- "Slipping into madness is good for the sake of comparison" - Jenny Holzer
- "Is that a cassette in you back pocket or are you just happy to see me and slightly deformed?" - Francesca L.
- "I think the secret of life is there is no secret" - Rita Mae Brown, In Her Day
- "Outside of a dog a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read" - Groucho Marx
- "The tragical story of Edwin, who got his face stuck to the floor while sniffing glue" - Goldenrod K., Day of the Nymph
- "It's so easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money." - Al Franken as Jack Handey
- "For every set of horseshoes human beings use for luck, somewhere in this world's a barefoot horse" - Allan Sherman
- "I wondered why somebody didn't do something for peace... Then I realised that I am somebody" - anonymous
- "You are a living mockery of your own ideals. If not, you have set your ideals too low" - Charles Ludlam
- "Savor kindness because cruelty is always possible later" - Jenny Holzer
- "If you saw that warning label on any other product you wouldn't go near it. It's like looking at the warning label on Drano - 'Harmful or fatal if swallowed' - and thinking, 'Well, I'm down to three cans a week. It relaxes me.'" - Paul Provenza (on smoking)
- "I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed psychiatrist is our 'friend'" - Al Franken as Jack Handey
- "Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think" - La Bruyere
- "Dare to dream... something will always come of it" - Janusz Korczak
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