cold. And that was saying something. Everyone thought I was mad, because I only wore the same fleece jacket I wore in Australia in winter. My father had sent me a ski-jacket he had never worn, but I only managed to wear it a few times, during those minus 20 degree celcius days, or when I had been really sick. I gave that jacket, and some expensive boots that were too big and hot for me to wear much, to a man I found going through our garbage. I saw such people often enough. I also saw a similar thing to what I had experienced in South Korea. Old men and women pushing old baby prams full of cardboard and paper. I wonder how much they earnt for their labours, and how desperate a plight some people must have be finding themselves in Poland and South Korea.
Don't pass on this information to Director Herr Hartz in Germany though. He already has unemployed people carrying the shopping bags of well-to-do Duesseldorfers. I'm sure he could see an advantage in having unemployed Germans collecting old cardboard boxes!
I would often walk for hours through the driving sleet and snow, and occassional minor blizzard. Jeez, ice really stings when it is 'driving' into your eyes. If you look at the white snow on the ground around you too much, you can get totally disorietanted. It is a strange experience. Being lost in pure white. No orientation points available. It is really weird! I had the same experience driving through 'white-out' blizzards in Germany.
I brought in my new brown fleece jacket for her to wear. She first wore it over her shoulders, and then left it in the closet. She said that 'the company/the school' company policy required that they look 'feminine' and so on. The Director had brought out a pathetically inadequate little coil/fan heater that they had to keep turning off, to prevent it from overheating and melting.
'Lilith'was too scared to complain about anything. Remember how hard it is to find a job in Poland, let alone a decent one. I spoke to the Director. He denied that 'Lilith'had any problem with the cold. I told him that no-one would say anything. I could risk losing my job, she couldn't. He was visibly upset with me for 'complaining'. He told me that he couldn't get the heating fixed until the landlord came back from holidays, as the repairs would cost more than 60PLN. The landlord didn't come back for several weeks. It got so bad that I was going to buy a decent sized portable heater for the office. 'Lilith'was looking really sick. She complained of constant headaches. She was actually shivering a lot. She must have been sick and cold, because when I offered to buy her a heater for the office, she actually asked me to. Up until now she had complained that I shouldn't buy her and 'receptionist/consultant 2' anything, that it was 'too much'. So for her to actually ask me to, let alone 'concede' to me buying something of reasonable (for them) expense, was a real indicator of how sick and cold she was.
Eventually the landlord returned from his holidays. It is ironic that his family owned a valueable piece of real estate over the socialist period, and he only got to enjoy it in his later years, when he is now virtually blind. So I wonder how much he gets out of his travels? Anyway, he returned, and they fixed the reception heater. It turns out that the Director could have gotten the repairs done whether or not the landlord was around. The nature of the repairs defined this. Heating is of course necessary in winter, so he could have arranged the repairs at any time
Anyway, now the receptions heater was working, it was time for the classroom heaters to fail. I had students begging to be allowed to go home because it was so cold. We constantly changed classrooms to find a room where the heating was working.
I think, Mr Director, that lining up to go to the toilet, and freezing cold classrooms might be one reason why some students didn't return. It is unfair to blame it on the teachers. Or are you only blaming me? How many students did actually return? How much of your last 'explanation of why were firing markus' was actually true, and how much damn lies? I don't know if you only fired me or if you fired others too.
How much of what you told me is true I have no idea. But I can use simple deduction to know that what you said doesn't add up. I remember you kept changing the story, claiming that you hadn't said what you had said the day before, or that you had said something else. Like Aga, in hindsight it is hard to know how much of what you said is true, and how much was merely self-servingly convenient. I remember you never ever decided on anything. It was as if you didn't care who was right or wrong, as long as they did what you wanted, and the outcome or situation suited you. You were the true populist, leaving everyone thinking that you agreed with them.
It was as if you were a mere opportunist, with absolutely no interest really in right or wrong, justice or injustice. You did and said whatever was convenient, for you at the time. In fact you were a typical, morally indifferent person. You didn't seem to care at all about what was the right thing to do, just what was convenient and suited you. You demonstrated that fundamental characteristic of humans which has brought so much violence upon the world, and will continue to. Anyway, I'm getting a bit too philosophical aren't I. You can read all about it in my philosophy manuscript at http://geocities.com/eden_protocols.
I told 'Lilith'there was a cup like 'receptionist/consultant 2''s in the teacher's room. I had noticed that 'receptionist/consultant 2' had begun using a different cup, and I had wondered why. It was encrusted with the remains instant coffee. Once I realised that it was 'receptionist/consultant 2''s I realised that one of the teachers must have used it, and left it there. I don't like such a lack of respect for other people.
Later 'Lilith'came to work to find her favourite, special cup, a large yellow one with Giraffes on it, encrusted with coffee grinds. It was really heavily encrusted. She was upset about this. She told me that there were lots of things going on at the school that she was upset about. She was upset with the head teacher about something too. She seemed upset with the other receptionist on occasion to, and the Polish teachers. She said that I was the only teacher who did the paperwork correctly, and sent students to the reception with the slips they filled out for us, when students needed to sign something or were late with their fees. She was really angry, it seems, with the head teacher, in fact. She actually said that sometimes some people should be 'hit'. It seems she meant the head teacher. Exactly why I don't know. Perhaps prophetic words!
Soon thereafter I found the head teacher using 'Lilith's' favourite cup again. He left it, dirty, on the table. I really didn't want to get him offide, but I couldn't bare to see such rudeness, or lack of respect. Who the hell was he, using 'Lilith's' favourite cup, and then leaving it, filthy, for her to clean up? It seemed likely he had used 'Lilith's' and 'receptionist/consultant 2''s cups earlier, and had left them for 'someone else' to clean up. For me it smacked of a status or power trip. So I asked him if he planned to wash the cup. He said 'of course', but made absolutely no move to wash it. Later I asked the Director to maybe mention using other people's cups to him. The director said he would, but he didn't. I lost my patience and asked him when he was going to wash it. The next day I found 'Lilith's' cup, clean, on my shelf in the teacher's room. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Anyway, just another example of me getting people offside looking out for someone else.
I'm interested to hear from a Polish friend that a cultural difference may account for what I saw as a lack of respect. She tells me that in Poland people use just any cup, and leave it for the next person to wash, before they use it. I note that where I am working, the director told me I could use any cup on the shelves in the teacher's room, just not my 'the company/the school' one!. It's true that 'the company/the school' have nice, frosted glass, cups. The Director gave me 2 to take home, and let me keep my school one. Later on, right near the end, it seemed like a bad omen to me when, after washing the cup in the one basin in the one toilet, I accidentally banged it against the wall, and it broke. A bad omen indeed, as it turns out.
The Director accused me of blackmailing him, threatening that I would end up sick if the stress at work didn't calm down. What was I 'blackmailing' him about? On saturdays I taught from 8:30am straight through to 2:30pm. I had to change classrooms for each class during the 10 minute break. I also had to line up to use the bathroom. I had to refresh my cup of coffee. At one point I must easily have been drinking over 10 cups of filter coffee a day. I was so exhausted from all the walking, stress, and constant dissappointments.
In general I have to keep drinking to keep my throat from getting dry. So I have to keep using the bathroom as well! I found it really stressful having to rush around, making four trips to get all my gear from one classroom to the next. I implored him to at least ask the students if they would, for my sake, change classrooms between their double lessons, so I wouldn't have to. He kept insisting that it was "not possible". I noted, and told him, that most of the students get up and walk around during the breaks anyway, so there would be little difference if they got up and changed rooms.
He said it would be chaos, having up to 50 or so students changing rooms at once. I noted that they managed not to injure each other as it was. They all invariably wandered around during the breaks, queuing for the toilet, talking with each other, overstressing the receptionists, everyone wanting to deal with them at the same time.
He also complained any time I opened the windows. The first time I did a blind fell down. He was really upset about it. Later he wrote a message on the teacher's room white board. He wrote something about how the the blinds were window dressing and were to be kept open at all times. He also wrote that the windows were not be be opened fully, but were only to be left slightly ajar. Some students had opened the window, to get some relief from the stuffy, smelly air left after previous classes, and the blind had fallen down again. I thought this was the reason for his message, so I explained to him that it wasn't me. He said the message wasn't for me, but a general one for everyone. When it was still up a few days later I changed a few words, so that it read ..."native teachers are window dressing...they are to remain vertical at all times"... The message dissappeared a few days later.
In any case he got really excited, angry, upset with me again when a student complained to him that I had opened the windows. She had come in half an hour early, and I had opened the windows, as required in the 'the company/the school' manual, to clear the air, ..."before and between lessons"... I had opened them for two minutes to change the stuffy air before the students arrived. She got upset and immediately rushed off to complain.
If I didn't open the windows, as per the company policy, then the students would open them, and leave them open for a long time, resulting in a much greater loss of warmth, and greater heating costs. I tried to convince the Director and others that the ideal way of airing a room is, as german scientists discovered, and german heating companies and building body corporates and co-peratives go to great lengths to explain to their members, consumers, and tenants, to open the windows fully for a few minutes to allow a quick transfer of fresh air.
What most people tend to do is to leave a window ajar for a long time. This provides little by way of fresh air transfer, and results in a continuous loss of heat. In other words it results in little benefit, at a great cost.
Anyway, every time he talked about the windows he talked to me like I was torturing his pet cat or something. He got really upset. He also got really agitated, excited, nervous, angry, and so on, when I wanted to make one or two extra copies of some document or other. The irony is that I rarely made any photocopies, whereas most of the Polish teachers would be constantly photocopying materials for their classes. The Director complained to me about the amount of paper they were going through. The receptionists were always worried about running out of paper. The last time I was in the school, the day they fired me, I wanted to make a copy of a tax document, and again the Director looked to be in great pain, and made a huge deal, trying to convince me that I already had a copy, and didn't need another one. He was really excited about one or two photocopies. I never heard him say anything to any of the Polish teachers who spent hours at the photocopier.
Oh, but I performed my first miracle. Ask 'receptionist/consultant 2'. I made some photocopiers even though there was no toner. True!
Another set of incidents revolved around 'polish teacher 1', a polish English Teacher. He was a high school teacher. He would always prepare for lessons, and complete his registers after his classes. This meant that he was invariably still calmly working in his classroom well after 'Lilith'and 'receptionist/consultant 2' were supposed to have locked up the school, and been on their way home. I spoke to him about this. I told him that we all prepared our lessons 'before' our classes. I reminded him that 'Lilith'and 'receptionist/consultant 2' often had to catch buses home, and had to leave on time. Anyway, they were only paid up until 8:30pm, so it wouldn't be fair to keep them back. No matter what I said, he was to be found, calmly, slowy, methodically doing this or that after 8:30pm. I asked the Director to mention it to him. The director said he would, or had. Had he?
I got fed up with this lack of respect. One night 'Lilith'was trying to lock up and get home and he was there at his desk, calm and oblivious to our haste to get away. This is what irritated me most. It was not as if he made any effort whatsoever to finish his work on time. 'Lilith'couldn't lock up the reception area as 'polish teacher 1''s jacket was in the closet. I took his jacket out so she could lock it up. We had to remind him it was past 8:30pm again. He came out methodically and slowly, with no sign of urgency whatsoever.
After he left we locked up. I said goodbye to 'Lilith', and went home. 'polish teacher 1' apparently walked the same way home, so I was walking behind him and heard him speaking to the Director about me, in an angry voice. When he stopped to wait for the light and I was about to catch up with him, he started walking off in another direction, still on the phone. Later I verified with the Director that he had in fact been talking to him, angrily, about me. The director would not have mentioned it, I expect. As long as everyone was doing what suited him, he didn't care.
During our first 'training seminar' (sic) waste of time 'polish teacher 1' had offered to introduce me to some of his wife's single friends. He described on in particular as slim, with long blonde hair and so on. While we were talking he tried to find out my address. I told him I couldn't remember, but that it was opposite the school on Jagiellonska. He persisted. I told him that I usually only made friends with females. He was offended, but tried not to look dissappointed. After that I never heard from him again about any attractive single women, even though I kept asking about the one he had mentioned.
In this whole story, I am the only one who has taken any responsibility upon themselves for what happened. No-one seemed to care if I was being maligned by others. No-one cared about justice or fair play. It seems that people forget what you have done for them, and will focus on some slight or offense. Most people will never take responsibility for what happens. It is easier to 'gang up' on a minority, than 'share the blame', or take responsibility. The treatment I experienced at the school is typical of my experience. It seems that 'mobbing' is a fundamental human behaviour. People do what is most convenient for themselves unless they are compelled to take responsibility by courts, video-tape footage, incontrovertible evidence, and so on.
I say this now, because the next episode demonstrates how unfair everyone was to me, and how indifferent they were to the truth, to the facts, to any sense of justice.
'polish teacher 1' came up to me just before his class and asked if he could borrow my Elementary Class CD. Each of us had one copy. He said he had left his at home. The CD's loaned to me were my responsibility. Of course the right thing to do was to help out a fellow teacher. So I of course gave him my Class CD set. After the lesson, in front of 'receptionist/consultant 2' and/or 'Lilith', he handed over the CD case to me, saying "thanks, here's your CD". 'receptionist/consultant 2' and/or 'Lilith'later told the Director and everyone else that 'polish teacher 1' had given my CD back to me. In fact he had given the CD case back to me, minus the Class CD. Why he lied I don't know. But what interests me, what saddens me most, is that no-one seems to care that he lied to everyone.
When I went to use the CD the next day it wasn't there. I asked the head teacher if he had borrowed it. He said he hadn't. I asked to borrow his copy. Strangely enough, his copy was missing too. I opened the CD case to find only one of the CD's there. I wondered what had happened. I had no idea that 'polish teacher 1' had taken my CD home to copy it, to replace his CD which he had lost. I asked 'Lilith'and/or 'receptionist/consultant 2' to call him for me, to find out if he knew where my CD was. The ignored me as they often did when clients were there, or they were talking during their 'changeover' half hour. During this half hour or so they talked about what work needed to be done. Sometimes. Often it seemed they were just chatting, and ignoring me. Anyway, eventually they give me the phone and tell me to call. I can't use the Polish navigation, so I ask them to dial for me. They apparently do, but the phone goes dead when it rings. I ask them to call again. They won't. They tell everyone that they did call for me. No-one cares that the phone went dead. 'polish teacher 1' may have seen from the caller I.D that it was the school phone, and not wanting to be inconvenienced by having to return the CD straight away, have just cancelled the call.
So the next day I still don't have my CD. It is the second class that I will have to read out transcripts to. So I ask the head teacher to contact 'polish teacher 1' for me. He won't. I figure why should I stress out if no-one else cares, so I leave it at that, and continue reading the transcripts. I can't do anything else, as no-one will call him for me.
The next day I ask the Director to contact 'polish teacher 1'. He says it's none of his business. He and the head teacher say it's my problem, that it's my fault for lending 'polish teacher 1' the CD's. They also say that 'Lilith'and/or 'receptionist/consultant 2' complained that I was 'ordering them around'. They said that they 'saw' 'polish teacher 1' hand me back the CD. I reminded the Director and Co. that they saw him give me back the case, and everyone, including me, assumed that he had returned the CD.
I was really pissed off, but what was the point in trying to get a fair go from people not interested in giving me one. When 'polish teacher 1' finally showed up for his next class, he handed me back the CD. I didn't even bother saying anything about what had happened. No-one cared that he had lied, and produced so much stress for me and everyone. It was my fault, according to everyone, for having lent him the CD. No-one cared about his deception, his lies, and the fact that the students had been disadvantaged by his behaviour. No-one, so I just said thanks, and took the CD. No-one said sorry to me for the misunderstanding. No-one ever asked 'polish teacher 1' why he had lied, let alone criticised him for having produced so many problems and stress for me and the others.
It was the same with the head teacher. He really pissed me off. I really wanted to leave the school after the way he talked to me one day. Or really it was just the final straw. 'the head teacher' would never let me interupt him when he was speaking, no matter when, what the context. He would just keep talking as if I wasn't there. It wouldn't matter if I was trying to be social and just chat. It was infuriating. It was no fun. It was impossible. So when we had a 'teacher review session' things got really ugly. He wouldn't let me interrupt even when what he had to say was totally predictable. It would be a waste of precious time. I had a class coming up...Oh, yeah, that was another thing that pissed me off...he thought he could just come up while I was preparing lessons and have some meeting, just as it suited him. He would arrange meetings for times inconvenient to me, and I would try to negotiate, and he would act really flustered, as if I was being difficult.
He had the habit of talking to people like they were his inferior. He claimed it was just the way he spoke, but I think it might have been symptomatic of his attitude. It was consistent. You don't interrupt sir 'the head teacher' when he's speaking because, as he put it, he 'has to be happy that he's said what he wanted to say'...what he wanted to say. You of course are merely the vessel for gathering his wisdom. When you had a meeting it was basically his chance to tell you what he thinks. Any suggestion that the meeting would be a two way discussion were sheer superficial token gestures.
And then when I did listen, and wait until I had a chance to speak, haven taken notes during the monologues, he had the nerve to constantly interrupt me. Hypocrisy is something I cannot tolerate easily. I sought to clarify his points, and it seemed that we could agree on some things. I offered my solutions to my problems, and he rejected them out of hand, regarding them as unnecessary. He claimed to have no problems so I shouldn't have any either.
Point in question. The CD lesson numbers didn't match up with the lesson numbers in the books. Why? No idea. Surely they could get such a little thing right? Anyway, and students would often unplug the CD player to get to their seats. So I was constantly recueing the CD player. I realised that there was an index in the CD cover, so I made notes in my textbook so I knew which CD lesson went with which textbook lesson. According to 'the head teacher' that was unnecessary. Students never unplugged his CD player? He had no problems. So why should I. I don't get it. I had a problem, and I found a solution. He, claiming to be Mr perfect it seems, claimed I shouldn't have a problem.
Hypocrisy gets me! This guy was on more than one occassion to be found making photocopies during his lessons. He made constant mistakes in his written work. He taught students things that were patently wrong. He forgot to make register entries. He put the wrong dates. He asked me, in rude capitals, why I was using the notation marks for present, absent, and late, that were dictated in the actual registers themselves. He told me to use the system he used. 'Lilith'told me to use the one the School, the company, explicity directed us to use in the registers. I told the Director that it was no fun teaching if I had to be perfect. He hated me calling 'the head teacher' Mr Perfect.
'the head teacher', during the 'review' also told me that I was never, ever to take registers out of the office. He also told me, accusingly, that my students had done poorly in my part of the test. I suggested he show me the test, and the results. There could be a number of explanations. Maybe the material I covered was harder. I asked whether they did badly in his, and the other Polish teachers classes. He wouldn't provide me with a copy of the test, as if I didn't need to. He apparently just wanted to criticise me. I can't see the value in that.
Anyway, when I finally found a copy of the tests, which the head office sent to us, and wouldn't let the native teachers, or maybe any teacher see beforehand, I saw one obvious problem. The were testing students about the international phonetic alphabet. I had told 'the head teacher' that I found it too cumbersome and of little value. I explained to him that I used my own approach to teaching sounds and so on. He agreed it was O.K to use my own approach, and didn't use that part of the textbooks himself, either. So of course most of my students couldn't answer a large chunk of the, in any case what I thought to be pretty stupid and difficult to understand, tests.
I use a method I employ in my website. I get students to underline the sounds of words they are unfamiliar with, and underline the same sounds in words they are familar with. I say, write ...rhymes with...and underline the same sounds in the words. At first few students would write down anything I asked them too. It frustrated me. But one day, after that review in which I suggested I could bring about a 'cultural change' in their 'learing culture', and 'the head teacher' laughed derisively and told me I never would, that they would never change their habits,...this is poland...he said, ... they are polish students..., every single person was taking notes and doing everything I asked of them. They were actively correcting each other, taking notes, doing the ...rhymes with...thing, and so on. I complimented them and commented to them that they had just ...'done what was impossible'... It was one of those rewarding moments when you feel that all your frustration and effort and 'pushing' had actually yielded results.
I often feel guilty that the students aren't learning. They aren't active. They aren't doing their homework. They aren't participating. They are wasteing their money, their parent's money, the company money. They are wasting all the energy and effort we put into preparing and conducting classes. I may as well be a monkey for all the contribution I was making to their english. It is really frustrating. So it is a real reward to get some results, to actually change their attitude, their behaviuors, their 'classroom culture'. It's a real buzz. Of course this isn't the norm. You have to put up with a lot of unmotivated, lazy students, who will simply blame you for their lack of effort.
I will say this about 'the head teacher'. In terms of responding with the right answers about teacher behaviours in the classroom he was very good. He reminded me that it was my job to try to motivate and push them. They were paying me in part to do that. I joked with a friend, ex-student (only because they fired me...everyone in the class told me I was a good teacher), that she and the others basically pay me to force them to do homework. She more or less agreed. He got me to sit beside students as they did group work, correcting them, and moving around.
Group work has a positive and negative side. The positives are that students more readily talk to each other than to the whole class, or to the teacher. Of course it is less challenging, especially if you are shy. They also feel like they have been learning english, if they suddenly realise that they have been talking to someone in english for the last, ideally, hour or so. The negatives, though, are that they are talking bad english, and might develop bad habits. You can only correct them as you hear them. I often moved as soon as I overheard some glaring mistake, to correct some other small groups.
You see it is 'activity', and it is in English, so it makes a good impression on everyone. My doubts are about the productivity or quality of the 'action' taking place. I could accept the positives, and company policy, as represented by 'the head teacher''s opinion, and so I changed my behaviours
I am not so sure that the new behaviour is as productive as what I would do myself, but I can see the positive side, and make the compromise.
Unfortunately a lot of the time the students either do the exercises so badly, or half-heartedly, or passively, that it pure 'impression management', or 'much ado about nothing'..."a tale told by an idiot, full of pomp and ceremony, signifying nothing"...They are participating in a lot of activity, but it doesn't acheive as much as could be achieved by alternate means.
You really have to set up any group work with great precision and care, to ensure that it is productive. You'd have to do much better than the textbooks. You'd have to spend a whole day preparing just one discussion exercise. Unfortunately no-one will pay you to. If you sacrificed yourself, other teachers would just use you work, and the school would be exploiting you badly. Try to find one school with a full archive of lesson plans and teaching materials they have accumulated over the decade or more they have been operating.
Anyway, after both of us virtually swearing at each other and storming out of the 'review' I had to teach a class! Nice timing as usual.
The director had overheard everything from his office next door. I told him that I had had enough. I didn't need to work. I worked because I wanted to. But I wasn't going to be treated like that. The director stated that they needed me, that they couldn't find anyone to replace me. He reminded me of the contract I had signed, and the penalties it would impose on me if I quit. He seemed willing to find a solution to the problem, so I agreed to stay. I really wanted to go. I had had more than enough. Instead, when I saw 'the head teacher' next I shook his hand, and said things would be o.k. He acted as if he had no idea what I was talking about. I felt dirty, to be honest, like I'd just been raped, and then pretended it had never happened. I wanted to try to make everything work.
He lived near me. One day I came across him walking his dog. I didn't want to talk to him, but felt obliged to shake his hand and have a few words. I think he would have walked straight past me if I hadn't, but I didn't want to like, go to the other side of the street to obviously avoid him. I realised then that that was why Lilith was always so nervous near her bus stop. The head teacher might walk by and see us together at any moment. On the few occasions she let me hug her it was brief and unsatisfying. She only inititated contact a few times. Once she pinched my bum, actually in front of one of the female Polish English teachers. A few times she touched my hands. She said that she couldn't afford to touch me, lest she lose control, and not be able to stop herself from...
The morning after the run-in with 'the head teacher', I had said goodbye and goodluck to 'Lilith'. She said that she hoped to see me soon. This was before anything had really developed in our 'relationship'. I was surprised. It was because of her and 'receptionist/consultant 2' that I wanted to stay at the school and make things work, despite how badly I felt about 'the head teacher' and the school itself. Sorry to confuse you, but this incident with 'the head teacher' happened in the first month. It happened after 'polish teacher 1' had taken my CD home and lied to everyone.
That was in fact the issue that angered me most at the meeting. 'the head teacher' stated that 'the girls' had seen 'polish teacher 1' give me the CD back. It reminded him that they had seen him give me back the case. No-one had looked inside. He just repeated that the girls had seen it happen, so it must be true. It was only after this incident that 'polish teacher 1' returned the CD to me. But by then I just wanted to forget about the whole incident. In fact this is what pissed me off most. 'the head teacher' insisted 'polish teacher 1' had returned the CD. Then I gave up and said that I would rather not argue any more, and that I didn't want to hear about it again. I was totally right, but willing to forget about it, to avoid further stress and problems. 'the head teacher', totally in the wrong, insisted that we carry on the discussion another time, that he would prove to me I was wrong.
That infuriated me. Why on earth couldn't we just drop this unproductive line of argument. The Director agreed, and told 'the head teacher' to drop it, I believe. So when 'polish teacher 1' came up to me and returned the CD I didn't care anymore. I was only wounded at how everyone had treated me. The 'girls' had shown they had no respect or care for me, and after all I had done, they gave me no credit, and at the slightest problem, had turned on me. However I had to say one thing to the Director and 'Lilith'. I had to remind them of the simple fact that if 'polish teacher 1' had, as everyone stated, returned the CD to me on Monday, then it would be impossible for him to return it to me, as he did, four days later. No-one cared. No-one apologised or expressed their regrets about what had happened and how I had been treated. That is what dissappointed me most.
As I said, to this day, no-one at the school accepts any responsibility for anything that happened other than me.
The only positive feedback I got from him was one day when he complimented me, indirectly, on the mini-tests I had prepared.
