A revised version of the Eulogy follows the original.
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EULOGY
~ by Damien Paul ~
My Mother died Sunday, March 24, 2002 at 4:10 pm.
What could be more appropriate than her passing on Palm Sunday � the day the Passion is read in masses all over the world. Here was a woman who lived Christ�s passion more faithfully than few of us can. She bore her cross with a grace and dignity that was plain to all who knew her, and that astonished people who did not.
When Mom was diagnosed with a cruel illness, like most people similarly afflicted, she turned to God for relief. She prayed, (we all prayed), that she would be restored to good health. My Dad, his family, Mom�s family and my siblings hoped that the illness would stop its vicious progression, and she would go back to being normal. However, her condition continued to deteriorate.
It was slow, moving ever forward, its advance unaffected by our prayerful petitions.
We were all knocking, but it seemed no one was answering the door.
However, as the illness progressed � something more profound began to eclipse it, and a serene acceptance took over. She accepted, regretfully, but accepted her diminished capabilities, and learned to find joy in the seemingly smallest things in life.
She took great interest in the problems of others. Everyone in this congregation can attest to her skill as a listener. Your problems became her problems.
She developed a kind interest in the life of virtually every person she ever met. She could tell you the names, birth dates and vital statistics of the children of everyone from her daughter MaryBeth to the Argentine grocer she met for 2 minutes once a week. She developed generous but stubbornly consistent opinions on everything from Geraldo Rivera to the proper way to bake an Irish Soda Break (It must have raisins).
She had absolute favorite movies she would be satisfied to watch back to back for hours; The Song of Bernadette, Moonstruck, The Quite Man, and An Affair To Remember. There was also an iron rule about TV; she�d see anything with Regis Philbin (pre or post KathyLee), but on no account would watch the Simpsons (this was an effort to playfully thwart Dad, Chris and I rather than express a genuine aesthetic assessment).
She had a strong opinion on the contents of a good meatloaf, and exactly why it is that Emeril Legtasse�s seafood crepe was garbage.
Mom took enormous pleasure in her own children. She only recently accepted the possibility that it MAY not have been her son Tim�s joining the U.S. army that led to the collapse of communism. For a long time she maintained a causal co-relation between Private First Class Tim Paul being stationed in Germany and the fall of the Berlin Wall 3 years later... She delighted in her daughter MaryBeth�s new family, with her husband David, her children Charlotte Annabelle and her namesake little Katherine. She took enormous pride in her second son becoming a teacher, and had grudgingly reconcilled herself to her first becoming a lawyer.
Mom loved keeping up with details of both sides of the family. Regular visits to Toronto, from her sisters Jane and Mary, her niece Jeannie Long and especially from her brother George gave her enormous pleasure.
She loved the weekly visits from her sister-in-law Rita, Christmas dinner with her nieces Mary, Bernadette or Marilyn and of course hosting some pretty elaborate soires � if you�ve eaten cornflake chicken or cantalloni in our house � you are in the ZONE.
Mom would make lasting friendships with anyone in her path. She once told me that her Home Care Worker Daisy Richards was like another sister.
The point is my Mom found satisfaction and joy even in the face of a great adversity. The illness continued on, claiming new capabilities with each advancing year. However, Mom�s faith in God never wavered, nor did her ability to have fun. The day before going into the hospital for the final time, she nearly choked laughing at the story of Chris's shameful inability to speak Italian almost being revealed on a trip to Rome.
This all got me thinking.
Mom�s prayers and our own prayers perhaps were answered. She became a channel of God�s Peace, thru her shining example. The fact is, she was never bowed by the illness, it was utterly incidental to who she really was.
She inspired in all who knew her a sense of generosity and love. She taught by her example the towering nobility of grace; The cheerful surrender to God�s will....
