A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door,
ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was
complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. "Officer, look what they've
done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so
worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"
"Oh my gaaad....", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where
his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex???!!!!!"
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A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his
tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would
tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.
However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both
honest and a lawyer.
"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to
remark: "That's Strange!"
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A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will:
"To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave
her the house and $2 million."
The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept
the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million."
The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and thought
that I would never mention him in my will - well you are wrong. Hi Dan!"
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'Thank you for winning the case,' said the grateful client to her solicitor. He had won
her 10,000 pounds from the local council as she had tripped over an uneven paving slab
on the pavement and injured her leg.
It was a pleasure,' said the solicitor, handing the client his bill.
The client took the bill, then frowned: 'This bill is pretty steep. Is it right?'
'Of course,' replied the solicitor. 'It represents good value for all our time, care,
experience, expertise and legal knowledge. If it wasn't for us, you wouldn't have won the case.'
'Nut your costs are almost half the damages,' replied the client. 'If it wasn't for me,
you wouldn't have had a case.'
'But,' said the solicitor, 'anyone can trip over a paving slab.'
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After starting her own business, an investment counselor found she was doing so well, she
needed to get in-house counsel. So she began interviewing young lawyers.
"In this business," she stated to one of her first applicants, "our personal integrity
must be beyond question. Do you consider yourself an honest lawyer, Mr. Ford?"
"I certainly do!" replied the lawyer. "I'm so honest that after my father loaned me
fifteen thousand dollars for my education, I paid back every penny after my very first case."
The investment counselor was impressed. "What sort of case was it?" she asked.
The lawyer pressed his lips tightly for a moment before finally answering, "He sued me
for the money."
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One day a lawyer was riding in his limosine when he saw a guy eating grass.
He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, "Why are you eating grass?"
The man replied, "I'm so poor, I can't afford anything thing to eat."
So the layer said, "Poor guy, come back to my house."
The guys says, "But I have a wife and three kids." The lawyer told him to bring them along.
When they were all in the car, the poor man said, "Thanks for taking us back to your house, it is so kind of you."
The lawyer replied, "You're going to love it there... the grass is a foot tall!"
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Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in.
While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the
customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their
wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on lawyer number one jams something
in lawyer number two's hand.
Without looking down, lawyer number two whispers, "What is this?" to which
lawyer number one replies, "It's that $50 I owe you."
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