One other gripe I have was about the amount of writing homework I had to mark as compared to the Polish teachers I was sharing classes with. It was about 3 times as much. The head teacher responded to a remark I made about the amount of work I had to mark by pointing to a bag full of tests he 'had' to mark. What he failed to mention was that he was being paid a few zwoty for every test he marked. I was denied that lucrative job.
I had twenty teaching hours, which added up to easily over 30 hours a week. This consisted of preparation, marking, admin, attending 'reviews' and 'seminars' I could have done in a few minutes reading, if the head teacher would bother writing, that is. In the end I suggested he write up his 'observation'comments from his 'observations' of our classes, and give us a chance to reflect on his opinions and feedback before having to respond. He never did give me anything. Actually, the only written feedback he gave me was at the end of the nasty meeting we had, a few minutes before my classes. When I read it I had no chance to respond at all, and I went to my classes infuriated and flabbergasted.
So what else happened? I will now regale the story of Markus and the swan, or is it, Lilith and the hapless traveller?
But first I have to tell you why 'receptionist/consultant 2' wasn't speaking to me for the few weeks leading up to the assault.
What means 'kinky'? You're Kinky, aren't you!
As I said, 'receptionist/consultant 2' was a lovely, charming, intelligent, interesting young woman. I spent a lot of time with her. Apparently she really appreciated it. Most of the time the receptionists were bored sick. I came in and chatted with her, played guitar, and hung around. I stayed back with her after work while she waited for her boyfriend or brother to pick her up. She helped me find a charger for my phone, and a pre-paid sim card and so on. I was glad to here, probably for the first and only time from a Polish woman, that she 'loved her boyfriend very much'. She excitedly told me that she thought she was very lucky to have him.
When I asked her if she wanted me to stay and talk, or keep her company, her face lit up and she smiled so beautifully that it was a reward for any inconvenience. I loved buying her Snickers bars because her face would light up so brightly, with such a beautiful smile, that it was a great reward for me. One morning I came in, thinking 'Lilith'was at the desk, so I didn't say hello. 'Lilith'and I had fought again. And again. Anyway, as I walked past 'receptionist/consultant 2' called out, smilingly, but admonishingly "markus", making it clear that she was wounded that I hadn't said hello, and admonishing me for being so careless. It was really really nice.
When she talked to me, she stood so close I could almost touch her lips with mine. Her breath was very sexy. Sometimes when I was using the computer she would lean over to get something, and her body would press against mine. It was very nice. I felt like we were like two little children, totally innocent and, well, sort of loving. I had a great fondness for her, and she seemed to be fond of me. She really wanted me to keep her company. I suppose anyone would be better than being alone, but still, I felt valued and I felt good. I really enjoyed the time I spent with her.
Like 'Lilith', she would wear really low cut jeans. She had a lovely, lithe figure like 'Lilith', only with more boyish, slender hips. 'Lilith'has very feminine hips. They were both very sexy, in their own ways. They both took great care of their figures, and were very slender and trim. They both had really slender muscular arms. Both had incredibly sexy thighs, stomachs, and legs. Because 'receptionist/consultant 2' loved her boyfriend, though, I never thought of her as anything other than a beautiful friend. Her boyfriend and her were going to move in together. She was really impatient and excited at first. But when her boyfriend got cold feet, she seemed to accept it, and focussed on the positives of living at home. Who wouldn't like to live rent free, have their meals prepared for them, have their washing done?
One day I was talking with 'receptionist/consultant 2'. She was in a really upbeat mood. She asked me, in the typical polish-english "what means 'kinky'"? She was smiling and laughing, and taunting me, telling me that I was kinky, wasn't I! She had the translation program from the internet open on the screen, and typed something in. She kept laughingly taunting me, telling me that I was kinky. I thought she might have read something in my philosophy manuscript. We had talked about philosophy, and she seemed to understand and even agree with what I said. I was able to express myself simply with her. It was good to feel understood and find some agreement. In one line I refer to golden showers, and how many people misunderstand the act to be one of humiliation, when in fact it is about intimacy.
Thinking that was what she was talking about, I said that people have different tastes, and that as you grow older you are more open to new ideas, and often surprised by yourself. I said that being kinky or not is just a matter of definition. She kept laughing and taunting me. I made a few comments about how sexy she would look in latex and so on. We were laughing and flirting(?) for a while. She seemed really amused by the whole thing.
Anyway, I had fought once more with 'Lilith', and probably as some sort of reflex, some attempt to 'free' myself from 'Lilith's' 'bann' (you know, the power vampires have over their victims), I sent 'receptionist/consultant 2' a kinky SMS. I won't repeat it in full, in case it further embarasses or offends 'receptionist/consultant 2', but I will repeat the end of it. The SMS ended with...but 'receptionist/consultant 2' loves her boyfriend, so I will have to make do with her charming company and her beautiful smile...
The next day 'receptionist/consultant 2' wouldn't talk to me or look at me. I apologise in person and per SMS. For weeks after that she wouldn't talk to me. When I apologised she hissed back in reply "you're a fucking idiot".
'Lilith'read the SMS too. She wasn't shocked or anything. She said that 'receptionist/consultant 2' did want to talk to me, and that I should keep trying. 'receptionist/consultant 2' was offended, that's clear. I apologised for that. What I don't get, however, is why she will not take any responsibility for what happened.
So even though 'Lilith'and 'receptionist/consultant 2' were arguing at the time amongst themselves, this explains why they became allies when it came to their common 'foe'(?), me. It can account for how the really serious series of events of this story unfold and conclude. I will now tell the woeful sorry tale of Markus and the Swan. You have, I trust, heard of Leda and the Swan?
Marx Herbach and the Swan, or Lilith and the hapless traveller
My little swan has dark beady eyes, a big 'beak' and a slender, graceful neck, just like any other swan. She had golden 'locks' of hair that any fairytale princess would envy. They were real ringlets of gold and white gold. When she wore white, she apparently bleached her hair a little whiter, to match. She said she preferred straight hair like her sisters. But I adore her ringlets. She is beautiful and charming and elegant and, well, totally gorgeous and adoreable. We talked about everything, including Lilith, the vampire that was kicked out of Eden. We talked about how women who were powerful and sexually liberated were often defined as witches, by the men who were intimidated by them. Maybe some of them were just witches, or well, just plain bitches. People often twist things around to suit themselves. A bitch will claim that men are intimidated by her 'power'. People can take any argument and conveniently twist it to their own purposes. It can be really frustrating.
I've noted how Polish people hate that term. It's really like yelling out 'fuck' or something. In english we use it a lot more often, and it is a lot less provocative or offensive. Is my swan a misunderstood, powerful, liberated woman? Or just a plain bitch? I'll leave it to you to decide.
At first I didn't find 'Lilith'that attractive. I found her hips to be too wide, her nose too big, her eyes too small, her walk too strange and her teeth too small and discoloured. I found Blank and 'receptionist/consultant 2' much sexier. However then I began talking to 'Lilith'. Within a few minutes I was addicted to her. I was hooked. I was in her 'bann'. Maybe it was her short-sighted, romantic gaze. Maybe it was the sentimental attraction of her constant sadness. Maybe it was the magic in her laughter. I became jealous of anyone she was laughing with. I fell in love with her. Like I once told her friend, even if she was really ugly, I would find her beautiful, because of the things she said.
That evening she said she was getting picked up by "someone". I found this suspicious, so I added, "your boyfriend you mean"? In one way I was encouraged, because it meant she didn't want to tell me she had a boyfriend. In another I was dissappointed that she wasn't 'available'. Only the next day it occured to me that she was wearing what looked like an engagement ring. I asked her on which finger women wear engagement rings. She told me. So she was engaged! I asked her why she hadn't told me. She said that it wasn't public knowledge. That threw me. I asked her .. "isn't that the reason you wear an engagement ring, and get engaged"?...She countered with something. I was really dissappointed. On my way home, realising I was in love with her, I accepted that we could only be friends, as she was 'taken'.
I had resolved not to let my feelings for her develop. The problem was that it seems 'Lilith'had other plans. She would constantly draw me in. She would tell me how miserable she was with her fiance. She said that she was only with him out of some 'obligation'. I never found out what that meant. I suspect she had just invented the 'obligation' as some device for her own purposes with me. I would love to know, assuming she wasn't lieing, what those obligations in fact are.
She would constantly draw me in, and then remind me that she was engaged. I would then be upset, and make it clear that I would have to maintain some distance. I could not be emotionally intimate with her when I was in love with her, but she couldn't return my love. I would tell her that I needed to keep my distance to protect myself. But she wouldn't let me. She would send me SMS messages imploring me, or admonishing me, I don't know how to express myself here, along the lines of ..."how could you pretend that there isn't a strong connection between us..." She had no empathy for my situation. It was fine for her. She got all the physical affection and sexual satistaction she could want, all the while torturing me.
She often told me how she felt a very strong lust for me. She said that's why she didn't like me touching her. She said she found it really hard to 'resist' me. Once she even said, I can quote virtually verbatim, that I ..."should just throw her down on the ground and take charge!" This is one thing that really gets me about women. They want men to take all the initiative, so they can put all the responsibility on the shoulders of the man, and blame him for any consequences. They want to be 'seduced' so they can blame the man for everything. They can then blame the man for themselves having been unfaithful to their partners. They can blame the man for 'getting them pregnant' and 'oblige' him to pay for her selfish desire to reproduce. She will say 'he had his fun, now it's time to pay'. Excuse me? You mean women don't enjoy sex? You mean most women aren't determined to reproduce independant of the inheritance they will be forcing upon their innocent not-yet-born offspring? Women want it, and manage in our society to get it, both ways. (No pun relating to porn films intended!)
She said she didn't love me. She said she didn't love anyone. She said she had once loved someone. She said it was really hard for her to "resist" me, because I seemed so perfect, and expressed so many 'perfect' sentiments so 'perfectly'. It was her that was constantly drawing me back in after I had resolved to keep some distance, but she wanted to put all the responsibility on my shoulders.
Such philosophical digressions are a reason for me writing this story. It is also relevant to my story. 'Lilith' was, despite hating her own family, hating her own life, asking me ..."do you know anyone who is happy".., not loving the father-of-her-child-to-be (or was she lieing?), and continuing with the charade (?) of their relationship and marriage-to-come out of what she said, lied (?) was merely some onerous, burdensome, but unavoidable (how?) obligation...determined to have a son. And I, responsible philosopher that I am, and stupidly too honest for this world, made it clear to her that I would never be able to bring a child into this, or at least my, world.
Would she sacrifice the potential happiness we might have together, simply to use her fiance, willing enough I expect to reproduce himself, to have a son, at any cost, even to that son? Was that fair to her son, and to her fiance. Of course it wasn't fair to me, but who cares about me?
Anyway, we had agreed that we both felt very uneasy when we were happy. It felt safer and easier to be miserable, than to be happy, and constantly fearing the loss of that happiness. Like lots of Jewish comedians often joke, they are terrified of being happy, as they can't believe the universe would let them be, and would, at any moment, send some calamity upon them to 'rectify' the situation.
She claimed that the happy family background of her fiance would compensate for her own lack thereof, and ensure the child had the, 'happy family' that every child, we agreed, deserved. We seemed to agree that people should only reproduce if they can guarantee their children a good family. 'receptionist/consultant 2' agreed with me much further, that children had a right to a positive inheritance, and we shouldn't reproduce unless we can offer them one. Initially 'receptionist/consultant 2' said she didn't want children, then seemed to weaken that statement to mean that maybe she might not have kids, and then seemed to indicate that it was just a question of when, and so on. This is one reason why, before I knew she loved her boyfriend etc, I thought she might make a good partner, or more importantly, that she might be happy with me. It's so hard to find an attractive woman who isn't hell-bent on reproducing, no matter how little she and her partner, and their circumstances might have to offer their offspring.
The subject often arises very quickly. Once, talking to a naked, shaved, blonde, blue eyed, architecturally virtually flawless, beautiful woman, the topic came up within a few sentences. Do you have any children? Do you want children?
'Lilith'and 'receptionist/consultant 2' were always trying to teach me 'macho' things to say in Polish, such as 'hey babe', 'I want you now', and so on. I think any male would have interpreted their behaviour as flirting, or at least teasing. In hindsight, and in light of 'Lilith's' unwillingness to ever tell me what was really going on, and so on, 'Lilith's' behaviour seems really cruel.
I couldn't accept that someone could marry someone they didn't love, just out of some 'obligation' and the desire to have children. I believe in informed consent. I was ultimately willing to share 'Lilith'with any number of men if it made her happy. But I felt that everyone involved should give their informed consent. If her fiance still wanted to marry her and father her children even though she didn't love him, was only marrying him out of some 'obligation', and would have other lovers, then all fine and dandy. But she claimed that he would be happier not knowing. Maybe happier for now. But what about the long-term?
Originally it never entered my mind that she would stay with him after what she had said. She told me she had tickets for a flight to England. She said she had been planning to leave Poland. I did hear her, in the last weeks, talking to someone on the phone in English. Who knows what she has planned, and with who.
So I suggested that we be lovers and best friends. I couldn't offer her the son she seemed determined to have, and she claimed she lusted after me, found me fascinating, but didn't love me. So I thought that would be a solution. I don't think I anticipated she would stay with her fiance. I don't think I was thinking much at all. I was all feeling. I was full of the most beautiful feelings a human can feel, affection, adoration, lust, friendship, trust, understanding, and emotional intimacy. I felt we had a real bond. Almost everything she said, every experience or feeling she shared with me, resonated with my own experiences and feelings. She accepted my 'solution', but the next day acted as if we hadn't resolved anything at all.
That was how it was with her. One moment I was in heaven, and the next in hell. I would feel as if we had finally resolved everything, only to be dissappointed, dissillusioned, and then once more she would reawaken a real hope in me of happiness. In the end I told her that it was healthier for me to hate her than to live with false hope. She constantly promised me things and then let me down. She made really insensitive, almost viscously taunting remarks.
Once when I went with her to a university lecture we were flirting with notes on her lecture notes, and she reminded me, painfully and, it seemed to me, cruelly, almost mockingly, that she was getting all the sex she wanted. It was horrible. She constantly said things like that. Was she deliberately torturing me? If so it was violently viscious and effective.
She had said that she found interesting men addictive, but that she had always ended the relationships because they ended up wanting sex. I found her a little disingenuous (?) I think she got off on the power of someone wanting her. I told her that many women are interesting. I find it a bit disingenuous or a bit un-self-aware when women claim they find men more interesting. Of course it feels good to be desired, and to be in control. But it isn't right to use anyone for anything, whether sex or companionship, without their informed consent. If they are happy with the situation then it is o.k. But it is wrong to lead someone on with false hopes, simply to use them for your own purposes, and then dispose of them when they get too demanding, or wake up to your games.
Perhaps a metaphor? While trying to find something to keep me occupied during the lecture I was admiring the beautiful wood parquetry floor, until the curve of the cracking, curling 'PVC' caught my eye. I was dissappointed. What had appeared to be something beautiful and authentic turned out to be cheap and plastic. Maybe a metaphor for my 'relationship' with 'Lilith'?
The day after the lecture 'Lilith'sent me an SMS stating that she found it beautiful or wonderful or whatever, that I didn't regret having spent my time in a way that should be regretable i.e sitting in on a boring lecture, or spending an entire afternoon shopping with her, or just waiting around.
One saturday I waited with her for her father to pick her up. We had fought about some insensitive remark of hers or whatever, but I stayed because, as I said, even when we weren't talking, I still loved her company, and because I was willing to 'swallow my pride' or whatever it is we do, and put up with whatever she did (?), I'm not sure how to express what I mean...because I wanted to be with her. Her father dropped me off at Real. It was interesting for me to meet her father, and she said likewise for her, as she hadn't seen him for a long time.
One SMS haunts me still. After we had spent some time together, and probably fought over something or other, I sent her an SMS, in the morning, or late in the evening. In any case she apparently read it in the morning. She wrote that the sentiment I expressed in my SMS to her ..."...made my awakening most precious ever...". It is really hard to reconcile such messages with how she treated me in the end. Well actually how she treated me constantly.
She often said, staring deep into my eyes, looking for some hint of deception or disingenuousness, that it was hard to believe me, because everything I said sounded so perfect. Its true that I surprised myself with my ability to express my feelings towards 'Lilith'. I could say the same for messages such as the one I previously quoted. Sometimes I had the certainty that 'Lilith'cared for me in her own way. She preferred to use the word like. Like me, she said that people don't love each other really. I didn't mind what word she used. I had actually already written a song title "like me", so her sentiments resonated with me. We joked that we would make sweet 'like'. I told her I was deeply and madly in 'like' with her. She told me she liked me.
One Saturday we went shopping for a present for one of her, not-close, friends, maybe a relatives wife I think. Apparently she didn't really even like her, but she was 'obliged' (that horrible word once again) to go to a party, and bring her a present. 'Lilith'bought me a bus ticket. I still have it. I am very sentimental about 'Lilith'. I can't help myself. We flirted on the bus. We rushed around the Echo Galleria, the mall, looking for a suitable present. She stopped to check out some lipgloss. She put some on my lips. It smellt sweet. I wanted to buy her some, in return for the bus ticket, but she wouldn't let me. Earlier on we had agreed that many women use men. 'Lilith'stated emphatically that she always paid for herself etc.
We agreed that a wooden photo box was really nice, but it was too expensive, around 100PLN. I offered to pay for it, or for half of it if she liked, so that we could call the shopping expedition a success. She declined the offer. She almost bought some overpriced soap things from Douglas, another German chainstore, but I convinced her we should quickly look further. I kept wracking my brains trying to think of a good present. Eventually, in Tesco's, I found a gift pack of body lotion and whatever, and a table 'throw-over'(?). She especially liked the table throw, and as it turns out, so did the recipient. So it was a success after all.
I carried 'Lilith's' coat for her. I stroked the furry collar, calling it 'my precious'. 'Lilith'did a great impersonation of Gollum, repeating, 'my precious'.
We both had the same lack of patience with people. We both got very frustrated by people who didn't appear to be paying attention to where they were walking, how many people they were holding up, and so on. We both detested shopping at Tesco's when it was busy. And it was always busiest on Saturday afternoons. It was another thing we shared, another 'chord' or 'note' upon which we 'resonated'. It was one more chord or note to add to the melody that made up our 'emotional connection'. If we both lusted after each other as well, then well, we seemed made for each other. Of course that's how you feel when you are in love.
While shopping 'Lilith'made another one of her 'provocative' comments. I was walking behind her, and she said something like, 'would you like it if women walked behind you staring at your ass? Anyway, somehow the topic lead to 'sex from behind'. She stated, from where or what context I don't remember or even then understood, that ..."sometimes its the best"... I think I had commented that it was impersonal, because you couldn't see their face. If you've seen "Saturday night Fever" you'll remember the couple who couldn't 'finish off', so they began 'doggie-style' and both came quickly. Anyway, once more she was unnecessarily sexy and provocative, and to me, even cruel and taunting. She constantly joked and talked about sex, while denying me the most beautiful experience I could have on this earth, to make love to her. She was giving that experience to someone she claimed not to even like.
I will comment here about the phenomena of women using men in a particularly cruel way. Women complaining they have nothing to talk about with their partners, or that they don't love them, or they are insensitive and so on, to the male friend. The male 'friend' does all the hard emotional work, all the listening and caring and feeling, while the women give the most beautiful experience in the world to, in their own words, uncaring, ungrateful, insensitive, selfish, and so on, partners. The women must be disingenous to claim that they are not abusing their male friends in this way. They can feign ignorance, but they know what they are doing. They can act offended, like, how dare you define listening and so on as 'hard emotional work'. But it is. It is a fact. Physical love is one of the ways in which we can recharge our emotional batteries after demanding emotional interactions. Marvin Gaye called in 'sexual healing'.
The women are then, disingenously or if they are so deep in denial, authentically, though undeservedly, offended when their 'listening' partner gets upset about the situation. Like 'Lilith', they then simply 'dismiss' the guy, as if he's done something wrong ( "...all men want is sex..." as if wanting to make love to someone is a bad thing...), and lure the next unsuspecting, genuine, sensitive, guy into her trap. It is a form of abuse as much as rape is. It is a form of exploitation. Women claim other women are not interesting? I find this disingenous. I have met lots of interesting women. Women really seem to love 'using' nice-guys to meet their emotional needs, while meeting their sexual needs, and needs for chaos, excitement, drama, and something to complain about, with their insensitive, but sexually and socially exciting partner or lover.
To the females reading this: dont act disingenous as you read this. Reflect deep within yourself. Try to be honest with yourself. Relations between men and women will only improve when we are all honest with ourselves and each other. The basis of relationships must be mutual respect as shown in the act of behaving with transparency, in order to allow true 'informed consent'. People in any relationship must honestly declare what their intentions are, what they are willing to offer, and what they hope to get in return. Ulterior motives must be made explicit. Only then can relationships be authentic.
As I have often remarked. It seems that the only relationships that consistently meet these criteria are those between sex industry workers and their clients.
Anyway, 'Lilith' had informed me, with her patent brand of sympathy inspiring misery, that she had had, for some time, nothing more to talk about with her fiance. He couldn't maintain, or maybe even initiate, any sort of discussion. Perhaps that was what she intended for me, to use me to provoke some discussion, to use me as the discussion topic, to maybe rouse her fiance into sending her sensual, sentimental text messages, leaving little romantic notes in her coat (..."was that you?...she had asked me...who else did she think it might be...I wonder now...!).
She knew how torturously painful it was for me to be close to her, but not allowed to get those few millimeters closer. I had expressed my feelings and this dilemma often enough. She had no empathy for me at all it seems. She had no consideration for my situation, or it seems the interests and feelings of all the other 'fascinating men' she had lured into her trap, to entertain her, and then act all disingenuous when they wanted more, and felt 'used' and 'abused' by her, as if she was totally innocent. Does self-denial constitute ignorance, and hence innocence? Anyway...
She said she had only one female friend, in fact I think only one 'friend' as such, other than me. She told me that they were friends due to their mutual studies and so on, she said due to 'practical' reasons. Most people are friends for that reason, so nothing strange there. She said that her friend would be leaving town after the end of the semester, and then she would have no-one. I was wondering how she defined her fiance, in terms of her 'relationship' towards him.
I don't know what to believe. Did she really get on so badly with her family and so on? Had she really 'let them down' or whatever so badly that she wouldn't risk ending her engagement? Would she go through with the wedding and so on out of some 'obligation'? What were her motives, thoughts, assumptions and so on? She never would or did explain much to me. Perhaps because it was all a game. Perhaps it was all a contrived fiction, meant to inspire my sentimental and romantic notions? I wish she would tell me the truth. Even if the truth matches the worst of my possible speculations.
I'd rather know that she was using me for amusement and company, and was in fact happy to be getting married to a man she loved and desired, than go on wondering. I'd rather know that she was in fact happy. It would mean that she had been selfishly and nastily using me, but at least I would know that she was in fact happy, and not miserable. I'd get over having been used. It would merely validate my worst suspicions. And I could live with the knowledge that my little swan is happy somewhere.
So back to our story...
We walked back to the train station. I was impressed with how fast 'Lilith'walked, even in high heels. We both agreed that it was frustrating and irritating trying to walk with normal people, who walk much too slow. Once more I found a resonance between us. She seemed really stressed about not missing the train and the 'party'. I reminded her that it wasn't that important and she thanked me. She said she needed someone to remind her of such things. She was paranoid about 'spies' seeing us together, so I left her at the entrance to the train station. I got home totally exhausted and with a migraine. I felt terribly sick. I sent an SMS hoping that 'Lilith'didn't feel as wretched as I did. But I was happy to have spent some time with my adoreable little swan.
Any more anecdotes that might give you some insight into my 'relationship' with 'Lilith'? If I remember I'll add them. For now lets go to the tragic conclusion. Oh, first, another tragedy, of a culinary nature. The worst restaurant meal I've ever had.
Aha, just remembered something I'd jotted myself a not about, to remember of course. But I of course forgot to read the note!.
One morning we had arranged to meet at her bus-stop. Like many people, she caught a (?)private mini bus to work. I was always worried about how unsafe they appeared to be. Everyone complains that they are crowded. I don't know if they are licensed, or if there are any controls or monitoring of them. Most of them look like old Mercedes transporters, or Ford vans. I was always concerned for 'Lilith's' safety. She explained to me how much it would cost her to drive her car to work every day, even though she had an old Renault with a gas conversion. "Someone", to quote her, picked her up when she worked nights, and the buses weren't running. The bus trip cost 2 PLN each way, I think, much cheaper that the hundreds of 'Zwoty', I used to say 'Zloty' it would cost in gas or petrol.
I hung around at her bus-stop a while, and then thinking that I must have missed her, I walked to school. She called me on her mobile, from the bus-stop. So I began walking back to meet her. We met half way, where the pidgeons gathered. She laughed her pretty, adoreable laugh, beaming her gorgeous smile, as she merrily regaled the following incident to me. She doesn't wear her glasses all the time, especially in the overcrowded bus. She saw some guy from the bus, and began waving at him. He waved back, probably wondering at his luck, to have this gorgeous young woman waving happily at him, beckoning him to her. (Reminds me of the story of the Rheinfells!)
She thought it was me! She was embarrassed to find, when he got closer, that it was a complete stranger. I wondered at his dissappointment. Now in hindsight his story is more or less mine. We both couldn't believe this lovely creature could be beckoning us to come closer. We were both dissappointed. It was a funny story, and I was really happy to see 'Lilith'smiling once more. Most of the time she had looked miserable at her 'obligations', and things she alluded to at work, but which she would never, like her 'obligations', explain.