God looks after his own. He called Mom home on Palm Sunday surrounded by we, her loving family with the last words of the Rosary still hanging in the Air. She has ended her joyful journey, and is in the presence of God, with her beloved brother George, her father, her mother Elizabeth and Catherine. We will miss her and cherish her example, and know that when the Lord calls us, she will be there waiting, and smiling......
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The following revised version was delivered by Damien, Catherine's
first born, on Sunday October 6, 2002, in Warminster, PA.
My Mom died Sunday afternoon, March 24, 2002 - Palm Sunday.
What could be more appropriate than her passing on the day
that the Passion is read at masses all over the world? Here was a
woman who lived Christ's Passion more faithfully than few of us
could. She bore her cross with a grace and dignity that was plain
to all who knew her, and astonished people who did not.
Mom endured some terrible physical hardships that weighed
heavier on her with the passing years. Her poor body grew ever more
frail as the illness advanced - robbing her of abilities and towards
the end, even of the simplest functions we all take for granted.
Through it all however, she never questioned her faith. She was
never bowed by the condition. She accepted - regretfully - but
accepted her diminished capabilities, and learned to find joy in the
smallest of things. She remained engaged in the details of the
lives of her family and even of casual acquaintances. Everyone here
can attest to her skill as a listener.
She found pleasure in planning meals, following current
events, keeping in touch by phone with her wide assortment of
friends. Most striking to me, was her always lively sense of humor.
She could laugh herself speechless at the dumb antics of Chris, Dad
and I right up to the last week of her life.
Despite the situation, my Mom was genuinely happy. Most
people were amazed by this. It was possible because of her faith
- her serene acceptance of God's plan foor her.
We've all said the Lord's Prayer so often, it seems that we
don't stop and really contemplate what the words mean. The phrase
Thy Will be Done really catches my ear these days. What I think it
means is that, as Christians, we are not just to believe in God, but
to trust Him; trust that whatever comes our way, we'll be strong
enough to handle it, and trust that good will come of it.
With every smile in the face of adversity, with every laugh,
and especially with her ever-deepening faith, Mom lived the words
Thy Will be Done.
The author C. S. Lewis once wrote "Suffering insists upon
being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to
us in our conscience, but shouts in our suffering. It is God's
megaphone to rouse a deaf world." Mom's situation, and especially
her reaction to it, did rouse and inspire everyone whom she touched.
She inspired acts of kindness from an enormous number of people, no
one more so than my father.
The daily routine of Mom's care called on more from my Dad
than from anyone.
From my earliest memories to the morning of Mom's final
hospitalization - I saw thousands of examples of Dad fulfilling his
vow to cherish his wife in sickness and in health. All present here
have seen them together and know what I mean. I can tell you that
that quiet strength and love was active in those times you weren't
watching; when problems came up in the middle of the night, when his
alarm went off at 5 A.M to tend to some grueling part of her daily
care, when they laughed together at some shared memory, to the final
seconds of Mom's life on earth - he was there for her.
Dad's faith in God, in Mom and in himself never wavered.
I know that to the extent my brothers and I are decent human beings,
it is because we have always had an example of what it means to be a
Christian man. Inspired by Mom's example, Dad has lived the words
Thy Will be Done.
It has now been six months since Mom's passing. Not an hour
goes by that I don't think of her, and miss her. I miss her warmth,
her good humor, and her sympathetic ear. Most of all I miss that
beaming smile she greeted me with every day.
I even miss the routine of care giving. I only now realize
what a singular privilege it had been to participate. I have been
told that what my family and I endured in helping Mom must have been
a hardship. I can however honestly say that I consider us blessed
for having had the opportunity.
God looks after his own. At the Visitation back in March,
six year old Charlotte - Mom's second grandchild - approached the
casket, peered inside and said "Have fun in Heaven, Grandma."
It was such an innocent and beautiful remark, I can't improve on it.
So, on behalf of this gathering, I'll say - Have fun in
Heaven, my precious Mother. Please remember those of us left behind.
To the rest of us, I will pray that we can follow Mom's lead, and
live the words: Thy Will be Done...