The restaurant at the end of the (culinary) universe
At first I said I couldn't make it to the school dinner, but I changed my mind after 'Lilith'made it clear she wanted me to go, and was sad that I wasn't going. We had fought again, and made up again, as usual. I don't know what it was this time. Sometimes it was clearly a misunderstanding, sometimes I think she had been unfair to me, sometimes really mean, at least from my perspective and understanding of things.
She had complained the day before that 'receptionist/consultant 2', who had had the morning shift, had done nothing all day, leaving 'Lilith'with an overwhelming amount of work to catch up on. The day before the school dinner she complained, or pouted, in a way I was surprised at, that 'receptionist/consultant 2' would be able to go home and come back looking magnificent, whilst she, 'Lilith', would have to go to the dinner straight from work.
On the night of the dinner I saw 'Lilith'in a skirt for the first time, albeit a very long one. It was golden brown, like many of her outfits. She looks adoreable in her little brown and golden outfits. As we were walking to someones car, she commented on how sensual it felt to have the cold night air flowing around her legs, and some comment about pantyhose, which I didn't get, because I had switched off. I couldn't bare to think about her legs, the air sensually stroking them, her... I joked that I was jealous of the air. It was another example of her unnecessarily provoking me sexually. Did she like to cruelly torment and tease me? Did she ever have any intention of honouring her promise to me, made explicitly on several occassions, that we would be lovers, and soon?
As soon as we got in the car we fought again. She wouldn't wear her seatbelt. She said that in Poland it wasn't compulsory to wear a seatbelt in the back seats. I couldn't believe it. I insisted she wear a seatbelt. She wouldn't. I proclaimed that I would not talk to her again if she didn't wear the seatbelt. I reminded her that I was attending this dinner because she had wanted me to. I was really upset with her, really dark and stormy. She relented and gave in. She put on the seatbelt. I was happy again. Later students told me that it is compulsory for every driver and passenger in a car to 'buckle-up'. I had suspected as much. I had told them that Poland was the only country of knew of where rear-seat passengers didn't have to wear a seatbelt.
She didn't have to promise me anything. I could have accepted being a close friend, if she didn't constantly make it so hard for me (no pun intended) by drawing me in, and making references to sensual and erotic things. And worse, if she had not constantly complaining and demonstrably (was she acting?)miserable about her 'obligations' to her 'fiance', which were somehow, in a way she never explained, 'obligations' to her family. She alluded that she had 'dissppointed' them before.
She told me that she had been happy, for a short time, 'once'. I was sure we could be happy together. We could have seperate apartments. I would help her set up the 'translation service' she said she dreamed of having. I would support her while she studied. She could sleep as long as she wanted, in the 'little bed' she wanted. She said I would never guess why she wanted a 'little bed', even if I saw her asleep in it. My fondness, affection, romantic love for her developed as much due to her physical presence, her sexuality, as for sentimental reasons. Misery is romatic. It draws out the desire to protect and nurture. I wonder if she deliberately played upon this. She seemed like a pretty little girl most of the time. She was a combination of the daughter I'd always wanted, and the lover I'd always dreamed of. She was my romantic vision. I adored her. I could adore her again. It would be so easy to fall in love with her again.
I say that despite what happened next, and how it all ended, if it is indeed at an end, as it appears to be.
But back to the restaurant. Apparently it was in the original condition it had been from the Socialist era when it was built. O.K, so many restaurants aren't that flash. It was interesting at least, with high ceilings, and some nice drapes and so on. But the food. Arrrggggghhhhh! I've never had such bad food. I've eaten much much much better food cooked in a garbage can and served on the side of the road, in Thailand.
They served what appeared to be grated carrot and parsnip (?) as a side dish, without making any effort at all with any spice or sauces. It was just dry and, well, yuck. There were no bread rolls, just very ordinary, and tasteless, sliced bread. They actually served boiled carp. I thought carp was a pest, sort of the rat of the rivers and lakes? It was soggy and mushy and tasteless, and just to add the finishing touched, full of very treacherous bones. Of course there was some 'barsht', which I called 'borscht', which is beetroot soup, I think. That was o.k, but nothing special. No different, maybe the same, as the powdered stuff I have bought at Lidl.
The only consolation was the mushroom and pepper Pierogi, which they referred to as 'ravioli' for my sake. Apparently that was also the only consideration they had made for my being a vegetarian. I tried every dish served. Some salmon, some boiled eggs with herring, and the carp. 'Lilith'ate very little of what was served. She didn't trust the look of it, she said. I can't blame her. We all drank vodka, which is alarmingly easy to drink, if you just swallow it. I put the napkin on my head, joking that I looked like the Pope. Tomasz sort of smiled, but frowningly, making some comment about the Pope and Poland indicating I would offend some people. The next day I regretted having drunk so much Vodka. My eyes felt like sandpaper and so on. 'Lilith' told me that I should see the head teacher, he was much worse. In fact I actually drank, at the restaurant, more than anyone else. Perhaps the head teacher had continued drinking elsewhere after we had parted.
When I saw the head teacher the next day, I shook his hand again, even though doing so made me feel uneasy, and told him that I would never drink vodka again. He laughed and said thatthey all said that, but they always drank again. The others laughed and agreed.
'The head teacher' got uncomfortably (for me) serious when I commented, trying to be fair, that Polish food was similar to German food in its simplicity, and lack of spices and so on. He told me to be careful about comparing Polish food to german food, as in different company I could easily get into trouble. Well so much for trying to be sociable. He also launched into another insufferable and condescending diatribe about how people drank vodka, not to get drunk, as I had suggested re: you don't drink it cos it tastes good, which came up after I asked whether I would be able to taste the difference between expensive and cheap vodka, and began sipping to see...but so people would relax around each other, and say things and so on that they would normally wouldn't, or would be too shy to, and so on. I tried to assure him that I was aware of this as he continued his little lecture. No matter what the situation, he had a way of talking that was really frustrating, and no fun at all.
I don't think it was just me. I came across other teachers who had just 'escaped' one of his 'reviews', looking really pissed off, unhappy, frustrated, angry...and so on.
,p>Anyway, back to 'Lilith'. After I stopped talking to her she started humming and singing. She told me she did so when she was sad, as it lifted her spirits. I had ended up walking around for hours singing to myself, mostly A-Ha songs, after having once more being desperately dissappointed by 'Lilith', and feeling a the huge emotional 'hole' that my conviction that anything between 'Lilith'and me was doomed, left in my life.
Then, in the flow of some conversation in english, she told everyone that all of my female students wanted to have sex with me. She went on to add that even some of the male students did too. I added, to save some face, that it was the attractive guys too! I don't know why she would bother saying such a thing. Of course she had often told me that she wanted to play matchmaker between me and the students. I told her that to make such an offer was cruel, as she knew that the only girl I wanted was her. She kept leading me to believe that we had a future, and them dropping some comment that indicated that we had none. The first time I began to wonder whether she really was acting, or was miserable with her fiance, was after the first SMS I sent her.
The SMS contained some pretty heavy, sensual, erotic sentiments. I wondered if I had gone too far the next morning when she didn't say hello. Later she made it clear that the sentiment in my SMS was much appreciated. She asked me..."Didn't you want me to be able to sleep at all".... But then she said, more or less..."if only R (her fiance) would express or feel such sentiments, then everything would be fine..." That made me start guessing again. Was she really unhappy with her fiance, or just using her 'fake' misery and stories to keep my attentions?
Now back to the restaurant again.
The desert was some sort of anise cheesecake. One of the other teachers asked the waitress to bring me the pieces that 'receptionist/consultant 2' and 'Lilith'hadn't eaten, as they had left earlier. The night wasn't just a dissappointment because of the food. Once more 'Lilith'and I had fought, and didn't talk to each other most of the night, even though she had invited me, and she was the reason I bothered attending.
'Lilith'and 'receptionist/consultant 2' left around midnite, I think. Later 'Lilith'told me that it was good that I couldn't understand any Polish, because I would have been upset at what they had been saying while I was there. I found it rude that they all talked in English, knowing that I couldn't contribute, participate, or understand. I tried to make some small talk but didn't get far.
I had sat next to 'Lilith'. She made some unnecessarily harsh and humiliating comment to another teacher, with reference to my constant correction of her statement that she was trying to prove her hypothesis about teenage delinquency correct. I kept joking that she of course had to try to prove it incorrect. This is the valid scientific approach. She said it once more, and I corrected her once more, only this time, quite rudely and nastily, she stated, more or less, that 'of course everyone knows that'. I was really uncomfortable. Her tone and so on were totally unecessary, and unfair given the circumstances. Why was she being a bitch to me, on this of all occassions?
So I didn't talk to her again that night. As usual she never apologised or expressed regret. In fact she only expressed any regret, or said sorry, or allued to possibly being sorry, on two occassions. One was an SMS she sent, where she blamed her dictionary for any offense I had taken. The other was when she went on an on about how I didn't answer the phone once when she was trying to call me. We had arranged to meet to check out the hairdressing salons, to get quotes and so on. I had offered to cut her hair, and I would have done a better job than what she ultimately paid for, but she wasn't sure. People seemed surprised to find that I cut my own hair, so I can't be too bad at it. Anyway, I waited all morning for her to SMS or call and gave up. So I went to the place we were supposed to meet. She wasn't there. I went and asked at the school, she hadn't been there either. I went back and forth a few times, waiting at the shop she said I should meet her at, and eventually gave up and went to do some banking. She called during an important meeting. I didn't answer. I wanted to wait until I was finished so I could agree to whatever she wanted. And anyway, I hate talking on mobiles. It's about the cost I think. When I finally saw her next, she wouldn't talk to me. She was mad at me.
I reminded her of how many times I had spent my entire day with her and then working. Sometimes, to be near her, I would come to the school when she worked mornings, and end up being there until 8:30pm when I finished teaching. She had given me a photocopy of her work schedule so I would know when she worked mornings and when she worked nights. She had confided in me that the rosters revolved around her lectures, and that 'receptionist/consultant 2' worked when 'Lilith''couldn't. Even the Director expressed a little wonder at how good 'the girls' were getting on after the assault, when in fact they were 'supposed to be fighting'. So it seems it wasn't all roses and smiles even without my contribution.
The illusion of 'happy families', as usual, was more about impression management and duplicity than reality. Most people will only complain and bitch about you behind your back. To your face they are all smiles. This seems to be how most people 'get on'. This is the socially accepted game, it seems. I don't play by those rules, so I end up being mobbed by everyone else who does. You are expected to be duplicitous, to be inauthentic. Being transparent and seeking to behave fairly and honourably simply makes you an easier target for the 'slings and arrows' of others. It seems people like to attack others, to feel better about themselves. I am the naive and sentimental person who provides them with an easy target to 'gang up on'.
It is a sad fact that ' my enemies enemy if my friend', to most people. The most bonding thing, as many politicians, dictators, Kings and emperors consistently use to their advantage, is to find a common enemy for a group of people. They will then stop bickering amongst themselves and target all their bile and venom and self-loathing and frustration and jealousy and...so on...at the powerless victim that has been presented to them for this purpose.
They will cheerfully forget their differences for the time being. The 'outsider' offers the opportunity for them to put aside their own differences. The members of the group, the 'mob', welcome this opportunity to change the focus away from their internal bitching and squabbling. They can all then be good mates, and bitch and complain about the 'victim', either at work, over lunch, over a beer, and so on. They have a bonding theme for their interactions, a distraction from their own conflicts. Some people are even self-aware of their motivations and behaviours when participating in the mob.
If my co-worker has a problem with me, then I can distract them from that conflict by supporting them in their conflict with someone else. I will earn their gratitude by supporting them. They will forget about 'our' problem, and focus on their more satisfying conflict with the hapless victim. It is more satisfying as everyone is on their side in this conflict. It will be easy to target the individual, and gang up on them. It has been noted by many observers that wild animals, and humans, will be spurned on to attack by the sight of a powerless, defenceless, potential victim.
I think I may have digressed again. I hope it was worth it. Now back to the tragedy of Markus and the swan / Lilith. 'Lilith'made it my worst X-mas ever, and that is saying something.
But first a note. Poles give presents in the first or second week (?) of christmas. I was caught off-guard. One of my students mentioned it. So I went shopping for a present for 'Lilith'. I couldn't find a watch that I was confident she would like, even after months of searching. I remembered that the gloves she had recently bought fell apart the first day she wore them. She had taken them back to exchange them, but they insisted on sending them to Warsaw to be 'repaired'. Weeks later when we went shopping together they still hadn't come back. 'Lilith'told me later, angrily, that her fiance had gone to the shop. He had been given a refund. Now she proclaimed, she didn't have the gloves, and he had her refund. So when I found a nice pair of brown leather ones, with some nice stitching-work, I bought them for her.
Just for fun, I bought her one of the micro-fibre cleaning cloths I so love. I left mine on the plane in Austria. I was really upset. It took me ages to find a replacement. I was really happy when I did. I love my microfibre cloths. I use them for what my Aunty in germany called 'katzenwaschen'. I like to keep a damp one handy to refresh my skin when I sweat and so on. I put the cloth in a bag. Of course when I gave her her present, I pretended that the cloth was the present, just for laughs.
I wanted to give it to her, even though we were fighting again, and not on speaking terms. But I loved her dearly, despite my efforts to put some distance between us, to prevent me going mad. And despite her (?) efforts (?) to make me miserable, dazed and confused and forlorn and desolate and...so on. So I offered it to her. She was very nervous, saying I couldn't give it to her with people at the school. Someone might see! So I kept it in the teacher's room, on my shelf. She told me that she had also bought me something, but had not brought it in, because I was 'being naughty', or something along those lines.
The next day she gave me my present, an incense holder, like the one I said I liked, some incense, and very significantly for me, a can of original scent old spice deodorant. So she had remembered what I had told her about me finding a really old bottle of my father's Old Spice aftershave. I was touched. She had remembered that it was my favourite. So I was really happy with it. Really, Really happy with it. Later I gave back the incense, as I didn't like it, and the holder, for which I had no use.
Interestingly she kept the rich brown pure wool socks I had given her earlier. I had brought them from Australia. I had worn the other ones, and found them too warm for me. So I gave her a new pair I hadn't worn. They were a lovely brown color, which suited her. She said her feet could never be too warm at home. Even after everything that happened I left her another new pair I had. I still love her. If I looked at her again I would fall in love with her again. That's the real reason I couldn't look at her. Not just because of what she had done, but because I would fall desperately in love with her again. I knew after all that had happened that for her I was just a toy. Whether she herself realises or not, It's the truth. She had never intended telling me the truth, or of giving me what I needed. I was pleased that she apparently took the second pair of socks home too, which some instant spaghetti I had bought her. she protested again that it was too much, but she and 'receptionist/consultant 2' were always hungry it seems, and both loved spaghetti. When I said maybe I could set up a hotplate and cook some for 'receptionist/consultant 2' and 'Lilith', they both responded with positive glee.
I'm happy to think that maybe she did care about me in some way. She had called me "Marx Herbach the special", and her "special little boy". One day she had written my name as 'Marx Herbach' on all the forms she was making on the computer. So from then on I signed my SMS's and little notes 'Marx Herbach'. When my phone credit was empty, I would send her little slips of paper as SMS's. I left some cute little notes in her winter coat and so on, so she might find them on her way home, and they might bring her some happiness.
Markus's Worst X-mas ever
I barely manage to survive x-mas at the best of times. And this was one of the worst of times. 'Lilith'told me that x-mas was a very hard time for her too, because of all her 'obligations'.
She apparently never ever felt any obligation towards me. She felt no obligation to tell me, or anyone else the truth about anything. So I can only guess at what the word 'obligation' could mean to her. It is reasonable to doubt that it meant anything. It seems that she 'invented' her 'obligations' to suit her own purposes. What purposes? To keep her favourite toy, me, close, but at a distance.
Anyway, 'Lilith', who claimed I was her "special little boy", saw fit to leave me totally forlorn, desperately lonely, and abjectly alone, for over 3 weeks. She made no effort to simply get in her car and drive to visit me. She was not working or studying, as she had holidays from both. She apparently lived less than 30 minutes drive from me. She hardly even sent me any SMS's.
Earlier in the year when I said I felt terribly lonely without her, she sent me beautifully sentimental SMS's, reminding me that she was always with me in spirt. ... " there is no need to feel lonely...just look beside you...can't you see my shadow?...I am walking beside you in"..."I come to you every night...don't you feel me next to you"...
She also told me how she dreamed of me constantly. She said one of the reasons she had to be my lover was so that she would stop dreaming about me constantly! In one dream, which she said was easy to explain, but never got around to explaining, I was in the bathtub, and she could see through the water that I had no genitals. Later when I got out and got dressed, she asked me, in the dream, why I was so embarrassed. I had no genitals then either. I'm perplexed. I came to the conclusion that if she could, in her dream, love me despite me having no genitals, then she really must love me!
On another occassion she told me how her fiance woke her, or asked her as she awoke, who she had been talking to...in English! She said that she even talked to me in her sleep. She also told me about a dream she had where she was a student in the back row of my English class. I asked for more details, but as usual she either wasn't forthcoming with details, implying that of course I knew what happened, or we were cut short by the arrival or entrance of someone into the school.
She had jealously commented once, after learning from the third consultant who was there occasionally, that I had sent her a nice SMS too, that "...if you (I) try to get everyone, you (I) will end up with no-one"...I thought that was unfair, as she knew I wanted her. I was only looking elsewhere hoping that if I found a girlfriend, I might be able to be 'just friends' with her, Lilith. The SMS I had sent merely said that I hoped to find a girlfriend as intelligent, sexy, and positive as her, the third consultant.
She had chosen my phone company, Plus GSM, for the special deal they had where you could chose 7 'friends', and make 1 groshe SMS's or cheap telephone calls. We met at the Plus GSM shop in the main street. She helped me buy the right sim card. She set the phone up for me at the school, and I got her to put her number in as one of my 7 'friends'. I realised later that I was not even among her 7 most important friends. This hurt me. Later she claimed she had no credit on her phone, and couldn't buy any. She said she sent the last two SMS's I recieved from her via the internet.
Anyway, I was in no mood to be toyed with. 'Lilith' had no more excuses why she couldn't visit me. She had promised a month ago that everything would make sense in December, and she would be able to explain her 'obligations' to me, or even better, she might be free of them. I wasn't sure exactly what she promised. But she told me to wait a month, and everything would be clear. Up until X-mas she was working 30 hours a week at the school, and studying full-time, so I accepted that she had no time to visit me. In fact she could have visited me on Saturdays or Sundays, but I wasn't going to push the point yet. I would be patient. I lived 5 minutes or so walk from her bus stop at the train station. She insinuated that the reason she wouldn't visit is that she wouldn't be able to keep her hands off me. More than anything, I wanted to talk with her, and clarify what her 'obligations' were, as much as I wanted to make love with her. I would have been happy just to talk. It was extremely important to me to talk with her and clarify our situation, to avoid the constant fighting, desperation, depression, and dissappointments.
I recall how she once said, after having promised that we would be lovers, that she had promised herself that she would not cheat on her partner. I would have accepted that she only wanted to be friends, but she talked about her lust for me more than enough to make it clear that she wanted me as much as I wanted her. If she had let me protect myself by not getting so emotionally intimate with her, then I could have overcome my own physical attraction and romantic connection with her. I could have been good friends with her. We could have kept the emotional connection that I valued so much.
I texted her that the only thing I would never be able to forgive her for was for wasting what we had. I reminded her that the original Aramaic meaning of 'SIN' was 'WASTE'. I couldn't forgive her for that. I suggested perhaps that she had such easy access to love and lust that she could afford to waste mine. However for me, 'Lilith'represented the first experience I had had where I both lusted after a girl, and loved her romantically. It may never happen again. As I often reminded her, I longed to 'be inside her'. I felt like I was inside her skin. We could have made the beautiful love. It would have justified all the pain I had endured in my life, to have had the priveleldge of making love with my little swan.
I had to know once and for all. I begged. I pleaded. Literally. I ran out of options. I had nothing left but an ultimatum. She replied telling me that there were better ways to get what I wanted. But I had exhausted everything I could think of. I texted her that either she give me a firm date for when she was going to visit, or that she once and for all set me free from her 'bann', and leave me to heal my wounds and get over her. She sent some message indicating she felt she was in my 'bann'.
I was totally desperate and powerless to do anything. If I had known where she lived, I would have taken a taxi there. I had never spied on her or tried to get information she didn't freely offer. She had shown me her drivers license, but I did not look at her address. I respected her privacy.
I will place a link to the only email 'Lilith' sent me, just before x-mas. It was very touching. Click here She told me that 'the head teacher' had watched her send it, and had looked on disapprovingly. I wonder if anyone at the school realised anything was going on between us. 'Lilith'was paranoid about any of the guys seeing or hearing anything. She didn't mind around Agata, though. Agata seemed to see that we were close. 'Lilith's' friend from Uni, a student in my class, also noticed when we were fighting and so on. He said he could tell from the looks in our eyes. 'Lilith'had said we would be lovers on two conditions. One was that we never talked or touched at the school in any personal way. The other was that we wouldn't tell anyone about us. I don't know if she was just trying to keep her pet markus close, or if she really intended on giving me the most wonderful experience I could imagine, the experience of making love to a woman I adored, loved, respected, admired, liked, and lusted after. It doesn't seem likely that she ever intended fulfilling her promise to me.
I was willing to share 'Lilith' with as many men as made her happy. I made it clear that I wanted her all to myself. I did and I do. But the point is that if you care about someone then you want them to be happy. That is what true 'love' is, to want the best for another living thing. I was willing to share her with her fiance, and anyone else she decided to be with, if it made her happy. I did say that I hoped she wouldn't want to be with another man for at least the first two years of our relationship, but said that it was up to her, to find what made her happy. As long as I got what I wanted and needed and was happy, it didn't matter.
I don't want to enslave anyone, or 'obligate' someone to be with me, and with me alone. I want 'Lilith'to be happy. I wonder if her fiance could say the same thing. Does he love her enough to want her to be happy, and to be willing to share her, if that made her happy? Romantic love is usually a form of slavery. It is defined by insecurity and the need to control the other. It has little to do with love for the other. It has more to do with a selfish desire to get what you want from the other. Whether that is money, or affection, or attention, or sex, doesn't change the selfish nature of the intention and relationship.
Observe how one moment, when their partner is giving them what they want, and giving them 'exclusive rights to exploitation', they will go on about how much they love someone, and want them to be happy. they will be 'generous' and caring and loving. Then watch how, as soon as the other stops giving them what they want, including that exclusivity, all the 'love' will turn to bile, caustic, vicious, ugly, nasty, mean spirited, ... and so on, hate.
I SMS'ed 'Lilith'with a sincere reminder. No matter what happens, and how much I might naturally, hate her for the moment, due to the pain our interaction produced for me, I wanted her to remember that, deep in my heart, I would always remain her Marx Herbach, her special little boy, and that she would always remain my darling little swan. The hate would fade, and the affection I had for her would remain. It is true. I still love her. Any relationship with her seems impossible. But I still have the deep sentimental attachment to her, and remember every detail of our relationship. I really wish she would explain to me what happened. It is impossible for me to be close to her without being able to hold her, to touch her, to feel her warmth... So we could never be 'just friends'. But maybe oneday she will feel able to give me what I want and need from her. Maybe. If not, then I hope she is happy, or finds happiness. She told me she was once happy. This means she has the potential to be happy again. Good luck, my adoreable little swan, good luck.
Her response, when I said that I would hate her, was ..."so we will hate each other then"... Did she really have feelings for me, or was this comment just meant to be appropriate to the part she was trying to play in the play that she was playing with me?
The last SMS she sent me implied I was treating her like a whore. She didn't actually use the word, just .... I answered with,...'a what?'
Later I took the "Orange" orange flasher off my phone. 'Lilith' and I had asked for one each when the Orange sales rep was in the school, selling the head teacher an internet connection. I had tried to ask the head teacher for some information about internet connections, but he acted like he knew nothing. Like when I asked him about me becoming a company. I wonder why he thought I would enjoy talking to him when every time I had a topic of conversation, he wouldn't try to help me in the slightest. Only later did he explain everything about companies and tax, with the diretor, at his obvious request.
Anyway, the flasher reminded me too much of 'Lilith', and all the hopes I had had regarding her. We had 'flashed' each other all the time, to remind the other that we were thinking of them. She flashed me in class sometimes. I got so excited and happy when my phone flashed, knowing it was 'Lilith', and that she was thinking about me. So it now hangs on my cupboard door. I first saw one of these things on the Directors phone. I thought it was just an orange plastic cube. I liked orange, and asked him where I could get it. The same day the Orange sales rep was there! So I asked him for one, and showed 'Lilith', and she asked for one too. We both got them on the same day. 'Lilith' couldn't work out how to fit hers to her phone. Mine fitted easily. After a few tries, and a bit of reflecting, I worked out how to fit the thing. Then I found out that it flashes when the phone receives or sends a message or call. Excellent. I was really happy with it! So was 'Lilith'.
Both 'Lilith' and the other receptionist/consultant had commented that I was good with my hands. I had also, you might recall, managed to 'improve' their office chairs. My father, I told them, would have liked to hear that. He had been dissappointed when I had refused his offer to find me an apprenticeship in Germany as a machine fitter like himself. Anyway...
The last SMS I sent 'Lilith'was a few days later. I stated that she had a moral responsibility to tell her fiance that she didn't love him, and was only marrying him out of 'obligation'. I wrote that he had a right to decide for himself if he was o.k with that. I said that using a man to have a 'family' would make her worse than a whore, as at least a whore is honest. I wrote that I was saying this, not to be mean, but to be honest. That is the last SMS I sent her. She never replied.
Back at work in the new year I came in one afternoon, I asked 'receptionist/consultant 2' if she thought that it was o.k to marry a man you didn't love. She had been amenable to talking to me up until then. When I asked that question she looked at me really dirtily, and said she wasn't talking to me, or at least not about that. I wonder if she had spoken to 'Lilith'about me, or if she herself knew about 'Lilith's' lack of love for her fiance?
It is possible that something I wrote made 'Lilith'fear that I was going to tell her fiance what she had told me, that she didn't love him, and was only marrying him out of some 'obligation',and to have a son. I may have written something along those lines, I can't remember. Anyway, it's possible that that may have been the case, and a reasonable explanation for what she did next.
Exactly what she did I can only deduce from the events that followed, and the comments of the Director.
He didn't volunteer the information at the time 'Lilith'apparently talked to him, but when I asked him later, he told me that 'Lilith'had complained to him that I had been sending her unsolicited and unwanted SMS's over the X-mas period. He said that she said that that she thought she would have to change her phone number.
The fact is that 'Lilith'had had every opportunity to SMS me, email me, tell me personally, or write me a note, saying that she didn't want me to send her any more SMS's. She never did. So she lied to the Director, or he lied to me.
He told me that she later told him that her fiance had found her phone, and a message I had sent her (the last one I just told you about).
I have to make clear to you, the reader, that her fiance did not understand english at all. He could not have read the email, let alone by accident. Someone would have had to translate it for him. My deduction? 'Lilith'showed one line of it to him...you are worse than a whore..., translated it for him, and innocently claimed to be some sort of victim of the evil Markus.
That would explain, in part, how he later behaved.
'Lilith'later showed everyone, including the Director, that one line of the text message. I asked the Director if she had shown him the whole text message. He recalled that she hadn't. He said she had said that it was too embarrassing to show him. I told him what the complete text message said. He then reflected that it was a bit suspicious that she only showed him the one line. But being the person he is, he didn't really care who was right or wrong, he only cared about whether the school was a success or not. He would happily sacrifice the truth, and anyone's interests, if they got in the way of his personal and business interests. Pretty normal, average sort of human being, unfortunately.
Of course not everyone finds themselves in a situation where there true character is tested. Most people will criticise others, but when they are in the same situation, they behave in the same unprincipled way, and find the same excuses and explanations for not doing the right thing. Most people can pretend to themselves that they are much better, and would behave much better. My experience is that it is rare for people to sacrifice their own convenience and interests in order to do the right thing.
So what were the consequences of 'Lilith's' behaviour? Of course I do accept responsibility for having become involved with an engaged girl. However the particular outcome was solely the responsibility of 'Lilith'. It never would have happened had she not lied to her fiance about my text message.
I am not sure how to judge his behaviour either. He was being used by 'Lilith'to try to silence me. Did she want to hurt me physically? Was she deliberately employing violence to satisfy her desire for some sort of revenge for my honesty?
I understand that he would be jealous. If is is an unsophisticated, less evolved sort of human, then I can understand that his impulse was to hurt the man who was trying to 'steal' his fiance.
'Lilith'had told me that he didn't like her working in a school with so many men. Then later she told me that he was especially jealous of me. They had fought in the car on the way home about me, she said. So he was a jealous person. The fact that he saw violence as a solution indicates he isn't very sophisticated or sensitive. Did he think he could 'fight me for her'? Did he think that if two men want the same woman, that they could decide who got her? Did he think the best way to decide was by fighting? Should the one most capable of, and willing to, hurt another person, and be hurt, 'win' the girl? Is that how he saw the situation? It's possible. And maybe he knew 'Lilith'better than me. Maybe she'd be happy to let us decide, so she didn't have to feel any responsibility for the consequences. Maybe!
So he is just a jealous, unsophisticated, not-so-evolved man? That's not too hard to imagine. That would explain his actions. It doesn't mean a sophisticated, evolved human being would accept them, but it would explain them. Of course such behaviour shouldn't be tolerated in a sophisticated evolved society. I assume Poland aspires to be such a one.
Or did he think he was protecting her from me? What did she actually tell him about me? The first impulse most men would have would be to protect the woman they love. Maybe it is even admirable. Of course the state should have a monopoly on violence. Otherwise people would go around taking 'justice' into their own hands. It wouldn't be a pretty sight. So if he was trying to protect her, then, if he wasn't the brightest star in the galaxy, he may have thought that assaulting me might prove to the evil markus that he should stop, whatever he was doing...and now this is the point...exactly what did 'Lilith'tell him that I was doing? I can't ask him. Maybe you can ask him.
Of course assaulting anyone is only acceptable when there is no alternative, and an immediate and realistic threat. I never threatened to use any form of violence against anyone here in Poland. Did 'Lilith'say otherwise? If there was no perceivable threat posed by me, then attacking me is nothing more than physical assault. Hating someone for trying to steal your fiance isn't grounds for assaulting someone. They have broken no law. They are threatening no-one. Of course it might be satisfying to a less sensitive human to hurt another human being because they did something that indirectly hurt you emotionally, but that doesn't justify assault, it just proves how immature you are.
What if 'Lilith'found out that you, hypothetically speaking of course, I am making no accusations, were cheating on her, and she went and attacked your lover? How would you feel. Is that how you want the world to be? Don't you realise that by committing any act of violence you legitimate violence, and encourage it? Do you believe that you can be the perpetrator of violence without ever becoming its victim?
Anyway, before anyone gets the wrong idea I'd better clarify what I mean by assault. 'Lilith's' fiance, in the end, only slapped me very hard with his open hand. I didn't actually see what he did because I wasn't looking at the time. I don't find it especially courageous to hit someone when they are not looking, after they have made it clear that they are not going to fight you, and have even tried to explain that they are trying to help you. So it was a slap, but that is still an assualt, and still unacceptable. The only reason it didn't develop into a much more serious outcome was that I would not participate, and finally left. It was a frightening, and maybe even humiliating experience. What is more important is that I had no idea, and still have no idea, whether that was the last I will see of R. I had no idea whether there would be a more serious follow up attack, or whether R had felt that he had made his point, whatever that was.
Had he proven his manhood, by being willing to hurt another human, and be hurt by them? Had he proven much by trying to get me to fight him when I clearly did not want to? Did he prove anything by hitting me when I wasn't even looking? Did he just want to hurt me? Had I become the focus for all his jealousy, perhaps even anger at Lilith, for all of the things he was angry about in the universe? Does it take a great deal of courage to hit someone who is scared of you, obviously isn't going to fight back (I'm too pretty...it would be a crime to risk damaging such a work of art!), and who has let you be the 'big man' and push him around, and isn't even looking at you?
I don't see the difference between his behaviour, and sneaking up on someone with a lump of wood and whacking them over the head. Which is more or less what I would be forced to do if he had bothered me again, for no good reason. Of course I would have been a bit more sophisticated, but for all intensive purposes, in principal, the same. I'm glad I haven't needed to. I hope I never see him again. Maybe he's a nice guy, normally. Who knows what motivated him. Who knows what lead up to my experience with him.
Just a reminder to 'Lilith', though. It might be fun to have men fight over you, but do some research on the kind of people who employ violence against their partners. People rarely act 'out of character'. Anyway good luck to both of you. I hope you're happy together.
So exactly what happened that cold January evening? I came out of my last class, at 8:20pm. I said G'day to 'Lilith's' fiance, R. I usually avoided him, because I hate being two faced. He shouldn't like me, as I wanted his fiance for myself. Of course that would hurt him. So I felt lousy meeting him, and smiling.
One night I returned something to the office. It was full of students. R was there. As I went to return, the universe, or the students, appeared to conspire against me. I wanted to avoid him, but the tightly-packed crowd parted, and the only channel left for me to pass through passed directly past him. On another occassion he approached me, lent forward, smiled, and shook my hand. That alarmed me, as he should be angry with me. It was a possible sign that he and 'Lilith'had overcome whatever problems they had had. It was like he was the 'magnanimous' victor, giving his hand to the 'loser'. That was all of course in my head, but it was a depressingly debilitating thought. Not that I much like the idea of an angry fiance, or ex-boyfriend with thoughts of revenge in his head, wander the cold empty streets looking for me.
I had given up on 'Lilith', admitted defeat. So I had no need to feel two faced about saying hello to R. In fact I felt sorry for him, and wished him well. That's why I said G'day.
His face was usually passive, almost cut in stone. This time there was a hint of cold, hard, violent menace in his eyes. He motioned with his head towards the classroom. I went in to get my things. As I was coming out he pushed me back in. He went to a corner away from the door and closed the door. He was pushing me, 'inviting' me to fight him. I opened the door. He tried to close it but I forced it open and went into the hall. He pushed me back in, and 'Lilith'followed. She was telling him to stop, and standing between him and myself. I left the room again and went out into the hall. There were some students leaving their class. As usual 'polish teacher 1''s class finished late, so he came out at this time, followed and preceeded by students.
R was still angrily 'inviting' me to fight him. I asked 'polish teacher 1' to translate for me. I asked him to tell R that I was trying to protect him from 'Lilith'. In hindsight it sounds really stupid, naive, and silly of me to think he would want to hear that, or listen. Anyway, 'Lilith'began shouting pretty hysterically, telling everyone that I had called her 'worse than a whore' and holding up her mobile. She threatened me, saying that she would tell all my students about me. I said tell them what? She rang the Director on her mobile. I went to pack up my things, leaning over the chairs in the hallway to pack by backpack. It was then that I felt the impact on my face. It stung for about 20 minutes thereafter. It felt like a man's open hand hitting me in the face.
'polish teacher 1' witnessed the whole thing, but wouldn't tell me where the police station was, let alone go with me. R was gesticulating angrily again, some students walked out, witnessing the scene. I decided to leave by myself. I went to the address of a student I had just made friends with. She wasn't home. I sent her an SMS saying I needed her help, and waited with her family. When she came back she explained the legal situation to me, and offered to go with me to the police station. I went with her to report the incident.
What I was really worried about was what he, R, might do next. I had no idea what exactly 'Lilith'had told him, and exactly what had motivated him to attack me, and whether he was likely to follow up with more and greater violence. That is why I reported the incident. I had to come back the next day at 10am to the police station with 'polish teacher 1', my witness.
The next day I came into the school. I asked 'receptionist/consultant 2' if she could give me 'polish teacher 1''s number. She gave me a filthy look and said something like, ..."as if"...I went to the Director. I told him that 'receptionist/consultant 2' wouldn't give me 'polish teacher 1''s phone number. He responded with something like ... "of course not"... The director wouldn't give me 'polish teacher 1''s phone number. That must be something like 'impeding the course of justice' or something? Anyway, we talked about what had happened. I had sent him an SMS the night before asking for 'polish teacher 1''s phone number and the reason why. He had sent an SMS claiming that he didn't know anything about what I had told him, but that we would speak the next day.
In fact he had known about it. 'Lilith'had called him. And I later found out from him, himself, that 'Lilith'had complained to him about me supposedly harassing her with unsolicited text messages. So he was being disingenous, deceptive, and duplicitous. (I think in the technical jargon they might call him a lieing, scheming bastard...but...).
I told him that I had an appointment with the police at 10am, which was in jsut a few minutes. He literally begged and pleaded with me not to report the assault. He said that this was his first school as Director, and it would ruin him. He said that everyone in town would hear about it, and it would ruin the school's, and his, reputation. He asked me not to go to the police station. He said that if they contacted me, that I should lie and tell them nothing happened, or if that I had to say something, that it happened in the street, with no connection to the school whatsoever.
We also talked about my continuing to teach. He said that from now on 'the girls' boyfriends would have to wait for them in their cars. He or 'the head teacher' would lock up at night and escort them downstairs. He also said that to avoid any further problems I might have with R, he would warn 'Lilith'that if R approached me in any way, she would be fired. I didn't feel safe at the school, but I agreed to keep working there. It was only a few weeks until the end of term. Of course the issue was that these would potentially be the most dangerous times for me, if R had any intention of following up on his first assault. Once those few weeks had passed, without incident, I might feel safe once more.
Of course I felt very vulnerable. I walked alone late at night. I had heard about a lot of violence even in the center of town, and seen people fighting. I lived alone. 'Lilith'knew where. It would be so easy to attack me again. I practised a few kicks and punches, but my heart is not in violence. Lots of people don't understand. I am strong and flexible, and could easily kick someone much taller than me in the head. But I know I wouldn't. I had actually told 'Lilith'about an earlier incident where I kept my arms by my side out of fear of hurting someone, who then took advantage and punched me in the head with a punch that I otherwise would easily have blocked or avoided. She knew I hated violence. Why? Because ultimately it is a pandora's box. It isn't effective at resolving disputes. It just leads to more violence.
I was careful to listen in the stairwell of my flats, for any noise that might indicate someone was 'waiting' for me. Of course I was pretty jumpy, looking at the faces of approaching people, and changing to the other side of the street if I felt people were following me, or waiting for me. It is not a comfortable situation to be in. Violence has far-reaching impacts on its victims, impacts that reach far beyond the physical. It is in fact the loss of a sense of security and control that does the most damage. And ironically, it is this that often leads victims to resort to violence themselves, to regain a sense of security and control.
I went and had a look at the gas pistols, capsicum sprays and gells, knives, and so on. But I decided that it wasn't in my nature. If he attacked me again I would be practical, defend myself or run. Then I would track the bastard down and deal with him on my own terms, when I felt like it, when I was ready and prepared. It wouldn't be romantic. Nothing to include in a martial arts film. Just ugly, raw, practical, effective violence. I am glad it never came to that. I hope it never does. Violence is stupid. I have no romantic, sentimental delusions about violence. It is not pretty. It is not effective, it is not clever. Violence has to be the final, last resort. It has to be recognised as such. I would only fight if I had to. I have let people hit me before. It is preferrable to having to hit, and be hit, several times. They can feel satisfied and pleased with themselves. I don't let them set the agenda. People only attack when they are angry and feel superior. People don't attack when they think they are going to lose. My agenda is to avoid violence, and avoid giving them the satisfaction of hurting me. They don't mind being hurt if it means they can hurt me. I, on the other hand, gain no satisfaction from hurting anyone, and so nothing can compensate me for being hurt, even just hurting my hand hitting someone.
So once more he was asking me for a favour. He was asking me to consider his personal and business interests above my own interests. I had reported the assault as I feared the possibility of further violence. I felt the only way to protect myself was to report R. That way if I was forced to employ violence I would be able to justify my actions. I thought that the involvement of the police would provide a disincentive to R to employ further violence against me, or anyone else.
So once more, for the fourth or fifth time, I override my own self interests in the interests of the school and the Director. And how does he ultimately reward me for my loyalty and sacrifice? The ugly truth will be revealed in all its sickening details.
But first. What sickened me was the cheer the incident apparently brought to 'Lilith'and 'receptionist/consultant 2'. The next time I came to the school they appeared to laugh at me between themselves. They seemed quite satisfied with how R had behaved. I hadn't seen them so happy alone, let alone together, for quite some time. No-one expressed any regrets about what had happened. They seemed totally please with themselves. Even the director later noted to me how strange it was that they were suddenly getting on so well when just before they were bickering and fighting. It was humiliating for me. I couldn't talk to either of them after that. I couldn't talk or even look at 'Lilith'. 'receptionist/consultant 2' wasn't talking to me either it seems.
Another reason I couldn't look at 'Lilith'was that every time I did I found her irresistibly adoreable. It seems she even wore more perfume than usual. I had told her how exciting I found her scent, how lovely she smellt. I wonder. Maybe I am being paranoid? But I got the feeling she did it on purpose.
She never once expressed any regret or sense of responsibility for what happened. As I said, I don't think anyone except me ever did.
But she had the nerve to approach me in front of my class. Once to tell me that I was in the wrong room, which I would have worked out soon enough on my own. The other time she actually came into my class after I had begun teaching. I don't know what she was talking about but she didn't make herself clear. I was not going to engage in conversation with her and she had no right to put me in such a situation after everything she had put me through. I actually closed the door on her. One or two of my students were a bit upset with me.
I told them that if they knew what had been going on they would understand, but that I was not going to explain myself now. Apparently she had the notion that my class, already full with the maximum number of students and chairs (how many the contract forbids me to state, I think...15), would be a good place for another class, of a totally different level, to hang out. Apparently 'the head teacher' was sick and hadn't arranged anyone to take his classes. It was not in his interests to, even though he had once before. If he didn't find someone, then he could just teach make up for the missed lesson at the end of the semester. If he found someone to replace him, then he would miss out on the pay for those lessons. Why he didn't or couldn't I don't know. I heard that he went to the hospital, that he was really sick.
I had worked on many occassions with a terrible migraine, full of medication. Other times I just felt nauseaous, to the point of vomiting, due to the lack of fresh air. Some students would open windows and others would complain. So sometimes I spent hours without any fresh air. And the lights were terrible too. Instead of proper flourescent lights with covers we just had lots of those bare, unfiltered, energy saving light globes sticking out from light fittings hanging from the ceiling. I couldn't look up at students when I was seated, as the glare was terrible. The director had said that they were better than the traditional covered flourescent lights for reading and so on, but I think they were just cheap. The company spent a huge amount of advertising, leaflets, marketing and so on, but wouldn't pay for decent lighting. The chairs were good though, comfortable and polstered. The school next door had plastic chairs. I couldn't imagine sitting in one of those for 2 or hours or more straight!
Anyway, it wasn't the ideal working environment for anyone. We never had the best interpersonal relationships even at the best of times. Everyone seemed unhappy and stressed part of the time. Of course there were better days and worse days. Some days were fine, others were miserable. But I never felt like we had our act together. As 'the head teacher' confided in me, they hadn't had time to really do a proper recruitment. I'm sure they wouldn't have hired me if they had had any good alternatives. 'Lilith'told me that the Director knew all the native teachers in town and didn't want any of them.
This reminds me of an interesting first day at work. A native teacher living in Kielce had arrived at the office, he was chatting to 'Lilith'. I was sitting at the reception desk. He said hello, and then said ... "so you're the teacher whose job I'm taking"... It wouldn't have surprised me if that had in fact been true.
So how does the director repay me for my loyalty
I came into the school during the holidays to finalise my documents relating to becoming a company. It is true that the Director did finally help me become a company. Every time I asked him he said that it was not possible. Finally another language school director that he had worked with before told me that he would help me become a company. Then finally the Director, saying that the company accountant had been misinforming him, told me that I couldn become a company, and that he would help me. He did all the paperwork and I signed it. I repayed him the 100PLN fee for the registration. We walked to different offices to do different things. We chatted about what had happened, about marriage, about women. He was good at giving you the impression that he was on your side, believed you and so on.
It's true he helped me fill out my first tax and Z.U.S forms, and explained them to me. 'the head teacher' helped too, whereas earlier he wouldn't give me any information about becoming a company like himself. Did they have a reason for not wanting me to become a company. Did they then have some incentive to help me become one? It's also true that by helping me become a company, he saved the school around 1000PLN, which is what a work permit would have cost. Apparently they had already outlayed some expenses for the working permit, but in any case, it saved the school a lot of money. Instead of them paying for my work permit, I paid to become a company.
After all that had been finalised, and the Director gave me my invoices and so on, he said we'd meet again later to discuss my timetable.
The night before our last meeting I informed him that no-one had offered me any hours, apart from the 2 lessons he knew about already.
'the head teacher' was there, lurking menacingly (?) in the background, unnecessarily butting in now and then, reinforcing the Director, as if 0 + O can ever add up to anything more than 0. They said, as if accusing me of some dark treacherous act, that they knew that I had been looking for work at other schools, as if it was an accusation of guilt, as if they had found me out. The director knew for over a month. He had supported my idea to find work outside of the school. Now they were presenting the known fact as if it was a dark sinister secret of mine they had unearthed, and were now surprising me with. What was the point of that, to somehow help them justify their fait accompli?
I went along with them. It would have been humiliating to be upset. Especially with 'the head teacher' watching. The director said we could talk again tomorrow, without 'the head teacher', as if he felt he couldn't be nice to me with 'the head teacher' around? I don't get it. What was 'the head teacher' doing there? He was lurking there as if he expected trouble, or at least an argument. Why was he still working there when some of his own classes, which he shared with me, didn't want to come back to the school.
The director went on to tell me how native teachers wouldn't be taking any classes below intermediate from now on. That made sense to me. They needed explanations in Polish. That is one reason why they get frustrated with native teachers, and prefer Polish ones. Listening to explanations and useless grammar rules doesn't require much effort. A good native teacher has the students constantly formulating new sentences, using them, changing the tenses, collocating them, and so on. We are more demanding because we focus on results and productivity, and not just on activity, and keeping the students comfortable and happy. We push them to learn. We get upset with and for them when they don't take notes, or participate, or do homework, or make an effort.
Anyway, he went on to say that some of my classes explicitly stated that they didn't want me to teach them anymore. He didn't say whether they wanted 'the head teacher' or the other Polish teacher I was sharing them with either. I asked if he could provide some real feedback, some form of documentation about what they complained about or said in their feedback forms. He said they were for the company and directors, and not for me to see. So why should I believe him? How fair is it to lie to teachers that their students don't like them. I don't know if he lied or not. And if they had some negative feedback, then surely I have a right to hear it, to reflect on it, to reject it or respond to it as appropriate, don't I?
He also said that, generally speaking, the numbers of students re-enrolling was less than expected. I can't prove any of this. In fact it may all be lies. In fact the director and head teacher may be ripping me off the performance bonus they spoke about at the dinner, and at the school. According to company policy I could have received up to one months salary as a bonus each semester, depending on how many of my students re-enrolled. The whole action may have been deliberately targetted at ripping me off over 4000PLN. I won't know. Only the head office, which has the documentation, knows for sure. I hope this story provokes them to provide me with the feedback I want and the facts I need to make sound conclusions. Until they do all I can do is deduce and speculate. The head office of 'the company/the school' haven't responded to my email informing them of this story. I sent them a link to the webpage. I guess that I can assume that they have no problem with anything that I have written, and agree with my conclusions and are tacitly validating my deductions and speculations.
He did say that the students did well enough in the exams they were given at the end of the semester. That was, however, the only positive comment he made. I wonder if O.K meant that they actually did well, or that they did as badly as all the other schools of that company. State and private schools have a habit of 'grading on a curve', which means that if everybody fails, to protect the reputation of the system or the school, they will statistically produce a 'bell-curve' in which the best students are still given high marks, independant of the fact that everyone in the curve in reality actually failed.
I myself only care about 'raw' scores. In any case testing English skills is a really problematic task, and I don't feel that any of the tests are a good indicator of real language ability. They may motivate some students to study, but otherwise I feel they are a waste of time. They are too narrowly selective in what they test. I prefer that students have access to a huge bank of self-testing materials, so they can judge for themselves, and test themselves on 'everything'.
I am always suspicious if the school, the state, or the teachers, won't give the students back their actual test papers. I suspect because they don't want people to know the truth. They want them to accept the 'statistical manipulations'. Remember, there are lies, damn lies, and then there are statistics. Any good statistician knows that they should only believe statistics that they have falsified themselves!
The director went on to tell me that he had told me earlier that they may be offering me 15 hours, or they may be offering me none. He then stated that he was offering me none. We had a little discussion about the tax. I showed them a document which indicated that the discount new companies receieved on Z.U.S payments was only for one year. They both claimed that they had informed me of this. I am very careful about such things. I ask lots of questions. Finally a friend did some research, after I was prompted to ask by the comments of a director of another school that the discount must be temporary. I really hate it when people pretend they said something they didn't, or other than they did.
The director was always doing this, acting as if he had told me something he hadn't. For example later he claimed that if 'Lilith's' fiance assaulted me again that he couldn't fire 'Lilith'. In fact he went so far as to say he wouldn't, as then she could sue him for unfair dismissal or something. This is important. If he hadn't have promised me he would warn 'Lilith'about firing her if her fiance bothered me again, then I certainly would never have returned to the school. I would have quit and reported the incident to the police. It is really a sinister, nasty, ugly, duplicitous, treacherous act on the part of the director, to lie to me like that.
Of course as usual he said whatever he thought would suit his purposes, and be convenient for him. Like when he said he would see about getting the students to move, and let me keep my own classroom. Like when he said he was going to an offices supplies store, and would get some extra whiteboards for me to make a timeline with. Like so many things he pretended, merely to suit him, with no concern for the truth, or the consequences of his lies. I invite him to respond with facts. I invite everyone involved to respond with facts.
I reminded the Director that the only real incentive I had for staying at the school, or even accepting the initial offer, was that I needed recent references if I was to find work elsewhere. I asked about what sort of reference I could expect given what he had just said. I said that I understood that they would have to say, to me, right now, that my performance was bad and so forth, to justify firing me, otherwise what reasons would they give. So I asked if students really had complained, and if I was, after all, really a bad teacher. He said we would talk about that tomorrow, and his added, after 'the head teacher' had left the room, that he would be able to talk differently when 'the head teacher' wasn't around, as if he could be honest with me in Private. He was going to help me with my next tax return and Z.U.S form, I think. Anyway it seemed he was going to right me a decent reference despite the 'contrived' reasons he gave for firing me. I'll get back to them in a minute. He SMS'ed me to come to the school the next day.
So I took my things and left the building for the very last time. It was humiliating. 'Lilith'and 'receptionist/consultant 2' and 'the head teacher' and maybe even 'polish teacher 1' had all, for all intensive purposes, been 'validated' in their mobbing and victimisation of me, by the Directors decision to fire me, and hire another native teacher. That was what burnt in me. Evil had been vindicated and validated. They were certainly smug and self-satisfied by the events. That's what motivated me to write one last SMS to the Director.
That is what ultimately provoked me to dedicate so much time and energy to writing up my experiences. And that's what motivated me, after I had accidentally deleted the first draft, to go back and start from the very beginning. I haven't been motivated by any malice, though, just a burning desire that the truth be known, for the record. I will be open to any feedback, corrections, and so on from those involved. I will probably delete any names that might identify particular persons, to protect their privacy. They, and anyone closely involved in the story, will know who I am talking about, what school, and where...and so on.
And, my little swan, it is also my final expression of affection for you, and regret at what happened. I am desperately keen for you to finally tell me exactly what happened, from your point of view. Exactly what were the 'obligations' that kept us apart? Or was the whole thing just a game? Do you yourself understand your own behaviour and motives?
I SMSed the director reminding him that I had sacrificed my own interests for his sake on many occassions. I had come to the school, when I could have, and wanted to, accept the offer of work in Gdansk. I had remained at the school when I had every reason to go, because he said he couldn't find another teacher to replace me. I had then remained at the school after the ugly assault, and aftermath. I had even, against my own best interests, not followed up on my police report about the assault, because the Director had, in his own words, 'begged' and 'pleaded' with me not to, in his interests. After all the loyalty I had shown, I asked him whether there was no deceit, backstabbing, or treachery on his part in firing me. I stated that it was not fair to fire me, and hire another native speaker under those circumstances. I asked him if believed 'Lilith's' story. I told him that by firing me he was rewarding 'Lilith'. I told him that surely he could offer me at least a few hours work.
Why did I want a few hours work? It was a matter of principle. By firing me he had validated all the lies, backstabbing, malice, deceit, duplicity,...and so on...that I had been a victim of. He had rewarded the perpetrators by victimising their victim even further. They would now feel validated in their victimisation of me.
I leave it to you now to make up your own minds about what happened. I hope it has been entertaining, and perhaps even insightful.
The other main motivation I have in writing this story up is to warn teachers about what sort of things go on in language schools. It may motivate some of you to help me set up 'Optimal English' schools. They may take the form of teacher-student co-operatives. What I wold like to do is to rent government school buildings or halls, to reduce overheads, and provide much needed funds to the government schools. Most language schools are empty during the day. In Poland most classes take place from 4pm to 8:30 pm, so this would be compatible with government school hours. We will avoid any expensive marketing. All funds will go back to the teachers and staff, and in the form of teaching resources and facilities for the students. We will develop all own own materials. They will be constantly improved. The teachers will become thoroughy familiarised with their lesson materials.
I want to set up an international accreditation scheme for language schools. The schools would have to satisfy important criteria. The schools would have provide fully furnished accomodation within walking distance of the schools. The school would be obliged to lodge a bond with an independant agency, which would automatically be payed out in the event that the school fails to meet the important criteria, or any of its contractual obligations.
Thankyou for your interest, and for haven taken this journey with me. Hopefull I can turn the negative around and make something positive and productive of it. Many people write of their experiences in an attempt to transcend them, and as a form of therapy. I am one of them.
You can read what happened to me in South Korea at http://geocities.com/mhrehbach.
Beware! Don't assume you have health insurance
The school witheld taxes and health insurance contributions from my pay whilst they were applying for a work permit, and then registering me as a company. I had assumed that I was covered by health insurance. I didn't stop to think until now that they had been witholding the health insurance contributions, but I wasn't actually covered. What would have happened if I had had an accident?
The Director told me about a female teacher at one of his earlier schools, or this one, I can't be sure now, who got drunk, fell over and hit her head, and was taken to the hospital in an ambulance for medical treatment. The Director said that the school had paid for all of this. But I wonder what legal obligation they had, and whether they would have paid the costs in the even that it was very expensive. What would have happened if I had needed some expensive medical treatment? Was I covered by the national health insurance? I expect not. And I doubt the school would pay for thousands of dollars of medical treatment. So beware. Make no assumptions. But I can only imagine what the director would say if you asked, and what would happen in the event that you needed him or her to act on their word. I can only imagine. And what I imagine isn't good! What I can deduce from my own experience is not promising!
Beautiful women and gorgeous winter 'blossoms'
A friend read this draft, and the earlier one which I accidentally erased (I had to start all over again) and asked me if I had anything positive to say about Poland. There are lots of slim, gorgeous women.
But back to the water situation. I had been drinking it without boiling it. I wondered if that was why I so often felt sick at the school. But some students who were engineers and worked on many engineering projects involving the water supply informed me that, at least in Kielce, the water was excellent. Only later was I to discover that it was also quite expensive. On more interesting note, as I walked around the outskirts of town I noticed these charming blue water pumps on many street corners. Occasionally I would see an old woman filling up a bucket or some containers. I wondered if it was possible that some of the old decrepit looking little wooden houses might not have running water. It's possible. Or there may be some other reason. But anyway, these have been covered in snow for the last few months. It is only yesterday, after some of the snow had melted, revealing them once more, that I saw one again, and reminded myself to make a note of them in this story.
The snow fell, lovely dry powdery crystals, and covered everything. Cars that were left parked a few days dissappeared under the smooth pretty blanket of white crystals. I was reminded of the introduction to 'Alice in Wonderland', where Alice thinks of the snow as a lovely smooth blanket that someone had gently laid upon the landscape. It reminded me of 'Lilith's' comments that people like me never got to die young. And that I would be reincarnated as a cat, like I had said appealed to me, but knowing my luck would end up being chastised like the one Alice chastises in the book. We had both read the introduction to the book, and had both enjoyed it. Another touchstone, another chord of resonance! But it reminds me of another of 'Lilith's' comments. She had said that we were too similar, that we would habe problems precisely because we had shared similar experiences, and had similar temperaments and so on.
In the big malls like Echo Galleria, and Real, the toilets were free, clean, and modern. In germany you have to pay. I recall once being angrily chased out of a toilet in Travemunde, Germany, after I had been unable to pay the 'toilet lady'. I didn't have any money on me. It can get expensive if, like me, you have a high fluid intake!
Virtually everyone was willing to speak english with me. They all apologised for what they claimed to be their bad english, but they were all friendly and eager to try to make themselves understood, and to understand me. And when we couldn't talk, I would just guesture and point and so on, and people would try to help me anyway. I never felt like an 'outcast' or like an idiot. Everyone made me feel comfortable when I tried to communicate with them. They would try to tell me that I couldn't take my bag into the store, that I must put it in a locker. They would try to tell me that I was supposed to take a little basket while shopping in the discount 4 zwoty store. But they didn't insist when I didn't comprehend them, and they weren't mean. And the security guards would show me the lockers and eagerly exchange my coins for the ones needed in the lockers.
When I asked my students during a conversation class to talk about the improvements that the fall of socialism had brought to Poland, and it's accession to the European Community, they invariably mentioned the introduction of sex shops! I was amused to find little 'kiosks' all over the place, sort of smallish shipping containers with windows, selling, on the one side, stocking mementoes and magazines about the Pope and so on, and on the other side, stocking magazines, CD roms, and DVD's of schoolgirls being simultaneously penetrated orally and anally/vaginally by overly endowed, muscular black men.
I hadn't expected hard-core pornography to be so widely available. In Tesco's I came across some well worn and leafed-through 'guides to better sex', and 'the karma sutra'. Both books had glossy, full page photos sshowing men with erect penises and couples engaged in sexual acts. I often saw girls and women leafing through these books as I passed down the isle. These books were much more explicit than the extremely tame 'playboy' that was for sale on the shelves with the other magazines. You can't show an erect penis under Australian censorship laws, in anything not 'Restricted' to adults.
And the free-to-air t.v stations regularly showed California style soft-core pornography, in the evenings. The same sort you'd see in Germany, but usually only if you had cable t.v. I've never seen such programming in Australia, but things may have changed since I was last there.
I kept forgetting to email and tell my friend Stephen that you can get 500g of drinkable, ground coffee, for less than one Australian Dollar. It's Tesco's own brand. Wonder what it costs in London though! And you can get decent quality coffee, the German brand Tchibo 'family', for around a dollar fifty Australian, for 250g. That's amazingly cheap! You could, of course, also pay a fortune for that 'vacuum packed in some inert gas' ground coffee in the little metal tins. What's it called?
I did, however, have trouble finding whole coffee beans, or in Polish, 'Ziarnista' coffee, which I think either means 'whole beans' or 'not ground' coffee. The coffee beans I bought weren't cheap, and they were utterly utterly crap. In the little boutique shop where they had all the 'aromatised' beans, the bean were exhorbitantly expensive. I bought a cute little hand-grinder or 'mill' which sort of worked. Had to put an elastic band around the little wooden tray to stop it falling out when I ground, though. It ground reasonably, but not really fine enough. I suppose I could have ground the ground coffee once more, but the beans were so crap I actually just put them up on a shelf, and when I had finished the second lot of 'mediocre' beans, I couldn't see any point bothering anymore with the grinder.
The coffee 'mill' didn't exactly fill my flat with the sweet aroma of freshly ground coffee beans, any more than opening a fresh pack of cheap Tchibo family ground coffee did. At most mornings I am in no state to grind coffee. I'm not exactly a 'morning person'. In fact until after my second cup of coffee I expect that even the United Nations wouldn't consider that I was covered by its convention on Human Rights. No, not a happy riser. Ask people who've been there. I always tell people not to approach me until after at least the first cup, and then only gingerly. You know, like a wounded bear or wolf.
The extremely long and cold, for some weeks below twenty degrees below zero, in the daytime, without even taking account of any 'windchill' produce amazingly beautiful winter 'blossoms' or 'blooms', and magnificent 'ice sculptures', which however, if you aren't careful might be the end of you! I suppose the same could be said about the women!
Ice crystals form on all the branches of the trees. The accumulate until the tree is literally covered in a 'crystal bloom' the equal of any spring cherry blossom. They are magnificently elegant and lovely. I have never seen such a beautiful sight.
The ice also forms wonderful abstract ice sculptures. It forms and grows on anything that doesn't move for a few hours. It hangs from car bumpers, bare vines, and the eaves of buildings. They grow until they form translucently clear 'pipes' like the huge gothic church organs. Some are huge. The eaves are covered in these 'stalagtite' type ice forms. They seem to take on the typical form of an upside down fan, being virutally symmetrical, with the center being the longest, and scaling down to the edges.
The bare vines take on exotic abstract forms. It is amazing how long an ice 'stalagtite' can form from even the flimsiest of cable t.v cables, or washing lines. I have no idea how these flimsy things manage to support the weight of the ice structures that form on them.
This brings us to a terrible tragedy that occured in Katowice, Poland, and was later repeated somewhere in Russia. The weight of the ice and snow that had built up on the roof an an exhibition center in Katowice collapsed the roof, killing over 60 people, and of course wounding many others. The event reported on all the major international t.v networks. I only came to comprehend what had happened after viewing the Polish news coverage showing how the event was being reported around the world, including of course by the BBC. Shows of sympathy came to Poland from around the world, supporting the Poles in their tragedy. The T.V stations either 'blackened' their logos, or put icons of black ribbons under their normal station logos during all their programming over the weeks after the tragedy.
Just after the disaster, I noted that the roof's of many buildings, especially the Echo Galleria, were being cleared of ice and snow, and there were men on cherry pickers clearing ice and snow from buildings in the main street, including from 'the company/the school'. The director told me that it in fact had nothing to do with the tragedy, which I had assumed. He said that at this time of year, when it warmed up a bit, it was common practise to remove the ice and snow from the roofs of buildings in buy areas, lest it melt and fall down in sheets and blocks on pedestrians.
As I walked the streets, I observed how much ice and snow, especially ice 'stalagtites' hung over the pedestrians as they walked. Most seemed oblivious. I wonder how often people are injured by falling ice. Perhaps it tends simply to melt down in drops. The director told me that apparently 'receptionist/consultant 2' had been covered in a falling snow drift once. In fact one just missed me recently. And in germany I once got covered in a snow drift that fell from the eaves of a house.
If one of those long, thick, heavy ice 'stalagtites' hit anyone they would be a goner. And the ice had a habit of slipping down in large pieces from the roof, so that it hung out quite a distance from the eaves before falling. The falling ice and snow would have to do a lot of damage if it fell on someone. I have no anecdotal evidence, let alone statistics, indicating that many people have ever been injured in such a way. Still, I always look up, and try to avoid walking directly under sheets of ice, and ice 'stalagtites'.
The day of the dead
Soon after I arrived I noticed that red and yellow glass 'lanterns' were being sold all over the place. It seems people place these at the graves or memorials to their dead relatives. On the night of what Americans call "halloween" the Poles celebrate the 'day of the dead'. I think it is also known as 'all saints day'. Poles visit the graves and tombs of their dead relatives and pay their respects to them. I was invited by the Director to go with him to have a look, but I wasn't in the mood.
Another dissappointment
In fact my first dissappointment was to find, after having bought and tried every available sort of 'gingerbread' I could, that Polish gingerbread contains absolutely no trace of ginger. At first I was really upset with the whole Polish nation for having mislead me. I had come to Poland especially because I thought they shared my passion for gingerbread! And now I find that they had been teasing and misleading me all along. I was really dissappointed with them.
And only later did I realise how unfair I was to feel that way. They were innocent. Who was guilty? Whoever it was that had originally translated the word 'Pierniki', the Polish term for their biscuit, into 'Gingerbread', in English. I wonder whether even the German equivalent, the 'Lebkuchen' also contain any ginger. I do prefer the German 'Lebkuchen' to the Polish 'Pierniki', but even it is in no way comparable to the delights of the gingerbread my mother made. The recipe for that actually came with our gas oven, which my parents had bought before my birth. Later I found another similar recipe. I will include a link to it here if you want to try it. One student tried to bake them a few times, but was dissappointed with the results of her efforts. I wonder if she really had found the Polish equivalent for all the ingredients. Click here for the recipe Please send me some samples if you manage to get them out right!
Some Updates
I ran into an ex-student of mine who told me that everyone in her group was sad that I had not returned after the winter holidays. She told me that the head teacher had said that I had left over an incident with another staff member. This seems to confirm that I was fired because of the lies 'lilith' told about me. It may however merely have been a pretext for the head teacher to get rid of me. In any case I then discovered via this ex-student that the head teacher was actually teaching my classes, after the newly hired teacher apparently confessed that he was not up to the task of teaching FCE and CAE students.
This meant that my the director had basically taken the student's teacher away and not replaced that teacher, me, with another native teacher. The students were of course upset about this, as they had signed on for classes with a native teacher. I told the ex-student that the class should insist on classes with a native teacher, or should demand a refund of that semester's fees. I informed her that the director had known at the time that they had been signing up students for the second semester that they would be having a new native teacher.
The director must also have been aware that that new native teacher was not confident or competent enough to teach the FCE and CAE students. In other words the director had willfully and deliberately acted in bad faith. The students should have been informed. Only then could they make an informed decision.
Once more I contacted the company headquarters of the school and informed them of this situation. I suggested that it would be polite of them to obey the rules of common courtesy and respond to this my third email. I suggested that I would seek to support the students in their attempts to gain justice. I accepted that the school might treat native teachers like shit, but that I could not understand how they could treat their paying clients with such contempt. I suggested that I would approach the newspapers and support any legal action the students might undertake in gaining natural justice, should the head office fail to respond to my email, and fail to take action on behalf of the disadvantaged students.
The company headquarters made no reply to my email.
Response to non-native complaints about the "unfairly high" pay of native teachers
A few points for the non-native english teachers to consider before complaining that native speakers earn 'too much'.
In Australia and the United States, university students have to pay at least part of the costs of their university education. In Australia the minimum cost for a 4 year teaching degree is over AUD $10,000, or around 25,000 PLN. In the U.S it can be much much higher, depending on where you study. Maybe some U.S teachers could provide me with some statistics.
Remember that native teachers pay taxes in the country they work in, and never access most of the services these taxes pay for. In fact the native teacher is paying for the non-native teacher's university education. Do we expect to be thanked for that? Most native teachers will return to their own county if they are seriously ill. They pay taxes to support the health system of the countries they work in, but rarely access those health services. The native teacher is effectively subsidising the health care of non-native teachers. Do they expect to be thanked for that?
Native teachers usually have to pay their own travelling expenses, at least to countries like Poland. They then have to buy all their day to day living items new. They must buy pillows, blankets, sheets, TV's, stereos, and so on. These are things the non-native takes for granted. It is expensive to move to another country to work. And you can't live with mum and dad, or friends, so native teachers invariably must live alone, and pay higher rents than the non-native teachers who can either live at home, or share accomodation, or at least find the most affordable accomodation.
How much does the non-native teacher have to spend just to keep in touch with family and friends? How much do they have to spend on phone calls, and travelling home to visit relatives and so on?
When Polish workers, including the same non-native teachers who complain that native teachers get paid too much, go overseas, they will not work for Polish wages themselves. Of course not. They expect to earn more than they would in Poland. So why do they expect native teachers to earn Polish wages in Poland? Hypocrisy is not pretty. (Thankyou tera for reminding me of this 'inconsistency in logic' on the part of some non-native teachers)
Some places are fascinating. People will happily go their to work and live for a year, just to enjoy the location. Most places native teachers teach are in no way fascinating or enjoyable. They are often dirty, dangerous, cold, wet, muddy, etc etc. It is reasonable to expect people to come to very interesting and beautiful places, and to accept low wages for the priveledge of being able to live somewhere beautiful and fascinating for 6 months or a year, but this does not apply to most locations where native teachers end up.
Here is the letter that prompted me to write the previous 'response'.
hi
NOW YOU SEE HOW POLISH TEACHERS ARE PAID IN THEIR COUNTRY WHAT SHOULD
BE SAID IS THAT POLISH TEACHERS DO PREPARE FOR THE LESSONS AND KNOW
MORE IN TEMRS OF GRAMMAR STRUCTURES AND ABOVE ALL EXPLANATION OF
SOPHISTICATED GRAMMAR STRUCTURES MORE THAN MOST NATIVE SPEAKERS. IN INTECOLLEGE
THERE WAS NICK HASSELGREEN WHO DID ALMOST NOTHING WHEN IT COMES TO
EXPLANATION OF GRAMMAR ETC HE ONLY MADE ONE COPY OF SOME STUPID TEXTS AND
USED IT FOR A FEW CLASSES IN DIFFERENT GROUPS!!!!!, WHICH IS JUST SILLY
AND IRONICAL, DON'T YOU THINK? I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF TEACHER YOU
ARE BUT IF YOU EXPECT 45 ZLOTYS FO 45 MINUTES YOU MUST BE JOKING,
WE POLISH TEACHERS WOULD ALSO LIKE TO EARN 45 ZLOTYS FOR 45 MIN BUT IT
IS NOT POSSIBLE WHAT IT IS WORTH MENTIONING IS THAT NATIVE SPEAKERS
THINK THEY ARE BETTER THAN POLISH TEACHERS THEREFORE THEY SHOULD EARN
MORE. WHAT AN ABSURD!!!!!!! THE MOST OFTEN IT IS THE OTHER WAY ROUND IT IS
NATIVE SPEAKERS WHO DON'T CARE ABOUT THE QUALITY OF TEACHING THEY THINK
THAT THE FACT THAT THEY ARE NATIVE IS ENOUGH DON'T YOU THINK? MAYBE YOU
HAVE THE SAME ATTITUDE DON'T YOU? I AM TIRED OF CORRESPONDING WITH YOU
REALLY SO I WON'T TRY TO PERSUADE YOU TO ANYTHING I VALUE MY TIME
THE TRUTH IS THAT A LOT OF POLISH TEACHERS ARE MORE DEVOTED TO THEIR
WORK, HAVE AS GOOD ACCENT, PRONUNCIATION ETC AS NATIVE, SO WHAT FOR ARE
NATIVE..?
THIS IS MY LAST EMAIL TO YOU. YOU REALLY HAVE MADE ME ANGRY AND FURIOUS
WITH YOUR LAST EMAIL.
END
I think she was mad at me for asking her to give another teacher at her new school my email address. I went to her new school after she told me the school needed a native teacher. So I went there out of respect for her consideration in emailing me about the job. I was totally freaked out by the director, who spoke as if he was totally off his head on speed or some such, which is ironic given that the school was using an adapted version of the Callan speed method. He informed me, confusingly, that I would have to observe some classes, then teach some classes, and then teach him, all without pay, for the first week or so. Then he said he could only pay me 30 Zwoty for 45 minutes in the beginning. I ask for the average pay that natives get here. Many natives demand and get paid more than the 1 Zwoty per minute I charge. I cannot imagine a native teacher working for nothing for, what was it he seemed to say in the end, at least 8 hours of classes for which I would have to prepare over 8 hours for?
Anyway, just as he finished his manic speech, pacing at times, at other times interrupted by equally 'speedy' telephone conversations, all the teachers came in from their classes at the same time. There was no laughter, no conversation, they didn't have cups of coffee. They sat down on the chairs which were set along the walls, so they were all facing the middle and each other. I was freaked out. I felt like I had just walked into some sort of cult. They were all neatly dressed, the men in slacks, business shirts, ties, and black shoes. I really wanted to get out of there.
Anyway, the Director told me that he would see me on Thursday for my first observation lesson. He hadn't even asked me if I wanted to work for him. Then a colleague from one of my schools, who works at that school too, asked me when I was starting. I didn't want to answer that I had not intention of ever working there. I left in a hurry. The teacher who sent me the above email, who had been playing hard to get, was suddenly asking me questions about my new apartment, and when she could visit. I had lost interest in her a while ago.
I don't get it with women, how they think they should play hard to get, or need time to decide whether to give you a go or not. I mean, how hard is it to decide if you like someone or not. So I guessed rightly, as I began reading the email, that she was probably jealous that I had taken an interest in a lovely blackhaired teacher who had seemed to be interested in me, as I was waiting in the office for 'speedy gonzales' the director to talk to me.
Oh, I have to make the point again, of how directors and school staff will totally ignore you as you waste your time hanging around for them to attend to you, even if they have actually made an appointment with you, and you have walked through the cold night air from your warm apartment just to have them waste your time.
More horse-talk
I have since seen horses being used to pull old long carts full of compost, and a large cart full of furniture. I observed both instances on busy roads.
As expected, my efforts are wasted
Apart from ruining my eyes, my efforts have once more come to nought. No students who had been complaining to me about having no native speaker ever got back in contact with me. It seems they just accept their lot. Like most people, they complain in private, but do nothing to change the system at all. People like me are just used as a convenient person to complain to. The victims never 'go public'. So the perpetrators get away with whatever they find convenient for themselves to do.
The newspapers never responded to my story in any way, and the head office just ignored my emails. I feel really naive after all the years I have sought some gesture of justice from people. People just don't care really. Probably they realise deep in their hearts that they themselves would behave no better than their perpetrators, and in fact want to be able to get away with the injustices they themselves commit, benefit from, or intend to, and so they never seek justice for anyone, even themselves, unless someone else is going to do all the hard work for them, like a lawyer, or naive idealistic person like myself.
More bad experiences of poor customer service
The Deutsche Bank employee I dealt with promised me many times, on seperate occassions, that Deutsche Bank could and would transfer my money from Australian Dollars directly into Polish Zwoty, thus avoiding the 2 seperate transaction fees every other Bank I approached said they would have to charge. I was typically persistant and cautious in ensuring that there was no misunderstanding. As it happened the bank charged 2 seperate transaction fees, for a transaction from Australian Dollars into Euros, and then into Polish Zwoty.
When I enquired as to what had happened, the same employee blamed my bank in Australia for not, as a courtesy to me, asking the Bank in Poland for a special 'Key' to enable the direct transaction. After going to great lengths to have a letter translated into Polish by a friend, the Bank had the nerve to respond to none of the substance of my complaint, to answer none of my questions, but to condescendingly and incredibly insultingly comment that I was apparently 'unhappy' with the situation, and that they would offer me a slight discount on one of their investment products. I can't believe they had the contemptuous notion that I would ever be using any of their products or services at any time, or any place, after the huge costs they imposed on me for their own incompetence or lies. I have since heard that another bank, the German 'Raffeisen Bank' has advertised that they can do the Australian Dollar to Polish Zwoty transaction in one go.
It is infuriating to have to deal with organisations and staff who don't seem to know or care about what they are doing.
It took me weeks just to arrange the transaction, as my bank in Australia kept promising they had carried out the transaction, only to respond to my later queries about where my money was by stating that they needed new or different information from me. First they promised I could carry out the transaction by phone, then by fax, then by fax and phone, then only by letter, and then by fax and phone again. I only had a bit over an hour each day when the office hours for Poland coincided with those of Australia. It was very frustrating.
Another thing worth mentioning bank-wise is the cunning strategy of Millenium bank to offer 15 day terms on its 'Auctions'. The auctions are an interesting investment tool. You can 'bid' by offering your money, and then state what interest rate you want. Of course the bank takes the bids with the lowest interest rate demands first, and so you need to keep up to date on the rates that were accepted in the previous months, and make a judgement call. It means you can get much higher interest than you would from alternative short-term investments.
It seems like a really good deal, until you pay close attention. The 'trick' is that the term is 15 days, and your investment will mature the day after the last auction closes, so you will have to wait around 13 days to make another bid. The bank assumes you will keep the money in one of their accounts, which offer zero or nominal rates of interest. So in effect, if you average out the return you receive from the 'auction' with the return you get from your money while it is waiting for the next auction, the effective interest rate your money earns is actually much lower than the auction rate that attracted you to the bank.
I have also spent the last month trying to sort out what laptop and tv tuner is most appropriate for me. I have had to ask continual questions at different shops, from different people, check out information on websites, and then re-confirm or challenge the sales staff regarding what they had told me, and more importantly, not told me. I almost bought laptop and tv tuner combinations that wouldn't have worked together at all, for technical and software reasons. No-one bothered to offer advice about these issues. I had to find out in a 'hit and miss' way, and only in an indirect fashion.
One salesperson insisted that if I bought an Acer laptop, that it would come only with Polish software, and that I would have to buy an English version of Windows XP, which he had to charge me more for than the Polish version. As it turns out, which another salesperson verified for me by opening a box and checking out what software was with the laptop, namely Windows XP in Polish, English, and Hungarian, the laptop comes with all those.
It turns out the tv tuners required Windows XP in order to function. Only one Aver-Media TV tuner works with Linux, and that one is only a digital tuner, and there are very few programs broadcast 'free to air' on the digital band at present, so that tuner wasn't an option.
It turns out that there are laptops in the Acer range with the normal screen, which is better for use for TV viewing. I wouldn't have known if I hadn't found out by pure chance. In fact this more desirable feature comes at a discount, rather than a premium. The widescreen versions are actually more expensive.
I wonder why I get up most mornings! I suppose only because if I don't I end up with migraines...
Shoddy workmanship is alive and well in Poland
I have moved into a new apartment. The building is still being finished, so I have lots of dust and noise to put up with, but that is to be expected. What I didn't expect was that people would just come into my apartment to have a look around, I expect assuming no-one was living there. And then someone with keys to my apartment just tried to open the door, without even bothering to knock at all. Luckily I had used the second lock, to which I think only I have the key. I agreed at first not to use that lock, to allow people to gain access to my apartment, but the guy who was to finish off my apartment had a whole day to do the bits and pieces he had to, and I wasn't going to have people just rocking up and coming in without the common courtesy to even knock, so I now use both locks.
The person doing the work in my flat is working for the actual developer. I add this point as the job he is doing is pretty shoddy. There are faults and 'collateral damage' all over the apartment due to carelessness or poor workmanship. I wonder if some of it might be deliberate, out of spite or jealousy. Apparently such workers get paid very little. Whey should they do a good job for people who basically exploit them? Why should we get to live in the apartments they build for us, when they themselves will never be able to afford them?
I had to laugh 'tho, when the guy actually nailed and glued my pot and frying pan into the small compartment under the oven. I had put them there. It seemed a perfect place. He had then 'finished' off the kitchen cabinet by placing glueing and nailing a piece of the cabinet over that compartment.
Alternative employment contract forms you may not be informed about
A common form of employment is the short term contract, in which you are engaged for the limited period of the contract. You are not an employee as such, as I understand it. The employer makes no contributions to health insurance, i.e (Dr) Z.U.S and so on. For a normal employee the non-wage costs to the employer amount to around 48%, as we have discussed in earlier parts of this story.
'The school' that first hired me had actually employed me as a 'translator' in one of their 'sister'(?) companies, on a 500 Zwoty basis.
A similar thing occurs in Germany, where you are effectively employed officially on a retainer that represents the minimum wage they can employ you on. This means you are covered by health insurance, and make the lowest contributions to the fund that are possible. This means both you and the employer benefit in terms of lower contributions i.e the employer must make a contribution on your behalf, calculated as a percentage of the wage they officially pay you. On top of that the German employer will pay you a per-lesson rate for every additional hour you work above what you would need to work to cover the minimum wage.
However in Poland, it seems that 'the school' wasn't making any contributions on my behalf, and only withholding my contributions, based on my contracted hours for each month. The witheld the 19% tax of course also.
So the second most common form of engaging native english teachers is that of the 'firme' or company. As a company you pay the same income tax, but you can reduce your taxable income by claiming certain legitimate business operating costs, such as a laptop and mobile phone. So you can in effect pay less tax than if you were just a contracted teacher. Also for the first two years you pay a discounted rate to Z.U.S. In fact you only pay 30% of the normal Z.U.S contributions. This is a significant saving for the first two years, remembering that a person operating as a company normally would pay over 10,000 Zwoty per year to Z.U.S. There is more paperwork involved.
Of course you will need to get a Polish speaking person to do the initial paperwork for registration and so on, but you also have to complete tax returns every month, no later than the 20th of the current month, for the previous month. Z.U.S forms need to be completed no later than the 10th of the current month for the previous month. Of course you have to pay both your tax and Z.U.S by the same dates. You have to either go to the tax office and pay, or send in your tax returns, and pay at the post office. You will be charged 5 Zwoty for that priveledge. You will be charged 8 Zwoty in total to pay your Z.U.S charges at a bank, or a little less if you pay at a post office. Of course you will be wasting a lot of time and energy doing so.
Another form of employment contract I have since become aware of, is that of the "Umowa Ojawo". Teachers under this form of contract are treated as 'artists' or ' authors of unique works', and as such pay income tax on only half of their income. A description of the 'unique' works must be completed in Polish, describing the teaching program planned. This program is 'unique' for each teacher, assuming they don't just use textbooks and official curriculums. Someone from the school would have to write up that document for the native teacher, but it does happen. The Directors will often tell you that they only do it as a favour or reward for some teachers. I know a few teachers employed on this basis. The other advantage is that you only have to do a tax declaration once a year. The school witholds the tax? or you pay it at the end, I'll have to find out.
More complaints, and more inactivity
I ran into another student, this time outside my new flat, who complained about things at 'the school'. She complained that 'the head teacher' was doing a really bad job. She said all the students of his class, which I shared with him earlier, thought he was lousy. I was surprised. I hadn't expected complaints about his teaching. It seems he had the class playing games for one of his 'conversation classes' and they were really dissappointed. It seems he must have lost interest and motivation. It made me wonder what the school was like now. The student said that the class size, originally 15 when I was teaching, had fallen to around 10 or 12 after the first semester, but was actually down to 5 students, only a few weeks into the second semester. She said that no-one was intending returning to 'the school' next year.
Once more I explained the situation the school was in, and that all they had to do was to write an official complaint, and either demand what they had paid for or their money back, and threaten to go to the papers or take legal action against 'the school', and 'the school' would have no choice but to do the right thing. Again I said they could email me, and I would pursue the matter with the head office of 'the school'. Again they did nothing. Again I had wasted my time and energy trying to help the students, and make 'the school' accountable for its poor management.
Some further experiences and observations: June 2006 update
I agreed to teach some classes at a private high school, what they call a Gymnasium up to about age 15 or 16, and then Liceum
from ages 16-19, more or less. I agreed to travel to a school for one 8 a.m lesson. On another day I would have one 8a.m
lesson and then a 9a.m lesson. I had a few other lessons that were not so inconvenient also. I didn't want to, who would?
But the person who asked me was nice and said they 'needed' someone. So I did the lessons. We will see later how such 'good
nature' and 'flexibility' is rewarded!
I even agreed to work for the original rates I was payed at my first school, even though I was told I could ask for more.
I was being flexible and not greedy.
Another dissappointment, first. I was offered other work too, for example 6 lessons on one day. The other hours offered
were the single 8a.m lesson, and on another day, one 8a.m and one 9a.m class. My supervisor said I could have all the hours
if I wanted, but said she had also told a teacher I was acquainted with from another school about the work. My supervisor
said we should work out together, what hours each of us would do, but that she preferred me to take all the work. She
suggested I take the rewarding 6 lesson day, and let the other teacher do the irritating and unrewarding 8a.m lessons.
I spoke to my colleague. She made a very dramatic representation of her need for more work, due to the costs of raising
her 18 year old daughter. She claimed she desperately needed the work. (Later I was to find out she actually had around 40
or 50 lessons a week, and so was earning twice as much as a judge, and almost 10 times the typical salary of an educated
POlish worker. Of course I was really dissappointed. I felt 'dirty'. She had used me. She had taken advantage of my good
nature). So I expected that she would also take the inconvenient and unrewarding 8a.m classes as well, seeing as how she so
desperately needed (She said in a way no-one understands, that no-one would 'validate'. Isn't it interesting how
everyone feels that their needs are greater than everyone elses?) more work. But no. She was only going to take the
lucrative and convenient hours I generously let her take. She claimed she ..."had to have at least one morning free"...(She
exclaimed this once more in her dramatic way, using dramatic hyperbole, and claiming that I ... " just don't understand"...
her problems, her inconveniences, her needs, etc etc. I didn't feel good about it, but I let her have her way, and I took
the really inconvenient hours, and let her have the 'choice cuts'.
Of course only later did she reveal her 'definition' of needy. She was earning a huge amount of money by Polish
standards, but, of course, I ..."just didn't understand"...that she needed more money than everyone else. Of course the only
people she compared her situation to were the university professors who in fact earnt ridiculous amounts of money by Polish
standards. compared to them a doctor earnt mere pocket money.
So I feel 'dirty' about the whole thing now. And then theres more to feel 'used' about. I felt it would be wrong for me
to give her work offered to me and then charge the school more than I was charging. I told her not to ask for more than I
was getting, as it would be inappropriate. However she went behind my back and did ask for more. So I was once more
dissappointed.
I later learnt to 'interrogate' her statements deeper. For instance she claimed that she couldn't get health insurance.
After a really frustrating 'interrogation' it became clear that she could only not get private health insurance for
'pre-existing' health problems. Now there is a big difference. She said she had cancer, in the U.S, and that no-one would
insure her now. After her earlier dramatic representations of her 'situation' I am less ready to believe anything she says.
So often she kept saying that ... "no-one understands"...how hard her problems are. It is really irritating, once
you comprehend her nature. She expresses herself so dramatically, seeking sympathy, in a manipulative way. At the time my
supervisor was 'offering' me 20 or more hours at the high school for the next year. I told this colleague. She had been
going on about ..."how important"... it was for her to get the job I seemed to have been offered. Again, she exclaimed
dramatically, I ..."don't understand"...why she needed it more than me. Her whole manner assumed that she was
expressing some 'moral' right to the job, some superior right to the job, some ethical grounds for me to give her the job.
She said how important it was for her to get that particular job. She exclaimed that it was the only place where she really
wanted to work. She kept expressing herself in a way that defined my claims to the job as unreasonable, and hers as
completely compelling.
I explained to her that this was the only chance I had to teach in a real school, after being denied that chance by the
corrupt Australian government who had blacklisted me there. I had long-term plans for developing the English teaching
approach at the school. I wanted to be a real teacher, and take part in all the activities at the school, to help it develop
a real positive, productive culture and environment. It wasn't about the money or hours, but about the chance to develop a
real relationship with the students and school over many years. I wanted to eventually become director of a private
languages high school, to have the chance to show all my persecutors just what is possible if you are intelligent, ambitious,
and committed to teaching and education.
Of course she had some 'morally' superior claims to the job, which nobody, as usual, including myself, "understood". Her
problemse and desires and needs were 'morally' superior to everyone elses. This is the implication of her tone, her dramatic
manner, and sometimes her explicit utterances.
As it turns out, what my supervisor told me wasn't true. The director of the high school actually offered her work.
A few comments about the director. He had been a science teacher. He had a basic ability to communicate in German. The
'languages' high school he 'directed' focussed on English and German. The students constantly complained about how the
school had gone 'down-hill' since he had taken over. They constantly derided him. Apparently he told everyone about his
170,000 Zwoty Mercedes. Some students thought he had payed for it from their fees. The director had cancelled most of the
cultural activities at the school, the foreign trips, exchange programs, and so on, if what I was told is correct.
He had a problem with me wearing shorts, or, as he put it in his German, my "underpants" (unterhosen). The first time he
said this the German teachers erupted in laughter. He didn't comprehend why. He had exclaimed, in the staff room..."my
teachers are coming to school in underpants"... He later asked me into his office to explain that in Poland teachers didn't
wear shorts. I tried to comply with his wishes, but I kept sweating in the over-warm classrooms, and later told him I
couldn't teach while sweating like a pig.
It is noteworthy that the Polish teachers don't like to open windows. Apparently they think that a breeze across your
skin will make you sick, or so I have been told. On warm days the staffroom stank of sweat. I opened the window slightly
and they complained and closed it again. I had to get to classes early to ventilate the rooms. At 'the company' school, the
one who had invited me to Poland, there were always problems with that. The company policy was to ventilate the rooms
between lessons, but students would stay in the classroom, or arrive early, and complain at the open windows, to the
director, if what he said is true. He also complained when I opened them between and before classes, saying it was winter.
He didn't have to teach in a room full of 15 breathing, sweating people.
I tried to convince him of what had now, for over a decade, been reccommended by the German housing co-operatives to
prevent damp and so on; to open all the windows wide for a minute or so to replace the air, rather than leaving the windows
slightly open the whole time, letting the heat escape, and doing little by way of replacing 'stale' and damp air. But he
didn't want to be convinced. People are so hard to reason with! And so students would end up leaving windows open all
lesson, resulting in higher heating costs, and providing little relief from the sometimes stifling, stale, unappealing air.
I was often on the verge of throwing up, with the combination of migraines (no paid sick leave, and you were obligated to
find a replacement teacher under 'the company' contract, and the 'close' 'stale' air. The problem is that once you are in a
room, you become accustomed to the smell, and don't notice it until you come in from somewhere with fresh air. On top of
that, there seems to be, as I said, a cultural difference about the value of fresh air, and the tolerance of stale, sweaty
air.
Anyway, my dreams of being a 'real' teacher are apparently not compatible with the principles desire to run the school
into the ground. He wouldn't even buy whiteboards. He simply 'brushed off' any complaint about the antiquated chalk and
blackboards with, to paraphrase and translate his German, ... "The way of a teacher is not paved/strewn with roses"...
My supervisor, like everyone else there I spoke to, was not happy working at the school, and in her case, it didn't fit in
with her career plans. She was on the way to becoming a professor. This irritates me. My colleague, who tried to
manipulate me into giving her the job that had at that point appeared to be going my way, recently informed me, after being
offered the only English teaching work that any Native was being offered, that she would simply not take that work if she got
the more lucrative and satisfying work she was negotiating with a particular college. I was appalled.
One minute getting the work is a life and death question, and I am supposed to sacrifice my 'moral' aspirations and
professional (as a real teacher) ambitions to meet her "needs", and the next she will simply move on to greener fields as
soon as they become available, independant of whatever 'promises' she had implicitly or explicitly made. It is frustrating
and infuriating. I wanted to make the school into a valueable experience for the students. My colleague, like apparently
everyone else working at the school, merely sees the school as a place to earn some money for a few hours each week. They
hate the work, are frustrated and unmotivated, and merely 'milk' the school and students for a good income. I am not being
cynical. I should have recorded the expressions they used. As usual, when I tried to achieve the minimum of my ambitions
regarding producing a productive teaching and learning environment in my classroom i.e a minimum of discipline and respect, I
was told not to take my job seriously. They told me that native English lessons were considered a "joke" by everyone.
In fact none of the previous native teachers, I am told, actually marked any homework, or provided any grades to the
Polish English teachers. I was told not to care about my job. It seems that the job of a teacher, in most places I have
been around the world, is to pretend that the students are learning. As long as you don't rock the boat no-one seems to care
that students are missing out on a quality education.
Another irritating thing about that colleague. She won't even get a simple TESOL qualification. She "can't afford" it
she dramatically exclaims. It would cost her the equivalent of one week of her earnings. She was offered work she didn't
want, and doesn't like, over myself, who is a fully qualified teacher and TESOL teacher. She told me that the Director even
told her that half her students didn't want her to teach them. I told her that students had told me that the director seems
to prefer teachers the students don't like. Perhaps he assumes that must mean they get the students to work hard?
She had told me that she had been 'let go' by her employer, the same one who owns the highschool, for some unfair reasons.
It turns out, on interrogation, that she wasn't qualified, and that some accreditation system had rightly required that a
minimum number of teachers in a school have at least basic, easy to obtain, TESOL qualification. She was let go, it seemed,
because she was too stubborn to get a simple, relatively cheap, TESOL certificate. I was later 'informed' that in fact she
was let go because more than half of her students didn't want her to teach them the next semester. Remember the director of
that school is a co-owner of the private high school she has now been offered work at, instead of me. And she even charged
them more. So I wonder if the director is getting revenge for my lack of compliance with his prescriptive clothing rules. I
won't be a part to sexual discrimination. Women can wear virtual lingerie and open shoes to class, so I see no reasonable
need to cover my legs. Anyway, you might conclude that I must be a bad teacher. It would be easy for my enemies to make it
so simple. In fact you will find that it is the ambitious, hardworking, motivate, disciplined, creative etc etc teachers,
and public servants in general for that matter, that get in trouble.
You have to see the real contempt many teachers have for students to have any idea of what teaching is like. I haven't
found one TESOL teacher, native or Polish, that liked their job, and wasn't working 4 jobs just to 'cash-in' on the English
teaching 'boom'. Many of them appear clinically depressed, if you can judge them by how they talk and act. Of course they
are often merely 'dramatising' their 'problems'. It is iterative. Teachers have problems with the system and students, and
then use these problems as an excuse to make no effort themselves. They use their cynicism as a justification for being
lousy teachers. Many of their complaints of course need to be validated. However what I find frustrating is their
willingness to simply blame everyone else, and as they say, just 'cash-in' on the opportunities to earn what is, by POlish
standards, a relatively lucrative form of employment.
You can't blame teachers, though. The director wants you to pretend you are successfully teaching, and that the students
are successfully learning. As the student achievements constantly fall the school authorities and teachers have all manner
of excuses at hand. They are all keen to validate each others excuses. They are all too willing to pass failing students.
This happens at high schools, and continues at universities. Everyone seems to focus on funding and their own incomes,
rather than on any sense of 'moral' duty to educate our youth. I could quote my own professor from way back concerning this.
The 'dumming down' and loss of real 'intellectual rigour' in the majority of our educational institutions will continue.
Any teacher with ambitions or motivation will be victimised by the other teachers, and the students. The students often
respond disbelievingly to any attempts at disciplining them, at any expectations of any reasonably productive learning
processes and behaviours. The ambitious, truly professional teacher will inherit a situation, a classroom and school culture
that will be very hard to improve. Of course this is the perfect excuse for those with less ambition to 'give up' on any
such attempts at improvement. They can of course site all the cases where teachers have been victimised for trying. They
can fall back on lots of excuses and reasons for not being 'stupid' enough to try to actually 'teach'. I can validate their
positions, but do not accept that they are justified, 'morally', in contributing to the situation, in not making a collective
effort to improve things.
As always there will be some people who use valid complaints as justifications for being 'just as bad as everyone else',
and their are some who actually seek to highlight problems in order to find solutions. Of course the later group tend to be
victimised by the former. Those who make excuses to free themselves of any moral compulsion or obligation to do the right
thing, don't like to be reminded of their lack of 'moral' fibre by those who do keep up the good fight. We don't like having
our moral inferiority reflexively 'mirrored' in the superiority of others.
In some ways it doesn't really matter. All that happens is that employers will demand ever 'higher' degrees for the same
jobs, as they recognise that the lower degrees are worthless. It is a form of 'inflation'. The more educational
qualifications they print, the less valueable they become. Students will spend ever longer periods of time in ever 'laxer'
educational institutions learning what they could have, in the right environment, have learnt in a few years.
What is dissappointing is the 'opportunity cost' of this situation. Think of all the real value that could be produced
but isn't, because it is being wasted on ineffectual institutions and practises. The next time your government says it can't
afford the medical treatment for some darling innocent child, you might begin to feel what is meant by 'opportunity cost'.
You might begin paying some attention, and giving some respect, to all those 'whistleblowers' who are trying to eliminate
waste, maladminstration, and ineptitude. We all suffer from waste. Remember, the original Aramaic meaning of the biblical
term 'sin' is actually 'waste'. Waste is a sin. We are wasteing opportunities to make life more rewarding everytime we make
excuses, and 'lauf-mit' i.e go along to get along, don't rock the boat etc etc.
Of course if you're thinking of working in Poland as an English teacher you'll be interested in pay rates. The job
advertisements can be misleading. They often talk about 'bonuses' that you will never see. I have never spoken to anyone
who ever got one. The director won't give you any facts to back up his claim that "the performance of the school was not
high enough for it to get a bonus from its head office". You will simply have to accept that you won't be getting any trace
of the much publicised 'semester bonuses'. 'The company' is now advertising bi-semester bonuses. At least they state their
pay scales, and pay on time. I have heard lots of complaints about schools, for example the one next door to 'the company',
paying their teachers up to 6 months late. Other schools simply advertise 'very competitive' rates. It seems the typical
native teacher with some qualifications, who can work unsupervised, should get at least 45 Zwoty for 45 minutes. Some
schools offer less, and some teachers, usually working illegally while living with local girlfriends or boyfriends, or
without working visas and completed qualifications, are getting 35 Zwoty for up to 60 minutes teaching.
My colleague tells me that she is paid by one college 60 Zwoty an hour, with health insurance included, which in Poland,
equates to an hourly rate of around 120Zwoty. She tells me many Polish lecturers/teachers earn even more. Of course
professors earn around 5000 Zwoty for 8 hours a week, but they are the elite, and no-one should compare there own income with
the top of the branch. This is what my colleague appears to constantly do. It is irritating to hear someone whingeing about
not getting as much as the best at the top. She earns a magnificent income by Polish standards. More than Doctors, laywers,
Judges, specialists and so on. Hardly anyone earns more than her, without having their own business, or being some sort of
exceptionally creative person.
She told me the an acquaintance or friend of hers recently got a pay cut, and was complaining about it. Upon
interrogation it was revealed that that person was earning, in real terms, much more than 120 Zwoty per lesson, which is
exceptional in Poland. I really get upset when people who have, by pure luck, had life so easy and so rewarding, expect
others to sympathise with them when they fall from being Kings to mere princes, as if their lives are so unfair and they are
deserving of so much better than everyone else. Of course most people think they deserve more than everyone else. But to
openly complain about it is really irritating, even sickening. I have written this update up to get it off my chest. I am
finding it hard to relate to my colleague now.
She is a 'mad' american woman, in the best sense of the term. I can overlook a bit of paranoia about Yahoo email, and her
unwillingness to email anything. She sent my supervisor a dramatic sms implying she had to speak to her in person, and
couldn't talk about whatever dramatic things she had to communicate over the phone. She wouldn't even 'text' what the
subject was. This is typical of her dramatic way of expressing any personal concern she has as if it was of some great
magnitude. But I feel 'used' and 'manipulated' by her, emotionally and professionally. She stubbornly refuses to get a
TESOL qualification, but seems to insist on being treated on a par with the professors at the universities and so on. She
insists on being 'validated' personally, but won't 'validate' others in principle. She acts as if she is a special case, and
nobody "understands" why she is such a special case. She seems very intelligent and aware. She talks about a manuscript or
letter she wants to publish, but won't let me read it. From the beginning she demanded 'special' treatment. She couldn't
read my webpage. She couldn't. She insisted I explain things for her personally, every time. I went along and gave her
special treatment. But I am fed up now. I don't trust much of what she says. Everytime I have interrogated her comments,
at the cost of much frustration, it has been revealed that she is, to put it mildly, not being precise in her expression
about the nature of her situation etc etc.
Like everyone else, she "needs" motivated, easy to teach, rewarding, easy to manage, students/classes. But of course,
"no-one understands" why she needs them more than everyone else. She will manipulate me to give her classes I have real
professional ambitions for, and then complain about how hard they are to teach, and/or simply drop her obligations or
agreements to teach there, to take up easier, more rewarding work. Because she "needs" to. Exactly what is it, dear
colleague, that we don't "understand"?
Anyway, more horse-talk. It seems that horse-drawn carts are used for rubbish collection from public parks and council
garbage bins. I live opposite a park. In the early morning a man comes with a quaint, charming horse-drawn cart. The
horses wander around eating the long grass while the men and cleaning women chat and do their work. I hope the horses are
treated well. I have to admit that the horses and carts are quite charming, much nicer than their motorised alternatives.
The horses looked content enough, grazing, pulling the carts behind them, as they sought out some succulent turf, wandering a
little around the park, and often up to their 'carers'. If the horses are well cared for, then I find the whole idea
superior to garbage trucks, for such work. Of course large garbage trucks are used in most instances.
It seems people regularly search through the garbage for anything of value. I am not happy about people crushing
aluminium cans outside my building at 3a.m, but otherwise such recycling is commendable. Of course the reasons are sad. But
it is good that people are trying to make the most of what opportunities they can. It would be preferrable if no-one needed
to, but it is also a good thing that nothing seems to go to waste here, apart from the time and efforts of Z.U.S public
servants and often teachers. If you want to get rid of anything, you don't have to look for a red cross bin, just hand the
stuff in a bag off one of the garbage bins, and it will be taken by one of the many 'rummagers'. I was happy to give some
really good stuff to one such rummager. I figured he was making an effort, and maybe deserved the things more than someone
who just rocked on up to a red cross store. I gave him a ski jacket my father sent me, and which I couldn't wear because it
was too warm, and a really exspensive pair of boots I'd brought from Australia which were too big and too hot to comfortably
wear, even in winter. I wonder what he made of the 'windfall'. I hope he didn't just buy Vodka. Well, what if he did, at
least he had one day of distraction from this miserable world, and someone is now wearing boots and a jacket that would have
spent most of their time in some cupboard.
And I have since been informed by students who also run their own engineering business, often dealing with water related
matters, that the water in Kielce is excellent. Boiling it is only required to reduce the calcium content of the water,
which falls to the bottom of the ketter. Some people think the calcium can produce 'kidney stones', but I haven't seen any
statistics. Otherwise, you can drink the water, which comes from very deep wells, and is replenished by winter thaws and so
on.
I have only one complaint with my current employer, and that is in principle only. It doesn't affect me at the moment.
The Omova Ojaywo contracts used to reduce taxation are meant to encourage the production of creative or intellectual content
in Poland. Teachers working under this contract pay tax on only half their income, so they save about half the tax they
would pay under other contracts. They are meant to write up a 'conspect' which contains a program of lessons, and lesson
plans. The problem is that technically this means that intellectual property rights, i.e copyright, goes from the teacher to
their employer. That is, in principle, a high price to pay. A real lesson plan and program takes many additional, unpaid
hours to produce, often the result of years of practise and refinement. I believe that the school should sign a waiver and
return the copyright to the teacher, irrespective of the taxation departments opinion or the legal position. I think it only
fair. Teachers are not paid enough to justify appropriating their intellectual property. They may claim in their contracts
that renumeration included lesson preparation and so on, but in reality they pay teachers to teach. They would have to pay 3
times as much to have a legitimate, 'moral' claim on the intellectual property, the detailed lesson plans, of their teachers.
That is why the textbook authors are paid so much for their intellectual property. It is execptionally demanding work.
That said, I am pretty happy here, and hope to work here next year. I hope they will pay me the 10 extra I will ask for.
Many teachers elsewhere earn more, and most the same as what I will ask for. This school offers no bonuses, and I have cost
them nothing to recruit, or imposed no costs in terms of adminstration or work permits. I hope I am not dissappointed.
Why is so 'unique' and 'brilliant' and 'value-adding' about private language school's own forms? They insist that
everyone 'fill-in' their forms. They will not look at resumes, or simply tell us what information they need, so we can add
it to ours. They insist on wasting weeks of our lives (in the long run) filling our their particular form. Think of the
millions of people wasting a few hours each filling out forms, when they could be doing something productive or creative. It
is scandalous. It is sheer waste. It is infuriating. I won't do it. I will include any information anyone cares to ask
for in my cv. We must insist on universal applications, so they don't get away with wasting our time and energy. There are
so many much more important, productive, valueable things to do in this world. I have included everything I have ever been
asked for on my web resume. Of course ... "our director doesn't have time to look at a webpage"...but they are happy to
waste, collectively, millions of hours of our time in pointless, redundant form filling behaviours. It is shameful. It
should be a crime. Say no to filling out pointless forms! Say yes to a universal application. It is English teaching for
#%&*!'s sake, not brain surgery, or economic policy development. I'm happy to have 'wasted' that 10 minutes if it means
saving millions of hours of human misery. Who the hell do you think you are, you 'directors', to insist on wasting our time
for crappy jobs with crappy pay and conditions? What special sort of creature are you that you should demand wasting
millions of hours of our time, rather than have a quick look at a CV? *#@! you!
'Building on' other comments about housing, so to speak, I'd like to add this anecdote. The builders in my new building,
who often work at 3a.m in the morning, drilling, hammering and so on, thought they had a special right to the lift, exclusive
of anyone else's interests. They placed bits of wood etc over the laser on the lift door, so it would stay open. This
denied anyone else the use of the lift for whatever time these guys sought fit. They were claiming a greater right to the
use of the lift than everyone else. So, to maybe get them to consider the interests of others for a moment, I walked down
the 10 flights of stairs, removed the obstacle jamming the door, took the lift up to my floor, the 5th, and put the wood
back over the laser. For the few minutes while they were climbing the stairs to find out what 'selfish' person had decided
their right to the lift was superior to everyone elses, I hope they gained some insight into the 'costs' of their
selfishness. 'Climb a few flights of stairs in someone elses shoes' I say, and maybe you'll think about someone else apart
from yourself the next time you decide to impose the same inconvenience on everyone else. I only did it once. I didn't want
to push the point. They often 'hogged' the lift, but I didn't feel like any confrontation in a language I couldn't
understand let alone communicate in. I've had too many experiences. Lots of other people believe that they can employ their
fists instead of reason to insist of doing whatever they feel like, and I'm not interested in such unproductive interactions.
A few comments on an American fellow I met a few times. He was an electrician, teaching english while waiting to get
married to his Polish girlfriend. They are on their way to back to America now. She wants to have 3 kids and he wants her
to work. Good luck. He had the irritating habit similar to that 'head teacher' at 'the company' of not ever letting the
other person say anything. He just barged on through conversations. They were monologues. That would be o.k if they were
fascinating, but they weren't.
Back to money matters. I have 'gleaned' information here and there, and come to the conclusion that native teachers are
really poorly paid, compared to their similarly qualified Polish colleagues. I, at 45 Zwoty for a 45 minute lesson, cost the
employer roughly the same as Polish teacher with less qualifications, and no experience. A Polish teacher, working for a
government school, with similar qualifications and experience (only local vs my international experience), actually costs
their employer around 70 Zwoty, over 50% more than what I cost them, at 45 Zwoty. Of course they also impose a greater
adminstration burden and so on.
The native teacher will pay for a health system and pension scheme that they are unlikely to ever benefit from. Many
natives have had to pay for their own education, while paying taxes in Poland to educate their Polish colleagues.
I have only compared the basic incomes for government high-school teachers. Teachers in higher-education apparently cost
their employers at least 120 Zwoty each lesson, and many lecturers and teachers at colleges and so on cost must more. As I
wrote earlier, some teachers are actually complaining that their salaries have been reduced from well over 120 Zwoty a lesson
down to a rate, I have been told, that is still well above 120 Zwoty per lesson.
Any complaints, such as the one I included earlier in this webpage, about native teachers earning "too much" are
ill-informed. Untrained native teachers are earning the same as polish teachers without qualifications. Of course they have
to pay travel costs, and have all manner of extra costs involved in re-locating. They tend to pay higher rents. For one
they generally have to live alone, without any networks, let alone 'family' to live with, as most young polish teachers do.
I have to put up with a complaint from a 20 something year old student, living with mum and dad, studying at my expense,
about native teachers earning too much.
Remember that students are covered for health and medical insurance, so when they earn 35 Zwoty, it is the equivalent of a native teacher, working under a typical 'exclusive contract', earning 70 Zwoty. Remember Z.U.S payments account for 48% of the costs of employing someone. Natives have to pay Z.U.S or private insurance themselves. Most other teachers are either full-time teachers at government high-schools or colleges, and so their Z.U.S payments are already covered. When they earn 35 Zwoty and hour it is the equivalent of the native earning 70 Zwoty an hour.
Most natives work only for one employer, and beleive that the 'exclusive' contract they signed is legal and binding. In fact it seems that such contracts are not legal. They can only be binding if the employer provides the teacher with enough work. Now I have to get legal advice on just how much is considered enough work. Of course Inter-College demand natives sign contracts in which they promise not to open their own school within the next 5 (?) or so years. They also sought exclusivity. It doesn't matter that such contracts are not binding in terms of their impact. Few native teachers would guess they are not, and therefore would act as if they were. In effect then, given the lack of 'informed' consent, the contracts have the desired impact, and ensure more or less exclusive ownership of their native teachers. So no-one else will be paying the teacher's Z.U.S contributions. They will have to pay it themselves, in the process losing any 'nominal' pay superiority that might have existed relative to the local, Polish teachers.
More Polish updates
That colleague apparently believes she should earn more than me, even though she has no formal teaching qualifications
whatsoever. It is 'too hard' for her to get even a simple TESOL certificate. She doesn't have the time or the money. Of
course everyone else does or did have the time or money. I find it really insulting by implication. All the sacrifices I and
other teachers made to get their qualifications, all the crap and stress we put up with, all the discipline we had to apply,
all the patience and inconvenience. But she still deserves more pay than me! Why? Well of course 'nobody understands' that
she deserves more.
When I tried to interrogate some things she had said, and get some details to compare with what I had been told by others,
she insulted me again, telling me that my ideas and questions were stupid. She acted as if I had offended her, when all her
comments were very offensive and provocative. When I sought to respond to her provocation she huffily stated that she was
too busy and so on. She didn't want to talk.
She had told me that she was getting 60 Zwoty per lesson after Z.U.S. (I have to check if she meant per 60 minutes, as
that would be consistent with what her employer told me they were actually paying her). I asked her why. I couldn't
understand why they would pay more than they needed to, i.e, most native teachers will work for 45 Zwoty per lesson without
Z.U.S. She just said that they pay what they 'have to'. But that was my point. They didn't have to, especially for teachers
without any formal teaching qualifications whatsoever, like her. I spoke to her boss. He said no, she got 45 Zwoty per
lesson, after Z.U.S. He asked his receptionist to check, just to make sure he hadn't made a mistake and paid her more than
everyone else. My colleague angrily accused me of going behind her back. She said the 'information' was for my ears only.
I said that she had lost credibility with me after having so exaggerated her situation while 'manipulating' me into giving
her the best of the work I had been offered, and so on. YOu have already read about that. I said that I didn't take
anyones' word for anything. I check, I interrogate, everything. She made some disparaging comments I found insulting, more
or less stating that I was stupid, and my questions were 'dumb'. Apparently if she couldn't get to the truth in all the
confusion, then I certainly wasn't capable of it. Of course she has never read any of my philosophy manuscript.
She claimed she was an 'exile', that only she was here because she had no choice. She accused me of being her by choice.
Again it was insulting. She hadn't even looked at my webpage which explained all the victimisation that had led to my real
exile here in Poland. She wouldn't explain in what way she was an exile. But of course her situation was worse than anyone
elses, and as she keeps putting it, no-body understands! Everytime I try to understand, she gets angry, changes her story,
and attacks me. Its getting too frustrating to talk with her. I was hoping we could work together to get to the bottom of
the working situation here, and help each other. She was so frustrating and belittling. She even said she didn't want to
talk to me any more. I said that seemed a good idea. Of course later she talked to me as she was leaving. I find it too
irritating and frustrating to talk with her. I thought she was different to other people. She isn't. She complains about
no-one validating her, but doesn't seek to validate others in principle, i.e, she doesn't care about anything in principle,
like most people, just her own interests.
She doesn't have enough respect or intelligence to comprehend that it would be in her interests to help me work out what
goes on in Poland. We could have helped each other. In reality she just wanted me to help her, as I did. I feel dirty and
used now, after what happened and has happened since. It is depressing.
I finally got a reply from an old acquaintance, who I had thought was a friend, after having spend so much time in deep
and personal discussion with her, which seems to prove the worst of my suspicions. She has a fender stratocaster guitar neck
that the store couldn't get in time for my departure from germany, when I left there years ago to attempt to realise a
romantic dream I had had with an older friend. I wont go into that story here, as it doesn't concern Poland. This german
acquaintance sent a very nasty email. Like my colleague, she acts as if the world is so terrible for her in particular,
blaming anyone and everything but herself for everything, taking no responsibility. This girl is attractive and intelligent
and has a supportive family. She was never homeless or abandoned or maltreated. She simply thinks everyone is unfair to her.
She left me alone for 6 months in germany, and a few days before I left visited and acted like she would desperately miss me
and so on. It was very uncomfortable for me. Anyway, as usual, the people wanted to buy my things promised they would
return on the last day to pick them up and pay for them. None of them did. So I carried the things I could to this friends
place and left them with her. I emailed her that she could keep or sell or give away everything as she pleased. I even gave
her a bottle of champagne. I only asked that she pick up my guitar neck from the music shop when it came. I would send her
money later for postage back to Australia.
The shop owner behaved badly too. I left a new microphone stand with him to pay for the postage, if he had to send the
neck to me in Australia. When my friend turned up for the guitar neck, to absolve him of this responsibility (I wasn't
confident that he would honour his word and send me the neck), he simply told her that he had sold the stand. He made no
mention of paying her the money he got for it. She made no attempt to ask for it. For her everything is too hard.
Like my colleague, she acts as if life is so easy for everyone else. OF course some people are luckier than most. If you
compare yourself to them you will always come off second best, and feel maltreated and unlucky. But these people have no
idea how hard life can be. It is implicitly insulting for me to hear people complain when they have never experienced
anything like what I have endured. And I know plenty of people who have endured much worse than me. I am also deeply
insulted on their behalf.
Anyway, there was no way to respond to my german acquaintances caustic, unfair, nasty email. She obviously hasn't changed
at all. The world is to blame for everything. Everyone else gets life handed to them on a plate. Nobody else has to take
chances, get over rejection, or endure lifes problems. She is still the negative person living at home, never having known
true hardship, who expects some white knight to walk in the door, validate all her grievances of unfair treatment, and give
her the life she 'deserves', the one everyone else apparently, in her mind, has.
It is so depressing. I can't afford to linger on it. I will have to accept the loss of the very expensive guitar neck
that I went through so much to get after my new guitar showed flaws in its original neck. In fact I left that guitar and some
recording equipment with an acquaintance in Australia. I can't get through to him through our common contacts, and he
wouldn't give me an email address. I shall probably never see that extremely expensive item again either. The list of
dissappointments in people just grows. What to do?
One more dissappointment. I said I would probably take some summer teaching work if it was offered. It was, but at a pay
rate much lower than my normal rate, and only 2 lessons at 7p.m each weekday. I would have done it if the school gave me
access to its computer lab, where I am now busily writing this, so I could continue working on my philosohy manuscript for
the month that the school will be closed. They wouldn't trust me with the code for their security system. I reminded them
that the reason I took the few hours offered to me when I started here was to avoid buying a computer and getting internet
access.
It was dissappointing that I was merely just another teacher here, rather than an 'employee' who could be trusted. It was
even more dissappointing when the director said that I had more or less promised to do the summer course if it eventuated. I
hadn't. I said that I would 'probably' do it. He didn't argue. But then he became almost sulky, and said that he was
dissappointed in me. We agreed we'd both think about it. He almost sulkily stated that he had to know today. But he and his
business partner said they'd think about it. A few minutes later he came down to the computer lab, again more or less sulkily, for want of a better word, like a child who doesn't get their way, acting like it is they who have been wounded or offended or badly treated, to tell me
that he was going to cancel the course, then. The implication was that I was at fault. I hadn't even said I wouldn't do the
course. I had only said that it was dissappointing that I was considered just another teacher. I said that I didn't work
for the money so much as the social aspect of work, and to have access to the computers and internet without unnecessarily
spending money on my own connection (well over $300 a year) and a laptop that would be out of date in 6 months.
So anyway, now the few students who wanted me to teach them will miss out, because the Director wanted to make some point
( I didn't get the chance to agree to do the work anyway, despite my dissappointment), and they don't trust me enough to give
me the code.
I felt like just getting up and going home, and never returning to this place. I feel really uncomfortable now, after
that little incident. It of course builds on other comments I found irritating, like the Directors implication that he
endured my conversation patiently, when in fact I try to escape his. I only end up talking to him because I want to speak to
the receptionist, and I don't want it to be too obvious to everyone else, for her sake. She said she likes me, and seems to.
I like her. I want to keep any connection we have private. But when I go up there to joke with her, if the Director is
there I have to talk with him, otherwise it looks suspicious etc etc
As I said before, he and his business partner are making my colleague write up a 'conspect' to comply pedantically with
the tax law regarding the Omova Ojaywo, the contract which reduces the tax the teacher or 'artist' has to pay. This really
pisses off my colleague, who has to write up pretty detailed lesson plans and a teaching program, a 'conspect' for the last
semester. She doesn't understand why he is being pedantic, when no-one else has ever asked her for a conspect under the same
contract. I wasn't asked for one either. But in reality she can't complain. She has saved thousands of dollars over the
last 10 years taking advantage of a contract meant to encourage creative input into the Polish economy, and only once has she
had to do what that contract legally and ethically requires of her.
Back to the pay question. My colleague claimed, vehemenently, that her Director of studies at the teachers college where
she works, and claimed to be paid 60Zwoty per lesson (or did she mean hour?) after Z.U.S deductions (which the
director said were at least 17%...again I get no clear picture of the truth...He said the total Z.U.S would be 36%, when the
co-owner of this school said that the total 'non-wage' costs of employing someone are 48% of the total. All my calculations
have been based on that. Why on earth is it so hard to get reliable information? It seems that every district in Poland has
different interpretations of the same laws, for example those concerning the Omavo Ojaywo, and 'conspects'.), would be pissed
off at her for having told me the truth. She insulted me again as 'naive'. I mean, what a *^&$#! inappropriate accusation.
It is doubly insulting after all I have revealed for her from my gleaning in Poland, and the implication that she never read
anything I have posted on my webpage, and yet will continue to insult me, implying my life is so good etc etc and I am so
'naive' etc etc.
I told her that I had only spoken with him, not the whole world. I asked her how else was I to corroborate her
information now that she had lost credibility in my eyes, after my experiences with her dramatics, exaggeration, and
manipulation. She said that it was up to me to learn how to 'negotiate'. I wondered how on earth she could negotiate from
her position. Her director of studies couldn't understand either why she so stubbornly refuses to submit to the process of
gaining some form qualifications that we all had to endure. Of course we all should. She was special. Of course no-one
understands that. She has apparently been here almost 15 years and hasn't made an effort to learn POlish, or gain the
minimum TESOL teaching qualification. However she feels that she is more qualified to work at a teacher training college of
all places, and deserves to be paid more than me. It's really frustrating. I don't let it infuriate me, or express that
irritation, but sometimes I want to scream. I do try to assert myself and express myself, but I don't really express myself
authentically. I don't think she could deal with it. She can't even deal with what I do express. She, however, feels
self-righteously justified in getting angry, emotional, huffy, and insulting. She was like that from the beginning but I
made allowances. I'm fed up making allowances. Especially after having been used by her, and not being offered anything in
return.
People suck. I more or less got my best friend, when I was young, a really good job. I told him about a job I had been
interviewed for. He got it. He then kept the other 3 jobs he had, when I was unemployed. In fact I never saw him for many
months at a time. He only came to me later when he needed someone to talk to who he could trust. He said he respected me.
Later he wrote that I was 'the wind beneath his wings'. It is true that he most likely would not have gotten into Uni if I
hadn't coached and encouraged him to apply directly to the University board, and the professors. I've never been rewarded
for being a good friend, for being honest, for trying to do the right thing by everyone. Everyone wants you to do what is
right for them in particular. Oh blah blah blah, woe is me, people suck...you're probably bored...
Me too!
So many beautiful, sexy women here. So many of them wear transparent white skirts and trousers, showing off their sexy lingerie underneath. It's not fair, seeing as most of them are with their boyfriends and husbands. I don't think it's fair. What is the point? Power?
I get some friendly smiles and so on, and a few girls flirt with me, but nothing to
report on that front. It is really irritating to see guys much more average than me with gorgeous girlfriends and wives on
their arms. I guess if I could offer to father children, then I would be a reasonably attractive proposition for lots of
women here. I will continue to suffer for my principles. Yeh I know, poor markus, get a grip, stop whingeing. I guess if I
even met the normal expectations regarding socialising, dressing, and 'playing the game' then I would have no trouble finding
an attractive girlfriend. But I consider that 'paying for sex', and being inauthentic. I consider it to be contributing to
the very system of social realtions and hegemonic definitions that I am trying to challenge.
Have you taken a look at my philosophy manuscript at the-philosopher.com?
Somehow I have found some Morrissey music on the internet...I think I accidentally downloaded
it?...excellent...Shit...that colleague just walked in...and I don't want to talk to her...what to do....Yuck...I hate
people! ..... When people become rich enough they isolate themselves in hotel rooms, don't they!!
I agree with Nietzsche that music is one of the few things of value in this world. Isn't Morrissey just so clever and witty and ironic and so on? From the ice age to the dole age...or is it 'dull' age? either is clever...who else could write and sing ..."As I live and breathe, you have killed me"...Or ..."so I broke into the palace, with a sponge and a rusty spanner... she said I know you and you cannot sing, I said that's nothing you should hear me play piano.." ? There are still things I am grateful for on this nasty, stupid planet...
Latest update from the computer lab (probably last one)
I won't say who or where etc to avoid embarrassing anyone, but really, if you have a job that requires close contact with
customers or employees, then you should pay attention to your breath. I have had to endure bad breath from several people
who I had to listen to, and at close range. I kept trying to back off, and they kept moving forward. I had to hold my
breath. Surely if you eat garlic or anything similar you would pay attention to your breath, maybe brush your teeth or chew
some gum. It is really unfair to impose your bad breath on others, especially those who have to stand and listen to you,
because they are your employer etc. You shouldn't put others in the uncomfortable position of either enduring your stench,
or having to be the one to bring it to your attention. It isn't hard to forsee that if you eat lots of raw onion or garlic,
you will have bad breath. Please, try to be a little considerate, and not inflict yourself on others.
I have just made some calculations concerning real take home pay. Most teachers are either students or have someone else
paying their ZUS as an employee. So what they earn at their second, third, and fourth jobs is mostly free of ZUS
contributions. This means that, depending on who tells you what, they are effectively earning, net, 17 to 36 to 48% more
than the native teacher who only has one job, or is working as a company. So when another teacher earns, nominally, the same
as me, they get to keep a hell of a lot more, at least 15 Zwoty more per 45 minute lesson. Of course they don't cost the
employer more. So it will be hard to argue my case with my current employer for a significant pay rise. The alternative is
for them to help me find another employer who will pay my ZUS. To me this is logical. However I don't expect that they will
see the point.
Motivation is about being rewarded for effort. It is de-motivating to know that other teachers with less, or even
absolutely NO formal TESOL qualifications, let alone actual formal TEACHING qualifications, are taking home much more pay
than you for the same work. Of course it is really irritating when one of them has in fact manipulated you to help them, but
have made absolutely no attempt to help you. So my situation here is very de-motivating. Especially now that I realise that
I am 'just one of the teachers'. One of the teachers asked me 'who are you, god or something?' when I told her how I felt.
Of course she is one of those teachers employed by the government who end up earning more than me. I don't see why people
have to be bitchy with me. I try to interrogate the situation and reveal the reality of the situation, so I can negotiate a
working relationship that is fair and reasonable. Why get teaching qualifications if other teachers who didn't bother, or
wouldn't make the sacrifices involved, end up earning more than you?
I don't see how a teaching college can justify hiring someone full-time who has absolutely no formal teaching
qualifications, while a fully trained teacher, with serious TESOL qualifications and years of international teaching
experience and initiative, ambition etc etc goes unemployed. How could this serve the interests of the people who are paying
the school. Surely they expect and deserve the best teachers their money can buy? If I can't find work in a teaching
college where they pay my ZUS plus the same I earn here, then I won't work for anyone, unless it is for cash in hand.
Nothing good has come of my work here. I will have to buy a computer now, so I don't need anyone elses. I won't work
for mediocre schools and be compelled more or less to do a mediocre job. It is not satisfying, and I'm being exploited.
I really have to try to write that novel. What I need is a cheap, cheerful, sunny little apartment, and a muse. Writing is terribly lonely
work. The loneliness can be debilitating and destructive. Solitude is good, but good company now and then is imperative to
compensate for the lonely, unrewarding task of attempting to write...and not just for entertainment, but to try to make the
world a better place...blah blah blah...
A last comment. So many times no-one bothered to tell me that there would be holidays, that the schools would be shut,
that even the supermarkets would be shut. This has happened to me in Korea, Germany, and now, Poland. The secretary of the
private high school I worked at, the mediocre, dilettantish one, told me that my payday was the next day. She didn't bother
to tell me that the next days were holidays. This meant I would be payed over 3 weeks after the end of the month. Why they
didn't pay me on the 15th, and tell me about the holidays? Why they insisted on paying me over a week later than usual?
That is no way to treat people. Anyway, that school is a joke. I would have tried to improve things there, so I'm probably
lucky I didn't get offered any real work there. Remember that my supervisor had more or less told me that I would be working
over 20 hours a week at the school. In the end the Director merely offered me a philosophy class, and implied that he would
be telling me what to teach. Him, a science teacher and dillettante!
I'd better get a computer and keep redrafting my philosophy manuscript, and trying to start on that novel, or I will go
mad...sorry, mad-der!
September 2006 update
It's months later now, in fact the next teaching year.
I've finally got a computer that works. I've never been back to the school that wouldn't give me their security password. N0 other school director etc I spoke to could understand why that school wouldn't give me access to the school, but some teachers got a bit weird, uppity, like what was I expecting, like what is so special about me i.e they would never ask for the code etc etc, but then they wouldn't ask for anything, and just complain behind people's backs. Everyone I work for and with knows about this webpage, so it isn't behind anyone's anything.
I have another really old knackered thing with old 12 inch monitor etc, which I got in response to my requests to everyone I knew about whether anyone had an old pc I could buy, just for typing etc. Long story. Finally got it, and waited for the guy who had the hard-disk of it (he was 'copying' it for the owner) to call me to arrange a time to put it back in, and fix some small problem the owner had told me about. He called weeks later and as far I as understood, told me that the hard disc was totally destroyed, and that it would cost heaps to put a new one into that particular old computer, and told me that it wasn't worth it. So I waited for the owner to come back from holidays, weeks, to tell her the news. She told me that I must have misunderstood his English, as he had told her that there would be no problem fixing it, and that it would be cheap. So I said she could pick it up anytime. She implied she would, at a time not inconvenient to me. But the thing is, the old piece of crap is taking up a huge proportion of my limited storage space, and it is inconvenient to me on a constant basis, so the convenient thing to do would be to offer to pick it up a.s.a.p.
Anyway, I had agreed to work a few lessons in return for that p.c. I told her that I take my lessons seriously, and so giving me one lesson to teach, and one that was supposed to be memorable, fun, ice-breaking, good advertising for the school (they were free lessons designed to attract new students), that it would involve hours of preparation. She said don't worry, that she would prepare something. I said as long as she wrote down what she expected that would be enough, and I could 'wing it'. As it turned out she handed me something really lame to do, so in the last 5 minutes before class I desperatedly wracked (?) my brains for interesting, fun, productive things to do. I managed to recall a few good ideas, and used them, with enough success to justify having come all this way for just one hours work. I had spent more time consulting with the director about what she wanted, and negotiating a time that I could commit to, without knowing if any other school might offer me some real work, etc etc, than I'd usually spend for a few days teaching work. But that's teaching. Or me. Or a bit of both. The interaction if the two.
I negotiated to get to use this computer, and got an agreement. As usual when I went to act on this agreement, the director had found some excuse to dishonour our agreement. I'd agreed to fill in for them until they could get an english teacher to teach the mostly 'joke' classes I had, and for which they wouldn't pay me what I wanted, and to do the philosophy classes all year, for what they had offered, and asked that maybe I could use the old school laptop at home to prepare my lessons and the notes for the students. As I said, no-one used it, it seemed, ever. The students complained about this extravagent waste (they also thought the director bought his mercedes with school money!) Oh, of course on my first day the student's were asking me 'has the director told you about his new car yet?' I mocked ignorance, implying that 'why would he'...it was a running joke at the school, how often the director spoke to people about his car, how much it cost, where he got it etc. The new one was an Audi TT. The director told me that his son had bought it for his wife/mother. He said it was a toy, and as I expected, difficult to drive due to the limited visibility.
Anyway, he said he couldn't let me take the laptop home, as other teachers would be upset with this. So I asked one of the teachers to write two sentences in polish asking the other teachers if they did mind. No-one did, although one 'wrong side of middle age'd teacher needed some prompting, responding to the piece of paper like some mild disease she wanted nothing to do with. The teacher who wrote it said it wouldn't make any difference, that the director was just using this as an excuse, and would find another. I responded that I was a philosopher, and this was an application of the philosophy I was teaching. He might find another excuse, but at least I'd have eliminated that one. She didn't expect any success. I handed the director the paper on my way, a few seconds late, to class. He actually observed that class, which at first terrorfied me, as I hate being observed, shy self-esteem-challenged as I am. However it went well. He just said it was O.K. Of course it was another first class, with my new notes, and new crappy, tiny portable whiteboard, so I got some good ideas, which I can use for the next time, and for the course-book I'm trying to prepare.
As you know, he let me take the laptop home for the weekend, so now I am writing up notes and experiences from the last few months.
Most of the classes are a waste of time, with students either doing their german, chemistry, or maths homework, or just talking and ignoring me, and pissing me off. So they will end up with the government mandatory 2 religion (only catholic, nothing 'comparatory' about it, just pure dogma) classes. I found out that schools had to give students two religion classes per week with a catholic priest, or they could opt for one class of ethics, and one of religion. I will probably end up teaching on 4 out of the original 10 I signed up for. The first I had already lost, and only found out after turning up twice for classes to find no-one there. The second time I knocked on the primary classes door, and was answered by the director who was teaching them, that they were too young. Nice way of wasting my time Herr Director! Why is it usually this way, that teachers have classes cancelled but no-one bothers to tell them. Wasting their time with preparing a class (which is more work than teaching one) for which they will not be paid. It's not just the money, but moreso the lack of respect and organisation etc.
Just noting how hot this laptop is getting. Too hot for my 'lap', and I fear maybe too hot for the fabric of the chair it is now resting on as I hunch over it, sitting on my sofa-bed. Not good for my back, but you're meant to suffer for your art, aren't you? During summer it would have melted. I got 'lucky' with the weather. The longest, coldest winter they've had here in Poland for ages, followed by the longest, hottest, most humid summer they can remember. At least there weren't many mosquitoes. I have it on authority that some years the main 'high-street' here is thick with them.
Why does the writing prompt cursor thingy move back a few words when I hit 'control' and 's' i.e to save? curious. I have a USB mouse on a mouse pad on the sofa, but control s is quicker. Why do I have a USB mouse? Well, after going through an agonising months-long process of trying to find the right laptop for me at a good price, and turning up at every 'sale' where there were real bargains to be had, to find that one-the sale lasted 1 day only, and 2. I couldn't get at my money, as I had no internet access etc etc...twice this happened. Anyway, I got one, with Linux. Now I expected that they would include some sort of user interface program, and not just the operating system i.e something I could use. The softwear is open access and free, so I couldn't see any reason why they didn't include it. But they didn't. So I had no way to use the damn thing. So I took it back. I have also taken two t.v's back. One was too dark to watch, and the other kept 'humming' like a fridge.
Did I write about that yet? First I asked whether the noise was 'normal' or not. They said it wasn't. I went to the repair center and asked the same. They had lots of my very same t.v there, in boxes. They arranged a time to come to my place the next week. They got there an hour late, not too bad. They listened to the noise, stated clearly that it should't make that noise, and proceeded to take my t.v apart, filling my flat with the fumes from their little cans of solvent, banging their tools all over my furniture and lounge, even against the TV itself. They cut away a few bits of stuff, and put it back together. It took them 30 minutes. The noise remained. They wanted me to sign something saying they'd fixed it, and which entitled them to the fee they were charging the company, around 70 Zwoty. I reminded them that the noise was still there. They said they couldn't fix it. I asked when I would get a replacement TV that didn't hum. They put me on the phone several times to some guy, I think in warsaw?, who variously tried to dismiss me by saying 'this is Poland', which I guess was supposed to imply that I shouldn't expect any better, but which I would accept, asking him what he meant. This sort of thing went back and forth as they tried to leave, tried to get me to sign their bill, and put me back on the phone to someone who had some alternative excuses. I finally asked them to call the shop so the shop could replace the TV for me. They said they would.
I went to the shop that day and they said the repair guys hadn't called. They said they would need a form from the repair guys saying they couldn't fix the problem. The repair guys wouldn't even answer their phone. I went to their authorised repair center the next working day, and confronted them. They tried to pretend not to understand me. I pointed to the bill I had signed, and asked them how they could tell me, now, that there was no problem with my TV at all, and at the same time charge the company a fair whack of money to fix something that didn't need repairing, according to them, now, in the first place. I reminded them that friends and students of mine were judges and therefore lawyers, and would be interested. I said I'd follow this thing through. Either my TV was crap, and should be replaced, or there was never anything wrong with it in the first place, which begs the question of why they wasted my time taking it apart etc, and how they could justify their bill. So the guy rips off the bill part of the letter he'd given me to take to the shop, and writes what I want i.e that there is a fault with the TV i.e the hum, and that he can't repair it. I go back to the shop and they give me my money back, but act as if I'm a trouble maker etc etc. You have to get used to that, if you stand up for yourself. Most people apparently let themselves be bullied into accepting whatever bad service etc they get. As usual, few people report any problems, and so when you do, you can be made out to be the problem.
Hey, the cursor moves back a few words when you use the mouse to save too? Windows XP professional! Anyway, same thing happens at the school when I ask to have my classes in one room, to avoid the stress of hunting down room keys, collecting and putting back textbooks (which can be kept in the locked cupboards in the classrooms instead) and so on. He says no-one else has a problem with all that. I respond that all he knows is that no-one has complained to him. He gets a bit angry and repeats that he thinks I just like making problems. I respond that I like finding solutions by identifying problems, meaning opportunities to improve things. Just cos we used to live in caves doesn't mean we shouldn't look at alternative housing arrangements, does it? Apparently we should have stayed in the caves. Without 'trouble-makers' like me, i.e people looking for innovation, improvements etc etc, we still would be, no doubt about it!
Even using the touchpad the cursor moves back, into the middle of earlier words! ??? Mr Gates, what does it all mean?
Oh, the director had had months to organise things, including teaching contracts. He only told my supervisor a few days before the first day, who was keen on an answer from me on the same day. The director hadn't done anything we had talked about the previous year, i.e all english teaching in one or two rooms, a whiteboard, and so on. When we met to negotiate the new contract, he went on about how the finances of the school were bad, how students had left and so on. He wouldn't even pay me what he would have last year. But I agreed to help them out again until they could find someone, and even at the lower pay he had offered, just to help out. Anyway, the next day I asked about the white board. He said maybe they'd have one in a few weeks. I was not happy. I said this. I said that he had had months to arrange a whiteboard. I said I wasn't happy about that in particular. He apparently went out or called someone and came back with a little portable whiteboard thingy in the next hour. I was impressed, not by the crap, more or less useless to me whiteboard,but that he had actually bothered to get the thing so quickly. At first I couldn't use it, as one of the legs of the trestle type thingy wouldn't extend. So it went back to the staffroom with two students unused. He was angry, it appeared, and asked my supervisor to tell me that the whiteboard was for me, implying I wouldn't use it. I showed him the problem. He couldn't pull out the leg either, and he is a lot bigger than me. Anyway, finally we found that there was glue on the leg, and I realised that if I put it back in, we'd have the same problem, so I left it in the last classroom, fully extened, ready to be carried by students to my next lesson, on one of the 7 or so different classrooms I currently teach in, some of which have no room for anything, let alone a whiteboard.
Now to some student interactions that are more memorable and perhaps will give you some idea of the attitude of the students I'm trying to teach.
No, first back to my shorts. We'd been through this 3 times before. I'd tried to wear long pants on the hot days, but it was just too uncomfortable for me. I was sweating constantly and profusely. So even though I had tried to accomodate the director I had to give up, and tell him that it wasn't going to work. I was very uncomfortable about doing this. I asked others to explain for me. This was last year, so I thought that was it. They had accepted that I wear shorts. Business shorts, not sports shorts etc, and a collared shirt, clean-shaved, clean, tidy, presentable etc. However I was mistaken, and had to endure another confrontation about the shorts this year. The director kept trying to go on and on and persuade me etc etc. After about 15 minutes stressful, pointless interaction, I simply kept repeating that if they couldn't accept my shorts they could find another teacher and I would work somewhere else. He wouldn't accept this simple solution and continued. I was really pissed. The students were fascinated to see me talking animatedly with the Director in german, as they hadn't heard me speaking german before. Anyway I was really pissed of for all this pointless stress. I sms'd my supervisor, who was on holidays (conference?) in Italy (Which I had forgotten), stating that I didn't want this conversation again. Either he left me and my shorts alone, or he got another teacher. I asked another teacher at school, the one who wrote my laptop note, to tell him the same for me. Again he relented, and made no further comment on my shorts. However it seems that the owner of the school, a middle aged woman with, we agreed, a particular type of character or personality trait, had sent the director and teachers explicity guidelines and rules about what they could wear to school. Mostly it was about 'exposed female flesh' and so on. We joked about this, and the taliban, and the french government ban on head scarves, and how teachers in australia often wore what was more or less lingerie and so on. The female teachers weren't happy with being told how to dress, and the stress of wondering whether what they intended to wear would be acceptable or not. And I mean the rules appear to be pretty strict, from what they were saying.
That wasn't a total 'digression' or 'non-sequitur'. One particular student, who the director gave a special talk to all the teachers on, accused me of having no respect for the principal, because I wouldn't wear long pants. Why was she the subject of a special talk? To warn everyone! About what? To go really delicately with her, as she was really arrogant, and would call her arrogant mother, who would complain, arrogantly and at length to the director about whatever. During my class she called her mother, after I was trying to 'sell' them on the idea of the course. She had been particularly rude in a generally rude, arrogant, obnoxious, self-satisfied, smug, nasty, vicious, self-righteous, recalcitrant, argumentative group of 17 or 18 year olds. Last year few had turned up, and when they did, had expected to be left to do their german homework, during my english classes. They wouldn't write anything,claiming they could remember everything. Apparently all their previous native teachers had merely talked with them. Doesn't surprise me. I'm probably the only trained teacher who is a native speaker who has ever taught them. If I wasn't so professional I wouldn't bother trying to act responsibly etc and would just go along with them. The other teachers, the polish english, german etc teachers, have often told me not to take my job seriously, as I think I have already said before. This is why I am only filling in until they find another native teacher who won't take the job seriously, and who everyone can pretend is teaching, while the students pretend to be students, and the director pretends to be a director, and so on. It's only a problem when someone like me comes along who doesn't like pretending. The clever ones will learn from textbooks, overseas holidays etc etc so it doesn't really matter what happens at school so much. But I won't go along with it. I want the best possible outcomes I can achieve. I'm not motivated to pretend. And most of all, I can see what these students are 'learning' ie that they shouldn't have any respect for teachers or adults etc etc or for discipline etc etc. As I keep telling them, I reckon they'll have to teach their own children as no-one will want to become a teacher, or if they do find someone willing, then they'll be people who couldn't find a better job. (this is mostly the case today I guess).
So back to our 'model' student. I hate to sound like I'm stereotyping anyone, but I have only ever met one Israeli who wasn't self-righteously, openly arrogant and dismissive of everyone else who wasn't Israeli. And I only met him for a few minutes at an english school, so maybe he hadn't had any opportunities to be arrogant and dismissive. Sorry to all you nice Israelis. Hey, I'm german, and we get accused of arrogance,but I tell you, this student etc appears worse than even the typical british-american movie character stereotype of a prussian officer or even SS officer.
When she talks to me she is spitting venom, more or less, totally dismissive, and worse, has no idea how to negotiate, which leads me to tell her that, according to her current behaviour, her objectives, and how she is trying to go about getting what she wants, she 'doesn't know how to think'. At the time my right to teach philosophy is being challenged by her and others who see it as a possible way to get me to let them do their german or maths homework in my ethics classes. They accuse me of having no qualifications to teach philosophy. I explain my qualifications and give them my web page adress etc. They viley mock me with comments like "so all you need to be a philosopher is to have web-page" and so on, mocking and taunting me. I am appalled that they feel they can behave in such a manner. Of course this is what the current education systems around the world teach children. They have no respect for teaching as a profession. They will not accept that I might, that teachers in general might, actually have something to teach them. They have become 'monstrously empowered' to challenge the right of a teacher to any sort of respect or discipline of the class. This girl actally calls her mother on her mobile, while I am trying to teach, to complain about me. Aparently this is typical behaviour for her. The director makes the comment, in defense of his national pride, that she is not 'Polish', and refers to her arrogance, and where it comes from. I comment that, as a german, I feel uncomfortable making any comment (but I have made it here!).
Here is what leads to my comment. I have to justify why they should participate in my ethics class. I try to explain that philosophy is about learning how to think. Of course they all claim that everyone is a philosopher. I ask whether, just because I can put a band-aid on a cut, I can claim to be a doctor? They have no respect for the whole concept of being a student and having something to learn from a teacher. Anyway, this particular girl produces the same conversation loop many times. It goes as follows: She has been allowed, she says, to do some extra chemistry lessons instead of ethics. (I think this contravenes the education department policy, so I wonder? but then they couldn't force her to go the catholic dogma lessons could they???) But, she says, she needs a good grade for ethics, so she wants to know what she can do to get it. I don't get it. If she doesn't have to attend why does she need a grade? Anyway, she wants me to give her some sort of simple, easy assignment, to get a good grade, but do nothing. I suggest that I can post up all the lesson notes on the webpage, where she can read them, and do a few exercises and assignments to demonstrate her comprehension of the material. She says she doesn't have any time to read anything. So I am perplexed at how she can expect to get a good grade. Obviously I've missed the point, it seems, so this sort of conversation is repeated many times.
I try to win them over, suggesting that they might actually learn something, and that maybe they should give me a chance to demonstrate that maybe I have something to teach them. Instead they go on attacking my right to be teaching them, and then even my right to call myself a philosopher.
Even sadder, I've had this same sort of interaction with people I thought were my friends here. At least two of them have laughed derisively to my face, when I say I am a philosopher. They won't bother reading my webpage, but somehow feel they can just assume that I can't possibly be a philosopher, let alone in the same league as Socrate's etc etc. When I say that they haven't read anything I've written, and that therefore they have no idea what they are talking about etc, they then attack me as if I'm insulting THEM! It's just too depressing. I spend a great deal of my energy and life trying to solve philosophical problems, so that maybe the world might become a better place, at least for following generations, and all I get is ridicule, derision, and vile contempt. The ones who don't laugh in my face just appear to dismiss me totally. NO-one has gone to the trouble of reading anything I've written, even if simply to prove to themselves and the world that I am not a philosopher, let alone in the league of other people that they think of as philosophers. This is what I find really annoying, ineffable, frustrating, maddening, infuriating, debilitating, depressing etc etc...that they are so keen to dismiss me and laugh at me and feel absolutely no compulsion to bother verifying their assumptions. I mean, why is it so obvious to them that I cannot possibly be a philosopher etc etc? (and why won't the cursor move to where I want it, in notepad? Mr Gates?) This is what I don't get. This is what is so unfair. Surely if I said I was a painter they'd first look at my paintings before laughing? People just don't WANT me to be a philosopher etc etc...this is what is so ... so... YUCK...
So finally most of the class joins in. Why not, they can see that I am outnumbered, and it's more fun than submitting to authority and admitting that somewhere, out there, there might be someone who has something to teach them...etc There are no consequences to use to motivate them, so I'm in a losing position. They aren't interested in learning for the sake of wisdom etc. The course isn't in their 'Matura'. I can't punish them. So I have no obvious carrots or sticks.
Of course there are other classes, few admittedly, and other students, yet fewer, who actually are interested, who think I may have something to teach them, that they may have something to learn. It is for these students that I endure the others, and for whom I am trying to put together a high-school course in philosophy. Of course I will probably end up teaching only 4 classes at best, and not all of the students in these will be interested etc etc... If I didn't have the ambition to design a high school philosophy course, then I probably would just give the interested ones the address of my webpage and not go back to the school ever again.
But every lesson I get feedback and ideas about how it might be possible to teach philosophy to high-school students, so I will try to keep teaching anyone who is there, and working on my materials and approach. I want to put together a reasonably approachable little course for anyone even mildly interested in the history of philosophy and what philosophy might have to offer.
I've already spend weeks preparing, doing research on the computer of the owners of the building company who built the building I live in, and own the flat I am renting. I recommend Wikipedia to anyone doing any sort of research. This is one of the few resources I can thank my previous director for putting me onto. It's a pity he couldn't have let me have the security code. I would have re-edited my philosophy manuscript at least once in the last 2 months. As it was, It was a really unproductive time for me, and the stupidity of the waste really lowered my enthusiasm for humanity and life in general.
Oh, they do have modern street cleaning and rubbish removal trucks and so on. They still use the charming horses in the parks and so on, but they have big, german made, street sweeping trucks and garbage trucks and so on. Didn't want to leave you with the misleading impression that Poland hasn't reached the 21st Century etc
Ah, just remembered something that pissed me off and ruined my mood for weeks. I went into the mobile telephone shopfront to ask a few questions about mobile internet. I didn't notice they had this 'ticket' machine until I had been waiting about 10 minutes. I took a number and continue to wait patiently. Of course many people take a ticket and then give up waiting, so you may be number 60, and number 30 is displayed, but it doesn't mean they'll be 30 people ahead of you. So I wait. Eventually they call for number 59, and I am number 60, and see that no-one appears to be holding number 59. Only someone else notices too, a middle aged woman, who never bothered to take a number at all, and who had just walked in a minute ago. By now I have been waiting over 20 minutes, real time, not imagined. I am about to approach the service desk when she, no number at all, just sits down in front of me and begins being served. I approach the counter and show them my number. The guy says I'm number 60, and he's serving number 59 now. I ask to see her number 59, which she clearly doesn't have as she has no number, and never took one. He doesn't like me or whatever, and says that she told him she lost her number. I show him my number and explain that I failed to get a number, then got one, and have now been here over 20 minutes, and that she has no number, and while I understand her 'trick'(I have used it myself, after being 'clued-in' about the possibility of walking up to the counter while a number is being displayed, and no-one else is walking up to claim that number by my 'little swan', at the Post office), I have a real number, have been waiting, and he should serve me first. He won't. The manager won't see my point, and worse, they both suddenly claim they can't speak english or understand me. This is the worst of it. I ask to see his supervisor or have the supervisors number. The manager just gives me the general enquiries number. Worse again. I walk out, very unsatisfied, mood ruined, and go to the service center around the corner to call. Of course I'm left on hold ages. I give up, write a message and politely hand it to someone at the desk, and leave. I am in a bad mood for a long time due to this. No-one calls about my complaint either. Only many weeks later do I get a call from their complaints or service department, and it is pointless, as I don't have any names, and their english isn't really good...but I thank them for calling about my complaint and try to tell them where, when, and what, and then thank them for at least replying, telling them that the experience had really ruined my mood for a long time, and that everytime I saw their tv commercial I felt a little sick etc etc and thanked them, her actually, for calling and that I understood they could probably do nothing. I just said that if they were going to use those number machines, then they should use them. This is what I told the manager, before he just dismissed me like an idiot, without considering that the woman had no number, and could safely assumed to have been a queue jumper etc etc
Service! Hmmm! Someone took my bike seat and even post, using the quick release, from my bike which was locked up on the main street, during a busy part of the day, so I had to replace it. It was a cheap seat and post, but I guess whoever stole it would be happy even with a few Zwoty for their efforts. I walked to all the shops, many kilometers, until I found ones.. cheap enough and good enough to replace the stolen ones. It was really this time that the thieves had stolen from me, rather than the seat and post. It took me hours. But I was happy that the new seat was better, and the thieves had given me a justification for replacing the old, cheap, not very comfortable one. So I looked on the positive side of the experience.
However within 2 weeks the seat started moving, and no matter how often I tightened it, it became unuseable. So I walked it back to where I'd bought it. Waited 10 minutes to be served. Then another 10 minutes walking around, talking to different people about what the problem was etc etc. They had no other seats to replace my faulty one with. (Later I found they did, but different ones, and I bought one of them on the very same evening). 20 minutes and a the long walk later, it appeared I would be getting my seat back in 3 weeks. I was perplexed. What did they think I was going to do for the next 3 weeks? Of course, I made clear, I would have to buy a new one so I could use my bike. What good would it do me to get mine back in 3 weeks? I'd have to buy one tonite anyway. The lady kept saying that I could only return something within 5 days of buying it. I kept explaining that I hadn't returned it because I had changed my mind. It was faulty. Not my fault. After another 10 minutes of various discussions with various people, they gave me my money back. I did some searching and found, hidden behind lots of junk, some seats. I tried to price them on the scanners with no luck. At the cash register I found they were just a little more than the previous seat, and bought one.
Oh, of course you've seen movies where someone accidentally knocks over one motorbike, outside the dangerous looking pub, and that one falls on another etc etc i.e like dominoes? Well, I try to move one pushbike in the store and it falls, and I stand there watching, appalled, as bike after bike fall, one by one, even turning a corner to continue back towards me. About 20 bikes fall in this way. A girl laughs a little, smiling, at the scene of destruction I have, unwittingly unleashed. I smile back, trying to indicate I feel a little guilty, but am not at fault. I am too tired to bother with the bikes, so, laughing at myself, and more at the 'stereotypical' and sort of surreal quality of what just happened. Just like in the movies, I think to myself.
Response to non-native complaints about the "unfairly high" pay of native teachers
A few points for the non-native english teachers to consider before complaining that native speakers earn 'too much'.
In Australia and the United States, university students have to pay at least part of the costs of their university education. In Australia the minimum cost for a 4 year teaching degree is over AUD $10,000, or around 25,000 PLN. In the U.S it can be much much higher, depending on where you study. Maybe some U.S teachers could provide me with some statistics.
Remember that native teachers pay taxes in the country they work in, and never access most of the services these taxes pay for. In fact the native teacher is paying for the non-native teacher's university education. Do we expect to be thanked for that? Most native teachers will return to their own county if they are seriously ill. They pay taxes to support the health system of the countries they work in, but rarely access those health services. The native teacher is effectively subsidising the health care of non-native teachers. Do they expect to be thanked for that?
Native teachers usually have to pay their own travelling expenses, at least to countries like Poland. They then have to buy all their day to day living items new. They must buy pillows, blankets, sheets, TV's, stereos, and so on. These are things the non-native takes for granted. It is expensive to move to another country to work. And you can't live with mum and dad, or friends, so native teachers invariably must live alone, and pay higher rents than the non-native teachers who can either live at home, or share accomodation, or at least find the most affordable accomodation.
How much does the non-native teacher have to spend just to keep in touch with family and friends? How much do they have to spend on phone calls, and travelling home to visit relatives and so on?
When Polish workers, including the same non-native teachers who complain that native teachers get paid too much, go overseas, they will not work for Polish wages themselves. Of course not. They expect to earn more than they would in Poland. So why do they expect native teachers to earn Polish wages in Poland? Hypocrisy is not pretty. (Thankyou tera for reminding me of this 'inconsistency in logic' on the part of some non-native teachers)
Some places are fascinating. People will happily go their to work and live for a year, just to enjoy the location. Most places native teachers teach are in no way fascinating or enjoyable. They are often dirty, dangerous, cold, wet, muddy, etc etc. It is reasonable to expect people to come to very interesting and beautiful places, and to accept low wages for the priveledge of being able to live somewhere beautiful and fascinating for 6 months or a year, but this does not apply to most locations where native teachers end up.
Last Update
I'll just add here that I was fired for wearing shorts. Schools complain they can't find competent qualified native teachers and then they fire them for wearing shorts. Dress shorts too, not sports shorts. So.
I'm too busy working on my philosophy manuscript to write much. My landlady is nice enough to let me use her office computer and internet after and before office hours. I've had more dissappointments, but anyhow, just a last note. Schools demand so much of native teachers and offer so little. They should be happy with anything that accepted their terms and conditions. I doubt I will ever work for a language school again, unless they get their acts together and adopt the sorts of things I've reccommeded on my http://geocities.com/optimal_english
webpage.
One school director was sympathetic after reading what had happened in Korea on my webpage, but then after I finally couldn't bring myself to accept their job offer, he got really abusive and told me that I deserved whatever happened to me there. So lucky I didn't go. Maybe I'll add his email later. But I'm too busy right now, and who knows what that might provoke if he actually reads this webpage too!
